Apologies
A/N: I had an anon ask if Aang and Katara talked about Avatar duties always being there after Ozai was defeated but before the balcony scene and this is what came of it. I hope you enjoy it, Anon!
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, Bryke does.
Dear Katara,
I don't know if I will ever have the guts to give you this. In fact, I feel pretty cowardly for not being able to say this to you face to face, but if I can't even bear to give you this letter how will I ever say this to you in person?
I'm such an idiot. A stupid, bald, air bending idiot. I am so sorry for what happened at that stupid, ridiculous play. I shouldn't have pushed you and I definitely shouldn't have kissed you. It was a huge mistake. Not like that! I'd never see kissing you as a mistake. The timing was the mistake! I shouldn't have done it and if I could take it back and wait for the right time, I'd wait forever. I'm rambling and I didn't even think that a person could ramble while writing. Sorry.
Anyway, I really care about you. I was scared and the play was so terrible and it was so hard to watch and it made me worry how you really thought of me. I thought there was something growing between us and that we'd be together after the war. I was happy to wait until we could focus on us and not have to worry so much about the war. But that stupid, stupid play made me doubt everything. I doubted whether or not I was simply seeing what I had been fantasizing about since the day we met-maybe it was all in my head and you saw me as your skinny, effeminate little brother. I doubted myself and who I really am. I mean, do I really look that ridiculous? After seeing all of those things, I wondered how could you possibly love me the way I love you. But what was worse was I started doubting everything. That moment I didn't know if I could beat Ozai and even if I was strong enough I didn't know if I was strong enough to find a way other than take his life. And while I was so sure that you and I would be together one day when the world was at peace, I wasn't so sure that the day would come that we would even have the chance.
So I pushed you—because I was scared. And when you told me what I already knew, that was had to wait. But it wasn't the answer I wanted to hear in that moment, so I pushed you even more. And I am sorry, Katara. I know you've probably already forgiven me because that's just who you are, but I haven't forgiven myself. You deserved better and I promise to you that I'll never cross your boundaries or push you into anything. I hope that I haven't ruined everything for us and that maybe there will be a right time for us one day.
But that one day…I don't know if there will ever be that one, perfect day where it can just be us in a safe, peaceful world. I'm the Avatar and sometimes I think you know this more than I do. But that means that there will always be conflict and fighting. Someone will always target me and those that I love. It's never going to go away, Katara. I can't run from it and I can't hide. It will always be there. I want to say that I just got through the biggest, most dangerous fight of my life but I can't promise you or myself that. I hope to live for a long time and I can't say that it'll be all downhill from here. We're so young but I'm so tired. Right now Ozai is locked in a cell on this war balloon and we're headed for Capital City to meet up with you and Zuko. I'm happy and I relieved…
…but I'm terrified.
You would think I'd be out cold after such a battle but I guess the adrenaline is still pumping and all I can think about is you and your safety. I'm terrified for everything that we're going to have to do to get the world back in order. I feel lost right now because it's over, but it's so far from being truly over. There's so much to do and I just really miss you right now.
I'm rambling again. What I'm trying to do is apologize for everything—everything that you've been through and will go through. I want to be with you. Forever. Whether as friends or more, I want to always be at your side. But I'm the Avatar and I know there will be times when I get scared and want to run or grieve my people and want to run away. There will be times when I can't promise that I'll be home safe. And I know that I can't always put you first and despite that fact that I love you more than I thought was humanly possible, I have to let you go sometimes. But whenever the choice is mine to make, I'd choose you every time. I know you know these things. If we ever decide to talk about this thing between us then we needed to talk about that. We just can't pretend that this won't be an issue anymore just because Ozai is taken care of.
I love you. I can't wait to see you in a few hours. Somehow, you always know the right thing to say when I feel like this. You're incredible and I truly hope you know that.
Aang