Author's Note: For wordsmithdee who requested an Avengers/Criminal Minds crossover. My computer went a little crazy and almost ate this, so I ran out of time for a Sunday night with work in the morning. I'm sorry it's a bit…odd.

Hackers Unite!

"Please tell me those aren't more SHIELD people?" Jane wrinkled her nose as she looked over Darcy's shoulder. "It's bad enough our field days get interrupted all the time. I'm going to be very unhappy if our dinners start being disturbed as well."

"I shall scare them off if they try," Thor assured her as Darcy turned to look at the people currently being seated halfway across the diner.

Six people, all of them with the professional air and attitude that raised red flags for the now-SHIELD sensitive Team Science members. Darcy would have agreed with her friend, but she recognized this bunch – six people, two women and four men. All of them carried themselves like they could handle anything that came their way – as a team if not as individuals.

"Those are feds," Darcy informed her friends as she turned back. "Feds of the FBI to be precise."

"Do I want to know how you know that?" Jane sighed.

"I'd love to say I picked them out because I've got the black suit radar going," Darcy sighed, regretting the lost opportunity. "But these guys are an entirely different kettle of fish." She pulled out her phone and dialed a number from memory.

"Office of Supreme Genius," chirped a cheery voice at the other end. "How may I save your ass today?"

"Sometimes, Penelope Garcia, I call just to hear you say hello," Darcy replied.

"Darcy Lewis!" Penelope enthused. "How is life with the famous and lip-licking sexy?"

"Honey, if it got any hotter, global warming wouldn't be a theory." She laughed. "How's life in the world of black suits and shades?"

"Still fun and scary with pretty much every day divided between 'I love helping heroes' to 'oh my God, why am I here again' moments."

"We are these twin goddesses of assistants," Darcy announced. "Thus we persevere past the 'why me' moments and move on to keeping the heroes going." She paused. "Though I still maintain that I owe allegiance to Pepper Potts, queen of all assistants."

"Maybe she's the Queen Goddess of Assistants" Penelope offered.

"Ha! I need to make a note. I'll get her that on a mug or something for Christmas." Darcy made a quick note and then returned to her call, ignoring the odd looks from Jane and Thor. "Now then, Penny dearest, I have a question for you."

"I have strict orders from Hotch not to look up any more celebrity phone numbers," Penelope sighed.

"Oh, nothing like that," Darcy assured her. One of her eyebrows went up even though the woman on the other end of the line could not see it. "This is a work question. Should I be concerned that your team is in my town?"

"Oh, that."

"Yes, that."

"Darcy, you live in chaos central," Penelope explained. "Sweetie, I don't know if you've noticed, but not only does it draw every would-be world tyrant crazy with delusions of grandeur, but it draws the lesser crazies as well. Apparently everybody who is anybody on the crazy train comes to New York sooner or later."

Darcy hummed to herself for a moment. "Are they going to need help while they're here?"

"You people handle the aliens," Penelope reminded her. "Mine deal with the human psychos."

"I'm thinking I should introduce myself."

Silence fell at the other end of the line and Darcy had to repress a giggle as she pictured her blonde friend staring at her collection of fun pens and trying to decide how serious Darcy might be. After a few more moments of quiet, Penelope's voice held an amused resignation. "Is there any way I can talk you out of it?"

"Probably," she admitted, "but what fun would that be?"

"Try not to tell them anything that's going to get me arrested," Penelope ordered.

"Hmph." Darcy tilted her nose up. "As if I would do that to you! We have a code!"

"Uh, huh…and part of that is no interference in our real lives for anything short of life or death or total blackout situations."

"True, true," Darcy sighed.

"Oh, go ahead," Penelope chuckled. "Just…try and get it recorded or be prepared to send me full – and I mean full in Technicolor, in the round details on their reactions."

"I'll see what I can do," Darcy promised, "but aren't they professionals?"

"Have you suddenly gone blind?"

Darcy laughed. "We're totally getting together one of these days. I'll introduce you to Jane and Thor…and anybody else I can get away with."

"You wrangle me an introduction to the fluffy Doctor Banner and I will concede my place as queen of miracle workers to you," Penelope told her.

"Done! Talk back later!" Darcy hung up her phone and grinned at Jane. "You lovebirds enjoy the rest of your dinner. I'm going to go introduce myself to the friends of a friend."

"Don't get arrested," Jane cautioned her.

"No promises!" Darcy strolled over to the table, taking one of the extra chairs and grinning at the nonplussed looks the team gave her. "So, I thought I should come introduce myself."

The eldest of the team – David Rossi according to Penny's descriptions – spoke first, his dark brown eyes measuring. "Is there a particular reason you felt that need, Miss…?"

"Lewis," she chirped, answering part of his question. "Darcy Lewis to be precise."

"Did you need something, Miss Lewis?" The blonde woman, JJ Jareau, gave her an encouraging smile, professional but with a friendly edge.

"To introduce myself."

The team exchanged glances and the sternest among them – Aaron Hotchner (and yes she could totally hear Penny in her head asking her not to piss him off) – leaned forward. "Why?" he probed. "Why did you need to introduce yourself to us in particular?"

"You're pretty good at closing loopholes, aren't you, Agent Hotchner?" she smiled. Now they went on alert and she chuckled. "Oh, relax," she rolled her eyes. "I'm a friend of Penelope's."

"Penelope?" The brunette agent – Emily Prentiss – tilted her head as she turned the name into a question.

"Garcia," Darcy clarified. "Technical analyst, hacker extraordinaire, and the woman most likely to save your ass if it's a piece of online information you're needing?" She chuckled. "And the woman you should be happy is so fricking loyal. When Tony found out I knew such a world class hacker, he got me to try and lure her away. And that's nothing compared to what Coulson might offer to seduce her out of your hands." Her grin grew bright and cheerful. "And yes, I do know all of your names if you're worried about introductions." She started pointing them out. "Agents Hotchner, Prentiss, Reed – both doctor and agent, yes, she warned me about that, Morgan – also referred to as Hot Stuff, Jareau, and Rossi."

They stared at her, surprise and uncertainty, flickering in their eyes, no matter how they tried to hide it. She sighed, pulled her phone back out, and hit redial, putting it on speaker as the ringing began.

"Office of Unfettered Omniscience. Penelope Garcia is in. Speak, oh fortunate one."

The team reacted to the cheerful voice, some with blinks, others with a jerk of surprise, and at least one with a dropped jaw.

"Hey, Penny."

"Didn't you just call? Or was that an alternate universe actually breaking through? Because if it is, then I'm going to be completely unhappy with no knowing that upfront."

"Please don't ever suggest that to Tony," Darcy ordered. "He'll get ideas and then there will be explosions…lots of explosions."

"I shall restrain my unfettered curiosity," Penelope replied, offering a deep and mock disappointed sigh. "So why the redial? You almost never call me twice in one week, let alone one day…and particularly one hour."

"I've managed to send your team into a silent suspicious circle, so I need you to tell them I'm not this week's crazy."

"You're every week's crazy, Darce, but…well, if you insist." Penelope paused. "Am I on speaker phone?"

"Is the Hulk your favorite Avenger?"

"In that case…hello beautiful people! Meet Darcy Lewis – an old friend and someone who can be trusted with everything except your phones, iPods, and pretty much any form of technology you want to get back in street legal shape." Penelope paused. "Oh…and don't let her anywhere near a coffee maker or espresso machine with Reed. If you do, then on your own head be the consequences."

"You hush now," Darcy said, snatching her phone back. "I'll call you next week to see if we can make plans."

"Ciao!"

"So," she grinned, looking around the table. "Any questions?"

"How did you meet Garcia?" Morgan asked.

"Sorry, Hot Stuff, but that's a secret that will go to the grave," Darcy shook her head. "…or at least until the statute of limitations runs out."