Castiel doesn't hear from Dean for three days until he receives a text simply reading "Coffee?" Castiel frowns when he reads it. He knows what Dean's going to say. He wants to meet in a public place, which clearly means he's hoping he can stave off some sort of fight or scene. He's asking for coffee rather than a meal, which means he wants to make it quick.
A growl rises from within Castiel and he can smell his own scent curdling the air in anger. If Dean had wanted to cut things off so abruptly, he didn't have to put Cas on ice for days. He could've told him the next morning. It occurs to Castiel that maybe Dean had tried to, but Cas woke up before he could sneak out.
Cas drops down onto his couch and runs his hands through his hair. Some part of him wants to ignore the text, make Dean stew, but he knows it's not right. He grabs up his phone and taps a quick response. They agree on a location and set a time for later in the afternoon.
If Cas is honest with himself, he can admit he's hurt. Their night together was… it was amazing. They were so connected and Castiel had never had an orgasm like that, nor had he ever fallen asleep still locked inside his partner. Not to mention Dean's scent, the spicy sweet scent of home, which Castiel still caught traces of in his bed sheets and pillows, sending a spike of arousal southward.
If Dean didn't feel that though, that was his loss. Castiel will give Dean exactly what he wants: A clean break.
Dean sits nervously at the table, anxiously tearing the cardboard sleeve of his cup into nothing. He checks his phone for the tenth time, making sure he didn't get the time wrong.
He tells himself there's no reason to be nervous, but he doesn't sound too convincing in his head.
He admits he had a minor freakout right after it happened and trying to escape Cas' apartment probably sent a bad message, but he's had a few days to think about it now and feels much more at ease with the whole situation. Being with Cas had been amazing, that couldn't be denied. The sex was some of the best Dean had ever experienced, but it was more than that. Falling asleep next to Cas, his earth-and-ozone scent blanketing Dean, was the closest Dean has come to feeling honestly good since… well, since well before his breakup with Michael.
Their friendship (relationship, whatever it is) is already so close, pushing it further doesn't feel like such a hardship.
The hard part for Dean is holding back. Part of him, a very large part, wants to cling to Cas and bear his neck, begging for his mark. Yet he knows Cas still might be in a fragile place and not ready to jump headfirst into a relationship, much less take another mate. Hell, Dean knows he is the first person Cas has slept with in over a year.
So they'll take it slow, casual. Hence the coffee shop rather than dinner. He'll bring up his feeling and intentions slowly and gauge Cas' reaction.
Dean has a plan. He's still nervous though.
The door to the shop opens and Dean looks up to see Cas step through it, the breeze from outside carrying a light whiff of his scent into the room. Dean catches his eye and nods, trying to tamp down his nerves. Cas crosses the room. He's dressed casually in khakis and a plain oxford shirt with no jacket. He walks past the counter, approaching Dean's table and taking a seat.
"Hello Dean," he says seriously. Dean is caught off guard by the thrill he feels at having Cas say his name. He wraps his fingers around his coffee cup to keep from fidgeting.
"Hey Cas," he says.
From the moment he steps in the shop, Cas can scent Dean's anxiety. Even if he couldn't smell the other man, his body language says it all: overly formal, overly polite, tense, antsy. Everything about Dean says he doesn't want to be here. Cas takes a seat across from him.
"Hello Dean," he says stiffly, hoping he's able to mask his irritation.
"Hey Cas," Dean responds. He gives a tight smile, "do you want to grab your coffee?" Cas shakes his head.
"I'm good, actually," he says. He doesn't want any distractions. Just get this over with, let Dean have his clean break, and get out of here as fast as possible. Dean nods absently. He chews at the inside of his lip, like he's trying to summon the nerve to speak.
"Look, Cas-"
"It was a mistake, Dean," Cas cuts him off, trying to keep his voice light and easy. "We were both in bad places and that should have never have happened." Dean lifts his head, expression blank and eyes wide.
"Oh," he says quietly, "Ok."
Dean had a lot of expectations about how this conversation could go, but this direction was never one he imagined.
"Oh. Ok." His mouth is dry. He feels like the world has just been tipped on his side. He thought the way things had felt that night was mutual; had Dean completely misread the situation? He looks at Cas, whose expression is sympathetic but stearn.
Cas doesn't want him.
Rejection sears through Dean's veins and he feels like a stiff breeze could cause him to shatter. He feels used and stupid, like some stereotypical slut omega who gets knot-whipped after one good fuck. Dean takes a deep breath and steels his nerves.
"Yeah, yeah, you're probably right," he sighs, trying to sound flippant. "A mistake."
For a moment, Castiel almost thought he saw a flicker of pain across Dean's expression, but as quick as it arrived, it was gone with a casual shrug.
"A mistake," Dean mutters, smirking slightly. Something about Dean's attitude causes Castiel's hackles to rise. "I'm not saying it was bad, it was.. it was great. But it should never have happened."
"Couldn't agree more," Cas replies stiffly, unable to meet Dean's eyes.
"I mean, us hooking up was kind of a dumb idea to begin with. Usually after sex, you're supposed to tell the other person all of your stories and we already know all of ours, right?" There it was: the brush off. Castiel stomps down a growl threatening to surface, covering it with a cough.
"Yup, dumb idea," he stammers. Castiel can't take much more of this and makes a display of checking his watch, "I… uh, I've got to get going. I have a working-dinner tonight." He rises from the table and Dean's gaze follows him.
"Sure, sure," he says. "I'll text you later, ok?" Cas nods absently, mumbling a goodbye as he makes his way to the door. He needs to get out of this place before he starts tearing the fixtures from the walls in an alpha rage. Castiel quickly exits the shop and trudges down the street toward the 'L' station, growls rumbling from within him as he tries to lick at his wounded pride.
No… no, that wasn't it. Amelia had wounded his pride. She had made him look like a jackass and a cuckold, but he had never hurt this way anytime during their breakup. Whatever Dean was doing was far worse and hurt far more than he could've ever imagined.
Cas leaves the coffee shop with barely a glance or two words said to Dean. It really had meant nothing to him, Dean thinks glumly. All this time, Dean thought Castiel was fragile and careful, when in fact he was cold and callous.
Dean lets his head fall into his hands. He knows his scent is overwhelming with sorrow and pain but he doesn't care. He didn't think he could hurt this bad. Even when he found out about Michael's pup and new mate, he was more angry about being lied to than being rejected.
He rubs at his eyes, trying to press back the tears that keep threatening to spill. An older beta woman approaches him, stinking of concern and empathy, and asks if he needs any help or someone to call his alpha. Dean wants to scream "Does it fucking look like I have an alpha?!" but he knows the mark on his neck probably gives her the wrong idea. He shakes his head and stands from the table, leaving his still-full coffee behind. He heads out the shop and, for a second, he catches Cas' scent on the breeze, a high-pitched whine coming from him without warning. He clenches his fist and breathes deeply, walking around the building toward the Impala.
It gets awkward. Neither Cas or Dean realized what a presence they were in each other's lives until they weren't. Dean makes an effort not to be stand-offish or cold toward Cas, texting him occasionally with something funny he'd heard or a picture of some cute bee-related knick-knack or shirt. However, after countless texts with little or no response, he gives up on even doing that.
Cas tries to focus on ignoring the problem. He knows if he spends any amount of time with Dean, he's going to end up scenting or nuzzling the man in public, embarrassing him more than Castiel clearly already has. Cas is working on the "out of sight, out of mind" philosophy. Maybe if he purges himself of Dean, gets his head on straight, they can perhaps start again. One day, they'll look back on this whole fucked-up, painful situation and just laugh, although Cas doubts that will be anytime soon.
It doesn't help matters that they are practically family. Both of them work hard to be civil about the matter when it comes to Sam and Gabe, carefully trying not to make their friends pick sides. Gabe was actually the one who pointed out "how are we supposed to choose when the hos are also our bros?" When Sam presses Dean for details of what had happened, he only shrugs and mumbles something about "stupid mistakes."
They don't end up seeing each other for almost two months, at what Gabe dubs "The Time Castiel and Dean ruined Labor Day."
Dean pulls the Impala up outside Sam & Gabe's apartment. Aaron looks up through the passenger side window and whistles low.
"This is swanky," he murmurs. "This is really your brother's place?" he asks, glancing at Dean. Dean nods as he switches off the engine.
"Yup," he replies. "Him and his mate's." Aaron gives an impressed nod.
"They must be loaded," he says. Dean raises an eyebrow slightly. He likes Aaron alright, but sometimes the guy has no filter and will just blurt out things that could be interpreted at inappropriate. For a second, Dean wonders if this is how he came off to Cas when they first met and cringes at the thought.
Aaron wasn't wrong though. Sam was flourishing at the State Attorney's office and Gabe had just opened a third Bakery location up north. They were living the dream alright.
Dean and Aaron make their way up the steps to the front door, Aaron casually grasping Dean's hand as he does. Dean smiles; he and Aaron haven't been seeing each long, but so far what they had was nice… comfortable. Dean brings his hand up to meet his lips as he presses the buzzer with his other hand.
There is an echo of footfalls behind the door. It flies open to reveal Sam, casually dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, holding a beer.
"Hey Guys! C'mon in," Sam greets. "Aaron, nice to see you again. We're all hanging out on the patio." They follow Sam down the hall.
"This is a really nice apartment," Aaron pipes up.
"Condo, actually," Sam replies. "We signed the deed on it a couple weeks ago," Dean smiles and nods. And now Sam is a homeowner as well. Fucking perfect.
"Feel free to grab a beer," Sam offers as they enter the kitchen. "Everyone's outside." Gabriel is taking a tray of some sort of frou-frou pastry appetizer out of the oven, setting it carefully on the stove top. Aaron holds up a 6-pack of beer.
"Where can I put this?" He asks. Sam points out a cooler just outside the patio door. Aaron pecks Dean lightly on the cheek and goes to put the beer on ice. He catches a glimpse of Sam watching him with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.
"So who else is here?" Dean asks, leaning against the kitchen counter while he watches Sam and Gabe prepare the rest of the food.
"Let's see," Gabe mumbles. "Charlie and Dorothy are here. We've got a couple of Sam's co-workers, a few people from the bakery… uh, Cas." Gabriel hesitates at the last word, gauging Dean's reaction. Dean carefully schools his features. "The woman he brought…"
"Cas brought a date?" Dean asks, surprised.
"Yeah, some woman he works with," Gabe mumbles, plating the miniature pastries. "What's her name? Mel?"
"Meg," Sam supplies. Dean looks at his brother, brows drawn tight.
"Wait… 'Alpha' Meg?" He asks incredulously. "Cas is dating an alpha?!" Something deep inside Dean twists painfully, and Dean refuses to admit that it may be jealousy. Sam shrugs as he hands Dean a cheese tray and directs him out toward the patio.
"I don't know if they're dating, but she came with him," Sam says dismissively. "So how are things with Aaron?" Sam's attempt to change the subject is anything but subtle.
"Good. Really good," Dean says, nodding to himself. "We're… uh… going apple-picking next weekend." Sam stops right before they open the door and glares at Dean in complete disbelief.
"Apple picking?" he asks. "Are you serious?" Dean pushes through the door with a sigh.
"Yeah, apple picking," he replies. "What about it?"
"Nothing, nothing," Sam says, shaking his head, holding back an amused smirk. "It's just that, uh…" he chuckles to himself, "who the hell are you and what have you done with my brother?"
"C'mon, Sam," Dean shrugs. "It's going to be… fun."
"You sound about as convinced as I do," Sam snorts. Dean looks up at him, quirking his mouth sardonically.
"We've all done certain things to get laid," Dean points out, voice quiet. "Remember that time you waxed your ass in college?" Sam stares out into the distance wistfully.
"Ruby was a wild one," he concedes. Dean nods and sets the cheese plate on the long buffet table. The air smells rich with charcoal and meat, and Dean can feel his mouth already beginning to water. Beneath it, he just barely scents the familiar smell of Cas. He glances around to see him talking with a small dark-haired woman whom Dean doesn't recognize (who must be the infamous Meg) and a burly, bearded man who works at Gabriel's second Bakery location (Billy?... No, Benny. That's it!).
Dean finds Aaron chatting with Dorothy and Charlie. He approaches him from behind him and wraps an arm around him, joining the conversation.
Cas smells him before he sees him.
Even with the thick aroma of barbecue filling the air of the outdoor patio, Dean's scent cuts through all of it. Cas tenses as soon as it hits his nose, flinching enough for Meg to notice.
"Whoa, you ok there, Clarence?" she asks, placing a hand on his arm. He nods and takes a sip of his drink. He watches Dean walk out of the back door with Sam and set a platter down on the table before crossing the patio and wrapping his arm around the shoulder of a smaller man. Cas can't control the bristle under his skin at the sight.
"So that's the one, huh?" Meg says, following Cas' gaze. "Gotta hand it too you, Clarence, you do have taste."
"It's not like that," he insists quietly. Meg shrugs and continues to flirt with the large burly alpha from Gabe's bakery. Castiel walks away, heading inside to get another drink. Gabe is artfully arranging crous d'etat on a tray when he walks in.
"What's going on, Cas?" He asks without looking up.
"Nothing," Cas mutters. "I think Meg is planning on devouring your assistant manager."
"Benny? Really?" Gabe says, looking up in surprise. "Huh. Well, that's good, I guess. Guy needs to get his knot off. He's been mourning his mate for four years."
"Yeah, but not Meg," Cas replies. "She'll eat him alive." Gabe chuckles softly.
"I'd be more scared for Meg's sake than Benny's, to be honest," he counters.
"So, um… Who's that guy with Dean?" Cas asks, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. Gabe looks at him, clearly not buying it.
"His name's Aaron," Gabe says. "He's nice, you should talk to him." Cas nods, looking through the large panel windows out to the patio.
"How, uh… How did he and Dean meet?" He asks.
"Farmer's Market," Gabe says absently, pushing the condiment tray into Cas' arms.
"Dean went to a farmer's market?" Cas asks, completely confused.
"I don't know," Gabe leads him out the door and onto the patio, shaking his head dismissively at the question. "Alright, everyone! Food's ready!" His voice carries over the noise of the conversations and people start to grab plates and load them up.
Maybe Castiel will need to talk with this Aaron guy himself.
The remainder of the afternoon is fine. Dean and Castiel manage to remain civil with each other, mostly by not interacting at all. The only communication they have is at one point after the dinner plates had been cleared, Dean throws his head back in a laugh and accidentally catches Castiel's gaze. He gives a tense nod and a small smile, which is politely returned.
Dean takes a bit of comfort in the fact that, even though she came with Castiel, Meg is not his date. At least, that's what Dean hopes by the way she has been blatantly throwing herself at Benny for the last two hours. It gets so bad that most of the guests have to move off the patio and into the house so they don't choke on the scent of alpha pheromones.
Dean is joking with Charlie when he looks up, searching for Aaron amongst the crowd. His smile falters as he notices Aaron with his back to Dean, talking with a stone-faced Castiel.
Oh, this can't be good, Dean thinks.
Later on, Cas will admit that he may have had a bit more alcohol than he should've. He spots Dean's date coming out of the bathroom and something in him tells him to find out what is so special about this guy that Dean chose him.
"Hey there," Cas says, offering his hand. "You're Aaron, right? Dean's friend." Castiel slyly scents the air, noticing that the guy is a beta. He finds himself taking a modicum of comfort in that fact.
"Yeah, man," Aaron says, carefully setting his drink and dessert plate down to shake Cas' hand. "Uh… I don't think I've met you."
"Castiel," he says with a nod. "I'm a friend of…" he hesitates on for a moment, not sure if he is able to say 'friend of Dean's', "I'm a friend of Gabe's." Aaron's eyes light up.
"Oh my God! Cas, yeah," he gushes. "I know who you are!" Castiel frowns.
"Really?" He asks, suddenly concerned about exactly what Dean has said.
"Yeah, yeah, Dean talks about you all the time," Aaron replies. "I'm actually surprised we haven't met before." Castiel gives him an unsteady smile.
"Yeah, that's weird, right?" Cas mumbles, trying to change the subject. "So, uh, how did you and Dean meet?"
"He actually came by my stall," Aaron says. "I work at the farmers market on Division and he stopped by and starts asking me all these questions about the apples-"
"Wait? Dean went to a farmers market?" Castiel glares at Aaron in disbelief, "Dean Winchester?"
"Yeah," Aaron says, shrugging as if it's obvious.
"Was Sam dragging him there or something?" Cas raises an eyebrow. Aaron shakes his head simply.
"No, no, he was there on his own," he replies. "Actually, I think he brought Sam and Gabe with him the next time. Anyway, we started talking and-"
"He just… went to a farmers market?" Castiel asks doubtfully. In all the time he's known Dean, as many complaints he's heard about their trips to Whole Food, Castiel can't even picture Dean shopping for produce in an open-air market.
"Uh, yeah, we go every week," Aaron responds slowly, "except for next weekend; we're going apple-picking. You're welcome to join us if you like." He smiles proudly at Castiel, whose polite facade has faded into a rueful glare.
"Apple-picking?" Castiel snorts. "Clearly, you two clearly haven't slept together yet." He mumbles the last statement under his breath as he takes a sip of his drink. He can smell irritation curling off himself and doesn't care to try and control it.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Aaron asks, brow furrowed. Castiel shakes his head.
"Nothing, nevermind," he mumbles dismissively. "I think I hear Gabe calling me. It was nice to meet you, Aaron." Castiel pats him on the shoulder and walks off just as Dean approaches him from the other side.
"What's going on?" Dean says quickly as they both watch Castiel walk across the room to talk to Meg and Benny, who have finally decided to come inside.
"Nothing, nothing," Aaron mutters, distracted. "I met your friend Cas."
"Yeah, I saw that," Dean huffs. From the lingering scent of Cas' irritation in the air, it appears it wasn't pleasant.
"He's a… pretty weird dude," Aaron says, picking his dessert plate back up. "Especially for an Alpha. Does he not like apples or something?" Dean frowns in confusion.
"I… I don't know," he answers, "why?" Aaron shrugs and takes a bite of his dessert.
"I mentioned apple-picking, and he got all pissed off," he replies. "It was weird." Dean shrugs as Aaron happily offers up a fork-full of pecan pie for Dean to try.
Across the room, Castiel feels his hackles rise as he watches them.
Dean is refilling his drink when he smells Castiel approach.
"Hello Dean," he says stiffly. "What's, uh, going on?" Dean shakes his head, not looking up from what he's doing.
"Not much, Cas." Dean says offhandedly, glancing at the other man out of his peripheral vision. "What about you?" Cas shakes his head.
"Not a lot," he clears his throat. "So, Aaron, huh?" Dean looks at him, not quite following. Cas' scent is tainted by alcohol, but even if Dean couldn't smell him, his drooping eyes give him away.
"Yeah," he says curtly. Cas laughs and shakes his head.
"Are you really going… apple picking?" Cas asks. "Seriously?"
"Yes," Dean answers slowly. "Why is it so hard to believe I want to go apple picking?"
"No, no, I believe you. Aaron… Aaron seems like a great guy," Cas offers. "I bet the sex will be worth it." He gives Dean a sarcastic thumbs up. Dean narrows his eyes at Cas, nostrils flaring.
"I'm sorry, but I don't see how my sex life has anything to do with you," Dean says coolly. Cas' expression falls and he glares at Dean. A wave of alpha irritation rolls off of him, strong enough that a few guests in the living room take notice.
"Seriously?" Cas hisses, "Dean-"
"Can we talk about this outside?" Dean cuts his off calmly. Cas nods and they push through the patio door into the night. Dean stares into the horizon, attempting to focus his anger and his words.
"Dean, we need to talk about this," Cas starts.
"Damn straight we do!" Dean snaps, turning on his heel to face Cas. "To be clear, I do not put up with this machismo alpha bullshit! I don't care if we slept together!"
"As your friend-"
"My friend?" Dean huffs. "You mean the guy who I haven't spoken to in six weeks and hasn't said one word to me the whole time I've been here? That friend? Really, Cas I thought you were above this high school bullshit!"
"Would you stop!" Cas shouts. "You're being ridiculous!"
"What?!"
"Aaron? Really?" Cas Accuses. "When have you ever been to a farmers market in your life?!"
"Why is this bothering you so bad?" Dean yells, throwing his arms out wide.
"You shouldn't be doing this!" Cas snaps, stepping up into Dean's face. "Sleeping with people... you have nothing in common with."
"Who says I have nothing in common with him?"
"Have you talked to the guy? Clearly you don't." Dean sighs and scrubs a hand over his face.
"Well, I hate to break it to you, Cas, but you have no claim to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing." Cas takes a step back in surprise.
"Of course I don't," he says quietly, quickly recovering. "You know what? Do whatever you want, ok? That's your M.O., right? Get your rocks off and that's all that matters!" Something inside of Dean twinges painfully at the cruel remark.
"Oh please, don't act like you didn't get what you wanted from me as well," Dean hisses. "Or was I imagining your knot locked inside of me." Cas glares at Dean, a low growl rumbling from within him.
"Let's make one thing clear," Cas' calm tone is undermined by the sour scent of anger. "It was not my intention to sleep with you-"
"But you did!" Dean interupts.
"What was I supposed to do? You kissed me!" Cas shouts. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean can see party guests beginning to glance toward them through the large pane glass windows. "You wouldn't let go of me! And you kept looking up at me with these big weepy eyes. 'Don't leave me, Cas, just a little longer'.…"
"You pitied me?" Dean gapes in utter disbelief.
"No it wasn't like-"
"Fuck you!" Dean screams. His hand hits Cas' face with an echoing 'slap' and his head flies to the right. A crowd is gathered at the window, watching them, and Dean sees red. He stomps across the concrete, throwing open the door and grabbing Aaron by the sleeve as he passes him.
Aaron tries to give an aborted wave goodbye as Dean wordlessly stalks through the front door and into the hallway.
Castiel is motionless; his face still stinging from where Dean slapped him. Party guests pour onto the patio, their voices a murmured din. He feels a hand on his arms and when he looks up he sees Meg staring at him with a mixture of concern and confusion.
"You ok, Cas?" She asks. He swallows hard, quickly shaking his head.
"I've got to go," he mutters, pushing past the group bottle-necked at the door. He can hear Gabe and Sam's voices calling after him, but he doesn't turn around. He rushes out of the condo and down the stairs, two at a time. His head is swimming and he knows by the way passers-by sidestep him, his scent is disarming.
He avoids the 'L', choosing instead to walk the 20 blocks back to his own apartment to clear his head. It's no use; as soon as he makes it through the door, he realizes his thoughts are just as muddled as they were before.
He rubs at his neck and hurries to his bathroom. He throws open the medicine cabinet, finding a prescription bottle of expired bond blockers. He shakes two out onto his palm, popping them into his mouth and then dipping his head under the running tap to wash them down.
Cas lifts his head and stares at his reflection.
"Great fucking job," he mutters to himself.