Chapter 10:
Have you ever woken up one morning, looked in the mirror and just felt like crying, like you hated what you see? You feel so..ugly or not pretty enough? Then you walk around the whole entire day feeling so inadequate? Well lemme just start out by saying stop! You look gorgeous and you obviously just don't see it and for all the dudes out there you look smoking hot or handsome if you will. The point is, you can only say you look like crap if you do which most of the time people don't- me? I look worse than just crap at the moment so I have an excuse.
After Jeb was through with me I crawled to my room and sobbed until no tears were left in me to shed anymore. The pain was extremely severe- I know right? I should totally be use to this by now, but honestly I'm not. Every time he lifts a hand to me or kicks me or even cuts me, it always hurts just as if it did before, maybe even more. The pain never stops, it never fades.
I laid awake all night just curled up in a ball talking to my mum, praying she could hear me. Then after it seemed she wasn't listening I began pleading to God. This wasn't the first time I asked, I asked many times before..It wasn't my fault I no longer wanted to live this life anymore. Can you blame me for not wanting to? So many times I had wished that he would just make this hurt stop but he never delivered. He made me live in this hell and suffer.
As my alarm clock went off, I reached out to silence it and every fiber in my body screamed out in agony. I get up, do a clumsy stretch, and then limped to my bathroom ignoring the mirror for the time being and pulled my clothes from my body then stepped into the shower. The cold water hits my skin feeling like a thousand tiny little bullets pelting my skin but I don't mind even though it stings, it gets my mind off my real pain. As I wash my hair, I start to hum a song call "Waiting for the End to Come" by Linkin Park and soon it escapes from my lips and fills the soundless room with a melody accompanied by the pounding and splashing of water drops against the bathtub.
"Waiting for the end to come, wishing I had the strength to stand. This is not what I had planned, it's out of my control. Flying at the speed of light, thoughts were spinning in my head. So many things were left unsaid, it's hard to let you go. I know what it takes to move on, I know how it feels to lie. All I want to do is trade this life for something new, holding on to what I have, it's gone. Sitting in an empty room trying to forget the past, this was not meant to last, I wish it wasn't so.…"
Don't you love when songs explain exactly how you are feeling? Story of my life. This is why I love music so much, it expresses your feelings better than plain old words.
I finish up then step from the shower disregarding the towel hanging from the shower pole and walk up to the watery mirror. I take a deep breath afraid of what I might see. You may notice I'm really afraid of mirrors..they reveal all. They are either your friend or enemy and well you obviously know mine ain't no friend of mine. I swipe away the condensation and literally gasp at what I see. I'm furry all over and have fangs! Ehh ha just kidding.
My eyes were overtaken by dark circles from the lack of sleep, my skin was grossly pale besides the red welt near my temple and the slight bruising spot near my left cheekbone. I look down to find my rib cage battered up, my wrists speckled with ugly marks, my side adorned with a large swelling welt from the spoon, and the ugly cut along the side of my back. It was reddish-black, crusting over, and stung like the dickens. I contemplated cleaning it but decided to risk it due to not wanting to feel anything else that could hurt me so I left it unattended.
I located a pair of skinny jeans and wiggled into them, threw on a white tank top, and donned a dark green zip- up hoodie to act as my cover. I reached over and snatched up my beloved cover up and applied it to my face and wrists hiding the evidence. There..all hidden from peering eyes. I take one last look in my mirror and instantly look away..I'll never be pretty, I don't see how girls can do it. I just..I dunno how. Sighing I grabbed my keys and backpack and ran out to my car.
"Zomg Max yo waz up girl? How ya been? Haven't see ya in forEVER! We really need to hang out more ya know what I mean? We should go shopping! Ohh yes yes yes! There is this dance next mon-" Nudge carried on until I stopped her.
"Nudge..Sorry..i just...not in the mood. Talk to you later alright," I murmured to her as I walked away.
"Hey Max! Have you seen Iggy? I've been looking for him all day but can't seem to fin-" Gazzy started enthusiastically,
"Hey Gaz. Haven't seen Ig, sorry," I said leaving him behind.
"Hey Max! it's so nice to see you again! I hop-…Max what's wrong?" Inquired Ella.
"Nothing Ella, but thanks. Um I'll catch you later ok?"
"Max hold up! We gotta talk girlfriend-" Iggy yelled down the hall at me.
"Can't Ig..gotta go- later," I replied then turned and walked away before he could even reply.
"Hi Max!" Chirped Angel, "Are you ok?"
"Fine Angel..just tired, but thanks," I said as nicely as I could manage.
Why couldn't they just leave me alone? I understand they are trying to be nice but really?! Ugh!
As I trudged into art class, I was at the worst point in my mood- it was worse than PMSing..yeah scary right? And seeing Fang there intently waiting for me to show up didn't help at all.
"You're late," He said in his usual Fangy voice.
"Thanks for noticing," I muttered, my voice full of sarcasm.
"Psh don't flatter yourself Ride," He said with a slight smile in his voice. As I grabbed my board and charcoal, I look up to see him staring at me.
"What?! Do I have something on my face or something?" Technically I did but I hoped he didn't notice.
"I dunno..you tell me," He replied making my head shoot up, but he was already working on his project so I didn't push it any further. Whatever.. So I started working on him uh on my art project of him that is. I had already got his outline good, his hair was pretty darn awesome if I may say so myself, and his expression I had captured was perfect, but I couldn't seen to imprison his emotion within his eyes. Every time I tried, I felt it wasn't good enough, like I couldn't get it down on paper because it would be an insult to him and his gorgeous eyes. My aggravation must have had shown because he started snickering as I was attempting his eyes again.
"Having trouble Ride?" He snottily asked..ok it was more teasing but shhh..
"Shut up F-Nick..ugh now look what you made me do! Just..shut up mk…" I mumble to him across the table.
"Psh F-Nick? That's a new one…here let me help," He offered.
"No! Go away, stop! Fang!" But he had already dislodged the board from my grasp and studied it with scrutinizing eyes. "Give it back Fang, I mean it," I moaned irritated. Ughh guys..
"Max," He began in a soft voice, "This…it's really good. You capture me so well, but if I may make a minor suggestion?" He picked up a piece of charcoal and made a couple of strokes here and there and when he was done, it looked..realistic, amazing.
"Woahh.. How did you-?" Oh I was so ticked now. Why didn't I do that?! Grrr…. Sucking up my pride I grated out my question. "Do you think you could help me with the ey-..your eyes. I..I can't seem to catch them correctly." I looked up at him to see him staring at me then his face broke out in a smirk, you know that kind that guys do and you get all butterfly- ish inside, yeah that kind.
"You can't 'capture' them?" He asked with amusement lacing his voice. Oh my gosh..that sounded sooooo lame! OMG Max you are so blushing right now! Fang chuckled then leaned down close, so close I could smell the faint cologne he was wearing, so close his hair brushed my shoulder, so close his arm touched my side. omg…Max this is So unlike you-STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
"If your hold it like this," He started in a husky voice then cleared his throat and tried again, "It..uhh works better. It cough makes thing look..more realistic I guess," He finished with showing me then turned to me and a sucked in a breath. His eyes- they were swirling with…with what? "Max…" He whispered, his breath tickling my cheek. So close, so very close.
And then reality came rolling in..well technically Dylan came barreling in..with a bucket of pain the was delivering..and tripped ironically right next to Fang…but missed and hit me instead.
Red paint covered the whole front of my hoodie, staining me with what looked like to be blood and I suddenly got woozy with the intensity of the fumes.
"OMG! Dylan wth?!" I yelled at him when he looked at me with a dumbfounded expression upon his face.
"Max oh shiz, I am really, really sorry. Oh crap ugh-"
"Just shut it Dylan!" I spat as I rushed to the bathroom to wash the paint away before it stained.
Making sure no one else was in the bathroom with me, I unzipped the hoodie then put it under the faucet and ran water over it and worked with the stain. But it didn't wash away completely. There were still remnants left, evidence stilled showed….
Just then I heard the door open and my breath got caught in my throat. Chill Max it's just some random chick who has to pee- be cool!
But when I turned around after a few seconds of silence I nearly did pee my pants as I stood right there.
Fang was standing there, his eyes large and angry.
"What the hell happened to your back Max," He growled viciously, "And this time I want the truth to who the F is hurting you."
….o.O…
Ohh snappp *gulps* wellppp hope ya liked it, been hard to update a really good chap considering i have SOOO much to do for school :/ paper after paper then a project and then some tests get thrown it- ya just gotta love school before break. But anywho, hope you enjoyed! Pleaz leave comments, suggestions, wants, or anything else below or just simply review! thank you and i will try to update soon- toodles ;)