Chapter 10: Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word*
* Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word, Blue Moves, (1976). Elton John, Bernie Taupin
Maya sat in the cool dampness of Snape's dungeon office. She had been waiting for hours and was now chilled to the bone. Dumbledore's warning about the castle floos kept her from making a fire to take the bite out of the office air and the warming spell didn't seem to be doing the trick. The first hour she spent examining the many books that filled the shelves of the office. Most were old and rare potions texts.
She also examined the many jars of floating specimens. 'I know he's a potions master but ugh,' she thought. It felt very strange to be in this place that was so totally his. She felt like a voyeur. She noted that there were no photos of family or lovers, nothing personal at all except his many obviously loved books.
After looking over his books and jars for the third time, Maya wrapped up in her cloak against the cold and curled up in his large leather desk chair to wait for him. After her third all night research session with Snape last night, in addition to all of the emotional drama, she was exhausted. Within moments of sitting down, she dropped back against the chair and fell fast asleep.
When Severus returned to his office sometime after dinner Maya was still fast asleep in his chair. He looked at her for a moment, shocked to see her there. She was curled up with her small feet tucked under her and her head at a very precarious angle that was sure to cause an ache in the morning. He thought for a moment about how to proceed. It wasn't common practice for him to come home to find anyone waiting for him.
He silently crossed the office and touched the snake-shaped pewter sconce that lit one side of the office. When he touched the serpent's head an entranceway opened leading to his private quarters. With a swish of his wand he levitated her, not daring to carry her himself. He deposited the sleeping woman on the sofa in his private lounge, conjuring a pillow for her head and removing her shoes. She immediately stretched out her legs and her neck. He pointed his wand at the large fireplace and sparked a roaring fire, then summoned a heavy quilt from his own room and laid it over her. He watched in fascination as her toes curled and she again tucked her feet under her.
He was exhausted himself, between the late night and one of the longest Death Eater meetings in quite a while. It was unusual for the Dark Lord to call during the day but he was furious with the lack of progress. He was determined to gain access to the Department of Mysteries and the delays were stretching the Dark Lord's already short patience. In short, it had been quite a day. Severus sat in the armchair on the other side of the fire from where Maya slept, alternating his gaze between the flames and her sleeping form. At some point he fell asleep waiting for her to wake.
Maya woke first. It took a moment for her to realize where she was. She remembered apparating to the castle and waiting for Snape in his office, and she gathered that she must have fallen asleep in the chair behind his desk. She squinted in the dim firelight to get a better view of her surroundings. She was lying on a rather soft sofa covered with a thick quilt that smelled uniquely of the herbal cleansing mixture Severus used. By the light of the fire she saw Severus sleeping in the arm chair to her left. His head lulled forward on his chest, his shirt sleeves rolled up to just below the elbows. His long legs stretched out before him and crossed at the ankles.
She sat up, careful not to wake him. 'It must be late,' she thought to herself. Although she was reluctant to give up the comfort of the quilt, she stood and took it to him. As gently as she could she draped the comforter over him and pulled it up to his chest.
She was not counting on him being such a light sleeper. He quickly but gently took her wrist in his hand. "I'm quite accustomed to the chill of the dungeons. You really needn't have bothered," he said in his usual drawl, but there was a softness to it. As he spoke his eyes remained closed.
"I didn't think you were awake. Thank you for moving me to the sofa and giving me the blanket," she said and drew her hand way from his as gently as she could. She felt horrible about her actions earlier today, especially after she had calmed down. "Severus, look at me. We need to talk," she said. His onyx eyes opened, searching her dark blue ones.
"No longer a murdering bastard, then?" he said, more harshly than he intended. She winced at his tone. To his surprise, she didn't become indignant or fly into hysterics at his iciness, as many women might have done. However, he still braced himself for the all too common self-righteous indignation that he was well used to by now. Maya would surprise him yet again.
"I deserved that, and that's why I came here and asked Minerva to let me into your office," she said.
He raised an eyebrow in curiosity. Dumbledore was the only person to ever apologize to him. As much as he hated to admit it, his relationships with members of the opposite sex usually followed the same pattern he imagined plagued Lupin's love life. As soon as women found out what he was like or what he had been they were gone. Or they were the insane types who were excited by the whole dark evil wizard concept and he was just a little too traditional for that.
"I owe you an explanation for today, Severus and I thought you deserved to hear it in person," she said as contritely as she could. Apologies did not come easy to her.
Severus thought over her words for a long motionless moment, then straightened in his chair and clapped his hands once. A very old house elf with round opaque green eyes and a long pointed nose appeared at the arm of Severus's chair. "Yes, professor sir. What can Dougal get for the professor and his guest?" The elf's voice was rough and gravelly but he showed Snape the utmost respect and bowed low to Maya.
"Just some tea and sandwiches. And Dougal, we shall be keeping any guests of Slytherin House to ourselves. No flapping around with the other house elves and especially not teachers."
"Dougal shows the utmost discretion and serves only Slytherin House," he said proudly, disappearing with a pop. He returned a second later with a tray laden with a teapot, teacups, and a full plate of sandwiches.
"That will be all, Dougal," Severus dismissed the house elf with a wave of his hand. The elf bowed low again to both Severus and Maya before disappearing with a soft pop.
"Ruddy house elf is ancient. He was the Slytherin House elf when I went here. Took me forever to convince him that old Slughorn had retired," he said, pouring them both a steaming cup of the Earl Grey and passing Maya a delicate tea cup. Maya took it and returned to the sofa.
"Thank you," she answered. She was glad for his attempt at lightening the mood. He waved his wand and the blanket folded itself and levitated to sit on the end of the sofa. The fire in the grate roared to life again, radiating instant warmth.
"Your mark, it's darker now than it was this morning," she said quietly, unable to look up and meet his eyes.
"Indeed, that's how Death Eaters are summoned to His side," he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He had a splitting headache from hours of fending off Voldemort's legilimency attempts. "Before last year it was barely visible. It returned when he did. When he calls it burns black until you apparate to his side."
"I meant what I said about owing you an explanation," she said. His only response was to quirk that infuriating eyebrow at her again.
"Finding out like that was a shock," Maya said, steeling herself to continue. "Very few people know this, but I was once engaged to be married. My parents were killed in a Death Eater attack on the American Ministry. It was meant to be my fiancé's test of loyalty to the Death Eaters that remained after the fall of Voldemort. Evidently, he had taken the mark just before Voldemort vanished," she sighed, chancing a look at him. She couldn't see his reaction. "Until today the only person who knew was Dumbledore, and now just you and Tonks."
Severus looked up sharply, taking in what she had said. Her reaction earlier was starting to make sense and he mentally berated Dumbledore for not telling him about Ladon's history.
"Although the attack succeeded in killing my parents, the rest of the mission was a failure. My fiancé was killed by his fellow Death Eaters as punishment and to make an example of him for others that may fail in the future." She sighed deeply, Severus' eyes still on her. She smiled at him weakly. "I lost my whole world. I had to get away from Death Eaters, witches, wizards, everything magical. I decided to live as a muggle," she said. "When Voldemort came back last June the past started to repeat itself and…Well, I just couldn't continue hiding, doing nothing to keep others from having to go through what I did."
She went on, almost out of steam. "When I'm working I can distance myself from it you know? The evil, the danger, the chaos of it all. But I had begun to feel comfortable in the Order, as if they had become my second family. I was starting to consider you as a friend, Severus, and seeing that mark took me back to the worst time of my life."
He sighed deeply. "I saw the shift in your eyes." He closed his eyes, resting his head on the back of the armchair. He hadn't touched his tea and his head was still killing him. "I could tell you weren't seeing me in front of you. By the way, you're a bloody menace with that wand," he rebuked. "What is that, by the way? Phoenix feather?" He was sure she would've been a bloody Gryffindor if she had gone to Hogwarts.
"Actually," she said with a coy smile, "it's mahogany, twelve inches with dragon heartstrings."
Severus opened his eyes only so he could roll them in her direction. "But of course," he drawled sarcastically. "In the future, I'd appreciate it if you would point it at someone else."
Maya laughed and Severus quirked an eyebrow in her direction. "Why Severus, are you admitting I had you a little scared?" she teased. He merely closed his eyes and gave a gruff "hummff."
"What about you then? What's your wand?" she wagged her eyebrows at him suggestively, glad to finally have the topic away from her past.
Severus rolled his eyes at her lewdness but decided to answer anyway. "Ebony, fifteen inches, also dragon heartstring."
"Very impressive," she laughed quietly. A comfortable silence fell between them, both lost in their own thoughts.
"So -," she said into the silence finding it difficult to ask her next question. "Why didn't you tell me? About the mark I mean?" He could tell by the sound of her voice that it was an honest question and gave a heavy sigh. She began to think he wasn't going to tell her. "I know Dumbledore trusts you and that you wouldn't be sticking your neck out if you weren't loyal."
"Since you feel the need to know so badly," he began in a tired voice. "I was seventeen when I took the mark. I was a Slytherin and allegiance to the Dark Lord was expected and practically a requirement for being a Slytherin. I'm sure you've heard the reputation of my house."
Maya nodded her head slowly. "I guess that makes things somewhat difficult for you these days. I imagine you have the children of many of you old classmates and Death Eaters in your House as well as your classes?"
It was his turn to nod. "It has made things interesting at times. My father was a muggle Aristocrat that I had no great love for. At the time I was foolish and overly ambitious, out to prove myself to him and everyone else. It seemed a great way to grow more powerful and get back at my father at the same time," he said with a grimace. "Many of my fellow Slytherins had taken the mark already. That's how I met Lucius Malfoy. He was a few years older than I and actively recruiting for the Dark Lord. By the time I 'pulled the stick out of my backside' as you so delicately put it, it was too late."
"I'm sorry about earlier Severus," she said sincerely. "It seems we both have a few skeletons in our closets that we want to keep private. However, I think it might be wise for us to try and be a little more open with each."
He nodded his assent silently.
"Wait… Snape?" she thought out loud. "Isn't there a castle or something? In Yorkshire, I think?" she asked. "My mother used to talk about it sometimes. She had friends there, I think."
"Yes, a castle, small of course. Nothing like this," he waved his hand, indicating Hogwarts, "with a small village. But I haven't been there since I was a small child. My father decided that he wasn't as fond of being married to a witch and having magical children as he had originally thought. He moved my mother and I away from his family home when I was very young." He couldn't believe he was telling her all of this. It was as if she were using an imperious curse that he couldn't throw off. Maybe it was simply because no one had ever asked him before.
"Since we have this new understanding …" she paused. "I have something else I think you should know if we're to continue working together, but you have to come outside for me to show you."
"Show me? Outside? It's almost midnight, woman," he protested. For a brief second, he thought about using legilimency to see what she was up to. Then he remembered the wand she carried in her back pocket and the skill she had shown with both wandless and non-verbal magic when angry, and thought better of it.
"Yes outside, and I told you before to call me Maya. You make me sound like my mother," she huffed, wrinkling her nose at him. "Now hurry up." She stood and grabbed his hands to pull him out of his chair.
The feel of her hands on his were unexpectedly soft and warm and he found himself reluctant to let them go. He allowed himself to be dragged out of the chair. "I'm coming, I'm coming. The grounds on the other side of the quidditch pitch are concealed from the castle's view but how do I get you past Umbridge? That toad of a woman has student spies everywhere and seems to have Filtch on her side as well," he thought aloud.
"I have an idea. Tonks said she mentioned to the Order that I was good at concealment. Severus, what type of girls do you fancy?" she asked bluntly.
"What?" he stammered and suddenly she was too close, standing right in front of him looking up at him with her large blue eyes. Why was she always setting him off balance?
"You know - blonds, brunettes, ginger?" she asked softly. Severus stared back at her blankly. "I guess I'll have to decide myself." In a flash she whispered an incantation he couldn't quite make out. Instantly her hair changed to thick raven locks not dissimilar from his own, and her eyes changed to sparkling green. Her nose widened slightly but not unattractively, and her complexion deepened to olive. Her clothing became long flowing black teaching robes covered by a cloak of soft black velvet.
"What do you think?" she asked as she tried to evaluate her new look without a mirror.
"The eyes have got to go," he said. They were far too similar to Potter's for his liking.
"What? You don't like green? Suit yourself." She muttered the same incantation that he still couldn't hear. When she opened her eyes they were steel grey with silver flecks around the irises.
"Better," he said shortly. "You're very good at human transfiguration. Not many wizards can do it successfully."
"Thank you," she said smiling at his praise. "Unfortunately, even when done correctly the spell only lasts about an hour, like polyjuice so we should get a move on." They were out on the grounds a few minutes later.
On the other side of the Quidditch pitch, concealed from any prying eyes at the castle, Severus stopped. "Well, here we are. What could you possibly show me that would require you to drag me out into the freezing night?"
Maya simply smiled at him with her new olive complexion and steel grey eyes. He could have sworn he saw flames reflecting in her eyes again. She took several steps back from him. "Patience Professor. Just watch."
She conjured a misty fog that curled at her feet that quickly concealed her from his eyes. Maya had never transformed in front of someone before; it felt a bit like having them watch you undress. Once Severus was only a dark outline in the fog she allowed herself to transform into her silvery blue dragon animagus form.
Severus could see her figure change in the fog but it was too thick to make out any detail. Suddenly the ground shook as Maya slapped the large dragon's tail harshly on the ground to get his attention. With one deep breath, careful not to use fire - no need to singe the poor professor's eyebrows that he so loved to raise at others, she blew away the fog with a warm gust from the dragon's flaring nostrils.
He gazed in disbelief at the large dragon before him. The silvery blue creature gazed back at him with deep blue eyes that resembled sapphires. The eyes were unmistakable. "Maya?" he stuttered for the second time that night but recovered his composure quickly.
Pleased with his reaction, she spread her silver wings, giving two forceful flaps before taking off into the night air. The gusts from her wings sent his teaching robes and frock coat billowing out behind him. He watched as she soared towards the surface of the lake with lightning speed, giving him full view of the dragon's glittering underbelly. He was never very interested in magical creatures unless they were useful in potions, but he thought the breed resembled the Swedish short snout that was used in the Triwizards Tournament last year. The dragon circled the lake once and returned to his spot behind the Quidditch pitch.
He was impressed, something not easily done, and he noticed with amusement that from afar in the night sky the dragon did indeed look black. 'So the dragon has many secrets,' he thought to himself as the blue dragon landed gracefully at his feet. 'Great', he thought again. 'First a werewolf, then a rat and a mangy dog, now a dragon. This place is turning into a ruddy zoo with Albus playing the lead role as Dr. Doolittle!'
Maya landed and transformed back into the olive-skinned, black-haired persona that she had taken as her disguise.
"A little dramatic, don't you think?" he sneered, but Maya could tell he was both impressed and amused.
"I thought you would like it," she grinned cheekily. "Besides, now we're even. I have apologized for acting like a silly emotional girl, you have shared your sordid tale, and I have been open about my a… unique abilities." She smiled, but he felt it looked cold coming from a face so different from her own.
"Indeed, that was some display you just put on. Let's get back to the castle before someone sees you," he said, leading her back through the grounds. She followed, feeling much better about things than she had when she arrived this morning.