The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 10

I had taken my car back to Julia's house since I had left it at the airport before I went to New York. I parked it in the driveway and got out of my car, humming softly.

I got to the door of the house and turned the handle, finding that it was unlocked.

That's weird…

I walked into our shared house. The air was thick with the scent of gasoline and…and…

Death.

I stared at the bloody figure of Julia whom lay limp on the floor. Her eyes were closed and she was deathly pale. My angel's countenance was as calm and peaceful as it always was, her eyes closed as if she were merely sleeping. The only thing which made me assume otherwise was the knife which abruptly stuck out of her body and the blood which ran out of her mouth. The murder weapon was angled so it went beneath the ribs to pierce her fragile right lungs.

I quickly ran forward, calling out her name. I collapsed onto my knees and brought her cold body onto my lap. I shook her to try and wake her up, but her eyes didn't open.

"Julia!"

"Pathetic."

My eyes snapped wider and I spun my head around. Much to my shock, Mello stood leaning against the wall next to the open door. In his leather clad hand he clutched a chocolate bar.

I stared at my best friend, and then back at Julia. "Quick! Call an ambulance! We have to get her to a hospital!"

Mello sneered and moved forward, grabbing onto my shoulder. He pulled me back and I was forced to let go of my lifeless angel.

"She's already dead, Matt. Get over it. You're just getting blood over yourself." I continued to stare at her body, my own feeling completely numb. Slowly I crawled forward a little and put a hand out to her cheek, resting my palm against the pale flesh. The skin still had traces of dying warmth left. "…See Matt? This is what it felt like to me when L was killed. Don't you just want to kill me for destroying your future?"

I felt just as dead as Julia.

My entire future had just been crushed to dust by my best friend.

I soundlessly stood up, brushing Mello's hand off of my shoulder. I turned and walked into the kitchen. Opening one of the drawers, I pulled out a lighter. I walked back out the front door and pulled a cigarette from my pocket. I put it in between my shivering lips and used the lighter to light it. My hands were trembling; making it more difficult than necessary, but soon my death stick was lit. I slipped the lighter into my pocket and breathed in the sweet intoxicating smoke.

I felt a hand slip into my pocket, but I didn't move. Mello pulled the lighter out of my vest and moved back out of my vision.

"I'm going to set the house on fire. Anything you want to get out of it first?"

I didn't move. I just continued to soundlessly smoke my death stick.

After a few minutes, I could feel the fire burning a few metres behind me.

I finally felt myself become practically ripped from the tiny box I had built around myself so many years ago, and it felt terrible.

I was never the same after Julia's death.

My voice no longer existed. My voice had never existed.

I suddenly felt a hand slap the left side of my face hard, bringing me back to the reality which was cruel.

"Come on, stop feeling sorry for yourself. I thought you were better than this, Mail."

I finally looked at Mello. The light of the fire danced on his scarred skin and made his eyes even fiercer than they usually were. It was all too much for me.

I lunged at him. My arms were around him, and my face was buried in his neck. He seemed shocked by the unexpected act. I was trembling, and I just wanted someone to hold me.

Mello had killed the love of my life.

My third angel, Julia...Marie.

I no longer had any future.

The only person I had left in my life was Mello.

He could beat me until I was nothing but a bloody pulp. Destroy my future right in front of my eyes. Order me around like I was no better than some voiceless mutt.

But no matter what he did to me, I would always stand back up.

A few seconds went by and I felt Mello put his arms around me as well. Neither of us had any future. Mello's future had died with L and mine had died with Julia.

We stood there in front of the burning wreckage of my life, holding onto each other innocently.

"Matt…" I just gave a slight nod against his neck. "…Come on. The fire department will be here soon. Plus we have a plane to catch."

Mello let go of me, but I refused to relinquish my grip on his body. He gave a soft growl, but he didn't hurt me. Instead, the blond pried my arms from around his body and turned. I quickly grabbed onto the hem of his leather jacket. I felt so insecure all of a sudden. He stopped and looked back at me. His fingers slipped down and grabbed onto my hand which had disrupted him, pulling it from his jacket. Mello entwined our fingers and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm not going anywhere without you, idiot." Mello smirked slightly, as if he hadn't just killed someone. Was it my fault? "Come on, we gotta get moving."

He suddenly started into a run. Our hands were still locked naively and I ran as well. We hopped onto his motorcycle and I had to let go of his hand. I wrapped my arms around him as he revved the engine. The motorbike jumped forward, driving towards the airport. I could now hear the sirens of the fire department behind us as we made our escape.

"If you're wondering why I'm here instead of Japan, it is because Mogi and Amane stopped off here as well. Mogi probably wanted to check up at Wammy's to see if I'd gone to Roger for help or something like that." I nodded against his back, feeling the leather against my cheek. "…So you're a mute again…?" I didn't move at all.

-x-

We were now on the plane, headed to Japan. The whole way I had my head resting on Mello's shoulder with my fingers clenching his leather sleeve. He didn't say anything about my distress or my insecurity but Mello seemed more than aware of it. So my best friend let me hold onto his arm the whole flight. Actually, now that I think about it, he probably wanted me to be like this.

-x-

Mello didn't tell me anything about the place we were staying; all I could tell was that it was in an apartment complex. The whole way I was clutching onto the hem of Mello's leather jacket.

We got inside the room and Mello shut the door.

"You can let go of me now." I looked down but refused to relinquish my grip on his jacket. He gave a sigh. "Pathetic. I'm going to have a shower."

He shrugged off the leather and disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door before I could get hold of him again. I gave a sad frown and bought Mello's jacket to my chest.

It smelt faintly of my best friend.

I looked around the apartment.

There was a single bed which had plain white bed sheets. A small kitchenette, a bathroom which had the toilet inside of it, a reasonable sized TV and it had a large window. Beneath the window was an indoor windowsill which had several cushions on, revealing that it was meant for sitting.

I pulled my faux fur vest off, and listened to the shower for a few seconds before also kicking my shoes off. I crawled onto the single bed, keeping to the left of it. Instead of going under the covers, I just pulled Mello's leather jacket over my torso and pulled my goggles off of my head. They dropped uselessly to the floor and I cuddled up with the pillow and Mello's leather.

-x-

When I woke up again, it was dark. The only light in the room was the moonlight which streamed in through the large window, bathing the space with a soft elegant white.

The silhouette of my best friend sat on the cushions of the windowsill. He was looking at something in his hands, which I made out to be his crucifix. I sat up slowly and went to say his name, to find that my voice didn't exist…Oh yeah…

I felt a hollow feeling in my stomach as I remembered that Julia was dead. Mello had killed her. I had killed her. It was my entire fault.

I looked down at Mello's leather jacket which now lay in my lap. The blond looked over at me, finally noticing I was awake. He stared for a few seconds before talking.

"I had to kill her." I tilted my head at him slightly and solemnly. "…I wanted to see if the girl you wanted to spend the rest of your life with was as great as you seemed to think she was. So I searched her name around the internet, and eventually I found her address. When I got there however, the door was unlocked. I went inside and there she was…I admit, she was beautiful, but she was as drunk as a mule." My eyes widened. But… "She started screaming at me, saying that I was the one that you had screwed. I suddenly heard a moan and I looked over at the TV which showed undoubtedly the scene of my last hour at Wammy's."

My eyes widened. But…But she had seemed so cool about it over the phone…

"The next thing I knew, she came at me with the knife. I quickly grabbed it from her, but she lunged at me again. I had no choice but to stab her."

I looked up at my best friend. Even now I have no idea if what he said was true or not, but I didn't doubt him at the time.

Looking back, he had enough reason to want her dead…what was it that you really wanted, Mihael? Loyalty? Sex? You didn't have to kill her; I would never deny you anything you wanted. But you still saw her as being in your way…Is that why you really got rid of her?

Because you didn't want to be second to anybody…No matter the context…

"…Thank you, Mello…"

"Thank you? What for?"

I looked down at Mello's leather jacket. Even I didn't know what I was thanking him for. My fingers clutched the leather tighter. The moonlight made the material extremely shiny.

I rolled over and pulled the covers over me, still clutching Mello's jacket to my chest.

A minute went by and I felt the bed sag a bit. Mello rolled me over to look at him. "It was your fault, Matt." He pulled me against his chest. "It was your entire fault."

The leather jacket I had been holding fell uselessly to the floor as I put my arms around Mello, holding onto him insecurely. He stroked my hair softly, continuing to tell me that I was the one to blame for her death. I closed my eyes and soon fell into a terrible dream.

It was my fault. My entire fault. Mine alone. She had died all because of me. Why would Mello even want me as a friend? I was useless. All I ever did in life was hurt people…I was an appalling human, I deserved to die.

-x-

December 8th 2009

I woke up the next morning as Mello stood up out of the bed. He stretched slightly and looked back at me.

"Okay, I'm going to get an apartment for myself, I'll call you once I get some leads an-" I quickly moved forward and flung my arms around his waist. "Hey! Let go of me!"

I refused to relinquish my grip. Mello couldn't leave me again; I wouldn't be able to take it if he left me again. If he did, then my only option left would be suicide.

He struggled, but I was somehow stronger than him.

"Okay, let go and I'll buy you a new videogame!" I didn't let go. "I'll give you $1000 equivalent in yen to spend!" Nope. "I'll buy you an entire videogame store for fucks sake!" I continued to hold on to him. Mello was silent for a few seconds. "Fine, if you let go then I'll have sex with you."

There was a soft silence and I let go. He sneered at me.

"You're no better than the mafia. Whatever." He crawled back onto the bed and on top of me. Before he could do anything else, I grabbed onto his waist again, rolling over so we were on our sides. I buried my face in his neck and didn't let go of him. "Hey! Bastard! Let go of me already!"

I shook my head against his neck and continued to hold onto his waist. After a few minutes, Mello stopped struggling. I heard him sigh and felt a gloved hand begin to idly play with my red hair.

"You're so bizarre…Fine, if you let go of me, I won't get my own apartment and I will stay here with you." I hesitated for a few seconds, before I let go of him. Mello gave a sigh and stopped stroking my hair. "What is it you want from me? Look, it is a good thing that Julia is dead. She might have gone to the police with that disc and they could have hunted you down. You would probably have spent the rest of your life in jail."

I didn't move for a few seconds, taking in what he said. But I knew Julia…She wasn't the co-dependent type…She wouldn't have gone to the police; she would have just talked it out with me. Julia was always so accepting. She knew that no one was capable of changing the past and that everyone made mistakes. I pulled away from Mello's body and rolled over so my back was to him. I scooted to the other side of the bed and pulled the covers over my head.

Mello sneered and I felt the bed weight shift as he stood back up. "Idiot."