A/N: Ack, I suck, I know. But life has been pretty … crazy, I guess? I lost two best friends and a boyfriend this past month, so life has not been great. Add that into the usual dismalness of the holidays, and you've got a bang-up month and a good excuse not to update fanfiction!

By the way, this is the longest chapter of the series so far by about 250 words. Isn't that impressive? No, not really. But we'll pretend.

I'll try to have chapter ten out very quickly, but I can't promise anything. I'm just saying that I will definitely try considering how long it took me to get this one out.

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Addison sat in her car outside the law office. She didn't want to move. Something was telling her that of all the possible things in the world she should do today, what she was about to do wasn't one of them. So her Mercedes idled in the parking lot, the music on the radio achieving only a dull hum in comparison to Addison's thoughts.

How had her marriage come down to this? Twelve years ago, she and Derek were the happiest people she knew—and everyone agreed. They were in their own world. Or as Vonnegut had said: a nation of two. When had that changed? When they had been given separate shifts? Surely they were strong enough to work through something as trivial as separate shifts… But then again, maybe not. Maybe they were doomed from the beginning, and the death of her marriage was meant to be long and drawn out, milking every drop of pain until they were both bone-dry to the point of numbness. Or perhaps she was only speaking for herself.

And now what was she supposed to do? Of all the inopportune times that her husband could have chosen to take on a mistress, why did it have to be now? Somewhere with that there was irony. They were married for over a decade with only a single false alarm that had had them scared for a whole of four hours. Yet now, when their relationship was circling the drain, she's pregnant.

Her hands scrubbed lightly at her face; even in her most devastated state, she was subconsciously aware of her carefully applied makeup. Slowly, she dragged her fingers to the ignition and switched the car off. But it still took some effort to prize herself out of the car. With a long glance in the mirror, she finally opened the door, and there she stood, knowing now that divorcing Derek had been a long time coming and not exactly painless, but it was the right thing to do, baby or no.

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Addison was very good at hiding her feelings. On the surface, she was calm as a spring breeze, but underneath she was a tempest of emotion. She was sitting now across the oak table from Derek, inspecting her nails and drinking the not-very-good-but-still-drinkable coffee before her. She was determined to be just as okay with divorcing him as he was with doing the same to her.

She liked to think she was doing a good job; Derek was frowning, his brow creased. He held his matching white mug in one hand, staring into it with wide, distant eyes. Now and then he would snap to, smile vaguely and take a sip of his coffee. But when the liquid was down his throat, he almost instantly fell back into his stupor.

Addison was smirking at her soon-to-be-ex-husband's betrayal of emotion when their lawyer walked in with The Papers that were going to seal their fates.

"It says here that neither of you brought any assets into the marriage," he said, taking a seat at the head of the table.

Addison's smirk never faltered. "Well, I had my trust fund," she stated matter-of-factly, then continued on, eyeing Derek meaningfully, "and a sparkling personality. And the futon couch."

The futon had been in her dorm room in medical school, and had been the first place they had made love some fifteen years ago. She had brought the couch up to spite him, and it appeared to be working:

"Yes, Addison had a very ugly, very heavy futon couch." He didn't miss a beat, trying to make her eat her words—as always.

"Whatever happened to that couch?" Of course, she knew exactly where it had ended up.

"We gave it to Mark."

"She can have him too."

"I don't want him…"

"Okay, that's settled. What else?"

"So. Aside from Addison's trust fund—which remains in her name—you split everything—stocks, bonds, 401K's—down the middle. The only thing that gets a little complicated is the real estate."

Derek's brow knitted again. "Let me make this simple: I'd like to keep my trailer and the land in Seattle … Addison can have the rest."

Her head jerked up at this and her eyes narrowed. "Hold on."

"That's the house in the Hamptons and the Brownstone overlooking Central Park. That's very generous, Dr. Shepherd."

"Hold on. He's up to something."

He looked up from the paperwork with what she assumed to be a pretend surprised look. "No."

"I came here prepared to fight over CDs and books, go to war over a crystal vase. What are you up to, Derek?"

"The divorce is my fault," he said mournfully. "Let me take responsibility."

"We both had affairs."

"You had a one-night stand with Mark," he spat the name of his former best friend like it burned to speak it.

She fidgeted guiltily. This was the perfect opportunity. She could tell him about her two months with Mark now. "Derek, actually—well—it was—"

"Alright, okay, it was two nights. You made a mistake." His eyes dropped from hers in what she knew to be guilt as well. "Meredith and I, we had a relationship." He turned to the lawyer, tossing the papers to him. "Make these changes, and I'll sign the papers today."

Addison's mouth opened and shut like a fish's, but she couldn't find the courage to correct him. Instead, she just nodded and allowed Derek to dominate the rest of the meeting.

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"Derek," she grabbed his arm gently, willing him to turn around, "wait."

He spun around, smiling peculiarly. This was it. She was going to tell him—about the baby, about staying with Mark after he left New York … everything. She was going to come clean. His face was expectant; neutral, even. They had just divorced, just completely been severed from one another, and he was fine. That stung. Of course he didn't love her, and she was working on achieving the same, but to be so… indifferent? That was worse than any amount of anger.

And so, with one look, her courage evaporated once again. Panic threatened to overtake her in the split second following grabbing Derek's arm and noticing his expression. As usual, her logic was a step ahead of the rest of her more emotional controls.

"Are you going back to the hospital? I thought, if you didn't drive, I'd give you a ride." Never mind the fact that it was already four o'clock and she had taken the rest of the day off anyway.

Again with his detached smile. "Ah, no, actually. Thought I might go out to the river. Thanks anyway, though, for the offer."

She returned his poker-face. "Sure. What are ex-wives for?"

"Want me to answer that honestly?" he asked good-naturedly.

Addison flashed him a sweet smile as she made to move past him. "No, Derek, that's quite alright."

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Addison arrived back at her hotel at four-thirty feeling quite upset. As she removed her shoes, she wondered why she felt so terrible. Was it divorcing Derek, or the neutrality with which he had regarded her afterward? Honestly, she didn't know. She lay on the bed, not bothering to fold back the covers.

What was she supposed to do now? She had a baby on the way. A baby that, most days, didn't even seem very real. Though there were constant physical reminders, she always seemed to think of her unborn child in the most idealistic of senses. She realized that probably wasn't good. She should be happy or sad or angry or … anything. But instead, she remained impartial and unfeeling towards the son or daughter gestating in her womb.

And what was she going to do without a father? There had been countless instances where she had advised a patient that she didn't need a man to make her strong. Yet, here she was, in dire need of something with a penis.

And there her thoughts inevitably drifted to Mark. A small smile spread across her lips. He was always there for her before, why not now?

She had just sat up in bed when she realized the answer to her own question: he couldn't now because they weren't on speaking terms. And for something so ridiculous … he was only trying to be nice...

She internally told herself to stop; she didn't want to forgive Mark just yet, even if she was wrong. The way she saw it, she deserved some time to be angry with him.

But the fact remained that she needed to talk to … anyone. There was her mother, but she didn't like her mother's conversation much; Sav, but she and Weiss had flown to Paris and wouldn't be returning until next week; Nancy, but she would be working now; Richard … no, Adele. She would call Adele: if anyone knew anything about what she was going through now, it was definitely her.

"Adele?" she said when she picked up, her voice coming out probably a little too weak.

"Addie, honey? What's wrong?" Her tone was soft, concerned, and motherly. It never occurred to her that Richard and Adele viewed her and Derek almost as their children.

"It's … um, I don't know. It's kind of stupid. Derek and I just signed the divorce papers."

"That's not stupid, sweetheart. Was it bad?"

"No, we split everything. He wanted me to have most of it, but I wasn't going to let him hold that over my head."

"I'm sure it'll work out with you two."

"Really?" That was quite a strange thing to say, considering what Addison had just told her.

"Mhm. Richard and I are going through a rough patch right now. So are you and Derek. He just needs a little time with Meredith Grey to realize that you two are made for one another. She's a nice girl, but she's over ten years younger than him. You're perfect together."

"That's, uh, wow. Thanks for that."

Adele seemed to be on a roll, and didn't even hear her. Addison knew she and Richard had always approved of her marriage to Derek, but she didn't know the approval was so deeply-seated. "When you're with someone for so long, you don't just give up on them," she finally concluded.

"Even through adultery?" she said in a tiny voice.

"Even through adultery. You know Richard had an affair with Meredith's mother? We worked past that. So will you. Divorce is only a little thing, honey."

"I do want to be with Derek, Adele. I really do, mostly because I'm having his baby, but still… He's Derek. I can't be with him. Part of me doesn't want to, and I'm sure all of him doesn't want me."

"I understand completely. And if he's not worth fighting for, don't fight. You don't need any man to raise a baby. My momma did it just fine."

"Yeah. I guess you're right." She paused. "Thank you, Adele. I really needed this."

"I'm here anytime you need me, sweetie. Goodbye."

"'Bye."

Addison clamped her eyelids together. She was going to get past this. Without Derek. Without Mark. Without anyone.

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A/N: As always, review. Review and I will answer any questions you might have. As long as they don't regard which ships will prevail. ;-)