Seeing Through Different Eyes
Chapter 10:
"What took you so long? It's been way more than five minutes."
"Sorry, Sirius."
"Don't be."
"Oh."
"Where were you Rosie?" James inquired.
"I just took a detour, you don't need to worry about it."
"Are you sure? Because I'm worried about you."
"I know. You've told me. Many times."
"Geez, Rose. I'm trying."
"No you're not. You're just repeating the same line over and over and over."
"I won't talk to you about it then."
"That's what I wanted James."
"You could have said that before."
"No, I couldn't have. You wouldn't have taken it, just like you can't take it now." Lily said exasperatedly.
"You don't know that, so get off your high horse, Rose. Stop thinking everyone is against you."
"They clearly are, have you heard yourself?"
"Have you heard yourself, hypocrite? You're the one pushing everyone away."
"Oh, I'm a hypocrite? What else have you got Potter?"
"I've got plenty, don't you worry princess."
"Don't be a prat, Potter."
James laughed. "I'm not a prat, darling. Don't worry your pretty little head with insults, you can't win."
"Stop calling me that." Lily burst out.
"What, sweetheart?"
Sirius and Rose lounged back on the couch. "This is getting good, what d'ya think?"
"It's a bit of a lover's quarrel."
"What does that even mean? Remus, and now you, have all mentioned something along those lines."
"Nothing. I don't know what you're talking about."
"That's it! I am sick of you trying to avert my questions!"
"Look, can I tell you tonight? Not right now, with those two around." Rose gestured to James and Lily. "I particularly can't tell Potter, but I want to tell you. Just not right now."
"Why the kindness, Lily? You've never wanted to talk to me about anything."
"This time, I do want too. Just trust me on this."
"Fine, we have a deal." Sirius shook hands with Rose, before lying back further. "This could go on for hours, I bet."
"Just wait, we're getting to the crucial part."
"I don't get you, Lily Evans."
Rose laughed, and tuned back into James and Lily's argument.
"Tell me, what can't I call you, sweetie?"
"Stupid names. I am not your darling, I am not your sweetheart, and quite frankly, the entire thing is demeaning." Lily said hotly.
"Oh? I'm sorry cupcake."
"You're not, Potter, or you would change what you are doing!"
"Why should I? I was just trying to care, and you shove it all back in my face!"
"I did not, Potter! Stop blaming me for your own problems!"
James laughed sarcastically. "When have I ever done that, sweet-pea?" He said mockingly.
"All the bloody time!"
"When? Rose! You can't accuse me of things then not tell me what I'm doing wrong!"
"Look, you just need to quit with pestering me about going..."
"And that'll be enough." Rose said quietly, stepping between them.
"What?" Lily spat. "Go away Ro..."
"Stop Rose. You're going to make a fool of yourself."
Lily stepped back from James, realizing her proximity to him and her racing heartbeat. "I'm...I'm sorry James." She'd almost revealed everything, and she wasn't ready for that just yet.
James shrugged and stepped back, stopping beside Sirius. "Um...sure I guess?"
"I overreacted."
"I guess I did too."
Rose grinned. "Good on you. Now, shake hands and get over it."
Sirius laughed. "Woah Lils, no need to be the adjudicator! Like you said, it was getting exciting!"
"No, Sirius. It had to stop."
"Why? I was enjoying myself."
"Wow, Padfoot. That's so supportive."
"Your welcome James."
"How about we separate for five minutes then regroup and play that game you wanted to play Sirius." Rose had noticed how lost and confused Lily looked by herself.
"Sure. Just make sure you come back."
"We will."
"Pinky swear?"
"Sure." Rose extended her pinky finger toward Sirius, who clasped his with hers briefly before separating.
"Fantastic."
"See you guys." Rose smiled, before grasping Lily's arm. "Come on, sis, we need to fix you up."
"I don't need fixing up." Lily said blankly.
"Your face says otherwise."
"Fine." Lily conceded.
"See you soon girls!" Sirius chirped.
"Bye Sirius!"
Lily and Rose ascended the staircase into their dormitory, and Lily slumped onto her bed.
"I don't get it."
"Don't get what?" Lily mumbled.
"Why did you choose to fight?"
"I didn't Rose! Goddammit! I don't want to fight with him, I don't want to see him be hurt by me!"
"Then why did you do it?"
"Because, he was acting like he gave a crap about me, and I just overreacted! Okay?"
"Not really. Why did you overreact?"
"I don't know! Stop asking me stuff like this!"
"Answer Lily."
"He's raising my hopes and I can't have it! James is supposed to have given up on me, not care more! He's making it harder for me!"
"Is that a bad thing?"
"Yes! I don't know how I will tell him the truth, it'll be too hard."
"I don't think so."
"You don't know anything about this." Lily spat.
"Surprisingly, I know you better than you know yourself, and I know James pretty well."
"Good for you, Rose."
"The fact that you're angry that James cares is kind of funny actually."
"Stop patronizing me."
"I'm not patronizing you Lily."
"And I'm a hippogriff."
"Whatever. You don't have to act like that Lily."
"Act like what, Rose?"
"Like that."
"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." Lily said sarcastically.
Rose shot a steady glare at her sister. "Back to my point."
"Oh, do tell."
"The fact that you are upset about James means that you care about him too."
"You can't know that."
"I know you, so I can figure it out." Rose paused in thought. "Remember when Petunia used to pick on that awful Snape boy during the summer before first year? And you got super upset because you cared for him, even though he was a little prat?"
"That's completely different."
"Not entirely. You cared for Snape for a little while there, and you care about Potter too."
"I don't see how this is related. He betrayed me and left me for those dark arts obsessed freaky Slytherins. He also left me in first year, so I didn't really get a chance to care that much for him. It's his life, he chose another path, not my problem."
"Whatever. Like I said, you care for Potter, and it's stirring up strong emotions in you. That's why you can't deal with having a civil conversation with him at the moment. You either want to slap him for making you feel that way, jump him because he's totally gorgeous, make him laugh because he's beautiful when he laughs..." Rose trailed off, obviously thinking of someone else.
Lily rolled her eyes. "And, here we go. I know you like Remus, maybe you should jump him next time you see him."
Rose shook her head. "You know I can't. He wouldn't let me."
"He might. You don't know that."
"You don't know that either, so you can't say anything."
"I talked to Remus though."
"What?"
"He said he would have a proper talk with you when he's better."
"Don't be cruel Lily."
"I'm not being cruel! I actually talked to him!"
"When?" Rose looked unconvinced.
"Before I came to the Common Room. I needed to talk to him, because I trust his opinion. We agreed that if I tried with James, he'd try with you."
"Why was I not included in this deal? It was about me."
"Sorry. But come on, you weren't going to get there by yourself. And, I know you're happy about it."
"Fine." Rose snapped. "Back to you."
"What about me?" Lily inquired innocently.
"You and James. So, basically, you have strong emotions."
"Wow, that was really insightful of you."
"Stop it. I'm serious."
Lily laughed. "No, you're not. Sirius is serious."
"Oh my god Lily! I was just trying to say that if you feel something for him, you should act on it, because you'll regret it if you don't."
Lily sobered. "What if he rejects me?"
"We're not back to this are we? Come on Lily, he won't."
"But what if he does?"
Rose sighed heavily. "How about we go back downstairs and you try to act normal around James for the rest of the day? But, if you find a good opportunity to say something, tell him. Don't chicken out. And, after tonight, you can go back to being you, and you can decide to forget about the entire thing or do something about your feelings. That way, it'll all be up to you."
"I'm not sure..."
"I don't care. Let's go."
"Fine."
"Good."
They stood together and looked into each other's eyes.
"Trust me Lily. All of this will be alright."
"And you should trust me Rosie, Remus isn't stupid enough to let you slip by."
"That's very nice of you to say."
"Believe me."
"I don't know if I can get my hopes up."
Lily let out a short laugh. "You sound a little bit like me."
Rose cracked a smile. "The first step to fixing yourself is realizing the problem."
"What? Are you saying that James is a problem?"
"Never. He could never be a problem."
"Why do you think that? Do I have competition for the prize?"
"You wish."
"Actually, I don't. It's a shame he's so popular in this school. There will always be competition."
"He only has eyes for you."
"Wow, corny much?"
Rose smiled with warmth. "This is how it always should be. You shouldn't treat James as a problem, instead an opportunity."
"And, the moment's over."
"That's our cue to leave."
"I second that."
The two girls descended the staircase with speed and entered the Common Room.
"Oi, Sirius, James, where are you?" Rose called.
A voice called from the corner of the room. "Come find us."
Lily laughed and approached them, with Rose close behind. Rose was happy, because Lily appeared to be. When Lily was comfortable within herself, Rose also was.
"What happens now?" Rose asked as she sat down in an armchair next to Sirius. Lily sat next to James, looking a little worried of her reception.
James looked over at her and smiled lazily. He was gorgeous. "Are we okay, Rosie?" He said softly.
Lily gulped. "Of course James." She was suddenly feeling very nervous. You're acting like a seven year old girl, he's not that intimidating. God Lily.
"Fantastic." Sirius clapped his hands together. "I have this fantastic idea of a game to play, and you'll love it!"
"Spit it out then." Lily said, happy with herself.
"First, I need to tell you where the idea came from."
"Really? You could just tell us what you want to play Padfoot." James rolled his eyes.
"No. Prongsie, you need to appreciate the inspiration."
"Fine. Go on then."
"Thank-you for that blessing Jamesie-poo."
Rose laughed. "Jamesie-poo?"
"I have no choice in the matter apparently. This friendship often feels very one-sided." James replied.
"You know I love you Jamesie."
"I'm sure you do."
"Anyway, so...You and Rose disappeared somewhere and we went searching for you. Then, I realised, why don't we play that game where someone hides and we find them?"
"Are you talking about Sardines?" Lily asked.
"Yeah, that's the one. Forgot it's name for a second."
"Well, that's a great indication of how good the game itself is going to be." Rose mused.
"No its not! It can't be my fault for forgetting the name for a second, I have a lot go things going on in my head."
"I didn't know you had the power of thought Sirius!" Lily burst out.
"That's horrible Rose, and you know it." Sirius pouted.
"That's not even funny Rose." Rose agreed.
"Better luck next time." James finished, with a hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth.
"Gee, sorry guys." Lily threw her hands up in surrender.
"It's alright I guess, but you can't be the one hiding anymore. You haven't shown good sportsmanship so we can't trust you this time."
"Ouch?"
"That's right."
"Fine."
"Good."
"Great."
"Fantastic."
"Stop with the one worders!" A pause. James grinned. "I'll hide if you want me too."
"Sure." Rose and Lily agreed in unison.
"Weird." Sirius commented, glancing at the girls. "But, Prongs, remember the rules. No...you know, m-a-p." He spelt out.
"I know." James grinned. "Well, Lily? Aren't you going to ask?"
"What?" Rose asked.
"Map?"
"Fine. What is the map?" She asked without care.
James laughed. "Marauder secret."
"Thought as much." She commented.
Sirius clapped his hands together. "Ok, we'll count to sixty, and you'd better run Potter. Don't make it too easy."
"Never. You know that's not how I play."
"Oh, I know."
Sirius closed his eyes and started counting. "1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9..."
Rose nudged Lily. "We need to shut our eyes."
"I know." Lily breathed, watching James wink at her as he stood up slowly, stretching his arms above his head. He is beautiful. Look at him. Imagine what he'd look like if he did that without a shirt, with his muscles all stretched gorgeously... Lily shook her head.What was wrong with her?
Rose, not knowing why Lily had shook her head, sighed. "The whole point of counting is to let him get away, not watch him go. Don't try and be stubborn about something that you're doing wrong."
"I wasn't..." Lily sighed and closed her eyes, as James motioned for her to do so.
Rose laughed quietly. "He's got you whipped, sister."
"No, he hasn't."
"Whatever."
Sirius, sensing a disturbance from the two girls, spoke louder. "22...23...24...25...26...27...28..."
Lily let the sound of the counting wash over her, and she relaxed slightly. She thought through what her actions would be. She didn't need to find James at all. Lily couldn't afford to think of what may happen if they were forced to be alone for a length of time. She needed to find somewhere to sit down and out of the way, so neither Rose or Sirius would know she wasn't joining in. Somewhere quiet, but not a rational place to hide, because James could be anywhere within the castle, as far as anyone knew.
"37...38...39...40...41...42..."
The Portrait Hole swung open and shut. It could have been anyone, but Lily knew, James had left the Common Room. He'd cut it very short.
"46...47...48...49...50...51...52...53...54...
But, what if she did come across James in the corridors or in hiding? What would she do then? Lily didn't know.
"57...58...59..."
Anything could happen. Lily wasn't sure if that was necessarily a good thing.
"60!"
"Ok." Sirius snapped his fingers. "Let's go girls, and find him!"
"The way you just said that didn't sound entirely straight." Rose laughed.
"Just so you know, I am straight, so I don't know what you're talking about."
"Wasn't inferring anything, Sirius."
"I'm sure you weren't." He grumbled.
Lily grinned. "Ok, I guess I'll be off."
"Might see you later I guess."
"Sure."
Lily's heart sank. She was going to be alone. Despite what she had wanted to do several seconds before, she didn't want to find James by herself. Something could happen between them, that Lily didn't want to be a part of. She could say something she didn't mean to, she could ruin everything.
She had walked up the corridor slowly, and upon turning back around to seek out her sister, she discovered she was alone. Lily would have to face everything by herself. The thought terrified her to no end.
Lily turned away from the Portrait Hole, and resigned herself to whatever her fate was to be. She just needed to hide herself away, as she had already planned. If she was hidden, and James was hidden somewhere else in the castle, nothing bad could happen.
What are you coming too, Lily Evans? Avoiding the boy you like, in an effort to keep secrets from him? What am I scared of? She asked herself. Honestly, she didn't know why she was scared to face James, he wasn't that bad. In fact, he was quite lovely. Despite their differences, which often ended in argument, he seemed like a genuinely good person, who she couldn't help but love.
Lily stopped walking. Who said anything about loving him? She didn't love him. Definitely not. She'd only just begun to like him in any way, especially in a non platonic way. Love would be a long way down the line for her. Lily's feelings were a huge mess, and the only thing that was clear with James was that she fancied him. Lily clung to that as a lifeline. She was definitely not diving into that pool of emotions just yet, if ever.
She slowly descended from the seventh floor down to the fifth, where she stopped in front of the ugly tapestry Rose had shown her a few days before. No-one would think to check here, it wasn't a conventional hiding place. She flicked aside the vomit-coloured material with her wand, and tapped the wall behind twice. A stone archway appeared from the brickwork, and Lily pushed inside.
"Lumos." Lily lit her wand and held it in front of her as she walked. She stumbled slightly as the tunnel grew in its steep decline, and slide for several metres down into the pitch-black. She shrieked as she went, scared of falling flat on her face. That'd be something to explain to someone. Don't worry about the gigantic graze on my face, I was just walking down a secret tunnel in the school when I fell flat on my face and slid down the rest of the way. Seriously, its no biggie.
She flung her hands out, and caught herself on the side of the tunnel, effectively stopping the movement. Her wand flickered as it hit the wall. Lily gasped a deep breath in and grinned manically. Despite her beating heart and terror, Lily felt free and energetic.
Lily gave off a whoop and ran down the rest of the tunnel, laughing loudly. She forgot about her worries, she forgot about James, and she felt good.
When the ground flattened out, Lily stopped with a stumble. She giggled breathlessly and sat on the floor. It was cold. Lily leapt up again and felt her way toward an armchair. She slouched back in it and sighed deeply, at peace with herself in that moment.
Slowly, her eyes began to drift shut, and soon enough the world had disappeared from her eyes.
Lily was content and quiet, letting sleep take over her. It had been an emotional day, which had taken its toll on her being. The last thought on her mind before she embraced the darkness was to wonder where James was, and what he was doing.
A soft swear word forced Lily back to her senses. "Is anyone there?" She asked. Her wand was still letting out a little light, but it had fallen down the side of the chair, and she couldn't see into the darkness.
Silence ensued.
"Hello? Anyone there? I heard you say something."
A bout of swearing.
"What do you want?" Lily asked, impatient and a little frightened.
The sound of someone stubbing their toe could be heard, followed by another swear.
"Reveal yourself, or I'll stun you."
"Why the hell would you do that?" A muffled voice asked. Lily didn't know who it was.
"You could be a murderer or rapist for all I know. Better to be safe than sorry."
"God Rose." The voice was still unclear.
"Oh, so you're someone I know?"
"Of course. Bloody hell Rose, why would I be down here if you didn't know me?"
"I wouldn't know."
"Why don't you know who I am?"
"I don't recognize your voice."
"Ouch, that hurts." Was the sarcastic response.
"Sorry. Maybe you should talk clearer."
"How clearer do you want me to be?"
The voice was coming closer to Lily, and she was a little uncomfortable.
"Clear enough for me to know who you are would be nice."
"You've known me for years, I don't know how much clearer I can make my voice in order to make my identity any more blaringly obvious."
"Sorry." Lily said, slightly crossly. Her wand had slipped further into the cushion of the chair, and she couldn't see anything past her nose. "Maybe you start by not sounding muffled by something."
"My face is squished into a cushion, if that's what you're talking about."
"Why?" Lily asked, incredulous.
"I tripped and dropped my wand somewhere. I think it went down the back of the chair."
"Summon it."
"In case you didn't notice, I can't summon my wand if I don't have it. Kind of difficult to do a summoning charm without one."
"Sorry."
"You should be."
"Well, do you know where it fell?"
"Of course I don't. We're in the bloody dark."
"Right."
"Wait, you have a wand."
"I do."
"Can you summon my wand?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I dropped mine too."
"I can see its light, you're not fooling anyone Rose."
"I dropped it."
"I don't believe you." The voice sang.
"Wait, how can you see it with your face in a cushion?"
"My face isn't in a cushion anymore."
"Then why is your voice still muffled?"
"I'm messing with you now."
"Fantastic. Just what I need."
"You know it, Evans."
"Just because of that, I'm not even going to try to reach for my wand."
"Please?" The voice whined.
"No."
"Please, Rosie? For me?"
"I don't even know who you are."
"Fair point." A low chuckle was heard. Lily was beginning to get a fair idea of who the voice may belong too, and she was a little frightened if she was correct in her thinking.
Footsteps came closer to Lily's chair. "Mind if I fetch your wand if your not going too?"
"I'd rather you didn't."
"Ahh, Rosie, being stubborn as usual." The smile could basically be heard through the words.
"What if I am?" Lily asked defiantly.
"Nothing wrong with that, love."
"I thought we already talked about this, don't call me those names."
"Oh? So you know who I am now?"
"I'm not an idiot. I know who you are."
"Took you long enough."
"Whatever."
"I'm going to come over, okay?"
Lily snorted. "Not okay."
"That was remarkably unattractive, and I don't care what you say, I need to get your wand so I can get mine."
"Go for it then."
"Fantastic." He chirped. "Now, keep talking so I can follow your voice."
Lily did not reply.
"Come on. Don't be like that." He whined.
"Please Rose? For me?"
Silence.
"I know where you are, kind of. Your wand is still giving off a little light."
Lily laughed. "Got me."
"Sure did."
A shadow stopped before Lily, with wild hair and the little light glinting off glasses on the presence's face.
"Found you."
"It would appear so."
The shadow took a step closer. Suddenly, with a yell, it pitched forward. The shape swore loudly as it landed forward, onto Lily's figure. She screamed when the weight hit her.
"God, Rosie! You don't have to scream in my ear!"
"God yourself! You don't have to fall on me!"
"I didn't choose this!"
"I'm sure you didn't! But, I didn't choose to be underneath you and your weight!" Lily continued shrieking.
A chuckle. "Can't handle me?"
"Not that."
"What's wrong then, Rosie?"
"Nothing." Lily was becoming distinctly uncomfortable with the situation.
"Look, I'll get off you if you get your wand. Only then."
"That's bullying."
"No, it's not. Not when you like it."
"Get off!"
"Only when you get your wand."
Lily hesitated. She didn't want to give in to him, her stubborn streak was strong, but she also didn't want to be given away as liking James, she wasn't completely ready for that revelation.
She sighed heavily. "Promise?"
"Of course, Rosie."
Lily reached into the recessed of the armchair, and pulled out her shining wand. "Happy now?"
"No."
"What else can I do for you?" Lily asked sarcastically.
"Light up the whole room."
"Fine." Lily swished her wand. "Lumos Maximus."
An orb of light grew from the tip of Lily's wand and drifted into the air, brightening the entire space.
"Nice wand-work Evans." He smirked.
"Thanks." Lily replied, slightly reddening. "Are you going to get off me now?"
He shook his head. "No. I like it right here."
"I don't."
"Where's your fun gone, Miss Evans?" He asked, as he lowered his head to rest on her chest. He laughed softly. "I can hear your heartbeat."
"Good for you."
"It's going a mile a minute."
"Fantastic." Lily muttered, bitterly. He wasn't an idiot. He had to know how torn she felt about their position.
"What was that love?"
"Nothing. Don't call me that." She felt like he was teasing her. Everything she wanted, right there in front of her, looking cool and casual as ever.
"Wasn't trying to upset you Rose."
Lily sighed slowly. She spoke softly. "You didn't."
"You sure?"
"Yes." She breathed.
"Sweet." He chirped, still calmly settled on top of her.
"I..." Lily wanted to reveal everything in that moment.
"What is it Rose?"
"Nothing." She said hastily. She didn't want to lose his warmth, at least not yet.
"It's not nothing, I can tell."
"Yes, it is."
"You can tell me, Rosie, you know that."
"Get off me." Lily said, commandingly.
"Why?" He whined.
"I don't want you here anymore. Go find somewhere else to hide."
"I can't. I want to hide here."
"You know you can't. That's cheating, and you know it."
"How?"
"This is a secret part of the castle, the point in hiding is to make it slightly possible to be found."
"Fine." He said proudly. "If you want me to go so badly, I will."
"Good."
James pulled himself up, and he stood before Lily. "You're sure?"
Lily nodded. Truth was, she was already missing his warmth, and yearned for his touch again.
"Fine." James turned around to a brown cushioned armchair. "Just summon my wand, then I'll be off."
"Accio wand." His wand cam flying from underneath a pillow and into Lily's hand. "Here you go." She offered it up to him.
Instead of taking the wand, he grabbed her hand. "Come on."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Yes, you are."
"I think you'll find that I am quite content with where I am."
"You're not allowed to stay here."
"Why not, Potter?"
"Because, I'm the hider, and you're one of the seekers in the game, and we appear to have found each other. You have to stay with me now."
"You're horrible."
"You know it Evans." He winked attractively. "So, you coming?"
"You're going to make me go anyway, aren't you?"
"Definitely."
"Then, fine, I'll come with you."
He pulled her to her feet, so she was standing closely before him. Their hands remained clasped between them.
"Are we going, or not?"
"Oh, definitely going."
In a quick movement, James picked Lily up into his arms, and held her to his chest.
"What are you doing?" She shrieked as her feet left the ground.
"A little birdie tells me that you're a little clumsy on this tunnel, thought I should help you out."
"How did you..."
"You don't want to know."
"Probably not."
"Let's go, my lovely fire engine."
"You didn't."
"Oh, I did."
Lily shook her head. "You're impossible Potter."
A/N:
This has to be my fastest update! Yay, snaps for me. I don't actually like this chapter one bit, but bear with me, I'm sort of setting up for next chapter, which I hope will be better than this one. Please R&R, its like a rainbow comes out whenever I hear from you. Bad analogy? Whatever.
~Hannah