I woke up early today. Clad in black and white, I sat waiting for Kurenai. I sat still; the cold wind rustled my hair. Hidan was no where to be seen, maybe he had left, deciding what was best for him. What was I to say? What right did I have to keep him here? If I couldn't be understood, free; why should I take his happiness? I was happy, glad he could see his future, and take it into his hands.

My teacher or maybe ex-teacher arrived right on him. She wore a grim face, and shed her usual outfit to something more somber. I bowed silently, and followed her to the graveyard. On the way people glanced at us. The two females, emotionless, giving out waves of uneasiness.

A crowd was already gathered at the grave site. Blocks of marble, with their names etched in, and painted in gold letters. I couldn't really focus on any of them, I felt too guilty, too… regretful. So many graves, too little words to describe my feelings. I could only stare, and repeat in my minds every one of my apologies, to my brother, to my family. Sorry that I couldn't save anyone. Sorry that I snuck out. Sorry Juni never got to see the world. Sorry I was selfish. Sorry I abandoned them at their time of need. Sorry that when I was trained to be the best of the best, I couldn't save them. Sorry, about everything…

I could only bow as the rest of the people threw in white roses into the dug out grave. I could only keep my emotionless face on, when melancholy churned in my stomach. I saw them speak of their condolences, tell me they felt sad. I felt angry then. They could only speak of their grief, so shallow people. Sadness wasn't spoken about, and neither was it simply shown by words. I could only hear them whispering about me. Their sharp, dagger like words. 'Couldn't believe that a girl wouldn't shed a single tear at the funeral at her family'. 'She didn't do anything, didn't cry, and didn't say anything'. 'How heartless'. 'Didn't even throw in her rose'.

Kurenai directed me away, wrapping her arm around my shoulders in a comforting way. I could only clench at the white rose, grind my teeth together; and push away any tears. No, I wouldn't cry. I would rather be viewed as heartless than receive unwanted pity, condolences. I was stronger than all this. I was fine. I was independent. That was HoKein Shioe.

"Fuya, I know you're sad. It's ok to show it. It won't make you weak, really. I know you didn't want to cry at the funeral, I know the other people spoke badly of you, but I understand you don't want them to surround you. But it's just us here." Kurenai consoled as we walked past the manor gate. "Everyone has a heart. Everyone has feelings. Cry it out. You'll feel better,"

I only stared ahead like a piece of wood.

"When Asuma died, I grieved for ages. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. But, you feel better. Don't bottle it up inside you, it's bad. You can't push away your future just because of this. You have friends who love you dearly; you need to think of them. I know you're strong, but we're all just human. I'm here for you anytime," she added, I felt myself being hugged. She had tears in her eyes as she waved goodbye. She was trying to act strong, but they slid down her cheeks.

I sat idly on the porch. I stared into the distance, where Juni would be practicing. I imagined his smile, imagined his words.

"You can do it…" I whispered, remembering his face. Remembering my encouraging words I repeated. Only I didn't fill them with zest. "You'll catch up soon…"

"What the f*** are you saying?"

I glared with all my might at Hidan, who seemed to understand immediately. He sat down next to me, although I didn't look at him again. He looked in the direction I was blankly directing my attention. "I heard it,"

"What?" I replied

"The conversation between you and that lady,"

"You shouldn't eavesdrop," I commented, although surprised he didn't swear. He fell silent for a while, and I smiled painfully when remembering I had been grieving before he rudely interrupted.

Hidan stood up, and walked in front of my line of vision. He looked me in the eyes "I understand, that the most painful wounds can't be seen from the outside, or understood by strangers. Only those that were also subject to loss, and regret,"

I stood in, angry. I'd been in a bad mood every since I got here, and he had ignited the fuse with his words. I was sure everyone would hear this "What you understand! And before I mince you, get out of here!"

Then he did the unthinkable. He wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. I took in his musky smell, the brush of his seemingly soft hair. "It's ok to cry. Cry it all out… Really, then smile,"

I pushed myself out of his arms, turned to face away from him "What do you know? I'm very happy now! Look at me; I'm head of the HoKein clan! I live in a manor, I have dozens of servants! I eat the best of food! I'm fine!"

He kept silent for a while "Don't lie to yourself…"

I couldn't look him in the eye, my vision was blurring up, and the world seemed to be spinning at high speeds "What do you know about me? You think you can just tell me that you care, and expect me to believe it? You think lying and saying you've been through the same thing will excuse you? Look at you, you're a f***ing (Guess Hidan's rubbing off on her…), heartless, Jashin worshipping bastard who doesn't have 'empathy' in his vocabulary!"

I found myself pounding on his chest. Sobs choked my words, tears streaked down my cheeks. I couldn't stop myself, they just flowed down. I was miserable. Very miserable. I tugged at his clothing, wet it with my salty tears. He made no attempt at pushing me away. I turned away quickly before he could say anything, sniffling away anything else.

He was silent for a while, but definitely not hurt by my words. "You're right, but before I sacrificed this kid, he told me a story about some friend…"

"This happened a while ago, when Yukagure (Hidden Village of Hot Springs) was still a Hidden Village of ninjas, and not a tourist site. They fought a war with the Hidden Cloud, and many ninjas were killed. This boy's parents were… part of the sacrifice. Both died, along with his elder sister, and brother. He was the only one in the family who was too young to be sent up at the age of 11. He hid underground during the massacre and survived. When he came up, the ground was littered with corpses, decapitated heads, broken bodies, but not a single survivor." Hidan sighed and continued explained "Maybe it was because of this war, the council realized that they were not suitable of continuing the name of a 'Hidden Village'. All ninja relating things were banished, including the half destroyed academy. The boy felt angry, that when his family was killed, nothing was done. He felt his family's sacrifice was wasted. That the Village was unfair. But who would listen to the reasons of a little boy? His opinion was pushed to the side, and Yukagure became a tour site. The boy was infuriated. He trained secretly, and joined a religious group; all this was to slaughter the village people. He was successful, but felt it was not enough, not enough for his lust of blood. He found it unfair still, so continued killing. He joined a secret organization, and lives his life as a missing ninja, alone... He is the only one to have the symbol of Yukagure although slashed, the rest were destroyed. That boy never stopped grieving for his family, just in a different way from all of us…"

I could only star at Hidan, a slight forced smile on his face. My lip trembled "Was that boy you?"

He shook his head "Of course not… But you should f***ing stop bottling it up in you, really… I'm here for you, anytime. You can have my shoulder anytime. Even if it is the f***ing middle of the night…"

I surveyed him, from head to toe, then back again. I was more reluctant, and hesitant "I… don't need you… I'm fine…"

"I told you, stop lying to yourself. I can protect you from anyone that looks you the wrong way, anyone that speaks of you badly, and anyone that hurts you. I can cut them up in f***ing little squares, and send a finger to their family. I can torture them, whatever. But if you harm yourself, if you hurt yourself, mentally, physically. There is nothing I can do. Let me help you…" He spoke. It seemed so unlike him (OOC, definitely), so distant, but close. I looked into his pink, eyes. They no longer held the joking atmosphere. They weren't smirking, teasing, but truthful, trusting.

I was frozen to the spot by those words. I felt like I was tied down by hundreds of coils of thick and heavy rope. It weighed me down. Hidan reached out a hand, but I couldn't move. I guess I could say I was scared of the unpredictable future. He placed his hand on mine, and seemed to lift the invisible weight off my shoulders.

"Let me take your troubles away, let me be there for you…" Hidan whispered. I felt his breath on my face, and closed my eyes slowly. His lips were soft as it brushed past just under the bridge of my nose. A tear slid down, but he brushed it away with his thumb, gently.

"I'm sorry, Hidan…"