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Running Up That Hill

...

It doesn't hurt me.
You wanna feel how it feels?
You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?
You...be running up that hill
You and me... be running up that hill

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
If I only could, oh...

You don't wanna hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.
There's a thunder in our hearts, baby.
So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?

You, be running up that hill
You and me, be running up that hill
You and me won't be unhappy.

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building,
If I only could, oh... -Kate Bush

...

...

Charming

Milla walked into the clubhouse as she waited for her mom to finish up the work in the office. She was going to be spending some of the afternoon with Lu who wanted some alone time with her. She kissed her little man's cheek and set him down so he could run to the pile of toys that had managed to find its way to the corner despite not being there the night before. She had a feeling the prospect was on kid duty and she was happy about that. After she leaned back to crack her sore back she saw Chibs at the bar, drinking a beer and looking at the wall. In the three days since she'd been home and she had yet to talk to the Scotsman. He seemed wary of her, like he didn't trust her anymore and it hurt but she wasn't going to push him. As she moved to the couch to sit her phone rang so she took it out of her purse and hit the button without checking the caller i.d.

"Hello?" She asked as she reached down and massaged her sore back, the bed in Opie's guestroom wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world..

"Hello lovely, how're things in warm and sunny California?" Milla flinched at the sound of Jimmy's voice and looked guiltily toward Chibs whose body language gave away that he was listening in.

"Things are good. Little Clay and I are safe and comfortable." She said as she sat on the arm of the couch and slid her eyes to Chibs.

"Don' get too comfortable, remember I need ya here. Ya make a good liaison, I'd hate ta' lose ya." At the shift in his tone of voice she understood the implied threat.

"I won't, I'll be back in Belfast before you know it." She rubbed her temple where a headache was starting to form..

"Be sure that ya are. Kerri and Fi send their love." Milla smiled a bit as she thought of Kerri, she missed the young girl terribly.

"I'm sending the same. Oh and can you be sure to give Kerri the best of luck on her maths exam from me. I know she's terrified she won't level up." Milla asked suddenly as she remembered the look of fear on Kerri's face as she talked about the exam.

"Not a problem. Ya take care and check in soon. I like keepin tabs on ya. Bye now Milla." Jimmy laid the charm on thick and Milla wished she could slap him.

"Will do Jimmy and goodbye." Milla hung up and felt the skin on her neck crawl. She looked over and felt her heart stop beating as she saw the look of pure loathing on Chibs' face. Shit she should have paid more attention to what she as saying.

"Chibs I." She started to say and he snorted in disgust as he shook his head.

"I told 'em you'd switched sides and they dinna' believe me. How long you been in his pocket? Ya fuckin' 'im too?" It would have hurt less if Chibs would have slapped her. She felt tears at the back of her eyes but chased them away. She knew how to hide her pain.

"It's not what you think Chibs." He scoffed but she continued. "I have to keep my boy safe, safe from the Ulster boys, the violence and safe from his father. Keegan's gotten violent Chibs and he's not just hitting me anymore. A few months ago he got drunk and slapped Little Clay when he cried. I...I went to Jimmy's to get away and Jimmy made me a deal that night. He'd keep Keegan busy, running different errands and busywork as long as I agreed to run interference for him. I do shit for him and he keeps us safe. He's the only one who can rein Keegan in anymore."

She looked over at her little boy who she would turn the world upside down for and had turned her own over more times than she could fathom.

"It's Jimmy... ya know ya can't trust 'im." Chibs' voice had changed tone again, he wasn't as angry anymore but his voice dripped with pity. Milla nodded, before she looked back to the Scotsman that had been her first "love" and had earned her undying loyalty.

"I know and I don't. I know he'll turn on me the second it's to his advantage and that's why I have back up." Chibs took a swig of his beer before he turned all the way around to stare at her. "I keep tabs on Jimmy for O'Flagherty. When something goes down, and we all know it will. Little Clay and I have a one way ticket out."

"If Jimmy finds out..."Chibs let it drift and Milla nodded again.

"I know I'll be in danger but I trust O'Flagherty to keep me and Little Clay alive for as long as it takes to get to Charming. Chibs I'm doing everything I can for my boy and I'm sorry if I'm hurting you." Chibs turned around and finished his beer before he stood.

"Aye, we all do dangerous and stupid things ta protect our families." He didn't smile or say another word as he walked off, obviously not ready to forgive or fully believe her yet.

"Chibs!" She called out and he turned around, giving her a blank face. "Kerri wanted me to tell you that she loves you. We talk about you from time to time. She doesn't say it but I know she misses you. She misses her real da."

Chibs felt emotion close his throat as he thought of his little girl and forced himself to walk out the door and not show Milla how he felt. He did believe that she was only working with Jimmy to protect her boy, she was too much like her Ma not to make a deal to protect her family. He just didn't know if he believed that the deal was as simple as she stated. He wouldn't put it past Jimmy to use her love for her boy to fuck with her. The man was a snake and you could always count on a snake to turn.

Belfast

Sudden light in the darkness caused Cormac to wake from a slumber the dead would envy. As he became conscious to his surroundings he also became conscious of the aches and pains filling every muscle in his body and especially the sharp pains in his head. He also noticed a weight on his chest and cracked an eye, groaning as he saw a head of red hair resting on his chest. Shit... He was contemplating sneaking out when he felt her starting to move and knew he wouldn't make it out in time.

"Shut off the bloody fucking light." He had to keep himself from groaning as he recognized the voice...Trinny….

"It's not the light it's the sun." He said quietly and Trinity lifted her head.

"Cormac? What happened las' night?" She asked as she moved off of him, giving him a long reveal of her tits, and rolled over so she could sit against the headboard.

"All I remember is meetin' O'Neal at the clubhouse ta talk about the run next week, I had a few shots and tha's it. Nothin' else's comin ta me yet." He said the last apologetically. The whole situation was bound to be a shit storm but he did like Trinity and he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"I remember the shots. You were buyin' em for me an' Cherry then we danced. Tha's all I remember." She pressed her hand to her forehead as if to press her brain back into place. "We musta gotten trashed and come up here. I'm too sore for us ta have only cuddled."

Cormac had to agree, he was sore in ways that could only be the result of good sex...well great sex and he wished he could remember it. If the rumors were true Trinny was the best lay a man could have. He started to get used to the idea of shagging Trinny and wanted to go about seeing if it could be a regular thing when a pretty face with dark hair popped into his head...Milla...shit. He was supposed to be the one man she could count on, now he fucked her best friend. With a quiet groan he rubbed his eyes and when he opened them again he saw Trinity looking at him.

"The only t'ing I regret is not rememberin'." She gave him a soft smile and it made him feel worse about the situation.

"Same here darlin'." He told her the whitest of lies and rose up to lightly kiss her. She moved away after a moment and gave him a smile.

"Don' worry, I won' tell Milla." Cormac's eyes widened and Trinity chuckled, "She didn't tell me about you, I just knew. Anyone with two eyes an' a brain knows you two are buggerin' off together. I won' say anythin'. I don' wanna hurt her or you."

"Thank ya Trinny. I know it's a burden ta keep our secret." He let out a breath he was holding and she smiled.

"No burden, I love both 'a ya." With those words Trinity got out of bed and wrapped the sheet around herself. She wanted Cormac and wouldn't apologize for that but she knew that he was a rare bright spot in Milla's life and she wouldn't take that away. Though if Milla found her way to the biker's arms where she belonged, Trinny wouldn't mind helping Cormac get over her.

Once Trinny was in the bathroom Cormac sighed and got out of bed. When he got to his phone he found a text from Milla and set about replying. She was checking in and he didn't want to seem suspicious.

...

Charming

"Don't be so nervous Sweetness, your Ma has Little Clay and nothing's gonna happen." Luann smiled at her babygirl and smiled as Milla nodded and smiled back.

"I know and I trust Ma it's just that we're still getting used to being here. I'm afraid Little Clay's gonna get scared or upset. This place is still so new to him. He even asked me this morning why it's so hot. I had to tell him it's always hot here." She smiled as she thought of her little boy and Luann reached over to pat her hand.

"We'll make sure he gets used to it. You'll be here a lot more in the future." She smiled wider and Milla felt her heart warm up. She was so happy, happier than she'd been in years. They chatted for a few minutes before the server finally arrived.

"Hello ladies, I hope you're having a lovely day. My name's Vanessa and I'll be your server today. Here are your menus and I'll be back with wa-" Milla looked up at the server who could have been her doppelganger then looked at Luann who had a look of muted horror on her face. "Luann, how are you? I haven't seen you since the last Sunday dinner."

Luann opened and closed her mouth before she looked between Milla and the server, the look of horror still on her face. At the look Milla looked between them and thought of the server's introduction. She'd said her name was Vanessa...Vanessa...suddenly her conversation with Juice months ago came back to her.

"Her name's Vanessa and she's great. She does as she's told, is great in bed and respects me. She also trusts and believes in me."

Milla's eyes widened as it all made sense. This was Juice's woman, this woman who could have been her twin, the woman who was living a life that should have been hers. She sucked in a breath and watched as the woman, Vanessa, turned to her.

"Hello." She said brightly and Luann seemed to pull herself together.

"Vanessa, this is Milla, Clay and Gemma's daughter. She's here for a visit. Milla this is Vanessa Lopez, she's Juice's girlfriend." Luann's voice almost broke and she was proud that she stopped herself. She watched as the two young women began to size each other up. Milla was studying Vanessa like a cat investigates a bug on the ground, trying to decide if it's food or something to ignore. Vanessa was looking at Milla like she was something to be scraped off the bottom of her shoe.

"So you're Milla...I've heard a lot about you." She said with seeming politeness and Milla nodded.

"I've heard a lot about you too. Juice has nothing but good things to say." At the mention of Juice both women straightened and Vanessa pursed her lips as if she was trying hard not to say something she'd regret.

"I wish I could say the same about you, but we both know that would be a lie." She said it coldly, but not cruelly, and Milla just nodded. What Vanessa said hurt but she expected no less from the woman who helped Juice piece his heart back together.

"I'm not surprised. When I left there were a lot of raw wounds, most haven't even had a chance to heal yet. I just want you to know that my biggest regret is that I hurt him as badly as I did." Milla said as tears came to her eyes. Vanessa was ready to go to the back and send out another server when Milla did something she didn't expect. "Thank you for putting him back together. I know he's your man and I'm so glad he has you."

"What?" Vanessa asked and Milla nodded as she wiped off the tear that escaped.

"I'm so glad he has you." Milla said it with all the sincerity she felt. This woman had helped Juice when Milla had torn him apart. She deserved respect, not hostility.

"Ummm, thanks." Vanessa was at a loss. Here was the woman she'd despised for so long, hated and loathed in equal measure and she wasn't some coldhearted bitch, she was... nice. She was also respectful and sincere. This was not something she'd been prepared for. As she stood there, Milla continued to smile before she picked up her menu.

"Can we have two strawberry lemonade mimosas and an order of the plantain boats to split?" Milla asked and it shook Vanessa out of her shock. She suddenly remembered that she was at work.

"Umm, yeah, would you like the pico de gallo or the salsa verde?" She asked and Milla smiled at her.

"Pico and please give us a few more minutes to decide on entree." Milla wiped away a stray tear and Vanessa just nodded.

After they ordered and Vanessa went to the back Milla took a couple of deep breaths. She'd met her replacement and they were both breathing. She looked at Luann who had a look of pride on her face but said nothing. She didn't need to. Milla had just fought a battle with herself and she'd won.

…

"Everything's fine Lu. I didn't fall apart did I?" She asked as she got out of the corvette and Luann just shook her head. She was still amazed that Milla had taken it as well as she did. When they'd gone to the restaurant Luann had known there was a reason why it was a bad idea but she couldn't remember why. Seeing Milla facing off against her had been nerve-wracking but then her babygirl was polite, respectful and mature. It filled her with pride.

"No you didn't and I love you even more for it." She smiled at Milla as she draped an arm across her shoulders, she really was in awe of how much she'd grown emotionally in the last few years. Being in a foreign place away from family and surrounded by violence seemed to be the trick to growing up quickly and her baby definitely did.

As they walked into the clubhouse they were surprised by the quiet. It was the middle of the afternoon and usually someone was around and making noise but it was deadly quiet. As they moved further in the door shut behind them and made a loud scuffing noise. This brought the quick click clack of heels from the back as a croweater came breathlessly into the room.

"Shhh, the Pres says to be quiet." She looked deadly serious and Milla was about to ask why when she looked on the couch and felt like her heart skipped a beat.

She looked to the couch and saw Juice sleeping soundly with Little Clay tucked under his chin. Her little boy had his thumb in his mouth and his other hand tangled in the collar of Juice's cut. Juice had a hand protectively resting on Little Clay's back while he rested his head on the other arm. As she approached the couch she knelt down and felt a tear escape. This was how it was supposed to be, this was what she'd dreamed of for all those years. She watched as they continued to sleep, each snoring in their own way and moved to touch Juice but pulled her hand away, she didn't want this to end. As she knelt there she felt her phone vibrate and chose to ignore it, nothing was as important as the two on the couch but the persistence caused her to take it out, being sure to remain quiet and as still as possible. As she read the text she felt her dream world crumbling. It was from Cormac…he was checking in. With a quick swallow she stood up and gave one last look to the image in front of her. It was too good to be true and she'd learned long ago that things that seemed too good always were.

...

Author's Note: Sorry for the long time between updates. I'm in Grad School right now and am certainly feeling like it lately. The work is insane and I've been going through some personal stuff but rest assured that I have a plan and will try to update with more regularity. Thank you all so much for your support and I can't wait for you to read and review!