Title: Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

Chapter 10: Time Pauses For Love, Not For Life

The sunlight beamed through my closed eyelids. I opened my eyes and felt a tight grip against my hands. I turned around a found Jimmy asleep in my hair. I smiled. I didn't have Jimmy as a boyfriend but we were definitely more than friends. I placed my entire hand over his ear and stroked my thumb in front his ear. I moved closer to him and gave him a kiss. This time, I was certain he kissed me back. His eyes opened and he smiled back at me.

"Eww, morning breath!" I joked as I got myself out of the bed.

"You stole the words out of my mouth." Jimmy said, joking back.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You tell me. You're the one kissing people so early in the morning."

I was so red in the face. I know he was joking but it was so funny I could almost cry of sadness. I held in a screaming squeal and walked over to my bag and pulled out my toothbrush.

"Jimmy. Through all the soap opera going on yesterday, you forgot to show me where your bathroom is in this mansion."

"Right... It's right here." He pointed to a door in his room. I could've sworn it lead to a closet, but it didn't.

I walked over to the bathroom and left the door open. I looked in the mirror as I brushed my teeth and I started thinking. Jimmy and I are just as good as boyfriend and girlfriend now. We aren't having an affair but we do feel love for each other. It's a hard feeling to describe. I know how Jimmy feels about me and he knows how I feel about him. He has Hazel and I have Sean... Or had.

Craig and I were the same in the summer, only difference was, we were just friends. I always wanted for us to be more than friends but Craig just wanted to use me for his sex toy. He always kissed me like we were in love, and held me like we were in love, but he never treated me like it. Sean is holding me back from being Jimmy's lover. Not Hazel and not Craig. When I wanted Craig, I was willing to wipe Sean out of my life for him, but when I found true love with Jimmy, it's different. I knew if I was with Craig, I'll have a lover and a friend, but we weren't in love. Craig was the only person at the time who'll give me two minutes of his time after he's through with me. Craig was the only person I had in my life that seemed to be an associate if not a friend. So why was I willing?

Why am I doing this? I'm happy with the way things are right now. At least, as happy as I could be in this position. I can't believe I did this to myself. I was so wrapped up in last I began to forget that I was a whore. I'm happy when I'm with Jimmy but how long can this last. I'm not going to move in with my drunk mother and I'm not going to be able to maintain student welfare under my pitiful grades. My only source of money is to sell my body. It sounds so much easier to say it then it is to do it. Letting someone who's name you don't even know take advantage of you. Being in risk of dozens of deadly diseases, even with condoms. Being in risk of pregnancy.

I washed the toothpaste out of my mouth and looked at my saddened face in the mirror. I took a handful of water and splashed it in my face. I couldn't tell if I was crying but it felt like it. My heart was pounding. I felt my breathing getting harder. My knees weakened and I stumbled as i stood in place. I placed my hand on my forehead and all I could remember was seeing Jimmy change his clothes before I collapsed.

I was sitting on the floor. Weak. I knew Jimmy was going to come run into the bathroom any minute. I reached my hand as far as i knew it could go and I shut the door and locked it. I made it over to the toilet and I sat on it. I placed my face in my hands. I wasn't going to cry this time. I held my tears in and began to mumble lowly to myself.

"I don't know what to do. What to do?"

The door knob started shaking. Jimmy started knocking on the door.

"Ellie? What's going on in there?"

The knocking became louder and harder as I began to mumble louder.

"Ellie! Open up the door!"

I didn't want Jimmy to see me panicking. I was like this because I didn't want to lose him. Life can never pause for someone and sooner or later, it's going to be a week or later from this moment and Jimmy will hate me. Jimmy will know the secret and he'll hate me.

"Ellie!" He screamed as he began knocking even harder.

I opened the door and saw Jimmy standing in front of me with a concerned face and a raised fist. He took a deep breath as if he was going to speak and just stopped himself. I embraced him with my arms around his arms and snuggled my face into his shirt.

"I don't want to lose you Jimmy. I don't know what the future holds for us but I don't want to spend my entire knowing I didn't do it when I had you. I can't pause life and think about what I want all the time. I have you in my life right now and I want to take advantage." I looked up at his confused face.

"What are you saying, Ellie?"

I stood up on my tip-toes and gave him a soft peck on his lips. I put my hands on his belt and unbuckled it, and then I took off my shirt. Jimmy looked at me like I was a helpless child. He looked almost sad to see me. I grabbed his hands and lead them to my back, placing them on my bra strap. I was pelvis against pelvis with Jimmy. He reached in for a kiss when I looked up at him and began to loosen the bra. I let the bra fall to the floor before I walked onto the bed. I could hear his breathing from the distance.

"Ellie..." He said as he crawled down onto the bed and looked me face to face as his body pressure started to lay me down on the bed. He placed his hand on my face and kissed me.

A/N: Not much to say. I'm really glad with how things turned out this chapter. Thank you all for all the special reviews and I promise I'll try to update as quick as I did this one. Thank you all for the reviews once again!