AN: Random...but necessary because of one of those chapters that made me want to get started writing this fic (It's the second to last one...so you won't be seeing it for a while)
Chapter 9: What's The Use of Being Omnipotent?
There are three things, and three things alone, that have the power to throw Maya, the Omnipotent Gatekeeper of Death, into a tizzy.
The first was when Henry, her darling husband, did not organize files correctly on days when he took over the desk for her. Well, really when anything happened to her files, but usually, when something went wrong, it was Henry's fault.
The second was when Pesha, her eldest granddaughter who had many anger management problems, stormed into the main hall of Death and insisted that some person or other had died too soon and that she was there to bring them back.
The last was when she couldn't solve a sudoku puzzle.
So, needless to say, when all three things happened on the same day, Maya was in one of the foulest moods she could have ever imagined.
She was sitting there, trying to solve a sudoku puzzle that had been gnawing at her brain for several hours, when Pesha stormed in and screamed, "Gran. Mercutio Basil LaPeine died too soon. I am here to bring him back." Maya, her eyes red with fury, glared at her granddaughter and reached down to open her L base 11 filing cabinet to find that it was filled to the brim with Maple Syrup.
"ARGGGHH!" she cried more loudly than she had intended.
Pesha leapt back, saying "All right, I'll come back later," and departed.
Unfortunately, the damage was done. Maya was in the worst mood she had been in since the Defenestration of Prague in 1618.
She pressed a button, and a moment or two later, Henry appeared.
"Henry," she said, doing her best to contain her annoyance, "Why is there maple syrup in my L base 11 filing cabinet?"
"I don't know darling," replied Henry, already well aware that his wife was more furious than he had ever seen her.
"Well, would you mind covering for me while I find out?" she demanded. Without waiting for a response, she stood and swept away.
When she was safely in her private office, she picked up a rubber ball, which she kept for occasions like this, and hurled it against The Wall. The Wall turned on. She caught the ball and threw it again.
"Wall, I want you to find who did this," she commanded.
Don't you know? wrote The Wall.
"I do know. If it wasn't Henry it could only have been one person. But I want to let out my fury, and throwing a ball at his head is the only way I can think of doing just that."
All right, wrote The Wall.
An image appeared. A cloaked man was sneaking into the main hallway. It was empty. People wondered why she didn't work at night. Anyone who died at night just had to wait until she was ready for them. Honestly, for someone who works non-stop, with no vacations or holidays, she deserved a good twelve-hours of rest. It was less than most muggles got.
In any case, a cloaked man was sneaking into the main hallway. He looked around, then hurried behind her desk. She hurled the ball. It struck him in the head. He opened a filing cabinet. She hurled the ball. It struck him in the head. He poured maple syrup into the cabinet. She hurled the ball. It struck him in the head. He looked around quickly, closed the cabinet and snuck out of the hallway.
"Thank you, Wall. If Henry returns home before I do, kindly let him know where I have gone?"
All right, wrote The Wall, shall I send a message to my counterpart to let them know you are coming?
"No, Wall. I think a surprise would be better," said Maya.
Right-O. Don't rip his head off.
"Oh, I won't. I am feeling much better. Thank you for letting me chuck a ball at you. I hope it didn't hurt too badly," said Maya. She leaned over her desk and scribbled a note to Henry instructing him to remove the maple syrup from the filing cabinet and to salvage what paperwork he could.
Not at all, replied The Wall.
She turned off The Wall and left her office. She moved swiftly to the elevators at the end of a hallway.
Lily heard a knock on the front door of her house.
"It's open!" she called. She had ironed as much as she could for the day and was now knitting.
"Yes, it is," came a voice that Lily recognized all too well.
Maya, the Omnipotent (and rather annoyed) Gatekeeper of Death was standing in the doorway.
"Hello, Maya," said Lily, rather breathlessly. She stood. "What may I do for you?"
"I was wondering, is your husband home? I'm afraid there is something I would like to discuss with him."
"He is out at the moment. He has quidditch practice, and then he usually goes to the Pub on Wienershnitzel Road for a pint with his teammates. I don't know when he will be home."
"Ahh. I hope you don't mind my staying until I have had a word with him, do you?"
"Not at all. Do sit down. May I get you a cup of tea?"
"Oh, no thank you. I see you are watching your son," said Maya.
"Yes." Maya felt waves of pride flowing out of Lily's aura.
"You are proud of him, I see. He is a very intelligent and courageous boy. He reminds me a bit of my son at that age, although with slightly more angst."
"Angst? I wouldn't call Harry tremendously angsty," said Lily. Maya heard her think I hope not, at the very least.
"Oh, he isn't particularly angsty just yet. More when he is fifteen or so. That will be a rough year for him. But you see the seeds of it in his anger over the supposed betrayal that Sirius Black committed against you."
"I suppose," said Lily slowly, "I really don't know when James will be back. It might be better to try another time." She sounded apologetic.
"Oh, I have all the time in the world. Unless, of course, I am intruding."
"No, no. Not at all. I simply imagine that you have a lot of things to do, and so waiting around for James to finish with his friends might eat up a large portion of your day."
"And, as I have said, I have all the time in the world, so you needn't worry."
They sat quietly for a moment, watching as Harry, Ron and Hermione snuck down to Hagrid's hut under James' old invisibility cloak.
"Your son is quite lucky in his friends, I must say. Couldn't ask for more devoted or loyal ones."
"He has James' happy talent for making friends," said Lily, almost wistfully.
"What do you mean by 'happy talent'? I am under the impression that James alienates as many people as he befriends."
"Well…James has always been able to make friends quite easily. He's charming, he's entertaining, and he's sincere. He makes friends quickly, and in all but one case his friends are unswervingly loyal. For me to have that degree of intimacy with someone…well…it takes about five times as long."
"Would you say that Harry does that, because I don't think he does. I think he is very close with Ron and Hermione, and quite friendly with other people, but not anywhere near to the same degree as his friendship with those two. They are his surrogate family, while the others are friends whom he trusts, but still keeps at a distance. Wouldn't you say that is closer to how you make friends?"
"No, because he trusts even those less intimate friends, doesn't he? He trusts all of the Weasleys, he trusts Neville Longbottom, he trusts the people he likes. Even if I like someone, I may not trust them. Come to think of it, I am not entirely sure why I am even telling you this. I don't know you and I therefore feel as though I shouldn't trust you."
"You are telling me because I somehow manage to inspire trust in everyone. It comes with being omnipotent. Besides, I won't tell anyone. I spend too much time dealing with everyone's problems to share them, and Henry—the only person I would tell—is not remotely interested. He much prefers listening to opera than hearing me gossip, and my offspring don't know the majority of the people I do…it happens when they aren't spending every day ushering people into Death."
"Where is James. I would think he would want to watch the reconciliation of his son and best friend."
"He is still at the Pub, I believe. I am sure that he is watching there. And if not, he can watch it on replay when he gets home."
"You can do that?" asked Lily.
"Oh yes. It makes things quite nice if you want to watch something with a friend."
"I feel like most of my friends are more James' friends though. He was always way more into the Order than I was. All of my dear friends are still alive…except for Ariana Dumbledore, and I feel as though she is a dear friend of mine simply because she is impervious to the idea that I might not be as close to her as she wants me to be."
"That is one of her charms," said Maya, sipping her tea.
"Also one of the things that annoys me the most…" grumbled Lily.
"How often those two coincide," smiled Maya.
"Yes. They always seem to, don't they? James' self-importance is both what I loathe about him and what I am attracted to; Petunia's obsessive compulsive disorder is both what makes her so organized and prepared, and what makes her utterly unable to live her life at all; and Severus—" Lily cut herself off.
"Severus?"
"It is strange. Even though I haven't counted him among one of my friends for years, I still feel as though I know him very well. Even watching him torment Harry, I know exactly what it is. He hates that he sees my eyes in James' face. What he always loved in me smack dab in the middle of the one person he hated most on this earth."
"I don't think it's strange at all. Just because you are no longer friends doesn't mean you can't—" The front door banged open and James strode inside.
"It is finally happening!" he said excitedly.
"Hello, darling. Maya stopped in to see you," said Lily.
Maya stood.
"James Potter, I would like a word with you," she said, doing her best to sound regal and detached.
"I filed my paperwork," said James, confusedly.
"It is not about your paperwork."
"Well, can it sit a few minutes? I understand that it's important and all that, but there is no way I will even begin to pay attention if I might miss Harry and Sirius becoming friends."
"James, I can pause it," said Lily.
"You think I will be able to concentrate if I know that this is going on? I could hardly finish my final Transfiguration paper in seventh year because I knew that somewhere, someone was listening to the England-Germany quidditch match on a wireless."
"Do watch this. I must admit, I am curious as to what will happen," said Maya, sitting back down.
"I thought you were omniscient," said Lily.
"I can read peoples' minds, I know everything that has ever happened and I can sense what will happen in someone's future based off my immediate understanding of their character, but I am not a Seer or Prophet, nor can I decide someone's actions for them, as much as I would like to." She glanced in James' direction. He was ignoring her. His eyes were trained on The Wall.
I know you will be surprised when I tell you this, dear reader, especially given both Lily and James' inclination to comment aloud on what they see displayed on The Wall before them, but they did not utter a sound. Neither so much as cleared their throats. I would gladly tell you what happens during their several hours of silence, but you see…because they don't say anything, it would be undisguised plagiarism and I could get into big trouble for that. But, if you are not well acquainted with the scenario in which Sirius Black proves his innocence to the young Harry Potter and then, with the aide of the boy, escapes from a fate worse than death, you can find it in JK Rowling's Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, chapters 17-21. It is a highly entertaining read and I recommend it most heartily.
In any case, back to the story.
When Sirius was safely on Buckbeak's back, James let out a whoop. Lily kissed his cheek and murmured that even if some of the stupid genes did end up in Harry, they clearly were being put to good use. James smiled and leaned back contentedly.
Maya cleared her throat.
"If I may speak now, Mr. Potter, I would like to do so very much," said Maya.
"Of course, Maya," responded James.
"Very well. May I ask what provoked your actions of last night?"
Lily turned to look at James. She had no idea what was going on and sensed that she would not like it.
"My actions of last night?" asked James.
"Yes."
"Erm…" He crinkled his forehead. He could not, for the life of him, remember what he had done last night. He had been to the Pub on Wienershnitzel road with Benjy and Gideon and they had had several pints, but other than that…he couldn't remember.
"What did he do?" demanded Lily, still looking at James. James wanted to thank her for asking the blunt question, because he might be able to respond better if he knew precisely what he was being accused of.
"He filled my L base 11 filing cabinets with maple syrup."
"James!" gasped Lily, "You didn't!"
"Erm…" said James.
"I would like you to explain yourself," said Maya. She already knew that he couldn't, of course. She knew that he was completely wasted and was utterly unable to remember what he had done after about 10:30 the night before. This was going to be fun.
"Well, I was, erm…" said James. He was completely astounded with himself. Never in his life had he ever stumbled for words. He had always been able to summon, at the very least, a plausible defense. But pouring maple syrup into a filing cabinet? Really? It felt as though Peter had invaded his body. Peter had always wanted to pour maple syrup into someone's filing cabinet.
"We are waiting, James," said Lily.
"I have no explanation for my actions?" James tried.
Lily stared at him, furiously.
"Well," said Maya, very coldly, "in that case, the only thing that seems appropriate is that you intern at my desk for a week. Get used to seeing life from my end."
"What? I can't! I mean…" James fumbled for words, "I'm no good at desky things. And I am really bad at organizing my own things, much less following someone else's long established pattern, isn't that right?…Lily?"
Lily said nothing.
"Excellent. I will see you at seven o'clock tomorrow morning, Mr. Potter. You will stay until around three in the afternoon, I think. That should leave you enough time for your little quidditch team, and everything." Maya stood. "It was lovely talking with you, Lily."
"The same to you," said Lily, strained.
"Until we meet again," said Maya, walking to the door.
"Goodbye!"
The door slammed shut.
"James," Lily's voice sounded quiet, although James knew that it would only grow in volume, "what on earth were you thinking? Maple syrup?!"
"I can't have been thinking. I must have been drunk! It's the only explanation. I was at the pub with Gideon and Benjy and—"
"There are many things you can blame upon your alcohol consumption. Your choice of night clothes, for example, or a tattoo you didn't have the day before, but pouring maple syrup into Maya's cabinet?"
"I'm sorry! I—"
But Lily had stood up and was moving into the kitchen. A few seconds later, he heard her furiously chopping things with a knife.
James turned back to The Wall, wondering what on earth he could say or do to get out of this one. But it was quickly wiped from his head.
His son was grinning up into Vernon Dursley's overlarge face and was saying "He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though…keep up with my news…check if I'm happy…" and he couldn't help but smile.