CPOV
"So Christian, what brings you in today," Flynn asks sitting across from me in his usual place in a black easy chair.
"Well I have a new guest named Anastasia Steele, but she likes to go by Ana. She was abducted by Charlie so I was able to rescue her fairly soon after they took her. She was homeless before and she's a mute. She's very gentle, humble, smart, kind, considerate, and beautiful. I took her shopping this past weekend. I'm teaching her piano too," I say with a grin on my face. Ever since falling asleep on the couch with Ana in my arms, my mind thinks about her constantly.
"Being a mute, can you understand her?"
"Oh yes I can read her lips very well."
"Do you know why she's mute?"
"She's an elective mute so trauma caused it." I'm determined to find that fucker Isaac and kill him for all he has done to Ana."Can elective mutism be cured?"
"Yes it can be. But every person is different. It might take Ana a few months to a year to begin talking again. It all depends on her. What trauma was it?" For once in a long time, I don't feel like opening up to Flynn.
"I feel, wrong, talking about her past without her consent. I can just tell you she was physically and mentally abused."
"Hmm, interesting," Flynn states more to himself than to me while writing something down in his journal.
"What's interesting Flynn?"
"With your past guests, they either told you about their pasts or you had Welch do a background check. You would then tell me about their pasts, except with Ana."
"What's your point Flynn?"
"You're attracted to Ana aren't you?" I feel my face starting to flush and look away. I get up and begin to pace the floor.
"I, unfortunately, do find her attractive. I also feel drawn to her and every time we touch, my body comes alive with such a thrilling buzz I don't want it to stop."
"Why do you find it unfortunate to be attracted to Ana, Christian?"
"Because why would she want a fucked up needy man that has fucking White Night Syndrome? Why would she want a pathetic excuse for a man who's trying to do good by helping women because he couldn't save his crack addicted mother and a girl he had no relation to?" I feel my frustration coming so I quickly count to ten in my head.
"Christian, as I told you before, you do not have White Night Syndrome. People with White Night Syndrome can't face their problems so they solve other people's problems in place of their own. You have faced and conquered fears and problems before. Hell you face and solve problems everyday at work. I feel you just care greatly for the women that you have helped, but you're scared to do anything with Ana. She might be just as scared as you are, have you thought of that?" A few moments of silence pass between us as I absorb his words. "I wish you would stop your self-loathing. You have several people who surround you everyday who love you. Perhaps you will have another one soon." I look back and see he's smugly smiling at me. "You've allowed her to touch you?"
"Yes she has touched my chest and has even seen it, and it didn't faze her. I actually long to touch her and for her to touch me."
"Hmm, you remember when we did touch therapy with Grace?"
"Of course."
"I advise you try this with Ana. Tell her the practice and implications of it but also tell her the benefits of it. With her having been abused for years I assume, her slowly touching you will help her regain trust in men, especially you. And you will also benefit from it too since you crave her touch. Of course this is all with her consent." I think about what he has said and I think it will be a good exercise to do with Ana. "So what will you do about your attraction to Ana?"
"Ignore it. She deserves to find a man who deserves her love."
"And you don't think you're that man?"
"Of course not."
"Then when you think it would be an appropriate time, for example after she has gained trust in you, introduce her to one of your employees who you would think she would have a good connection with and trust. That would only be fair for her to meet someone and choose to either stay with you or get to know another man." His words hurt me for some reason. I don't want to let Ana go because I don't know if another man will not hurt her. I know I never will, but I don't know about them. I hear a knock and Jason enters the room.
"I'm sorry to interrupt but we need to go home right now Christian," he states with urgency.
"What's wrong?"
"I just checked on the CCTV at the apartment and some men broke in." Oh God, Ana! I leap from my chair and run out into the car.
As the elevator comes to a halt, I nearly tear the doors apart. I hear Jason telling me to stop as I run through the apartment calling for Ana. I check her room but don't find her. I look in the library but there's nowhere she could hide there. I look at my bedroom door and get a feeling at the pit of my stomach. I walk in and just pass my closet when I feel the buzz I get when she touches me. I open the closet door, turn on the light, and almost miss seeing her shoes peaking out from under my suit jackets.
"Ana?" I pull back the suit jackets slowly and see her head tucked into my pillow. She looks up at me with her startled eyes and slowly comes out into my open arms. "Oh thank God you're okay! Did they hurt you baby?" Baby? Whoops. She looks up at me soft eyes and shakes her head no as I bring her closer to me. Who the hell would break into my apartment? I hear Jason calling for us. I rise and take her hand and come out into the kitchen. There is glass everywhere and paint on some of my furniture and walls.
"I've checked the security cameras and they left about thirty minutes ago," Jason says. We hear the elevator ping. I place Ana behind me and Jason pulls out his gun. The door opens and out walks a startled Gail.
"Jesus Jason put your gun away this instant! What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack," she states nervously. She then looks around the living room and sees the damage as she puts grocery bags on the island and she pales. "What on Earth happened?"
"Men broke into the apartment Gail," I tell her as Ana comes out from behind me.
"Oh God Ana did they hurt you?" She's in front of Ana in a second and is looking her over like a doting mother. Ana shakes her head and Gail sighs a breath of relief as she brings Ana in for a hug. We four look over the damage: paint on the walls in every room, paintings torn, books having pages ripped out of them, plates are broken, and the T.V. has a broken screen. Surprisingly enough, nothing was stolen. While Ana helps Gail unload the groceries, Jason and I look over the footage and determine it was a bunch of college guys who live in the building.
"Jason while I'm at work tomorrow, please have a cleaning crew here and the security crew install a new key pad into the elevator. I want it to be access code and have card access. Ana, Gail, and everyone else will have the code and cards." I don't know how those assholes got in but I'm doubling security to keep Ana safe. "Also I would like for Ana to have her own body guard so I'll leave that up to you who you think will be best. I'll put in an order tonight for new dishware, paintings, and books."
"Will do Christian." We come back out into the kitchen and I find Gail trying to make dinner and Ana sitting at the island. Ana looks at me with confusion and back at Gail.
"Gail, what are you doing?"
"Making dinner."
"No, there are no plates anyway so let's just order pizza. I don't want you to work with the apartment trashed." She looks touched and smiles at me. While Jason orders the pizza, I wrap my arms around Ana's middle while her arms circle around mine. I'm so relieved she wasn't hurt.
After enjoying a nice quiet dinner, I shop online for replacements for everything. Pulling back from my computer, I hear Ana playing. I leave my room and walk to the library. I smile as I watch her from the doorway. She seems so content while playing and is so beautiful while doing so. I think over my session with Flynn today and I know he's right; I shouldn't make Ana stay with me because I worry about her safety. That would make her my prisoner. I'm determined by the beginning of next year, I'll introduce her to someone so she can find the love she deserves. Until then, I'll keep my feelings at bay, or at least try to.
She must feel me like I feel her because she looks up from her playing and smiles at me. I get lost in her eyes as I walk over to sit next to her on the bench. She develops another blush and it's just as beautiful as the ones before.
"How was your day," she mouths.
"Fine. How was yours, up to everything happening?"
"Fine. How was your session with Flynn?" She looks surprised and grows embarrassed. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business."
"No Ana, it's fine you asked me. I've just never had anyone ask me about my sessions before. It went really well. I talked to him about you."
"Good things I hope," she teases. I chuckle at her jesting.
"Of course! I didn't tell him about your past. I felt like it wasn't my place to tell. I did tell him you had been physically and mentally abused because I would like to find a way to help you with that. "
"Thank you. I appreciate it." She hugs my arm and I lean my head against the top of hers.
"Have you ever heard of touch therapy?" She shakes her head. "It's used in most cases with massages clients and in some cases people with Haphephobia like me. When I started doing it with my mom, she would only hold my hand for a period of time. We worked on it a month before she was able to move up to my forearm. Flynn suggested we try touch therapy because it would be therapeutic for you in helping you gain trust in someone again. It would also benefit me with my Haphephobia by letting another person touch my chest. We don't have to do it, it was just a suggestion." She looks up at me and I can see the fear behind her eyes. I would never touch her anywhere that she was uncomfortable with so I'm leaving this all in her control. Soon her eyes lighten and she gives me another one of her beautiful smiles.
"I think that would be a good idea." My face splits as I return the smile and release the breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Great. We don't have to do anything rash. We can start out slow by holding hands like we do now. We can still hug. It all depends on what you're comfortable with."
"I'm comfortable as we are now."
"Since the apartment is getting worked on tomorrow, would you like to come to work with me? It won't be as boring as it sounds."
"I'd really like that. Can I…never mind."
"What Ana? You can ask me anything."
"I'm still a little shaken up from this afternoon. Can I…sleep in your bed tonight? We don't have to if you aren't comfortable with it."
"No that would be fine with me. Shall we get ready for bed then?"
"I think so." After separating and changing for bed, Ana comes into my room and crawls into bed first. I move in slowly so I won't scare her but as soon as I cover us both, her arms encase me in a hug. Mine go around her tiny frame and I hold her closer, inhaling her wonderful scent. I should keep my feelings at bay, but for now, I'll revel in the warmth of this beautiful woman's body.