Okay, who's ready for some more drama from this drama-mama? Trust me it gets worse. If I'm slow its cuz I have another fic, brand new little Hellsing Ultimate x Black Butler crossover that is taking up my time big time with everyone's steady demand for MORE MORE like screaming baby birds (I aught to know what that sounds like, I work in wildlife rehab) To the point it has MORE demand than this one right now. Which is surprising because I really didn't put any thought at all into it, I just started scribbling on a page and then suddenly- BOOM! GIVE US MORE! GIVE US MORE! the people shout. So while I am rapidly feeding the tiny baby bird screaming at me over there, I promise I won't forget to feed you guys! You've been yelling at me too- you just dont scream like the cuckoo chick that is my other fic. Make sense? Probably not, but I had to try.

On that note- please don't be mad at me for this chapter. Really, I wanted to get the ball rolling in a new direction- but its not my strongest point. (as evidenced by the 10 chapters of yaoi-free (except for Suigin) yaoi fanfiction. Bear with me!

WARNING: SessxMom INCEST! Big time! (nothing explicit) Non-con/dub-con in nature. Bizarreness and rapidly changing POV that seem to make no sense, but I promise it will all come together. Mentions of brutality/ child-beating, domestic abuse, and psychological trauma. We WILL get around to Inuyasha more, I swear, but he's kind of floating right now (barely) until I get through Sesshomaru's head. Dreadfully fascinating, that damned pretty head of his. But I promise it will be Inuyasha's turn next! Until then, I hope you'll be satisfied with what I have given you!

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CH X

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Last time: 'Quit wallowing in self pity' He told himself harshly. But he couldn't. He didn't have days like this but once a decade, in which he "cleansed" himself of all his deep, dark feelings and let them manifest on his face just once so that most of them might not ever find their way there again. But it seemed no matter how many times he did this, there were a few feelings he just couldn't shake from his core. They could be "released" like this as many times as he wanted, but with no audience, they would never go away. So he suffered with them, battled with them on a daily basis, kept them locked away as prisoners in his own mind, only occaisionally letting them out to "bleed" as he called it- to let them bleed out into the bath water, staining it a dark and ruddy color as the pain, the regret, the abandonment, the anguish and the sorrow swirled around him in dizzying patterns that made his chest clench. He could not cry the way humans did- it wasn't a part of his biology. But that made the pain no less real for it. He stiffled a whine that threatened to escape him as his heart tried to bleed itself dry of feeling, of emotion, all at once- it was a slow, bittersweet agony.

But he was left with no choice if he wanted to stay sane. That's if he wasn't already crazy to begin with.

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Rin walked back from the rice paddies to the south of the village, carrying a stock of herbs she'd found growing amidsts the now empty fields. It was winter- there were no crops growing now. She suppressed a shiver as a frigid wind blew past her. Looking up at the twilight sky she recalled her lord fondly for a moment, wondering when he would return. But more than that, she could not help but wonder when, and if, Inuyasha would return. It was no secret that they were like siblings. Inuyasha had come to see her as a sister, in any case. She missed him for their sprite little arguments- missed him for his cocksure smile, missed him for his peculiar attitude and strength. For his protection. For his warm embrace that one night she'd admitted to him that her feelings for her Lord were not entirely of the nature they were probably meant to be and had stayed for some time crying in his affectionate embrace. She missed his memory already, and he hadn't been gone a week.

But then, she missed the way they had been before, too. Back then, she was a young child, and anything went- he could hold her, touch her, comfort her, and never thought twice about it because she was a girl. But now, at fourteen, she had stopped being a "girl" and started becoming a woman- her first bleeding not a month ago proved that. And now that she was getting older, she'd begun to notice that he'd been drifting away from her- well, he'd been drifting away from everyone lately, but it was strange to her, because usually they were pretty close. After coming to the village, she'd naturally taken to the hanyou- he was her Lords brother, and though they were very different, she seen a likeness between them that made her instantly attracted to him like a moth to flame. Kagome, too, was very kind to her, but...

Kagome had something she didn't- something she hadn't even known she'd wanted until it was long too late. Something that deeply confused her and made her irritable and angry at the drop of a pin whenever she was thinking of it because it frustrated her. By all rights it wasn't something she should ever have thought about, but now that she had, the thoughts wouldn't leave her alone. It wasn't just love, either. No, Rin was jealous of Kagome's love, much as she was ashamed to be, but the shame hadn't stopped there. The more time she spent with Inuyasha, the more he grew on her. True, she still loved her lord with a heartbreaking ache deep in her chest, but in his absence something in her twisted mind attatched itself to the image that was his brother.

She was in love with Inuyasha.

And there was nothing she could do about it.

Nothing she could do about his love for Kagome either- except to feel an ill sort of contempt about it. She didn't blame Kagome for any of it, and wasn't jealous enough to push the poor woman out of the way- it wan't likely Inuyasha would have reciprocated her feelings in any case. No, she sat back and watched their relationship fall apart with a confusing mixture of releif (to her disgust) and sadness. She felt really bad for Kagome, being unable to have a child- she'd heard her cries of anguish the first time she'd lost the baby. It had pained her- Kagome was still her friend, even if she was shamefully attracted to her husband.

And attracted, indeed. She hadn't known anything of the feeling that was lust until Sango bregrudgingly explained it to her one evening. She'd said that as a growing girl she deserved to know- and Sango hadn't argued her much on the point, instead giving her a run-down of the female body with erratic hand gestures and a permanent blush on her face. She could not deny her feelings (more like simple curiousities at this point) about Inuyasha physically any more than she could emotionally. She wanted him to touch her shoulders, to wrap his arm around her and let her cry on his shoulder like he had that one night, wanted to have him hug her the way he did Kagome; and it was no longer just a childish need to be coddled, but a more mature longing for that physical comfort, she thought. It was still coddling, she often reminded herself, but it took on a distinctly different meaning now that she was old enough to recognise her feelings. She wanted to be loved, oh so desperately she wanted to be loved.

It was a very strange emotion for her, this longing for his touch. She longed for her lords touch in a similar way, but his touches had always meant something different to Rin. His touches were rare and held a different kind of significance. Whereas her Lord's touches were sparing and deeply meant, Inuyasha's were, while not exactly common, more...casual. Thoughtless acts of affection and appreciation. She admired them, admired him. And it kind of hurt, the fact that he wasn't here anymore. True, he hadn't been gone long, but...Rin's intuition told her that that wasn't gonna always be the case. She had no doubts that Sesshomaru-sama would return to her- he always kept his word, no matter what. But she had the impression from the time she'd watched Inuyasha leave that he wasn't going to ever come back. Not really. Not like he had before, anyway. Something inside Inuyasha had been changing, and while no one else seemed to really notice (except Miroku, who had taken to following his friend around like a duckling the last few weeks, keeping the otherwise depressed hanyou company, whether he wanted it or not) she had seen the anxiety in his stance, heard the desperate confusion in his voice...and heard him moaning in his sleep about some other person. It had been a painful revelation at first; in part because she refused to believe he'd ever dream about her that way (and she really didn't want him to, if she was honest- she may have been only a year away from child giving age, but that did not mean she was at all comfortable with the thought of sex, which, frankly, kind of disturbed her still) And also because she felt sad for Kagome in that moment. It all made sense, though- his distance from Kagome and growing closeness with Miroku.

She'd just wished he would have trusted her enough to get closer to her.

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Eerius had taken to his chambers again, sipping this time on his tea, a black brew from the mainland. He marvelled at how he'd come across it in this forsaken time era, when black tea was not common, but was grateful for the small comfort that reminded him of home- his real home.

"Are we going to go back any time soon?" Axce said, standing loyally by his side. She'd been serving him for almost two centuries, never once losing her faith in him. It made him proud, knowing he'd brought up well the tiny demon he'd found in the gutters of Liverpool all by herself all those years ago. Initially, he'd wanted to kill her- a thought he now looked back on with horror.

"Perhaps we should. But then what would I do about Sesshomaru?" He replied, easing into his- into their native tongue. "I can't very well leave him here to flounder if he gets lost."

"Then keep one of your other pets here to inform him in your absence."

"Heh. And have them all brutally slaughtered? You don't know that boy the way I do. I know his mother equally as well. They both are quite ill-tempered individuals, you know."

"I know. But...Master, if I may, I don't think it's a good idea to keep aussaging the hanyou. I know you're just trying to help him, but I think the dreams are making things worse right now. He's left his family, his wife, his village-"

"-All of which was meant to be. Do you not trust your Master, Axce? I am a Seer; I know the fates which may possibly await the hanyou. However, I do not know which fate. That is what I am trying to influence as far as my limitations will allow me to. For now, that means trying to mend those two's relationship. But perhaps, you have a point." He reverted back to speaking Japanese suddenly as his precious tengu walked into the room. He did not speak English, and was unsettled when they spoke the foreing tongue around him, not understanding what they were saying. "Perhaps I should give him a break. You should retrieve the substance, when you get the chance. We will let his mind rest for a time, without our influence. " He waved a hand at her, striking her with it and watching with a satisfied smirk as she turned to smoke and vanished. The tengu said nothing but instead left the room, leaving Eerius alone with his thoughts.

He hadn't wanted to manipulate the situation- he wasn't technicallyy supposed to- but he also cared deeply about the boy, Sesshomaru, and his mother. He'd known Kimiko since she was a small thing, and known her son similarly after an event caused her to rush to him, asking him to erase or modify the child's memory as only a Mage might. He'd refused to do either, but instead blocked the memory of his mother attacking him that night in confused panic. She hadn't wanted her pup to fear her for all eternity, thinking her some kind of monster, but ultimately her plan didn't quite work out that way. Sesshomaru may not have remembered who gave him those scars, but he remembered it had something to do with her, and Eerius had refused to block his emotions about the matter. The sense of abandonment and betrayal had remained with him until this point- a small price to pay for the things she'd done to the pup after that, if he were to be the judge of it. But he knew her time was coming- she wouldn't be around forever. He may have cared for her like a daughter, but that didn't mean he had to approve of her actions. What she'd done to Sesshomaru, and the permanent damage she'd inflicted on his psyche- that wasn't something any memory charm could erase, and she knew it, which is the only reason, so he thought, that she didn't bring her son to him then. Of course, it was Touga that had actually inflicted the physical damage, but that had been permissible because he hadn't understood then that his wife had seduced their son and not the other way around. Were he in Touga's position at the time, he felt he'd of done a similar thing- though dogs had their own way of dealing with such affairs; violent, bloody ways, as it were.

He thought sadly of the condition of Sesshomaru's body right now. He was a fit boy, with good musculature, he was sure, but no amount of muscle and otherwise good looks could hide the physical scars he had. He knew for a fact he had scars on his side and back from his mother's accidental attack on him that night they'd been confronted by that wolf, and he didn't even want to know the kinds of scars he'd recieved in war or by the hand of his father that night his wretched mother had lost herself in her estrus* and invited her, then young adolescent and therefore hormonal son, into bed with her. He hadn't known any better, the poor pup. But she had, and that was what made him angry about the whole thing. She knew he wouldn't be able to control himself around the smell, and she knew he would mount her if she asked. And she did.

And Sesshomaru had been the one to pay.

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"Hit harder!" Sesshomaru barked. Inuyasha threw the punch with as much force as he thought he could use without breaking the target, a wooden manikin strapped up in demon-grade armor. It wasn't the armor he was worried about breaking, but the soft, delicate wood beneath it, which creaked and cracked with every punch. Sesshomaru hadn't been lying about training being exhaustive- he hadn't stopped, it felt, in three damn days. He'd been given precisely four hours a night to sleep, which normally wasn't a problem, except that it wasn't nearly enough to compensate for the massive amount of energy he was being required to burn off. Not only that, but he had been denied food since the first day he arrived here. One day. ONE day was all he'd been given to adjust, and then Sesshomaru was onto him about training. He wasn't the only one being trained, but was one of just four being trained by Sesshomaru personally. The daiyoukai had amassed a small army of about thirty in the three days he'd been here, with the remaining forces being trained by a second in command that Sesshomaru hadn't bothered to name. Yuriei had returned to his own territory yesterday, giving Inuyasha a strange look as he left. It had creeped him out, but so did everything else about the tengu.

"Stop." Sesshomaru commanded, and Inuyasha had to hold back a sharp retort. The last time he'd mouthed off, which was just yesterday as it was, he was slapped so hard he still had a bruise on his jaw and a healing lip that had split at the blow. Being slapped by Sesshomaru was decidedly worse than being punched by him- a punch at least was directed at just a small area of the face; a slap with the same force as a punch not only hit more of your face, making it hurt much worse, but left a larger, more recognisable print that added an element of shame to it that a good ol' fashioned slug just didn't. What's worse, he'd been stopped from hitting the bastard back by the other trainees, who looked just as ready to attack him for defying their lord as is he were the enemy. Maybe in their eyes he was.

"What now?" He whined. He couldn't help it. He was damn tired and fuck he was hungry. Not a combination that often lead him to having a great mood.

"You are doing it wrong." He growled in frustration. Sesshomaru seemed to pick on him more than anyone else, and had been a constant thorn in his side since they started this.

"And how, exactly, do you propose I do it correctly?" He asked with a cheeky growl thrown in for good measure.

"You shouldn't fully extend your arm when you punch. A nemesis could break your elbow before you could stop them. You're also using your shoulder wrong."

"Oh, sorry Mr stuffy-pants, I didn't know there was a part of my damn shoulder, which, y'know, is kind of all connected, that I was supposed to use." Sesshomaru's eyes closed and he shook his head, ignoring his jabs. He knew firsthand how frustrating training was in its early stages- his father had taught him exactly this routine. And like himself, it seemed Inuyasha was not the type to understand new concepts without example. It was a thought that shoud have irritated him, but it actually made this easier for him.

"Watch me," He said suddenly, standing off to Inuyasha's side. Inuyasha couldn't stop the look of shock on his face when Sesshomaru suddenly removed his kimono, letting it fall to his sides over his obi. He'd never seen Sesshomaru shirtless, ever, and was not as surprised as he felt he should have been to find that Sesshomaru was quite muscular, especially around the shoulder and bicep. Inuyasha had a similar build- it was the build of a heavy, broad or long-sword user.

He was , however, surprised to find that Sesshomaru had a nasty looking scar on his left side, near his back. It was situated above his hip but below his ribs. It looked faint, so the wound was old, but it was still prominent. One area of the scar was darker than the other, indicating a puncture wound- the edges of the scar were jagged instead of smooth, to probably a bite rather than a cut. As of to confirm it, he looked closer and found other fainter -shallower- scars running diagonally from the wound up his back in a consistent pattern that made them out to be teeth.

'what the hell bit him that badly?' He wondered to himself silently. He let his eyes wander shamelessly, finding other scars on his brother's stomach and noticed with a jump in his stomach that shouldn't have happened that there was a faint, ring-like scar around his left arm where it had once been severed. There was another tiny scar on his collarbone that looked fresher, at least a month old, probably newer considering the demon healing rate. "What happened to you?" He accidentallly wondered out loud, immediately removing his wandering gaze and pinning it to the ground with a blush once he realised what he'd been doing. To his surprise, he seen from the corner of his eye Sesshomaru smirk before turning to the target- when did he get so close?- and take up a fighting stance Inuyasha had never seen him use. Actually, come to think of it, he'd never seen Sesshomaru use any fighting stance.

"I have been to war before, Hanyou. Much as men like to boast about being scarrless and unscathed from their trife little battles, they know nothing of what true war is," he said, voice for a moment reminding Inuyasha of Miroku when he got all sagely. "True war leaves a scar on every man, no matter how indefatigable. I have seen two wars in my life, and earned scars from each one. What have you to say from your own battles, Hanyou?" Sesshomaru openly mocked him now, sarcastic smile in place. "Have you scars for your valliant efforts?"

"Tsk. Of course I do." And he did. He had a scar from Sesshomaru plunging his hand through his chest, another from the time the bastard hit him with his poison whip across the gut, and now he was sure another one from being bitten by him. He had one scar inflicted on him by Naraku, one. "And you gave me all of them." He said disgruntly. Sesshomaru's expression faltered for a moment before his smirk became a smile- though it looked almost painful to Inuyasha. 'bastard doesn't smile enough, probably pulling some face muscles big time' he mused.

"Good." he said, turning his attention back to the target. Inuyasha felt like he was being kept out of something then, felt a moment pass between them that he felt like was important for some reason. "Now, watch my shoulders as I move, and do as I do." Sesshomaru moved in semi-slow motion as he made a punching motion to the target, but stayed far enough away that he didn't hit it. He repeated the action a few times, and Inuyasha seen what he meant about not fully extending his arm- but he seen no change in his shoulder.

"Try."

Inuyasha did, and no more had he gotten his arm out to hit the target then he was being stopped. "What now?"

"You still aren't using your shoulder right."

"Damnit! You aren't a very good teacher, y'know!"

"Nor are you an ideal student," He said, facing Inuyasha with his eyes closed once more as he took a deep breath as if to calm himself.
"Face me."

"What?"

"Take your position. Try to fight me. If I win, by tackling you, you have to do this all night until you get it right. If I lose-" He smirked. "You can stay in my room for one night." The deal seemed fair. Inuyasha smirked smugly, but felt a warning flag go up in his head. "What if you cheat? You're a lot stronger than I am physically; you could always force me down." He didn't like admitting it, but he had to be sure. Sesshomaru's smirk widened mischeiviously. Perfect.

"I would never adopt such underhanded tactics- at least not until you are more proficient at hand to hand combat. Now strike me!" He commanded, giving Inuyasha no time to think as he struck for the hanyou. He blocked to the best of his ability, but damn he was fast. Had he been holding out on him all this time? The thought made Inuyasha genuinely wonder, but a swift punch to the gut drew him from his musings.

"Pay attention!"

Suddenly the world seemed like a dream. Everything felt surreal, yet he was still completely conscious. Aware, even, as Sesshomaru made to hit his face and he reflexively dodged. This wasn't happening. Sesshomaru wasn't standing there giving him a surprised look, training him to go to war alongside him. There hadn't been any perceived acts of kindness or unexpectedly gentle handling of that bird in the yard, there wasn't any Sesshomaru here, with him now. No, this wasn't the half brother he knew. But then, how much could he say he really knew about the daiyoukai? Glancing quickly to Sesshomaru's exposed ribs, he let his eyes scan the bite scars there. 'how much do I really know?'

Without thinking about it, he felt his hands push against Sesshomaru's exposed chest harder than he'd meant as he came back around to throw a swing. There was an almost creepy smile on his face, as if he was genuinely enjoying this. Inuyasha felt something connect in that moment, between them; they were both enjoying this, beating the crap out of each other, and neither of them cared. It was different from their fights before, the mutual glory they both had at that- after all, they weren't fighting here, but training. In a move Inuyasha didn't even know he knew, he pushed against the center of his brother's chest with his palms flat, throwing the daiyoukai off his balance with a surprised grunt. Seeing an opportunity in a sudden moment of clairty, he ducked to avoid a blow from Sesshomaru's leg and swept his own under him. Sesshomaru dodged, of course- but totally missed it when he came up from the ground with a strangely energised force and hit him with a viscious uppercut straight to his jaw.

Sesshomaru reeled from the blow, which had been a lot harder than he'd intended it to be- but damnit, if they were trying to knock each other down, he had to hit the bastard hard, or he'd never feel it. He seemed to feel it now, though, staggering back on his feet with a surprised noise. Inuyasha himself was surprised- he hadn't really been thinking before he made that move, he just kind of did it. Expecting to see the light of rage in his brother's eyes when he righted himself, he instead found a mixture of amusement and surprise. He spat suddenly, and Inuyasha noticed with a tremor of shock that it was scarlet. Sesshomaru began to laugh suddenly, a noise he was pretty sure he'd never heard before. It was difficult to place if it had malice in it or not, but it scared him anyway.

"I admit I am impressed! It's been a long time since anyone has hit me that hard- and a hanyou, no less," He laughed again, and Inuyasha decided that making Sesshomaru laugh was as bad an omen as making him smile- if not worse. He spat again, more blood. 'Damn, did I really hit him hard enough to knock his teeth loose? The fuck-' Inuyasha was suddenly confused- how the hell had he done that?

"Wherever did you learn to fight like that, Inuyasha? " Sesshomaru asked suddenly- he was still smirking, but it was tamer now. "I...don't know." he answered honestly. Sesshomaru arched a brow at this, face changing quickly from amusement to irritation. "I don't know, honestly! I just kind of...lost myself for a second. Then, next thing I know, I hit you square in the face and you're spitting blood." He explained, slightly dazed despite not being the one who got hit. A sudden light of understanding dawned on Sesshomaru's face then, and he seemed to understand what happened better than Inuyasha himself.

"Of course- that explains why training you has been so difficult. I guess I should have known you'd be that type of fighter; Father was too." Inuyasha snapped out of his daze, giving Sesshomaru a befuddled look. "What type of fighter? What the hell are you talking about?" Sesshomaru only smirked knowingly before turning on his heel suddenly and putting his Kimono back over his shoulder- Inuyasha pretended not to see another scar just to the right of his spine, the other half of the bite scars, but felt it pique his curiousity all the same. He didn't look back at Inuyasha as he raise his hand in a beckoning motion. "Come with me."

"Where are we going? What's going on?"

"You and I will be training in the Dojo today. One on one." One on one? What the hell whas that supposed to mean?

"Sesshomaru? Sesshomaru!? Answer my question's damnit!"

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Ok, that was fun, right? Hope ya'll're ready for the yaoi to ensue- hopefully it will after a few chapters. But first we gots to get Sesshy on the "oh shit I think I have feelings for you" train. Yeah...

ASTERISKS!

*Estrus: the "heat" cycle most female mammals go into. Estrus is specifically the "heat" part of it, in which the female is most fertile and ready to mate. We use fancy words because Eerius is brittish, in case you missed that. (Liverpool is in England...I think) and a Mage/Seer that is possibly thousands of years old. No one really knows. I had to bring him back somehow.

Please, REVIEW and let me know what you think so I can post the next chappy! Also, I want to point out this is the very first time I have written an entire chapter in one day (it took me FIVE HOURS but I got it done). Woo! And you guys get it early! :)