I awoke laying in the same position I had fallen asleep in; my body felt weak and my wrists hurt. My face was covered in a thin layer of sweat and my body was shaking. I can hear Lindsay's voice not to far off with someone else. I can't place where I have heard the voice before now but I didn't seem threatened by it. I closed my eyes hoping they had not noticed I was awake and I listened, all while controlling my heart.
Lindsay, he just needs more time.
I don't think time is going to matter. Mac, I think he's loosing it.
He's going through something none of us can even begin to understand Lindsay. The evidence of torture we collected, it... it was disgusting. I understand he isn't dealing, I'd be worried if he was.
You just aren't getting it, he isn't any better today as he was the day we found him. I think he's actually getting worse!
I can't hold off the F.B.I. forever Lindsay, they are going to question him whether we like it or not. That's why we have to tell him.
No. Forget it.
Lindsay?
No, Mac forget it. He isn't ready. A simple nightmare upset him to the point where he had to be sedated. Wait.
Mac let out a deep breath, obviously defeated.
Alright, I'll see what I can do about holding them off for a couple more days. I can't promise anything.
Thank you.
Yeah, take care of him Lindsay.
I am.
I can hear him turn and walk away. Lindsay doesn't move, she just stands and breathes deep. It's as if she is trying to slow time down, even for a second.
After a couple minutes she returns to her chair next to the bed, she sits down with a huff and I can hear the pages of a magazine being flipped again. I start to move my hands, arms, and neck. I slowly turn to see Lindsay reading a magazine. I speak.
Hi.
I say it low and weakly. She looks up.
Hi. How...?
She says without finishing, knowing that I know the question.
Better. Sorry.
It's ok, it's not your fault.
I didn't mean to scare you.
I know.
She smiles, its weak but its there. I try to reach for her hand, but they are strapped down, I struggle.
It's ok.
I feel weak from the medication, I take a deep breathe and give up on struggling. Lindsay reaches my hand and holds it.
The doctors said its for your protection, for now.
I'm not crazy.
I sound calm, but in my head I am panicked. The drugs keep me calm. I like the drugs.
No one thinks you are.
She looks tired. I can't blame her, she needs sleep.
What aren't you telling me?
Nothing.
You're lying. What aren't you telling me?
She lets out a deep breath and stares at me, she is weighing her options. I have gotten to know her better since I woke up, and I see the different faces she makes when she is sad, anger, confused, deciding. This one is deciding.
I promise that I will tell you, but not yet. I promise.
Did they find him?
I'm not even sure if I want to know the answer but I ask anyways.
Danny?
Did they?
She looks at her hands and scrunches up her eye brows.
Yes. About a week ago.
I move my gaze from her to the door.
That's good. Right?
Danny, there's more to it. I will tell you but only if you are sure you want to hear it. I don't think you're ready for this.
What? Come on Lindsay, you might as well tell me while I'm strapped down and drugged.
I smile looking back at her. She is not smiling. She is not crying. She looks as if she has seen a Ghost.
What?
Lindsay looks back at her hands and then up at me.
The F.B.I. found his body a week ago. He was in some tunnels about two miles from where we found you.
His body? I don't understand.
He's dead. The evidence points to... Danny, you killed him.
I... no. No, I don't... that didn't happen.
My heart begins to race, I'm confused. How could I have killed him. I'm paralyzed, how could I have killed someone and not remembered?
How?
No, Danny. We're not getting into this right now. In time, but not now.
Lindsay, how?
I repeat this time louder. There is anger present in my voice.
He was beaten and stabbed to death. Danny, we know it was self defense, I don't think you did this yourself.
I don't know what think, how to feel, or what to do. I look at my hands and realize I'm making fists. I relax them, and take a deep breathe.
Good.
Lindsay looked up, she looked slightly shocked. Her forehead is scrunched, her eyes are narrow.
What?
I hope he suffered.
Danny?
My body relaxes and I smile.
I hope it was painful.
I have a smile across my face, for the first time in weeks I am completely relaxed. I let out a long deep breath and look at Lindsay.
I hope he screamed.
The look on Lindsay's face is pure horror. Her mouth is open, her eyes have fear in them. She moves slowly and gets up from her chair.
I'm... I'm going to get a coffee.
She turns and slowly walks from the room, stopping at the door turning back to look at me. I have never seen her look so scared. She turns and disappears.
I sit and smile. Knowing that he died the same way he lived. I smile. For the first time I am relaxed.
I smile. I see the blood he lost and I smile. I smile.