8. This is it
"I am coming! DAMNED IT", Kurt yelled at no one. He was running back and forth with one shoe only, searching first his other black leather shoe, then his wallet, now the keys. In the meanwhile Sebastian's car was furiously horning. He wasn't that late. It was Sebastian who had come early! He said he was picking him up at two, and he first horned at 10 to 2.
"Oh! Here you are!", he had finally found the keys to his house.
He looked at his watch 2:10 p.m.
Another loud honk.
"Damned it Sebastian!", he found himself yelling. He grabbed the keys and left.
As he got out, Sebastian pressed on his horn once again.
Kurt rose his hands "What?!"
As he reached the car, from the driver seat Sebastian started yelling at him:
"What the fuck Kurt! Can't you be on time for once?"
"It's you who were early!", he yelled back climbing in the rear seat, too caught up to even wave hello to Willa, sat in the front next to Sebastian.
"I am on time! On-Time!", he repeated slower "Can you get that? Can your chick brain possibly get what that means? "
"Would you just stop insulting me?"
"Would you just stop talking?", his tone of voice was getting higher and angrier at each word.
"What do you want from me? I am here now!"
"Why don't you go back inside? You forgot your purse. And your brain", he blurted angrily
"Why are you acting crazy?"
"Because you're a lazy prude and I can't stand you!", he yelled
"Do you even listen to yourself? What the hell are you saying!?", he yelled back
"Guys, can you stop please? I'm trying to have a good time here", Willa intervened calmly.
"Whatever", Sebastian muttered, looking angrily at Kurt from the rearview mirror.
Kurt sighed heavily and Sebastian shot him one last death gaze before looking away.
Willa shook her head:
"Ignore him Kurt, he woke up with the wrong foot today"
"I d-"
"Shut up and drive", she cut him
"O-okay", Kurt said hesitant, feeling like he stepped into a nuthouse, not a car.
"So your father's birthday…", he tried to change the topic, bringing it to the reason why he was invited –by Sebastian– in the first place.
"19th of July", Willa stated. Kurt remained thoughtful for a moment, and Willa spoke his mind:
"Yes I know I am early! But I am very picky when it comes to pick up dresses!"
"Oh, okay… so this is like a-"
"Warm-up lap, yes!", she cheerfully finished for him. Kurt loved how they matched each other.
"What did you have in mind for your dress?"
"Oh, I'm glad you asked! Well, I kind of have in my head this picture the dress I want to wear and-"
"And now the challenge is to find the one that matches it", Kurt finished for her, sharing her excitement.
"Yeah! Exactly! Finally someone who understands the dilemma", she joked, looking at Seb who rolled his eyes.
"So what about the big event? Indoor, outdoor?"
"Indoor. Formal. Fancy", she communicated putting up a fake serious tone "family and friends involved, so nothing too sexy", she winked.
"So you decided the brand, texture, color and shape already?", Kurt asked, too caught up in helping Willa to think about Sebastian and his earlier outburst.
"I want it bright"
"And?"
"Bright"
"But Valentino bright or D&G bright?"
"Oh Valentino, definitely Valentino bright… God Kurt, you're the gay brother I never had"
"I can hear you", Sebastian said. Willa laughed softly
"I agree with you", Kurt replied, ignoring Sebastian "D&G tones are dreamy and eyecathy, but Valentino's are more pastelly and soft and definitely much more elegant"
"True"
"Can I drop you by and come back later?"
"No", Willa replied, and he sighed heavily
"What?", she asked
"Nothing"
"Tell me"
"It's nothing"
"You should apologize to Kurt then"
"Willa seriously I-", Kurt started but Sebastian interrupted him:
"My sincere apologies, your highness", he couldn't be less sincere
"Sebastian", Willa scolded him
"What? You asked me to apologize and I did"
"Whatever", she ended the conversation. She wasn't mad, though. Just concerned
"By the way that was the most pointless conversation I ever heard"
"Don't listen to us then", she replied.
"Fine", he said and then with one hand he started rummaging behind his seat "If that's what you want"
"Noo! Come on!", Willa exclaimed pleadingly.
"You asked for it", Sebastian finally found what he was looking for, a cd of 1D he quickly put in the player
"I hate them!"
"Bring respect to the poor guys"
"OMG! Sebastian Smythe You enjoy them!"
"I barely tolerate them, that's different"
"Sure, because you have that outcast music you listen to! "
As always when he was with the siblings, he felt like a viewer of a movie without plot.
Yes, exactly those movies you understand only as they end.
And he was just getting started. The question was: Is he gonna sit and wait 'till its ending?
"I don't mind One Directions", Kurt interjected.
"Of course you don't", Sebastian replied sarcastic. As the music filled the car, Willa quickly pressed 'stop', and Seb 'play'.They went on like that for a while
Kurt looked at the two of them with amusement.
"I hate this", Willa complained for the millionth time
"You enjoy it too, admit it!"
"I do not! And hey, you said 'too'!"
"I didn't"
"You most certainly did!"
"Well I didn't mean it that way!"
"Sure"
"Oh, just stop talking and listen to your favorite one!"
"You shut up and listen to your favorite one!".
He turned the volume of up.
"Idiot!"
Kurt looked deeply at the two of them: first teasing each other, then getting angry at one another, then teasing again playing a game that was only theirs, knowing things about each other no one else knew. It must feel good to have that kind of relationship, he discovered himself to think.
Between a 1D song and a cry for help, they had managed to reach the mall alive, even if Willa's ears 'prayed for forgiveness' – her words, not his.
Except for that moment of sassiness with his sister, Sebastian had remained grumpy the whole time. He wan't necessarily surly to his sister, but to Kurt he was all snarky remarks and hurtful comments.
His eyes were as dark as his attitude, Kurt observed, not being able to place his behavior into a reasonable scheme. Just the other they acted like friends, their friendship slowly blossoming, and now they went back to the spiteful remarks.
Kurt was appalled.
"Where is he now?", Kurt turned his head right and left to look for him. He was nowhere in sight. He had been so caught up with explaining Willa the difference between taffetà and satin –too huge for him to even need an explanation – that he hadn't notice Sebastian had disappeared.
"He probably just went outside to smoke a cigarette, let him be"
"O-okay", he replied unsure on how he should feel about it. "Do you want to enter PRADA or Balenciaga first?", he asked.
"I'm actually hungry", she admitted "Wanna grab a sandwich?"
"Shouldn't we wait for him?". She gave him a resigned smile and replied
"Let's go". He tried hard to ignore the pang in his chest anytime his thoughts wandered towards him. But failed
He remained quiet and thoughtful the whole time they stood in line to order their sandwiches. –What was wrong with Sebastian now? Only 12 hours he was fine. they were fine. Only 12 hours ago he realized they were friends, frenemies sort of, and now he didn't even know if he'd still be talking to him the next day. –Why did he have to act that way?
He had been so lost in his thoughts to even forget he was with Willa –Sebastian made him think too much.
"A penny for your thoughts?", Willa asked, as they took seat.
"What is wrong with him today?", he blurted honestly. Willa gave him an "I knew this is it" look. She could read him that well.
"I don't know… Did something happen between the two of you yesterday?"
"No!", he cried "That is the point!"
She sighed and lowered her voice as she talk. A tone that reminded Kurt of that time she made him promise to be gentle to Sebastian, which was the reason why everything started.
"You know, Sebastian has… his own way to deal with his emotions and running away is his way to feel safe", she grabbed her bottle of water and started playing with it "That's his way to keep control… setting boundaries, pushing away people he came closer with". She put the bottle down and look straight at Kurt.
"oh", was all he managed to say.
"Don't think about it, he'll come around eventually", Kurt nodded and she then changed topic, probably wanting to distract Kurt filling him in about the latest details about her life. But Kurt wasn't paying attention at all. She may have noticed, but she went on nonetheless. And Kurt was thankful for that.
As they left their table, Willa announced she was ready to face PRADA. Even if that sounded tempting, Kurt had something more important to do.
"Actually I…"
"Go", she said simply, understanding him right away. He nodded and headed towards the mall exit. The whole clothes over bro's rule, just being dumped away.
It didn't took him long to find what he was looking for. Or better who.
"Hey", he greeted Sebastian, hands in his pockets, back on the car, cigarette in mouth, gaze lost in the void.
He didn't reply. Kurt leant on the car next to him.
"Will you tell me what is wrong with you today?", he asked gently. Sebastian took the cigarette out of his mouth and threw it on the ground, putting it out with his red converse.
"Why are you here?", he asked harsh
"Sebastian"
"What do you want from me?", his words burned, unsettling Kurt's peaceful intentions and patent attitude
"Talk"
"I don't want to talk to you"
"Fine"
"Then leave"
"No"
"Why are you still here?"
"Why did you invite me over if you didn't want me here?"
"Why can't you stop bothering me?!"
"What is your problem?!"
"You! You are my problem!", Sebastian finally bursted
"Me!? What have I ever done to you!"
"Would you stop that?"
"Stop what?"
"This! Coming here, pretending you care!", he moved so he was facing Kurt as he spit the words out of his chest "It's me and you, just cut the act and leave me be"
"What are you talking about! What act?", then something in his head clicked. "You can't be serious"
Sebastian didn't answer him.
"This is it!?", he yelled bewildered "Do you really believe I am still pretending to be your friend?"
He looked away.
"I am not faking to be your friend!", he continued to yell his frustration "Not… not anymore", he lowered his tone.
Sebastian's features softened, he looked at him and:
"oh", was all he could say.
"Why would you think that?", Kurt came closer to him and he looked away.
"Why wouldn't I… it's you who said you wouldn't be friend with me even if I paid you… I am an awful person, remember?", Kurt's heart filled with regret as Sebastian's words sunk in.
He couldn't tell him that he hadn't meant what he said because, at one time, he did.
"I'm sorry ", he was sincere. He hoped Sebastian could believe him. He looked for Sebastian's eyes. And as they locked with his, he knew he did.
The usual feeling of being trespassed from side to side reappeared. But it wasn't that unpleasant anymore.
'Can we go back being us, now?'
Sebastian gave him an half-smile. It was the answer Kurt had been looking for.
"Let's go", Kurt said grabbing his wrist
"Can I wait in the car?"
"No"
"Please"
"No"
"Did you see that?", he pointed at a lady in a pink shirt "Do you think that is Versace pink or MyDick pink?", Sebastian teased
"You're gross! And a Perv! Come on!", he pulled him from his wrist and dragged him inside
"Hey! Don't pull me! It's gonna leave a Valentino red mark!", Kurt tightened his grip and looked first at his wrist, then at Sebastian:
"Nah, it'll probably leave you a Dior red mark". Sebastian chuckled softly, and Kurt realized he had missed that sound.
…
"Willa!", he waved, finally letting go of Sebastian's wrist. As she turned around and noticed them, she smiled widely and reached them.
"Here you are!", she said, giving Kurt a knowing look.
"Did I miss something?", Kurt asked
"No, there's nothing that really suits me here… I just can't find the one that will do!"
"That must be a huge dilemma! Poor girl", Sebastian, finally in his old self, teased her.
"Shut up!"
"I am sure someone will call the fashion police if you wore the wrong shade of color"
"Speaking of fashion police", she came closer and pointed at Sebastian "I think it is time you buy some trousers!"
"I do have trousers!"
"I mean trousers that are not sandy toned"
"I don't own only sandy trousers!"
"Sure! You own sandy cargoes too!", she teased back. Kurt looked at Sebastian, he was indeed wearing a pair of sandy trousers and a white polo. Again.
"That is going to be interesting! You know, having you as a mannequin!", Kurt commented playfully
"You're not going to pick up my clothes! I have a reputation!", he said to both of them who dragged him out of PRADA nonetheless.
"Accept advices, Seb", Willa teased him "Take advantage of the personal shopper while he is here!"
"I'm not going to accept advices from someone who wears leopard printed shirts and matching glittery foulards", he pointed at Kurt
"Animalier is old fashion style"
"You mean old-fashioned!"
"Speaks the expert! Where do you shop at? Jackass store?"
"Ha!", Willa intervened "He wears J. Crew only!"
"That is not true"
"Oh yeah, I forgot about Abercrombie, but only when he's in the mood", she said to Kurt
"Will you let me be!", he asked but there wasn't harshness in his words. Not anymore.
"Okay, Abercrombie", Kurt joked Sebastian "Let's go! This way!", Kurt stated and lead the group towards the J. Crew store.
As they entered the shop, Willa hit the ground running back and forth, looking for something that would fit Sebastian; Kurt followed her pleasingly. Sebastian, not that much.
Kurt's attention was caught by a silky scarf. It didn't catch his attention because of its fabric, or its texture, but because of its color. Amethyst Green.
"Shopping in the woman's section, aren't we?", Sebastian voice, from behind, teased him. He looked up and his bright eyes looked at him. Amethyst Green.
"What?", Sebastian asked, noticing Kurt's strange expression and his gaze going from the scarf to his eyes.
"Nothing", he said at first then, out of instinct –may it be damned– he admitted: "Some times your eyes have its same color", and he touched the scarf again "not always, just some times… like now"
Amethyst Green, was all he could think of as their eyes locked and his lungs skipped a breath.
"Here! Try on these! Go!", Willa had reached them and handed Sebastian a pair of deep blue trousers, starting pushing him towards the changing rooms.
"I don't like them!"
"Go"
"No"
"I said go!"
"No!"
"Goo!"
"Fine!" he gave in at last, and she pushed him inside the changing room and close the curtain.
As he disappeared behind it, Willa turned to Kurt:
"He's always like this when we go shopping! He's all grumpy as a cat but then he always gives in! Ha! You just have to insist and in the end he's all compliant without complaint"
"Compliant without complaint", Kurt repeated and laughed, imagining Sebastian being dragged here and there from Willa, trying on stuff with a resigned look on his face. That image made his heart grow fonder. He wished he could see him in awkward moments like that more often –Did he really just think that?
"Let's have look! Come on! Get out!", Willa shouted him after a while. He came out of the cabin and started looking at himself at the mirror:
"I don't think I look that good in these"
"No way!", Willa supported him. Sebastian didn't seem convinced.
"He's picky too, when it comes to clothes", she whispered to Kurt, winking.
"Come on! They fit perfectly!"
"I don't know"
"They do! Tell him Kurt!". As he was dragged into the conversation, he felt his ears going on fire and hurried to say:
"I think I saw a shirt that would match! I'll go grab it!", before hurrying towards the shirt section. It wasn't true, but he couldn't speak his mind to them. He couldn't tell him he looked more than good in those trousers, and that he'd probably look stunning even wearing a rubbish bag only. That would have been a too embarrassing scene to pull. Sebastian may be a mean prick, but he was undeniably attractive. Just not to Kurt. Obviously.
He grabbed the first shirt he posed his gaze on – a plaid one, it was going to be hilarious to see Sebastian in it – and went back. Sebastian was alone
"You unleashed her imagination… now she went finding me I didn't even listen to what", Sebastian informed him, "What's that?", he pointed at the shirt in his hands
"A shirt"
"I know"
"try it on"
"It's plaid!"
"I know"
"No"
"Yes!"
"Never"
"Come on!", Kurt insisted, remembering Willa's words about Sebastian giving in eventually all the times.
"Fine!", he finally gave in, faking annoyance in his voice –as he always did with his sister, Kurt noticed.
He then literally took off his polo in front of Kurt, and quickly grabbed the shirt from Kurt's now shaky hands and put it on his bare chest. Kurt's breath shortened. He found himself admitting he had nothing to envy to those Abercrombie models. He could be one of them himself. Stuck in his place, he couldn't look away from Sebastian buttoning the shirt, one button at time, beginning from the bottom. He followed his hands as they moved quickly and skillfully on the fabric. He never thought that seeing someone buttoning his shirt could have been so h-
–Kurt Elisabeth Hummel you won't finish that sentence!, he reproached his own self. It's Sebastian Smythe, for Gaga's sake!
No matter what he told to himself, though, he couldn't look away. He was captured by Sebastian's long fingers that lingered first on a button, then on another... as the fabric of the shirt he had chose for him, hid his bare chest from his view.
"You missed a button", he said lowly, by instinct. Sebastian looked up, and Kurt knew that if he looked at him he wouldn't have been able to breath again, and hurried to avoid his gaze. He then found himself getting closer to Sebastian
"Here, let me help you", he said in a low, deep voice and quickly unbuttoned the shirt 'till he reached the missing button. He then looked up, as if he needed his 'go ahead' to go on. That was a mistake, because as soon as their eyes locked, he felt as if there were just the two of them, in a room with no air.
And he lost the ability to be.
His mouth felt dry. Nonetheless, keeping his eyes locked on his, he started buttoning the shirt again... moving slower at each button. In his eyes, he could see another shade of green; he couldn't quite place it – but he could guess it was in between desire and restraint.
As he reached the last one, Sebastian's warm hands rested on his; and his heart skipped a beat.
"Leave it", Sebastian said in a whisper. Eyes still reflecting each other.
"Oh! You're looking good!", a bright voice came from behind! Kurt jumped and Sebastian quickly pulled his hands away. His eyes were still locked on Kurt, though, even when Kurt stepped aside to give Willa a better view of Seb's look.
"So are we buying it? Convinced?", she asked playfully.
"Yeah", Sebastian said in a low and deep voice, eyes still fixed on Kurt's.
He didn't even look himself at the mirror.
"Great! Let's go then!". Only then Sebastian finally unlocked their gaze, and Kurt felt as if he was able to breath again. His brain was blank.
He was his friend. Frenemy. Whatever.
He just happened to be a good-looking friend. Frenemy. Whatever.
In the meanwhile, Sebastian had shifted his gaze to Willa. When Kurt regained his ability to think properly, he noticed he was giving her a suspicious look:
"What's this hurry?"
"I have no hurry", she told him
"And where is whatever you wanted me to try?"
"Oh! I found nothing that could do"
"Spit the truth!"
Kurt was amazed. They could read each other really well.
She narrowed her eyes and, after a pause, admitted:
"Okay, Sam is coming here! We'll have a little catch up, happy mr. Sheriff?"
"Sam… or Sam and Brian?", he asked and she blushed a little. Sebastian gave her an 'I knew this is it' look. She didn't reply and he went on wearing a playful smirk: "You know, dating you best friend's brother is so cliché"
"Oh stop it! We're not dating!"
"No? So you're not hurrying us to be with him?"
"I'm going to meet Sam too!"
"So he's going to be here too!"
"Oh! Shut up and get your own clothes on!"
"Am I going to meet him today? Or that is the reason you want me to leave soon?". Willa again didn't answer
"Touché", he replied for her.
They exchanged and affectionate but knowing look, and Sebastian disappeared behind the curtain once again with a chuckle.
He didn't know what it meant to have siblings. Real siblings. You can't miss what you never had; but looking them interact with each other made him feel, for the first time, like his life was missing something important.
…
Willa insisted they waited outside as Sebastian got dressed and paid for his clothes. She caught the moment to fill Kurt in about Brian. Apparently, they had always known each other, since he was her best friend's brother. But she had always had her head somewhere else. She never saw nothing more than friendship between them, not until they ended up at Cornell's law school together, and started hanging out.
Her brothers tend to be overprotective, she explained, so she didn't want to involve them until she was sure of where she and Brian stood. She said Sebastian never met him, he just stalked his Facebook profile, together with Oliver, once.
"You should have seen them! It was absurd and hilarious!",
"What?", Sebastian enquired
"Nothing", they replied in chorus and Sebastian looked suspiciously at them
"Here are my shoppers, put them in my room!", she exclaimed handing Sebastian her bags, she may not have found the dress she was looking for, but that didn't put out her shopping mode.
"Come on! Let's get going!", Kurt exclaimed and grabbed Sebastian by the arm to pull him away. He didn't move, though:
"Is he driving you home? At least?"
"I actually might spend the night out. At Sam's. With Sam.", she told him and he gave her an unreadable look, at least to Kurt.
"Okay… Have fun, then", he said suggestively. She rolled her eyes and waved them goodbye as Kurt dragged Sebastian out the mall
"I don't like that guy"
"You didn't even met him"
"Imagine when I do"
"All this is actually cute, you know?", Kurt teased him. Sebastian snapped his tongue but didn't reply.
They spent the ride back listening to one of Sebastian's favorite bands: The Smiths, while Kurt occasionally teased him about the 1D cd he owned. They talked about music all the way towards Kurt's house. He learned that Sebastian is used to listen to 'Asleep' every once in a while, when he is in the nostalgic mood, or when the moment just calls it.
He also listens to The Replacements, The Coldplay, The Sum41 and The Dashboard Confessional. He is used to put on Einaudi as he studies and he doesn't mind jazz music when he wants to relax and country music as he drives. Also, he has a favorite song for every artist, except for Jason Mraz –of whom he likes almost every song, if he is in the right mood to listen to them– And except for Michael Jackson, of whom he liked the performances only.
–That revelation brought to Kurt's mind a time when they were competing against each other, and he wondered if Sebastian didn't like The King of Pop that much, why would he want to perform his songs at regionals so badly to hurt someone else.
Anyway, he hates rap music and 'those songs with the same rhythm the weeders listen to' (Kurt thought he probably meant reggae). Dubstep gives him headache and death metal the creeps...
He could have listened to him talking for hours.
That was because getting to know Sebastian felt weirdly comfortably good, to him. He was an enigmatic jigsaw, and having one piece here and there to put in place, felt rewarding – as if he started to slowly get him… one tiny chunk at time.
"Here you are", Sebastian said turning off the engine in front of Kurt's house.
"Thanks for the ride"
"I'm sorry I freaked out".
Kurt didn't reply to that, he just nodded knowingly.
"Next Friday me and the sibs are holding a meeting to plan the 4th July… Do you want to join us?"
"Well", Kurt replied after a pause "If by then we'll still be talking to each other, I wouldn't mind helping you… You know, all things considering… it's likely tomorrow we won't be talking anymore"
At first Sebastian made a shocked face then, as he understood his joke, he broke out in a hearty laugh
"Yeah, all things considering…", he agreed to Kurt's tease.
"See you, Abercrombie", he told Sebastian but he stopped him with his arm. Without talking, he started rummaging in the bags behind his seat with his free arm. From one of the shoppers, he took out a smaller one and he handed it to Kurt, who had already put two and two together.
"Seb you didn't have to-", he started as he opened it, the silk material slipping through his fingers
"Here", Sebastian simply said, taking his foulard off and throwing it away:
"No one will witness its existence anymore", he joked
"Are you picking my clothes now?"
"I'm returning the favor", Sebastian said in a deep voice. He then took the scarf from his hands and wrapped it around Kurt's neck. As his warm fingers happened to touch his skin, Kurt's heart skipped a beat. Memories of his bare chest and his fingers slowly covering it with the shirt he chose for him, crowded his mind. Sebastian's fingers lingered one second more on the fabric of the scarf, before pulling away.
"Green amethyst, huh?", he said and Kurt smiled nervously
"I'll call you, then"
"Okay", Kurt replied, his mind blurred, and got down the car. As he watched him turn the engine on and leave, his fingers went to touch the fabric of the scarf he was now wearing.
This is it. The beginning of the end
Title inspired by This is it, Michael Jackson.
No offense meant to onedirection/reggae/death metal/dubstep music fans. Once again, blame it to Sebastian ;)
I loved writing this chapter, and I hope you enjoyed reading it too! Thanks to each and every one of you, for every comment and everything!
stay tuned,
Bluejeanzangel