Chapter 10: Simple Question, Hard Answer
If going up into the mountain pass was arduous and unnerving, descending into the plains via switchbacks and sharp declines nearly scared the crap out of Lynn and Ghrudur. Twice, the weak hand brake slipped, the cart bumped into the hind quarters of the already skittish horse, and the animal bolted. The second time, the horse didn't stop running until they were completely out of the pass. The gelding had obviously decided enough was enough and wished to get the trip over with as quickly as possible.
When Lynn finally dragged the horse to a stop, she was laughing hysterically.
"What funny?" Ghrudur asked shakily. With three of four limbs useless, he'd been jostled and bounced in the back like a sack of potatoes.
"Wow, just like a roller coaster!" she cried, securing the reins and turning. Well behind them, the soldiers were carefully threading their way down to where the cart stopped. The horse's flanks heaved and sweat poured down its sides. Lynn leaped down to tend to the horse.
"This fun? Where you come from?" the orc grumbled as he took deep breaths to steady his racing heart.
"Don't be such a wet blanket, Ghru," she teased. "My people pay for thrills like that."
"Your people crazy."
"I never said we weren't," she replied, giggling.
"Are you all right?" Kaen called as he rode up.
"Yeah, we're fine," Lynn answered, a thread of concern now in her voice. "I think the old nag is pretty well winded, though. May be lamed, too. Can you come over here and take a look?"
The man dismounted and bent to examine the exhausted horse's legs. One of the soldiers rode close to the cart and looked down at the orc. His dark gray eyes met the orc's pale yellow, and he sneered. He drew a gloved finger across his throat. Without another word, he pulled his horse away from the cart and out of Ghrudur's sight.
The threat was clear, and left the orc trembling with rage. He had done nothing, said nothing, harmed no one! If the golug lord saw fit to spare his life, the tark could damn well sheathe his sword as well.
"All right, boys," Lynn said, straightening stiffly and dusting her hands against one another. "We're not going any further today. The cart horse needs rest. Set up camp. Kaen and I will take first watch..."
Ghrudur stopped listening, the man's threat too infuriating for him to focus on anything else. Even when Lynn joined him for their shared meal, he wasn't able to do more than grunt noncommittally in response to anything she said. Finally exasperated by his reticence, Lynn poked him in the chest.
"Hey, dude, what's eating you?"
"Nothing eat," he snapped, not really caring that he didn't quite know what the hell that meant.
Lynn regarded him thoughtfully. "Are you angry with me? About the cart thing?"
"No."
Frowning, she tried again. "Did someone say something to you?"
He hesitated for a moment, then said truthfully, "No."
"You're having PMS?"
Slowly turning his head to glare at her, he curled his lip and growled.
"Oh. Right. I'm supposed to read your mind, now," she huffed. "Never mind that, besides being different genders which already guarantees a communication barrier, we're also different species. Somehow I'm supposed to be able to translate across that massive abyss with no clues to work with except that you look pissed, which is how you look all the time anyway."
He pushed himself onto his side again, causing no end of pain in his shoulder but too angry to care.
"Oh, no you don't," Lynn growled. Grabbing his arm, she pulled him roughly back, shaking the cart briefly when he landed. "You don't get the luxury of shutting me out."
"Go now!" he roared.
"Something wrong here?" Kaen asked hesitantly from the foot of the cart.
"Just a little disagreement," Lynn said impatiently. "Nothing to worry about."
Shrugging, the soldier said, "I was about to head out. You coming?"
"Yeah, give me a minute," she replied. When he was gone, Lynn leaned close to Ghru and hissed in his ear, "We're not through here." Then she scooted out of the cart and left him.
Sleep took him eventually, after he'd calmed down somewhat. The lurch of the cart, accompanied by the shrill squeak of the struts, woke him halfway through the night. Before he could acknowledge Lynn's presence, she smacked his bare chest.
"Awake?" she snapped unnecessarily.
"Yes," he replied, annoyed.
"Good." He felt her scuffing up against him as she worked to find a comfortable position, then she finally settled. "So."
"So."
"You lied to me."
He shot her an angry look. "No lie!"
"Shush! Keep your damned voice down. You want the watch to come running?"
"No lie," he hissed more quietly.
"If you didn't lie, you stretched the truth. Kaen said to keep an eye on one of the men. He's pretty sure the guy wants to kill you, orders be damned. I'm guessing he did or said something to provoke you. Care to try again?"
Fuming, he described what the soldier had done, the look on his face. "Do nothing. Want kill man, can't."
"I know," she said softly. "But you're in a different world now. No matter how much abuse people heap on you, if you want to survive, you'll have to just suck it up. It isn't fair, it isn't right, but these people are going to be looking for a reason to punish you for every bad thing any orc anywhere in Middle Earth has ever done."
Ghrudur stared up at the buckboard. "Can't. Will fight. Can't not fight."
"You managed to keep out of trouble in Isengard," she said reasonably. "I'm sure you had your bad days. Probably had other orcs knocking you around just for the fun of it. Did you fight then?"
"Yes. Kill, too."
"I stand corrected. I guess you were a bit of a bruiser, then." He could hear the humor in her voice.
"Nargzab-izg dhûzud bukot," Ghrudur murmured. [I just want peace.]
"We all want that," she said with a sigh. "If it is within my power to give, I'll see that you get it. One way or another."
"Why?" he asked quietly. "You give much. Give nothing to you. Want give. Can't."
"Call me a sucker for lost causes," she said. "Always rooting for the underdog. Anyway, it's not true that you give me nothing. You give a lot."
"What give?" he snorted. "What want give, can't."
"What do you want to give me, Ghru?"
"Kulûk lat nargzab," he replied, his tone urgent as if he spoke an oath. "Kraur-izub, hûn-izub, frûm-izub, dulug-izub. Rûgh kraash-ob-izg. Uk brus-izg golmat." [Translation: Anything you want. My body, my heart, my spirit, my weapon. Every part of me. All I have to offer.]
Lynn lay beside the orc, stunned. She had thought Marik was out of his mind, imagining things. She assumed what the orc was really feeling was simple lust, wanting only to satisfy his physical needs. Her mind reeled at the notion that a creature bred in darkness, fueled by hate, driven to kill, could feel anything remotely resembling love. Yet by his own words, it was clear the physical aspect was only a small part of what he desired.
When she did not respond immediately, Ghrudur began to sweat. It occurred to him that perhaps such bold words were not welcome. He had to mentally kick himself; of course his words were not welcome!
Hoping to brush it off, Ghrudur forced a guttural laugh. "No fear. Won't give. Try give, Lynn kill. Men kill. King kill. Golug lord kill."
Recovering herself, Lynn let out a shuddering breath she hadn't realized she was holding in her shock. "Don't be silly. I wouldn't kill you for that. Everyone else on your list, however... Yeah, I think they'd be taking numbers to do you in."
"No kill? Give, you no kill?"
"Let's not be jumping ahead, Ghru," she said carefully. "I talk a good game, but I'm rather...reluctant to play. At least, when it matters, I am. I think, in this instance, it matters a huge amount. To you, and to me. So...slowly, okay?"
"Don't...understand," he said, stumbling as always over that particular word. "Want or don't want?"
"God, if only it could be that simple," she muttered half to herself. "Okay. I don't have to go into the whole racial difference here, do I? Or the cultural one?"
"Don't understand," he repeated more forcefully, clearly frustrated.
"Best to lay it out, then," Lynn said, rubbing her eyes. "All right. You do intrigue me quite a bit, Ghru. The differences between us are profound, but that's sort of what makes you so interesting. I've flirted shamelessly with you mostly because it was safe to do so, and I'm really sorry about that."
"Flirt? What flirt?" he asked.
"Flirting is where you do or say things to show someone your interest in them," she explained. "I suppose you could call flirting a sort of...well, a mating thing. Kind of."
"Mate," he said hesitantly. His voice shook with hope. "You want mate?"
"I said sort of," she hastily reiterated. "More often than not, women flirt just to mess with a guy. I assure you, that's not what I was doing. You just...I don't know. You were playing up to me so much, it just came naturally."
"No sense!" he hissed. "Make sense!"
"Okay, okay!" she said. "Keep your shirt on! You want the unvarnished truth? Fine! I like you, okay? Satisfied?"
"Like," he snapped, still not getting it. "Don't know 'like'. What 'like'?"
"Oh, for the love of...narmokat, god dammit!" [Translation: to like (nar + mok, not hate)]
"Why not say first?" he snapped. "Sharlob gashnat shum, gashnat narash." [Translation: Woman talks a lot, says nothing.]
"I do believe I pointed that out a couple of days ago, if you recall, so it shouldn't come as a surprise to you," she retorted. Sighing wearily, she tried to keep her voice even. "I need more than a few days to... really... uh... dammit..." She suddenly became aware of just how closely she was lying next to him in the cramped cart, how warm his body was in the chill night air, how he seemed to purr as he breathed... "More time. That's what I need. Time to think."
"What think? Want or don't want. Simple."
Lynn rolled her eyes. "Nothing is that simple. Maybe for you, it's simple. Either you can't think about it logically, or you don't give a shit," she snapped impatiently. "I wish I didn't give a shit, but I have no choice."
"Take or leave," Ghrudur snorted stubbornly.
"What, we're negotiating a treaty here?" Rolling to her side to look at him, she couldn't hide the grin fighting its way to the surface. "A trade agreement, is it?"
His eyes flicked to her, caught the teasing tone, and he softened somewhat. "Yes. Trade. Give you, you give back. Fair trade."
"I see how you are," she smirked. "But I think we should suspend negotiations until all parties at the table have full control of their faculties." She trailed a finger up his arm. "Though I'm at a clear advantage here."
He shivered under her touch, seeming to burn even through the bandages. Swallowing hard, he looked into her eyes, so different from his own. "Want...or don't want."
She couldn't look away, couldn't ignore the quivering sensation that shot through her, tightening her stomach and sending darts of longing to her center. "Want. Just...not yet."
It took a huge effort to leave his side, but Lynn knew one more moment in his presence might undo everything she was fighting so hard to accomplish. Sometimes, personal things had to take a backseat to higher purposes.