Chapter 10
I awoke within his arms, strong and loving, wrapped around me keeping me safe, protecting me from the world and everyone in it. My eyelids were heavy, dazed from my sleep but I kept my eyes open, and moved to stare up at the one person could make me have this feeling of pure euphoria. I had shown up here late last night, tears running down my face I was ashamed, ashamed of me, a damaged soul, with a rocky past, a pathetic excuse for a man, who couldn't even learn to hold back his tears. Despite it all he took me into my arms, whispering sweet nothings into my ear, washing away the hateful words my wife had thrown at me like daggers.
He took me into his room, into his bed, stripping me down into barely anything and held me, my head rested on his chest while I listened to his heartbeat and stayed up with me until I was calm enough to sleep. I stared at his features, how calm he seemed when he was asleep, the way his lips would twitch just slightly every few minutes. His golden blonde hair looked so soft I was tempted to touch it, but decided against it, not wanting to disturb him.
I wondered what I had done to deserve this man, for him to love me as I loved him. How was it possible for a man like me to fall so hopelessly, a man who was destined to spend eternity alone, married to a cold and cruel person? Somehow I found my way to Gatsby; never would I willingly leave his arms again. I nuzzled my face into his neck, and wrapped my arms tighter around his torso; I found a certain comfort in him, a sense of safety I had never before been able to find.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man, the love I held for him was something I had never experienced, it was so real it was almost frightening. The desire to run away from this place and never return, to run away from all of this with Gatsby by my side, never would I have to be alone again.
But fear loomed over me, the reality sinking in and tearing down every dream, every hope I had ever held. I may feel safe, while I was here wrapped within Gatsby's embrace, but would I always be protected from the rest of the world? The reality of what we were truly getting into? I don't know if I would ever have the courage…the self-confidence…to run away, to leave with Gatsby and never return. But I knew it was what I wanted, more than anything I wanted to be with him, to walk up within his arms every day, and to fall asleep in them every night.
I glanced back up at Gatsby's sleeping form, a slight smile appearing on my lips. For him I would try, I would try to leave; I want to be with him, I want to make him happy, I will do whatever it takes. I brought my hand to his face and touched it slightly; he stirred slightly, his eyes twitching some. He moved his hand up to where mine sat on his cheek, covering my hand with his. Ocean eyes met mine and he smiled, only reassuring my choice to be with him.
"Good morning" He whispered, his voice slightly horse from sleep, and I smiled, I smiled so brightly, trying to pour out every ounce of love I held for him in that one glance. I moved my hand from his face and threw my arms around him, wanting to be held in his embrace, to feel him surround me, just to be sure. I buried my face into his neck, taking in his scent, his arms wrapped around me in return, holding me to him. I wanted to live in this moment forever, if I were to die now I would be content, held in his loving arms nothing could touch me, fears, reality, responsibility, it all meant nothing, nothing could compare to the way I felt in that moment.
We pulled away from the embrace only slightly, and stared into each other's eyes, he smiled and moved to leave a chaste kiss upon my lips and moved to shower the rest of me with his loving touch. My heart felt as if it were going to explode, I felt as if I could cry, just because of the happiness I felt in that moment. His eyes found mine again and he touched my cheek just slightly.
"What is it?" He asked, his voice soft, and loving, I could listen to him talk to me for days on end. I felt tears well up behind my eyes, I felt pathetic, stupid, but I didn't care.
"I love you" I whispered, so sincere, my voice laced with love, his face broke out into his most beautiful smile and kissed my lips over and over again.
"And I want to be with you" I spoke between kisses and he nodded and continued to shower me with his affection, "I want to do it, Jay; I want to run away with you." Suddenly he stopped, his eyes wide, yet so full of love.
"Are you sure?" He was shocked, I hadn't every been so willing to leave, my abusive relationship holding me back, but never had I wanted anything more than to be with the man lying before me.
"I've never been more sure," I kissed his cheek; "I want to be with you, Jay, no matter what it takes, or what I have to do. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you"
"What about your responsibilities?" He questioned, "Your wife, your daughter, your home, everything tying you to this place."
"I don't care anymore, I just want to be with you, none of them ever wanted me in the first place, but you do." The smile that broke out on his face at that moment made my heart skip a beat. He kissed me again, over and over. We were going to do it, we were going to leave and no one was going to stop us, not Tonya, not anyone because I loved him and he loved me.
Later that day I found myself standing on Jezebel's doorstep, once again, I had left Gatsby's mansion, before making a plan to leave, tomorrow afternoon we had planned to go to Tonya and announce that I was leaving her and go away with Gatsby. I left promising that I would be back tonight, that I had something that I needed to do. I feared what my cousin would say to me when she saw me, we hadn't spoken since the night I had announced to her that I was having an affair with her neighbor, a man.
Part of me wanted to leave, to go away with Gatsby and just leave her here, to never speak with her again, because if I didn't then I would be safe from her judgment. But the bigger part of me was screaming to make amends, to talk and this with her for she had always been there to help with through Daisy's untimely death, to support me and love me through it all, because that's what family was for.
I knocked a couple of times with a shaky hand, then all I had left to do was wait, wait for what was waiting for me behind that door. After a few minutes the door open to reveal a slightly stunned Jezebel, obviously not expecting to see me.
"Nick?" She called out and I nodded, expecting that what I would be greeted with a slap across the face or a door to be slammed, but no, she stepped out of her home and jumped to me, her eyes thrown around me, she hugged me. I took a few steps back, holding my hand between her shoulder blades to hold her in place. Shocked by the sudden affection, I stood there dumfounded as she pulled away. She gave me a slight smile and gestured for me to come in.
I moved to walk in and I followed her as she sat down on her couch, gesturing for me to join her, I sat down next to her, the room was met with a certain awkward silence for a few moments before Jezebel cleared her throat, looking up at me with concerned hazel eyes.
"I love you, Nick," She smiled despite her concern, "And I will accept you, no matter who you love, who you decide to me, because no matter what you are my family, but I'm not sure what you're doing is right." She sighed.
"Tonya is an awful person, you both know that, but it's not okay to stoop down to her level and do the same to her what she does to you, I believe you should handle this the right way and-…" I held up my hand to silence her.
"I'm leaving Tonya" Her eyes widened.
"What?" She gasped, shocked.
"I'm leaving her, I decided, I'm leaving her for Gatsby and we're going to runaway together, I've invited Gatsby to lunch tomorrow with me and Tonya, and we're going to tell her then."
"I'm so proud of you, Nick" She smiled, her beautiful eyes brightened.
"And it would mean so much to me if you'd join us" I added.
"Join you?" She questioned, confused, "Why?"
"For moral support, I suppose," I shrugged, "I just want you to be there with me, to help me, you've always been there for me Jezzy, please join us." She looked as if she was about to decline before sighing.
"Alright, Nick, I'll go for you" I smiled brightly and threw my arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug.
"Thank you, Jezzy" I whispered.
"Anytime, Nick, dear" She responded. I stayed for a while after that, I hadn't spoken with Jezzy for such a long amount of time, needing to catch up. As it fell into the late hours of the night I returned to Gatsby, he took me into his arms as I told him the news about Jezzy, we shared a smile as we made our way to his bed and fell asleep into each other's arms, I would have treasured it more though, if I had known that was the last time that I would ever fall asleep within the comfort of his arms again.
*So, I've realized that a lot of the things in this fic aren't historically correct, but it's my story so whatever*
*I've just started school so updates may be slow but I promise I will finish this story*
*Thank you so much for reading, it really means a lot to me*
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