Just four days after my gorgeous daughter was born, I was back at school. I was running on only about 4 hours of sleep the first Monday I came back. Ellie and I had worked out a schedule so that we could both sleep and Grace would always be taken care of. It also meant that I could go to school and Ellie's mom could go to work. But I had to give up my social life entirely; I had to be at Ellie's right after school. To be honest I didn't really mind, because it helped the school day along, knowing that I was going to get to see my daughter after school. It was also a good feeling being responsible, to be a good dad and help out Ellie and her mom. I was walking up and down the halls groggily; trying desperately to remember what class I was supposed to be at.
I slept through English, which was a bad idea. I tried so hard to stay awake, I really did but it was the teacher's fault for putting a movie on. When the classroom is all dark and some boring voiceover guy is droning on about some author while they show random pictures and paintings, it's just too hard.
Ellie would get to come back to school in three weeks and until then do online correspondence with her teachers so that she could graduate with everyone else. She had worked too hard throughout the year to lose it all now. They said they were making an exception because of her "extenuating circumstances." I had extenuating circumstances too! But they didn't side with me, Raditch said I should have been more responsible in the first place and I had schoolwork to do. It was probably the only time I truly envied Ellie for being a pregnant teen.
Well, since I had slept through English I was awarded a lovely detention.
"You will have to stay after school for an hour and write me a paper on why it is important to stay awake in class" the teacher explained
I groaned, I had a Gracie shift after school; Mrs. Nash was going to kill me. "I can't stay after school!" I whined
"That isn't my problem Mr. Cameron. You should've thought of that before you decided that my class time was your nap time."
"Can I at least go to the office and call my…" I was about to say girlfriend, but it didn't seem like the right word, I racked my brain a moment, "my daughter's mom. I have to tell her I'll be late."
The teacher snickered a little, and then wrote me a pass. I absolutely hated teachers like that, the ones that rejoice in the failure and pathetic lives of their less successful students.
I walked up to the front office with my head hung a little low, my little pink pass crumpled into a ball in my fist. Sure I wasn't proud of what I did. I didn't like being a teen dad who could barely get along with his baby's mother. But every time I looked into that little girl's eyes, I was the proudest guy in the world.
When I reached the front office, there was already someone on the student phone. I sat down in one of the ridged blue plastic chairs against the glass wall. The school's receptionist was popping her gum obnoxiously behind the counter, she was typing away furiously at the keyboard. I was busy staring at my shoe, there was something black and sticky on the bottom, but I wasn't going to try and see what it was. Then I heard, "Sean?"
My head jerked up swiftly, coming out of Raditch's office was a tall, drop-dead gorgeous blonde. It took my tired brain a moment to process, but I quickly realized it was Emma. She had certainly changed a lot. She didn't look like the gawky girl I'd fallen head over heels for when I was thirteen; she looked like a woman. To be completely honest she looked like a supermodel. Her hair was the perfect shade of blonde, curled lightly at the ends, bouncing on her thin shoulders. Her figure was slender, but with the perfect amount of curves, in the perfect places. I couldn't understand why I hadn't noticed what a goddess she'd become. Was I too busy with Ellie and the baby? Or had I just not seen her in two years?
"Hey Emma" I managed out, I was really taken aback by this change in her, "what are you doing here?"
"Oh I was just organizing an AIDS benefit with Mr. Raditch," she hadn't changed much after all, still trying to save the world. She used the stack of papers in her hand to gesture back toward Raditch's office. "We're having a dance-a-thon. Where people pledge money for AIDS research depending on how many straight hours everyone dances…" she smiled when she realized she was rambling, she slipped into a chair next to me, "sorry, how are you doing?"
"I'm really tired actually" I sighed, "I've been up all night, every few hours to-"
Her eyes got wide, "oh my gosh!" she cut me off, "the baby! Did Ellie have the baby?"
So everyone at Degrassi really did know about Ellie and the baby, "yeah, on Wednesday night, or Thursday morning I guess…a little girl. Her name is Grace."
Emma sighed dreamily, "Oh that's a beautiful name! Congratulations Sean" she smiled and wrapped her arms around me, I was a little stunned by the gesture and awkwardly returned the hug
"So," she folded her hands in her lap and leaned a little closer to me, making it more of a conversation between friends instead of awkward small talk, "how are you and Ellie doing?"
"I don't know actually," I turned more toward her, "she's doing this weird I hate you/I love you thing. Every day it's something different, I just don't get it anymore. It's like-" I became conscious that I was suddenly opening up to someone I hadn't spoken to in years about something I didn't even think about with myself that often. I remembered that the way she was so easy to talk to, and that I opened up to her so easily was one of the reasons I had fallen for her all that time ago. I laughed, embarrassed, "I'm sorry"
"No Sean, it's fine." She put her hand on my shoulder, "you can talk to me. About whatever you want, I promise it's fine. I probably owe you for all that environment talk I jabbered in your ear back in junior high. So tell me all about this little girl of yours." She leaned on the armchair with her hand under her arm, perfect listening position.
"You mean you aren't going to tell me about what a screw up I am. And that we should've given the baby up like everyone else does?" I raised my eyebrows, staring at the floor.
She sat back, "first of all Sean, I don't know if you forgot that I'm the result of a teen pregnancy. I'm very proud of you and Ellie for being grown-ups about this and accepting your responsibility," her voice softened and she leaned in to see my eyes. And second of all, I know you aren't a screw up Sean. I always saw past that 'bad boy' thing, remember?"
I looked up at her and my stomach sank, in a good way. She did remember, everything about me. She still knew just how to get me. I looked away toward the student phone. The kid that had been there before was gone. I held up my crinkled pink note, "I have to call Ellie," I started to mumble, and avoid her eyes, "I got detention for sleeping in English, I have to tell her I'll be late."
Emma stood, "ok, well have fun" she smiled sweetly, "I hope I see you soon Sean"
"Yeah, see you" I muttered
And I watched her walk out of the office and down the hallway, her golden hair bouncing as she walked, a little confused by the feelings rushing through me…but I wasn't about to push them away.
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Later that day, after I had served my time in detention I went over to Ellie's. She greeted me with a smile at the door. She didn't look so hot, she had bags under her eyes, and I could tell she hadn't washed her hair in a few days. Over Ellie's shoulder I saw Mrs. Nash in the kitchen, throwing her purse over her shoulder and scooping her keys off of the counter. I entered the living room and Ellie silently closed the door. Mrs. Nash came rushing out of the kitchen and shot me a nasty look.
"Well I'm off to work" she said quietly, with a harsh tone, "an hour late" she slipped in as she opened the door to the garage.
"Mom, Sean got here as soon as he could, it isn't his fault. He was tired"
"We're all tired Eleanor," she mumbled as she stormed out the door.
Ellie smiled at me, "sorry about her"
I shoved my hands in my pockets, "no, its fine. I really feel bad about this."
"Don't, it's all right." She placed her hand on my shoulder, "I'm going to go take a nap. Gracie just went down, so she should be fine for at least an hour. There's formula in the fridge if she gets hungry and-"
I stopped her, "Ellie, I know the drill," I put my hands on her back and gave her a nudge toward her bedroom, "go to sleep"
"Yeah, ok" she started down the hallway and I followed her, "I'm gonna sleep in moms bed, so I don't wake Gracie up."
We entered her mom's room. Tiptoeing around on the soft beige carpet. She sat heavily on the bed
"That's cool, whatever you want to do Ellie, I'm fine with it," I told her as she slipped under her mom's floral print covers
She settled into the pillows and I straightened the sheets around her, "how was school?" she asked with a yawn, "anything exciting happen?"
The first image that shot to my mind was Emma, but I couldn't mention any of that to Ellie, or anyone. It was still confusing to me. I leaned down and kissed Ellie's forehead, "nope, just a regular old day"
