Hot Rod Ed
A/N: I'm back! Now let's get on with the fic!
"Woo, check this out, Sockhead!" Eddy yelled, opening the back doors of the van.
Double D looked inside. Attached to a table was a large aquarium tank containing Eddy's pet snake, Little Edward.
"Eddy, I don't think it's a good idea to keep Edward in the van all the time."
"Why not? It looks cool and he scares thieves away."
"Eddy, vehicle temperatures in the summer time can reach one-hundred and twenty degrees plus. Edward would cook to death if he stayed in here!"
"Hmm, good point," Eddy replied. He picked up Edward's tank and carried it out of the van. "I'll just take him back home and-"
"Eddy!" Eddy and Double D heard a familiar voice cry out. They spun around to see Ed running towards them. "There you guys are!" Ed bent down to look in Eddy's aquarium. "Hello there, Little Edward!" Little Edward flicked his tongue out as a response.
"What's up, Ed?" Eddy greeted his friend.
"Are you guys ready for the car show today?" Eddy and Double D looked at each other in panic.
"Oh my, we forgot about the car show!" Double D screamed.
"Quick! Let's go get Carrie, drop Edward off at the house, and get to the fair grounds!" Eddy ran around in circles, juggling his pet snake's tank and the van keys.
"I'll go get Carrie!" Ed ran off towards the wrecked ship where the Sepian called home.
"Allow me, Eddy," Double D said, trying to take the keys from Eddy, but the shortest Ed-boy tripped, throwing Little Edward out of his tank and onto Double D. The large snake knocked him to the ground as Eddy dropped his tank, breaking it.
Meanwhile, inside the wreckage of the Blue Comet, Mei-Lin was resting on the couch with the morning paper when Ed literally busted through the front door.
"Ed, I just put that door back on its hinges," Mei-Lin moaned.
"Where's Carrie?" The Ed-boy asked dramatically.
"In her room taking a nap. Good luck waking her…"
Ed ran to Carrie's room. He waded through her pile of clothes and chewed-up junk to her bed where she was buried under a pile of warm blankets. Ed reached in, grabbed the sleeping Sepian, and shook her.
"Carrie, wake up! We're gonna be late for the car show!" Carrie's head slumped over to the side, drool oozing from the corner of her mouth. "Carrie," Ed yelled again, shaking her more violently. Ed stared at her as she slept peacefully, then ran off, still holding Carrie up by the shoulders.
Back outside, Eddy and Double D had somewhat organized themselves. Eddy was sitting in the driver's seat of the van and Double D had Little Edward wrapped tightly around his body in fear after Eddy dropped the poor reptile. Ed exited Mei-Lin's wrecked ship and ran towards the van.
"Hurry up, slowpoke!" Eddy yelled at him, blowing the van's horn. Ed threw Carrie in the back seat, climbed in, and shut the door. Eddy sped away and threw a sheet of paper and pen at Double D.
"Quick, fill out this entry form, Double D!"
"Okay, but it'll be kinda difficult with Edward coiled around my face," Double D replied. He began filling out the form as Eddy left the junkyard.
"This is gonna be fun!" Ed said, bouncing around in his seat. "I'm gonna eat cotton candy, corn dogs, and nachos and ride the roller coaster until I puke it all back up!"
"That's disgusting, Ed," Double D replied, still filling out the form.
Meanwhile, Carrie finally woke up from her nap with a yawn. "Hey, how did I get here?" She asked groggily.
"We're taking you to the fair with us!" Ed answered.
"Sounds fun…" Carrie yawned again. "I'm hungry."
Eddy drove to his house where he put Little Edward in the tank sitting on his dresser. He returned to his vehicle and sped away.
"Thank you for prying Edward off, Eddy," Double D said. "He was cutting off the circulation to my face."
"Did you sign that form yet?"
"I just finished, Eddy! I just need yours and Ed's signatures and it's ready!"
"Sweet!"
The Eds drove until they reached a huge field with booths, several carnival rides, and a bunch of souped-up automobiles parked in front. Eddy parked his van beside a couple of old hot rods where he was met with a cop.
"Hey, this space is reserved for contestants only!" He said.
"Oh, but we are contestants!" Eddy replied.
"Do you have an entry form?"
"Yup!" Eddy and Ed quickly scribbled their signatures and handed the paper to the cop. He looked it over carefully.
"Looks good to me!" The cop said. "The judging starts at noon, so feel free to get out and enjoy the fair."
The Eds and Carrie exited the van and made their way to the Peach Creek Fair.
"Mmm, I smell food!" Carrie said, smelling the air.
"Hey, Dorky!" A voice called out. The four of them spun around to see Kevin riding up in his motorcycle.
He had really cleaned up the old Bedpan-head. It now had a glossy, cherry red paint job on the gas tank and fenders, a flaming peach painted on the gas tank. The seat had a tall sissy bar reminiscent of Kevin's old childhood bicycle and the rims were a shiny chrome. The Eds all stared at Kevin's bike, their mouths agape at how much better the bike looked. It was almost as if he had bought a brand new bike and junked his old one, but they all knew Kevin didn't have that kind of money with his minimum-wage job.
"Cool," the Eds exclaimed.
"Shiny…" Carrie added, staring at the chrome rims.
"Pretty sweet, huh? I finally finished it," Kevin bragged. "I see you guys haven't been messing around either." Kevin pointed his thumb at the Eds' van. "Not bad, for a bunch of dorks! But we'll see what the judges have to say." Kevin slowly drove away. "Later!"
"Looks like we have some stiff competition," Double D said.
"We'll see…" Eddy replied. "We just gotta out-shine Kevin during the presentation. For now, let's go have some fun! Let's hit the roller coaster!"
"Wait! Let me eat first," Ed said. He grabbed a corn dog and was about to take a bite when Double D snatched it from him.
"I don't think that's such a good idea, Ed," Double D said.
"This'll be my first time riding it!" Eddy said with excitement. "I've been measuring myself over the years, and I'm finally tall enough to ride this year!"
"If I recall, Eddy, you've gotten to ride the past three years because you would always trick the carnival workers by wearing your mom's high-heeled shoes," Double D remarked.
"Shut up!" Eddy snapped. "And I meant to say, this is the first year I won't have to do that!"
"Food!" Carrie exclaimed as she ran off in a different direction.
"Carrie, wait! The coaster is this way," Double D called after her.
"Eh, let her go, Sockhead. We've got a date with the Peach Dragon…"
The Eds made their way to the coaster where they encountered the impossibly long line. The line seemed to stretch on for miles, and was still growing.
"Shall we move on to something else, gentlemen?" Double D asked.
"And miss out on the Peach Dragon, the most dangerous carnival ride in Peach Creek? No way! We'll just cut in line…" The Eds snuck towards the front, but they only made it past the last ten people in line when someone noticed them.
"Hey, no cutting in line!" A man screamed. "Hey, these kids are cutting!"
A carnie worker walked to the back of the line. "Back of the line, kids!" He commanded.
"Of all the no good…" Eddy grumbled.
"Let's just come back later, Eddy," Double D suggested. "There are plenty of other rides and activities we can do."
"Fine," Eddy grumbled as he followed his friends.
Meanwhile, not too far away, Carrie was making her way through the crowds, following all sorts of smells. There were giant pretzel stands, popcorn machines, cotton candy venders, hot dogs, corn dogs, nachos, and all sorts of peach-themed cuisine. Everyone around her was eating and half eaten food and wrappers littered the ground. Carrie followed her nose to the nacho stand and weaseled her way to the front of the line.
"Next," the vender bellowed, his face and hands covered in nacho cheese. He glanced at the front of his stand, where Carrie was peering over the counter, a line of angry customers behind her. "Ah, good morning, miss! What can I get for ya?"
"Uuuuuhhhhhh…" Carrie glanced at the menu, which only read "nachos-cheese or no cheese." "Uuuummmm…" Carrie went over her only two options indecisively.
The nacho vender guy frowned at her and said, "Look, why don't you just start out with the classic." He handed her a large bucket filled with nachos and cheese.
"Okay, thanks!" Carrie ran off with her nachos.
"Hey, you have to pay for those!" The man yelled after her, before he was swamped with angry customers, waving money in his face.
Meanwhile, the Eds had finally finished riding the Peach Dragon roller coaster. Eddy had a huge grin on his face, Double D looked woozy, and Ed was trying to make himself throw up.
"Nothing like a roller coaster ride to start off the day," Eddy said. "I think that was the best ride I've ever had!"
"Yeah," Ed added, "especially when the whole roller coaster jumped off the track and landed on that guy's car!"
"Why don't we find Carrie and rest a while…" Double D mumbled.
"And miss all these great rides? No way!" Eddy dragged his friends towards a tilt-a-whirl. "C'mon! Let's hit the Hurl 'n' Whirl!" Double D groaned.
Back at the nacho stand, Carrie had sat down and was enjoying her nachos when three familiar faces surrounded her table, the Kanker sisters!
"Well, well, well…" Lee said. "Look at what we have here!"
"It's that new chick that hangs around with our boyfriends!" Marie growled.
"And she's eating nachos like a little piggy!" May added.
"Shut up, May!" Lee commanded, shoving a bag of popcorn in her younger sister's mouth.
Carrie looked at the three as she shoved a handful of nachos and cheese in her mouth. She tried to greet them, but her mouth was too full.
"Don't you know it's rude to talk with your mouth full?" Lee teased.
"Here, let's help her eat!" Marie grabbed a handful of nachos and crammed them in Carrie's mouth.
Carrie's mouth was completely stuffed, cheese and chip bits oozed from her mouth. She tried to swallow, but she only wound up choking herself. The Kankers laughed at the Sepian as she hacked and coughed. Carrie opened her mouth and spewed chewed nachos, cheese, and saliva all over the Kankers.
"Ugh, gross!" Marie wailed. Carrie laughed at the Kankers.
"Oh, you think that's funny?" Lee growled, grabbing Carrie's bucket of nachos.
She dumped them all on Carrie's head and put the bucket over her head, pouring nachos and cheese all over her. She was now completely covered in cheddar cheese sauce and crushed nacho chips. The Kankers were having their laugh, all three of them busting their guts laughing at the Sepian. Carrie pulled the bucket off and shook her head violently, shaking the nacho cheese out of her hair and slinging it everywhere. When Carrie finally stopped, the Kankers were completely covered in cheese and nacho chips, along with the crowd of people that were close by. Ignoring the fact that she was still a mess, Carrie pointed at everybody and laughed.
"What a freak…" Lee grumbled, walking away.
"It'll take me days to get all this cheese out of my hair…" Marie complained as she followed Lee. May followed close behind, eating chips out of Marie's hair.
On the other side of the carnival, the Eds were stumbling off the Hurl 'n' Whirl. Double D stumbled into a trash can and threw up in it.
"Aw, not cool!" Ed groused. "I wanted to be the first one to throw up!"
"Eddy, can we please stop?" Double D asked, his stomach gurgling loudly.
"No way!" Eddy staggered into a post, smashing his face in. "We haven't rode the Up 'n' Chuck Cart Ride yet!" Eddy regained his balance and grabbed his friends.
"Maybe I'll throw up this time!" Ed exclaimed.
Eddy dragged his friends to a ride that looked like a large, spinning arm. At the end of the arm was an old shopping cart with cardboard wings taped to the sides.
"This doesn't look too bad…" Double D remarked, his stomach settling.
"Me first!" Ed yelled, shoving himself and his friends in the cart.
"You kids better hang on…" the carnival worker warned as he pressed a button on a remote control. The spinning arm lurched forward and started to spin slowly.
"Is this it?" Eddy asked, disappointed.
"I feel it coming, Eddy!" Ed said.
"After this we should get to the car show," Double D said, tapping on his watch. "It's almost noon!"
"This sucks! Can't this piece of crap go any faster?" Eddy yelled at the carnival worker.
As if to answer his question, the machine started to speed up. It swung the Eds faster and faster until the cart they were sitting in detached from the arm and was flung over the carnival, the Eds screaming as it flew.
Meanwhile, Carrie was wandering around, still covered in cheese, when saw the Eds sailing overhead in the cart.
"Hey, I wanna fly, too!" Carrie ran after them, waving her arms.
"This is the best carnival ever!" Eddy screamed. He then leaned over the side and threw up.
"No fair!" Ed complained.
Double D looked ahead and saw that they were headed right for the car show. "At least we'll make it in time for the-"
Before Double D could finish, the cart smashed into a fancy muscle car, totaling it. It bounced from car to car, smashing them all until it finally landed in front of the Eds' own van. Every vehicle but Kevin's motorcycle and the Eds' van were destroyed. Carrie ran up to them.
"I wanna fly next!" Carrie yelled.
The Eds crawled out of the wreckage. "I'm hurt now…" Eddy groaned.
"Ow, my lasagna!" Ed exclaimed.
"So much for the car show…" Double D said. The judge, Kevin, and several carnival workers surrounded the Eds.
"You boys ain't gonna sue, are ya?" One of the park owners asked nervously.
Eddy looked at them, dazed, but he got an idea… "Fine, but you have to give us first place in the car show!"
"Well, looks like we don't have much of a choice," the car show judge replied. He handed Eddy a blue ribbon. Eddy grinned victoriously, several of his teeth falling out as he did.
"And you win this voucher for Conrad's Garage! A free, full repair job, good until 5 PM today!" Double D took the voucher.
"What do I win?" Carrie asked.
"You!?" A voice in the crowd yelled. The nacho merchant from before followed by a bunch of people covered in nacho cheese surrounded the Sepian. "You stole a tub of nacho cheese from me!"
"And you got nacho cheese all over us!" The crowd yelled.
"Uh-oh…" Carrie muttered, realizing she was in trouble.
"Get her!" Someone in the crowd yelled.
Carrie ran away, the crowd chasing after her. Panicking, she saw Kevin's motorcycle and hopped on.
"Hey, don't touch my bike!" Kevin roared.
Carrie looked at the handle bars, the crowd surrounding her. She had no idea how to work Kevin's motorcycle, nor did she have time to learn. She grabbed the handlebars and twisted them, causing the motorcycle to speed off backwards. The motorcycle crashed into the side of the Eds' van, putting a huge hole in the side.
"My bike!" Kevin wailed.
"My van!" Eddy cried.
"My lasagna!" Ed yelled, pulling out a piece of moldy lasagna out of his pocket. Double D frowned at him.
Carrie crawled out of the wreckage, the motorcycle's front tire rammed over her left arm and the handle bars wrapped around her head.
"Owie…" Carrie moaned, dazed from the crash. She fell to the ground, out cold.
"Looks like we'll be using this voucher after all…" Double D said.