I'll try to make the chapters longer...but you have to understand that Rose's mind isn't really working properly.

But I'll do my best.

Another flashback:

"You can't let yourself get distracted. No matter what the strigoi or whoever it is that your fighting says."

Joshua stood in front of me, this was my fourth month here. I sighed, I knew this already, damn it.

He looked at me, "Don't get impatient. You're great at not letting yourself get distracted."

I rolled my eyes.

He'd used everything in my past to train me.

'What'd it feel to get your son killed?'

'When everybody left you?'

'When your husband divorced you to go out with your so called friend?'

"What about Mason, hmm, Rose?'

I was brought back to reality when Joshua said, "I'm going to change it up a bit. Now we're doing physical pain."

"I'm going to put you through a series of events. I'm going to make you feel like you're drowning you. I have a spirit user that'll heal you from any wounds."

"Wait. Wounds?"

"Yes, we'll be using guns, knives, stuff like that."

"Cool," was all I said and he gave me a soft small smile.

"Now we'll start with the drowning. Here put this over your head. This is one method." he said handing me a sack thingy I was supposed to put over my head.

A little curious, I put over my head.

He moved me somewhere and then a few minutes later I felt cold water being thrown at me.

I screeched.

"Bad move," I heard Joshua said.

Next thing I feel a slash in my leg.

I suppress my groan of pain.

"Stand still or else," he warned.

I did as I was told.

I heard his steps get near.

I felt him and knew he was in front of me.

"Don't move."

He stripped me down.

I was about to ask when I felt him retrieve.

A few moment passed before water was once again thrown at me.

But this time it scolding hot water.

"OW!" I yelled without thinking.

I immediately regretted it.

I felt something very hot touch my skin and burn me.

"Ignore the physical pain."

I tried but I squirmed as he left the burning thing in my leg.

"Don't move," he hissed and slapped me.

This went on for an hour when I was done he had me training.

"You'll be training for the next 24 hours. Fall asleep... and well find out."

He had me doing a bunch of exercises. I was fatigued by the 10th hour.

I did the mistake of closing my eyes because Joshua burned me again.

I jolted awake and glared at him.

"Keep going," he said.

When I was done he had the moroi heal me a little bit.

I huffed as I went to sleep.

Only 3 more months I thought.

End of flashback.

I stood in front of Joshua.

"You're on vacation," was all he said.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I know but why."

"Because you're taking too much pleasure in killing."

"And that's bad?"

"I want to stop you before you do any more damage." I heard fear in his voice.

"Fine," I huffed walking out.

I decided as I lay in bed that night, I was going to go to Paris, France.

I tossed and turned around that night.

I looked at the full moon through my window.

'How did I get here?'

I whispered to myself.

'How did I become so broken?'

'Could I possibly be imagining all of this?'

I shook away all those thoughts.

I couldn't go crazy again.

That would certainly kill me.

I sighed as I thought hit me.

I'm going under.