Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Elbert Hubbard

o-O-o

All of the Shepherds woke up on time, even Stahl who usually slept late. Not a single person wanted to slack, especially after what happened to Vaike.

The training fields were thick with the soldiers, many of them paired off and beating each other up with sticks. Chrom was sparring (And beating up) Robin, while Stahl was being verbally berated by an enraged Sully lecturing him about the story of Cain and Abel.

On the opposite side of the field was a different story.

"Form number three. Draw above head, slash, turn while striking with both hands."

Luso muttered as he quickly flipped his sword out of the sheathe and stabbed the air in front of him.

Frederick stared passively at the mercenary as Luso muttered, "Form number four, Slash, pivot, slash and... Gwaa! Frederick! How long have you been standing there?"

The Knight merely smiled and said. "While your forms aren't Ylissian by nature, they are complex and not self taught. It was fascinating to watch, so to say."

"Umm, thank you." Luso scratched his head. "That was very flattering but it still didn't answer my question."

"May I ask you something?" The knight said while picking up a wooden sword.

"Sure Frederick, what is it?"

"How is it that you know forms that elegant, and flail your sword around like it's a dead badger on the battlefield. I rarely see you do any of the forms you practice in combat."

Luso paused and sheathed the sword he was practicing with. He sat down and shrugged. "I can practice all the complex moves I want, but when I step out onto the battlefield, I get so terrified that I forget every last one. The pressure of the practice grounds is different from the killing fields."

Frederick paused for a second before grabbing a second wooden sword.

"Then the answer is simple."

"What is?"

The knight flicked one of the swords above his head and slammed it down where Luso was sitting. The mercenary scrambled out of the way as he shouted. "Are you mad?"

"If you get used to using the form under pressure then you can use on the battlefield no? Come! We're going to spar until you use one of your forms on me!" The great knight charged after Luso with his training sword.

"Hya!"

"You are mad!" Luso cried as he grabbed the training sword. With two blows Luso was bowled over. This was going to be painful.

Frederick raised his sword over his head and...

CRACK!

After thirty minutes of constant whacking and being whacked, Luso eventually twisted his sword and hit the knight on the chest. Frederick sighed and dropped the sword, and went on to spar with Sully.

Luso left the training grounds as fast as his beaten legs would take him. He had a brand new collection of bruises from the battle that Lissa had found too minor to heal.

"Gah, why did I end up with Frederick again." Luso muttered as he limped through town. The hustle and bustle of Ferox attracted Luso to various shops or bars. The rich smell of grilled meat brought Luso closer to a certain building.

Sitting in one of the stalls was a heavily build bald man. He was tearing at a haunch laughing deeply.

"Ha! I feel that my position as Khan Regent is almost guaranteed!" The man said as he slapped a fighter on the back. "I've got the finest champion I've laid eyes on, and the greatest soldier to lead them."

"Ah, don't lie." The barkeeper laughed. "Its Lon'qu again isn't it. Finding a swordsman better than him is pretty much impossible isn't it."

"Perhaps" The bald man replied. "You'll have to find out at the tourney. I've got to go, I have a team to manage."

Luso's eyes glinted. He sensed an opportunity.

"Lon'qu huh?" Luso said while pulling up a seat. "It's my first time here for the games, can you tell me more about him? I know how skilled he is with his weapon, so I am just wondering do you know anything about him? Can you tell me his team-mates and the like?"

The bartender shivered slightly and backed away from Luso. "Um. Sure." The bartender said. "Just take this scroll on him and leave. It has rumors and records of his combat history. I'll sell it to you for six gold. If you want, I've got the stats of previous champions that could be in the battle, from Flavia's Raimi, to Basilo's-"

"Thank you." Luso said while pocketing the scroll. He dropped a small amount of gold onto the counter and left.

He then followed the bald man and asked the same questions. The bald man just laughed and gave Luso a second scroll saying that Lon'qu needed someone as he handed it over.

"That was oddly successful." Luso muttered. "Now time to investigate the rules of engagement."

Luso left the town after grabbing a hunk of black bread- food that definitely beat McDonald's- and met Flavia in the dining hall for lunch, tearing at some kind of T-bone steak or the like.

Luso's eye twitched when he smelled it. It definitely wasn't cow.

"So why are you staring? Want some Wyvern meat?" Flavia said as she tore off another hunk.

"I would first like to apologize for all the jokes I made." Luso muttered. "Secondly, I would like to ask for a favor."

"Hah! Think nothing of the jokes. What is the favor?"

"Robin wanted me to ask you about the technicalities of the battle for the Khanate. Nothing more, nothing less."

"I would be glad too." Flavia said, dropping the meat back onto her plate. "You are representing me in the arena, if the information helps you win, then it only helps me."

"Alright. Thank you." Luso nodded as he removed a notebook. "Please explain how the teams are divided..."

Robin chuckled as he called the Shepherds into the planning room. Luso sat on a chair in the corner, Chrom stood to the tactician's right drinking some water before the meeting started, Frederick was mending some of Chrom's small clothes, Sully wandered back and forth alongside the maps being hounded by Virion, and Stahl was eating about four slices of cake simultaneously. Miriel was reading a book, occasionally mumbling something as fire balls spontaneously appeared around her. Lissa and Sumia entered, one walking, the other tripping. Everyone was here, right on schedule, yet it seemed as if he forgot someone? It was really quite eerie. But no matter how eerie it got he had a job to do, and it was time to do what he did best. The tactician smirked as he unrolled a map of the arena onto the table that Flavia provided.

"Alright everyone, I'll be explaining the battle plan. Now traditionally, the champions are spread out and there are several one on one battles. The fighting continues until one side runs out of champions, whether that be by surrender or death."

Chrom gripped the bottle he was holding tightly, and muttered, "Doesn't seem like much tactics are involved here. Why is there a meeting?"

Robin smiled softly and said. "The problem is, judging by what I saw in our last clash, I am not confident in our abilities in one on one combat, especially since they have mages. If we had trouble against their border guards, one on one with West Ferox's finest can only be described as disastrous."

The meeting instantly turned into a massive uproar. Sully shouted that her "Skills were equal to any damn Ferox". Her statement pretty much summed up the general trend of what the shouting was all about.

After a few minutes however, the shepherds, at least the less hot-headed ones, had calmed down.

"Luso, how about you explain the information that you managed to get from our sponsor."

The mercenary nodded and got up from the chair. He removed his notebook that he had jotted some notes down from the Khan Flavia's lecture and started to read it aloud. "The battle in Arena Ferox over the jurisdiction over the ruler give an advantage to the current ruler, the ruling party can send out nine soldiers as representatives, while the challengers can only send out six."

Robin leaned back in his chair and said. "And the information on the leader of the enemy champions?"

"While we can't be certain, the West Khan has used the same champion over the past few tourneys. His name is Lonqu-and I have the scrolls on him right here." Luso muttered as he handed over a sheet of rolled up paper. "Getting this was a complete pain." The mercenary said sarcastically.

"Right, you did a good job. I found out what units the enemy will be using, so this and that will tip the scales far in our favor." Robin said snatching the scrolls away.

Chrom face palmed and took a few steps back. "Robin, Luso, isn't this considered cheating?"

"It technically isn't against the rules." Luso said with a smirk.

"Wait till you hear the strategy." Robin gave a slight wink. "Now since our enemies are spread out across the entire arena expecting one on one combat, no matter how fast they charge, they will come at us one or two at a time. Meaning we can have the ethics of a fell dragon, and rush them from every angle with all of our units. The only enemies that should be problems are the magicians, which Frederick can deal with quite well with his lance."

Chrom turned his head aside, and started drinking from the bottle of water. It was at times like these that the prince wished he carried alcohol.

Robin opened the scroll on Lonqu and started reading it while Chrom, Sully, and Frederick groaned. "I can't believe we are doing this."

They should have waited a few minutes before saying that statement.

"Hey Luso."

"What is it Robin?"

"It says that Lonqu's weakness is proximity to women."

Luso shrugged his shoulders and said, "So what? Send Sully after him then."

"Would fake breasts and a wig hinder any of your abilities to fight?"

Chrom sputtered on the water he was drinking and coughed a fine spray all over Robin's strategy books, now he prayed the water he had been drinking would magically turn into wine. Because he wasn't Jesus, the miracle sadly did not occur. Stahl swallowed the entire slice of cake he was eating whole without even chewing, and promptly received the Heimlich maneuver from Sully. Virion glared at Luso with a look that said, "What have you done." and proceeded to faint. Luso slammed his face onto the table. "I regret giving you that scroll already." The mercenary said in shock. "I... Never expected this to happen."

Frederick mysteriously managed to maintain a poker face. Never play cards with a Frederick.

"I'll take that as a no." Robin said cheerily. "Everyone can leave except for Chrom. It seems as though he wants to negotiate payment for the books he ruined. Shepherd, this strategy meeting is dismissed!"

"I have never been humiliated all my life." Frederick complained. The great knight was wearing a brown wig, which made his short hair twice as long as it usually was. He could forgo the other fake... assets as he was wearing a well defined chestplate which had already been hollowed out so he could wear a goddamn suit in battle.

"Shut up Frederick." Luso said angrily. "What I am curious about is why we have six spare suits of armor for female soldiers, when we don't even have six female soldiers to begin with."

"I realized that I can store sandwiches in the woman's cavalier armor! Sweet! I might just keep this on full time!" Stahl said happily. The knight pulled out a piece of bread and meat from under his armor and started to munch on it. "When do you think that the battle will start?"

Sully sighed at her male counterpart's cheerfulness, and gripped her lance tighter.

"How can you be happy with this!" Luso cried out. "I personally have two rubber... Umm...Things... Stuffed down my shirt and tied down with bandages! Not only is it uncomfortable, it makes me look completely ridiculous! What the Hell! The armor we're wearing makes us all look ridiculous!"

Robin strode in wearing a long white wig. The tactician smirked and put his hands on his hips and shook it seductively. "Luka, I have to disagree. We look fabulous."

"This is just perfect. My elite force is cross-dressing and my tactician is pretending to attempt to seduce a mercenary." Chrom muttered darkly. The Ylissian prince was the only one who was not dressed as a woman. Attempting to hide his shame, Chrom said in relief "At least I'm not subjected to that. Not the being seduced by a Tactician, but dressing as a woman that is."

Robin merely smiled, and dragged his arm around Chrom good naturedly. Then he quickly forced the lord into a chokehold. "Whomever said you were exempt? If we have to suffer, then you can suffer with the rest of us."

"But you came up with this plan!" Chrom protested as Sully went into the back room to find a suitable dress. The prince struggled to force Robin off him, and ended up succeeding after a few minutes. A sheen of nervous sweat fell from the prince's brow when he saw that Sully returned with a somewhat frilly dress.

"The logic is still sound." Luso- no Luka said with a sadistic grin. "You're not escaping Chrom. Dog-Pile!"

The gate to the Arena slowly creaked open revealing a cheering crowd.

His face completely flushed red out of embarrassment, the mercenary strode onto the battlefield. Surrounding him were the Shepherds, all of them except for Sully embarrassed from their current state or just plain angry.

An announcer in the stands shouted. "Although their combat history is unknown and have no accomplishments to boast of, the East-Khan has personally selected them to be her Champions! Khan Flavia has told me that this all female Ylissian Mercenary group are no slouches when it comes to combat. Enter the East's champions! Chrome! Robin! Frederika! Stahel! Luka! And Sully!" The shepherds raised their arms in a salute as thunderous applause came from the east side of the arena.

The announcer shouted once more. "And from the West, there comes... The Magicians of Flames and lighting, Fox and Wolf! The Axemen who cleared the forest surrounding Lake Aurora in less than two weeks, Seth, Roland, Cheney, and Oliver! The twin knights with skills of the lance envied by many in the realm, Beowulf and Wiegraf! And last but not least, Marth! The mysterious swordsman who's feats are unknown, but supposedly triumphed over Lon-qu, the former champion! But enough with the boasts! Let the battle begin!"

And so one of the most famous battles in Arena Ferox was about to begin. To the people of Ferox, this was the first battle that (Unknowingly to the common Feroxian people) involved foreign royalty, the battle which made Ferox believe Ylisse was full of warrior women, and the battle which shattered thousands of years of the tradition of one on one combat in the khannate tournament.

For Ylisse? This would forever be known as the epic battle of the cross dressers.

Background events

-Sully/Stahl Support rank C

-Luso/Frederick Support rank C

-Robin/Chrom Support rank C