I don't know why but this chapter was really hard for me to write. I just had an annoying block all day when it came to this, I knew what I wanted to happen but the words to make it understandable just wouldn't come out. I think I rewrote it like three times during the course of the day. So I hope you like the final edition but I warn you, in my time zone it's 2 am so Im sorry if I missed a couple of grammar mistakes...

But hey, it's the longest chapter yet!

Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush

For three more months I lived in paradise.

Having the four of us back together as Big Time Rush was amazing. I never really appreciated the band until it lost its signature members. Now though, we were back and better than ever. Our world tour sky rocketed us into parts of the world we never imagined we'd ever visit. Europe was phenomenal, I dragged Kendall along to all of the museums, the Louvre, the Orsay and the Pompidou. If I didn't know he loved me before I sure knew he loved me now. I could tell he was bored but he didn't complain once…but he did fall asleep, leaning against the wall beside Venus De Milo…that was definitely the cutest picture I ever got of him, ever. It's my new screensaver.

Things were great, except we did have to tone down on our make out time. There was almost no privacy when living on airplanes and tour buses. Kendall, several times, tried to convince me to sneak into the airplane bathroom for some alone time. I, of corse being the genius, lectured him for the rest of the plane ride about how that was most likely illegal and might get us arrested on possible suspicion of terrorism charges or at least get us put on a no fly list. Maybe I had been exaggerating but that didn't stop him from asking every time we got on a flight to a new country. Personally I think he enjoyed the lectures, it kept my attention on him.

I learned very quickly that Kendall was a jealous fool. I had seen that jealous streak a few times when he was with Jo but experiencing it first hand was something else entirely. He wouldn't get upset if I was simply talking to good looking guy but if someone started to flirt then he'd come over, put his arms around me and silently assert his dominance. And being an openly gay pop-star it wasn't uncommon that a complete stranger would come up and begin to flirt with me. But normally things never got out of hand because of Kendall's jealousy. Only twice did it get worse than metaphorical chest pounding and literal pouting. And both those times the men deserved to be punched. Yeah…we won't be allowed back in Sion Switzerland for a while…

And all in all I thought the jealous streak was pretty cute. I'd never tell him this to his face of corse but every time Kendall would put his arms around me and stare another guy down, adrenaline would shoot through me. It was a reminder that I was his and he was mine and he loved me enough to let everyone know. All doubts he may have once had about being completely out in the open had been quenched.

I personally never got to jealous. Men and woman would constantly flirt with Kendall and he'd even flirt back sometimes. But on his face I could see the difference between playful flirting, polite flirting and seriously interested flirting. The first two were the ones I saw when others approached him, the third was only ever directed towards me. Nothing was a better feeling than that.

But still, going back to the Palm Woods was a relief. We missed our friends and were looking forward to going back to 2J. What we didn't expect was the fame. While we were gone our album apparently hit it big and now instead of the popular but still slightly obscure band we were now quickly becoming a nation wide phenomenon. It wasn't just the local and Teen Pop Magazines that did articles on us anymore. We were in magazines like People, Star, US and so many others. Even though we appealed to the preteen and teen crowd the most, some of our songs were becoming popular at clubs and with a more adult crowd.

At times it could be overwhelming, we were used to some paparazzi here and there but nothing like this. We quickly realized that shoving through a sea of flashing cameras and reporters shouting our names while our manager covered our faces wasn't just a scene from a movie. It was our real lives now. And with our new popularity came a bigger focus and my and Kendall's relationship. The media would nit pick everything while inventing crazy love triangles and love squares between myself, Kendall, James and Carlos which was ludicrous really because James was as straight as an arrow and Carlos was too.

Well at least as far as I know…James wouldn't surprise me honestly, especially with that obsession about his hair…

Anyways, it was quickly discovered that outside of our hollywood circle, our relationship wasn't as gladly accepted as we hoped. We had faced a few scathing articles before but now they were coming almost equally in numbers with the good. Some talked about how homosexuality was a sin, others just said how Kendall wasn't good enough for me or I wasn't good enough for him. In the beginning Kendall would shove those down the disposal before I could see them but after he almost broke the stupid machine he had to start throwing them in the garbage can. Both of which were pointless because I could just as easily find the articles on the internet if I wanted to. At first the articles hurt a bit but then I saw Kendall cuss out a young reporter until she was in tears for making a homophobic slur at me. They stopped bothering me after that because I saw what kind of garbage they really are. I did feel sort of bad for the reporter though but I guess she learned her lesson…but we won't be let back into the Orrville Alabama city fair for a while either…After all this publicity, scathing articles and random paparazzi ambushes, I thought nothing could surprise me anymore.

But the day Jo Taylor sauntered back into the Palm Woods, wrapped her arms around Kendall's neck and kissed him passionately right in the middle of the lobby, while he was standing right beside me definitely proved me wrong.

Apparently she hadn't been shooting in Auckland or Wellington or any of the other cities in New Zealand. She was in a very small country town that had less than a 200 person year round population, no internet, no english magazines and very little telephone service. And the few times that she actually had found service and called Kendall he hadn't bothered to mention our relationship.

Maybe I wasn't so impervious to being jealous after all.

I cleared my throat and Kendall pulled back quickly, giving me a helplessly innocent look.

"Oh, hey Logan, how are you?" Jo asked with a big smile on her face.

"I don't know. How am I today Kendall?" I looked to my boyfriend with a smile of my own which seemed to make him very, very, nervous.

"You're in a very kind, forgiving and patient mood?" He asked hopefully.

"What's going on?" Jo asked, lacing her arm around Kendall's.

"Just let me explain, a lot has changed since you left." Kendall said kindly to Jo "Why don't you grab three seats by the pool and Logan and I will grab us some smoothies."

"Um, okay." Jo said a bit confused, clearly wondering why I was joining them. But she let go of Kendall and walked out to the pool while Kendall quickly started to walk towards the smoothie stand. I caught up to him with two steps.

"You have enough testosterone to punch out two swiss men who hit on me but lack the balls to tell your ex about us!?" I exclaimed once I sure Jo was out of earshot.

"Logan…"

"Wait, she is your ex right? You broke up with her before she left didn't you, because if you just were planning on us being a little fling while she's out of the country I will use all my chemical knowledge to create a stink bomb that will stick to you forever."

Kendall swallowed but shook his head quickly. "No, I broke up with her before she left and I thought I was clear enough about it but I guess she wants to get back together now that she has a break from filming!"

"But she has no idea about us at all? I know you've talked to her a few times and I was okay with it but I thought she at least knew about us!"

"She hardly got any reception over there, our talks were more like those 'can you hear me now' commercials than anything. And I couldn't just tell her over the phone about us."

"Why not?" I crossed my arms.

"Because Logan, how am I supposed to tell her that her ex-boyfriend is now dating his best friend. His male best friend. That's not a conversation you can have over the phone."

"Sure you can! She's not your girlfriend anymore, you don't have to explain anything to her! You should have just told her this is how it is now. If only so she wouldn't pull a stunt like that!" I pointed to his lips that had a slight shine from Jo's cherry lip gloss. He quickly wiped it off with his sleeve.

"Come on Logan, I can't believe you're reacting this way. Im trying to be compassionate, Jo's still my friend, why can't you understand that I want to let her down easily!"

"Because you knew we were starting something before she even left! Why didn't you let her down easy then!?"

"She was having a hard enough time with me breaking up with her. It wouldn't be fair to just spring the 'hey, I like boys thing' onto her too!"

"Well she's going to find out soon! Im surprised she didn't see us on some kind of magazine cover in the airport!"

"Will you stop yelling at me! This isn't like you Logan, why the hell are you so jealous!?"

"Because when Jo was here you were head over heels for her! You were so into her that I barely existed in your mind then. I started to cut because you were dating her, I hated myself because I knew I could never compare to that fluffy ball of cotton candy wonder. You said before she left that you and Jo were falling apart but apparently not enough apart for you to admit to her you and I were a together or for her not to kiss you first thing when she gets back. So Im sorry Im not thrilled that she's here and obviously wants you back. I never cared about you flirting with anyone else because I knew you loved me but with Jo I don't know if you love me enough to say no to her."

"Of corse I do Logan, how can you doubt that?"

"Because Kendall, you didn't tell her! How is that supposed to make me feel?"

"You're supposed to understand why I did it and support me! Help me explain to her about us!"

"You didn't pull back."

"What?" Kendall asked, confused at the sudden turn of the conversation.

"When she kissed you. You. Didn't. Pull. Back." My voice admitted for me that that was what was really bothering me. By now the people in the smoothie line were all starting at us. I knew that by tonight this argument would be all over the high end gossip stations.

Kendall sighed, cupping my face in his hands and kissing me tenderly, I tried not to flinch away from the fact that Jo had been kissing those lips just minutes before."I didn't pull back because I was surprised and you went all jealous boyfriend on me before I had a chance."

"I-I want to believe you but I just don't…"

"Why not?"

"You were making face number three."

"Im so lost right now Logan."

"When you flirt or are interested in someone. You have a joking face, a just being polite face and serious face. You were serious. You still have feelings for her. M-Maybe you don't see them but you do and I don't want to be hurt by her and you again."

"I don't have feelings for Jo anymore."

"I know what I saw."

"And I know what I feel!"

"You didn't know you were interested in me until I kissed you."

"That's different."

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. And if it isn't any different then I don't want to have to watch as you fall in love with her all over again…" I whispered and quickly left, heading back to the elevators.

I knew I was being ridiculous, insensitive and an all around whiny bitch but I couldn't help it. I was doing what I promised myself I would never let happen again, I was letting fear and insecurity take over. Besides the car accident, Jo was the lowest point in my life. And I just couldn't bring myself to relive it.

And it seemed I didn't have a choice because as I crossed the lobby I suddenly felt something collide with my cheek. A resounding slap echoed through the room and everything went silent, I looked up in shock to see Jo staring me down with tears streaming down her face. Shit, I, and apparently Kendall, forgot that they put out the latest magazines in the cabanas and I knew that Kendall and I were on the covers of at least People and Star this month.

"I can't believe you! Y-You stole my boyfriend and turned him into a-a fag! You just pretended to be Kendall's friend so you could get close to him and brainwash him! He was a perfectly normal, sweet, amazing guy and you turned him gay! You shared his room too! You were probably perving on him the entire time we were dating! You're sick and disgusting! Just watch, now that Im back I'll save him from you. I won't let you get away with ruining Kendall like this!" She screamed and was about to slap me again when suddenly a hand caught her wrist.

It was Kendall, he stood there looking more furious then I had ever seen him before in my whole life. Lucy wasn't to far behind him, she must have seen Jo's first slap and went to go get Kendall, I reminded myself to thank her later.

"If you weren't a girl I'd beat you up right now for saying that stuff about my boyfriend." Kendall growled. "I can't believe you're such a bigot Jo. I got into a fight with the person who means the world to me just so I could try and spare your feelings. You're not worth it though. Im dating Logan, I love Logan. Fucking deal with it." he said, throwing her wrist down.

"You don't know what you're saying Kendall. We dated remember, we kissed, we made out. You're not gay. You're straight remember?" She spoke to him slowly, like she was talking to a child. "You're just confused."

"No Im not. Haven't you heard of being bisexual? And even if I was totally gay there's nothing wrong with that. Im proud that Logan's my boyfriend and you're not going to convince me that there's something wrong with my relationship."

"He brainwashed you Kendall! Im not going to let him do this! You'll see! I won't give up on you!" Jo exclaimed, storming past Kendall's and back towards the elevators but she stopped in front of me. I instinctually moved closer to Kendall, I learned from James a long time ago that crazy ex-girlfriends could be more dangerous than a pissed of rhino. "You won't get away with this, Im going to fix Kendall and make sure you don't prey on any more innocent guys." she said and shoved me before walking off.

I stumbled backwards and me being the clumsiest person on earth tripped over the corner of a coffee table and fell over. My leg scraped over the corner of the table and since I was wearing only a shirt over some swim trunks it cut a large gash in my skin. Yay, more stitches. I should really try to curb my clumsiness and bad luck, I was starting to look a bit like frankenstein.

Kendall grabbed some tissues and pressed it to my bleeding calf softly.

"Im sorry." he sighed and I kissed his cheek.

"I know. Im sorry too. I was being ridiculous."

"You were being ridiculous?" Lucy scoffed and I suddenly remembered Kendall and I weren't the only ones around. The whole lobby was still watching us. "That girl was nuts! I can't believe you dated her Kendall, you just lost all my respect." she shook her head at Kendall.

"I never knew she was this crazy."

"There are no excuses in the universe that can make up for dating that. Now common. I'll drive you guys to the hospital." she said and helped Kendall stand me up before taking us to her car.

At least some women weren't completely insane.

The way Jo reacted to finding out about Logan and Kendall's relationship, I actually saw that happen at my school last year. The girl just flipped out when she found out her ex was bi and dating another guy. Right in the middle of the hallway she started to scream and cry and act like the new guy brainwashed her ex. For a good five minutes she went on about it and how they were 'going to hell and she could save him.' It was actually kind of scary in a pathetic sort of way...even the teacher who broke it up had this confused and awkward look on her face. So thank you to her for giving me this idea! Her crazy rant was not a complete waste!

But even if that little snippet is based on a true event Im sorry to everyone who likes Jo out there. I personally don't mind her that much even though I don't necessarily like her with Kendall but for this story I really wanted to include a bit of that openly gay couple angst and she seemed the best way to do it. So, sorry to the Jo lovers but she had to take a dive for the story's plot. The next chapter will have more about Jo trying to 'fix' Kendall.

That's one of my biggest pet peeves, when people try to fix a gay, bisexual, transgender, ect person as if their some kind of broken toy. Ugh.

Sorry for my mini rant/statement, it's almost 3 o'clock by now and Im not all here...It took me almost an hour to get from the top author's note, read through the chapter, do last minute revisions and add this authors note. I very stubbornly wanted to get this out tonight. Yes, 3 am in my mind still constitutes as last night...

So I will now go to bed and hopefully wake up to many reviews *hint hint*