Can I just say that this hotel bed is more comfortable than my own? It's freaking crazy how well I slept, but maybe I was just tired, I'll get back to you with that tomorrow. So, Damon made me breakfast *insert wide-ass smiley face* and the only reason I'm smiling is because I didn't have to ask him to or hint it to him, the bastard just did it! Today started off as one of those relaxing days that I like so much and yet got so little of. After breakfast we showered—privately I was too full to be doing- well actually I really don't do much at all... Hmm. Anyway, after we showered, Damon opened his arms to me and we just sat on the couch. The TV wasn't on but that didn't seem to matter because we just had each other.

"I like moments like this with you. These quiet, peaceful moments."

"So basically I should shut up more often?"

"No," I laughed, "I just like being lazy with you is all."

Damon cupped my face between his hands and kissed me. It didn't turn in to a heated kiss like it usually would have, it was sweet. Simple.

"I like being lazy with you too."

We shared a smile before I snuggled back into his arms and enjoy the quiet some more.

Unfortunately that didn't last. We did come here for a reason, I needed to search for my mother, and even though Damon wanted to help, he has business to take care of. He did however manage to pull some strings and find out where she lived. At first I was scared to knock on the door I was seriously going to turn around. I mean why should I care how my mothers doing? She honestly never cared about how I was so why should I care about how she is? Obviously she's alive and living in this place so shouldn't that have been enough for me? No. No, sadly it wasn't. I had to see her face I had to hear her voice even if it was telling me to go away and never come back. I would obey it too, I just needed to know.

So, I knocked on the door and after about minute or two I knocked again. I come to the conclusion that she wasn't home after about five knocks so I decided to sit on the bench across the street to wait for her return. And boy it was like watching paint dry. I saw a woman standing in front of the door fiddling with keys and I assumed that it was her. I wasn't sure if I should go over to her or wait until she's inside, but I decided on the latter just because if I did walk up to her it would've been too obvious that I was either waiting or stalking her.

"Mom?" I said as soon as the door cracked open.

I frowned as a middle aged white woman comes to vision. "Sorry, I must have the wrong address."

"Wait," the woman called after me causing me to turn around, "are you Abby Bennett's daughter uh, Bonnie was it?"

"You know my mother?"

"I think you might want to come inside."

Something about that felt off, but this woman obviously knew something about my mother and I needed to know what it was. I walked a little past her as she closed the door.

"Follow me."

I followed a few paces behind her as she lead me upstairs. It's colder up there than it was downstairs and I had to rub my bare arms to keep me from shivering. We stopped in front of a closed door and I felt the tears swell up in my eyes.

"Bonnie," the woman turned to me, "your mother she- she got into some pretty bad stuff when you were younger. I know because I was her best friend. We used to party all the time, but after a while I decided to get my life together and I tried to convince your mother to too, but she wouldn't listen. Anyway, one day I was called to the hospital, your mother put me down as one of her emergency contacts, and I was told that she suffered from an extreme heart attack. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, but when she was released I let her live with me and my little one."

She told me the story of how despite what her and her doctors said she kept drinking and using and her liver started to fail. After the story, she opened the door and there I saw my mother. Wrapped up in white sheets looking whiter than the woman standing beside me. I found it weird that I didn't cry. I mean the tears were there but not a single one dropped. She was asleep and the only reason I knew that she wasn't dead was because of the beeping of the monitor.

Eventually, we made our way down the stairs and she poured me a glass of coffee. I found out then that her name is Miranda and that she practically put her life on hold to care for my mother. She's sweeter than I because I would've just let her be and focus on myself and child when she wouldn't stop with the drinking. How could she be so selfish?

I didn't stay there long after that, I left and honesty I never plan on coming back and I think Miranda knew that too. What use was she to me on her death bed? It might sound harsh, but it's true. Damon told me to call him when I'm done but I decided to just walk. With the help of the GPS on my phone I made it back to the hotel in about an hour and that's when I cried. I cried harder than I have in a while and I'm glad that I walked home because I wouldn't want Damon to see me. Not like this.

When Damon does return home he's surprised to see me.

"I thought I told you to call?"

"You did, but I walked instead."

"Are you okay? How was everything with your mom?"

"I'm fine." Lier. "My mom was surprised to see me like I assumed but we talked for a while." Lier.

"Are you sure, it looks like you've been crying."

"Well yeah, it was just emotional, you know."

"Right, I'm glad everything went well. Are you going to visit her again?"

"Yeah, I think I will."

"Good." Damon smiled.

"How was work?" I changed the subject.

"Work? Oh, it was good," I looked at him strangely, "I mean it wasn't really work, more like a meeting which was why I was a bit confused." He explained.

"I see."

Now let's pause for a sec, my mistake there was not asking what the meeting was about you see now if he stumbled upon answering then my suspicions would be clear that he was lying but if he didn't I would've still held my suspicions, but I would be more likely to believe that he was telling the truth.

"Was there anything that you wanted to do while we're here?" Damon asked.

"How long will we be here?"

"Uh, just a few more days."

"How long's a few?"

"Three? Four?"

"Cool. Uh, I don't know much about California... How about we try In-N-Out Burger?"

"You're going to love it, let me get my keys."

Damon was right. I loved it. I loved the hell out of it, if I could fuck it, I would. And by all the moans that I was concealing I'm feeling like I already did. By the time we get back to the hotel I'm still full and I start to regret that I ate so much.

"I told you you'll love it. Once you try it once you can't get enough."

"Wait, how did you know that I was going to love it? I thought you said that you've never been here before?"

"Did I?"

"Yeah like two days ago."

"Hmm, I must've heard you wrong." Damon stood up from the couch to walk back to the room.

"And who was at the door? I went to pee and when I came back, you weren't there, you were at the door with some body."

"Are you spying on me now?"

"Save it, Damon. What are you hiding from me?"

"Bonnie, I will tell you soon, I promise, just let it go for now."

"I can't let it go, Damon, if you love me, you'll tell me."

"That's not fair."

"How is it not?"

"Bonnie, I will tell you everything, soon I promise you that." Damon's eyes pierced mine. "I just need some time to figure things out and when I do, I'll tell you. My feelings for you are what's holding me back."

"How?"

"Bonnie, I have a lot of shit going on and because I love you, I'm choosing to wait until this shit is sorted out. So please, just let it go."

I breathed out, "Okay."

"Thank you." Damon kissed me and even though I wanted to pull away but I couldn't.

I watched as he turned and closed the door to the bedroom leaving me standing there with a thousand thoughts running through my mind.

However you sign a journal,

B.