Chapter Ten

I stifled a yawn. It was only days following Tugger's uncomfortable appearance and departure, but I still felt uneasy. It was like tiny prickles running the wrong way up my spine. I caught myself glancing over my shoulder more often.

I had grown uncomfortable in my own bedroom and, groggy and half asleep, I was hunting for a new place to sleep. I figured I'd go to my mother's room and crash in her bed. After all, she was probably outside with the kittens anyways, and her bed was the nicest in the warehouse. I don't know where she found some of the decorations for it; I just knew that it was the softest place to sleep.

I didn't bother to know since I figured that she was probably out taking care of the kittens like she always did. I suppose that she was struggling to do right by her grandchildren, even if she hadn't done very well with her own offspring.

But, no. She was in her room all right.

"Heaviside! Mom!" I managed to choke out, my jaw swinging so low in shock that it could've been swinging on the ground.

Sheets drawn up to her chin, my mother was at huddled at one end of the bed and Ira at the other end. They stared at me with wide, embarrassed eyes. They were both breathless and their fur was mussed. Despite their ages, they both looked like a pair of guilty adolescents. Grizabella had one paw up against her mouth and was biting the nail with her eyes darting nervously between me and Ira.

"Were you...?" I closed my eyes briefly. "This was not something I needed to see!"

"We are adults," Ira replied indignantly. I watched him gather Grizabella into his arms and kiss her gently. "I should think that we would be allowed to do this type of thing without your permission."

"Yeah... but... she's my mom!" I shook my head. Grizabella giggled like a young queen and ducked her head down.

"Macavity, dear, how do you think that you came into the world?"

I slapped my paws over my ears this time. "I'm leaving now!" I spun on my heel and marched out of the room.

Moments later, I felt a soft paw on my shoulder and turned around reluctantly. Grizabella smiled sheepishly at me, her eyes turned upwards in a pleading way, yet she didn't look as though she was really going to ask of my approval.

"We were going to tell you, dear. Soon. But, I guess we should've told you sooner or else you wouldn't have seen us-"

"I don't care what you want to do," I groaned. "It's just... creepy to see your mom... and..." I shook my head helplessly.

She laughed, smoothing her paw down my cheek. "I know, sweetheart. I know I wouldn't have wanted to see my mom and dad doing that."

I shivered. "Let's talk about something else, hmmm?"

"All right," she agreed with a touch of laughter. She linked her arm through mine like she would a girlfriend's. "What did you have in mind, darling?"

"For one: how long have you and Ira been interested in one another. And no... personal details."

She laughed again, her eyes sparkling. This was the first time I'd seen her look so young and happy. "For some time now. I couldn't tell you an exact date, of course. I mean, that would be impossible. All I know is that every time he looks at me, he makes me feel like a girl. He's so charming and handsome. I only wish I'd met him sooner. And his eyes..." She sighed dreamily.

"It sounds like you really like him," I replied. She turned her face up to mine. For a moment, I felt as though I were the parent and her the inexperienced teenager.

"I love him, Macavity." She fingered a lock of her black fur, twirling it around her finger. "He wants to be my mate... and I want to be his."

"Your mate?" I thought for a moment. It was starting to make some sense of all of this. "Mother, I think I'm starting to feel that this is wonderful news."

She smiled, her face lighting up again. "I know it is. I told him yes. The only bad thing is that we're too old to make any more kittens. I think he'd be a wonderful father, don't you? I mean, look how he acts around the kittens and they're not even his."

I nodded. "Yes, I think he would. But, would that make him my stepfather. You know, you two becoming mates and all?"

Grizabella blushed. "Well, dear, he sort of already is my mate."

"What?" I asked with mild disbelief.

"Well, it's official, darling. We danced the traditional mating dance. It's just too bad that you caught us on our honeymoon, doing-"

"OK! You don't have to bring that back up again."

"Sorry, darling. I wanted you to understand the way I feel about Ira."

I kissed her on the forehead. "Of course, I do. And I'm glad. I'm glad that you found someone that you can love and that someone loves you. I mean, besides me. And the kittens and-"

"I think I get your point," she laughed. "I am, too."

"Well, I'm glad you approve, Macavity," Ira said good naturedly, coming up behind Grizabella. He put his paws on her hips. "As much as I hate to do this, I do think it's important that my beautiful queen's kitten approve of her finding a new mate." He wrinkled his nose, pretending to mock me. "Even if you are a bit foolish and full of yourself."

"Thanks," I said emotionlessly. He grinned and I couldn't resist returning it.

"Ira..." Grizabella mumbled, pressing herself close up against him. I cleared my throat loudly as his paws started to wander. They broke apart with guilty smiles.

"Sorry, Macavity. I hope you don't mind having a couple of frisky, old cat srunning around the warehouse," Ira said with a grin.

"Who are you calling old?" Grizabella growled, slapping his arm. Ira took a step back, holding his paws out in front of him protectively.

"Not you, my darling. You're the youngest and most beautiful queen I've ever laid eyes on. And you're the-"

"That's not going to work," she growled, jerking him forward for a kiss.

They embraced passionately and when it looked as though they weren't going to separate for a while, I slipped away silently.

I smiled as I turned the corner and saw that the door to the apartment where Bombalurina and Demeter stayed was open. I glanced around quickly and made sure that nobody would see me slipping to the scarlet queen's rooms. Entering without a sound, I managed to close the door behind me and slip into her bedroom. Bombalurina was facing away from the door and sitting on her bed. She was awfully still, so I figured that she had heard me. I hurried my pace, lest she whirl around and attack whomever dared to attack her in her own apartment.

I drew myself up behind her and curled my paws around her waist. I pulled her close as I sunk down onto the bed, onto my knees. Wrapped almost completely around her, I brushed my lips across her neck and she shivered. She smelled like lilacs and other flowers that I couldn't name. Bombalurina had taken to experimenting with different scents to see which ones attracted more tom cats.

"You smell so good," I murmured hoarsely. Bombalurina let out a horrified gasp suddenly and fairly ripped herself away from my body. She spun to face me, lips curled in defensive anger, her fur sponged out. I sank down to rest my bottom on my legs. She took a couple of deep breaths to calm down, but her fur remained sponged. We stared at one another in shocked silence. After a moment, Bombalurina's shoulders slumped forward and she sighed.

"You scared me."

I touched her face as gently as possible. She closed her eyes and leaned into the loving touch. "I'm so sorry." She nodded, but didn't open her eyes. "You ought to keep the door closed if you're in here along, darling. I'm sure that there are other toms looking to be involved with such a gorgeous queen."

Finally, she opened her eyes. "It's so hard to forget him," she confessed. She moved over to the bed, standing only inches in front of me. "Why does it have to be this way?"

I knew who she was talking about and somehow my lips found their way to hers. I kissed her passionately, wanting to draw out all of the hurt and pain that I knew she was masking inside of her. After a couple seconds, she began to kiss back instead of standing still and in shock. Her body melted against mine and I slid back on the bed, bringing her to straddle over my hips. Her paws remained on my shoulders, unlike the way they usually teased and roamed.

Abruptly, she pulled away, panting and gasping for air. She swallowed roughly and turned her head aside when leaned forward to continue to the kiss. When my mouth brushed her cheek, she let out a tiny whimper and I immediately stopped.

"What's wrong?"

She opened her eyes and looked at me pleadingly. "Nothing's wrong. I just don't feel like it right now."

I touched her gently on the cheek and was surprised to find her cheeks were wet. She had been crying and I never even noticed. I felt like the most insensitive tom in the world.

Bombalurina pulled away, stood, and walked to the other side of the room. She stared at Demeter's bed for a long while before baring her teeth angrily and turning away from it. She glared around at the contents of the room and slumped down on a pillow. I watched her curiously. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"What are you looking at?"

"You," I replied cautiously. "What's going on?"

Her fur sponged once more while her eyes betrayed her next statement. "I'm not upset."

"Let me in," I pleaded. "Honey, I can help you, whatever it is."

She stood up again, twisting her paws together nervously, her eyes practically burning a hole through me. She bowed her head and a tear dripped from her nose onto the cement floor. I climbed to my feet and embraced the scarlet queen.

She stood still for a long time before sighing and dropping her head onto my shoulder. "You want to know, Macavity?" she asked, her voice low and husky from tears. "I'm in a lot of trouble right now."

I held her tighter. "What kind of trouble, Bomba? I don't understand what's going on and I want to help you." I stroked the fur on top of her head. It was cotton soft and silky, all at once. "Please?"

Bombalurina moved away from me slightly and looked up into my eyes. "You wouldn't be able to understand this, Macavity. It's not something a tom has to worry about. Only us stupid, trapped queens who just keep screwing up again and again."

I kissed her gently, just above her right eye. "What is it?"

"I have something very important to tell you." I nodded, hoping that I would look helpful enough that she would divulge her secret. "I…" She hesitated and clutched tighter around my middle. "I'm pregnant!"

I felt my stomach plunge. If the kitten was mine, it might look just like me, since Bombalurina's markings were much more similar to mine compared to my all white mate. I swallowed and coughed, trying to find my voice again.

"You're what?" I asked helplessly.

She only nodded and let tears run down her cheeks. Her paw pressed to her mouth, as though she were about to be ill and her pallor was white from fear and tension. "How can we keep this a secret? People will notice me bulge out with kittens."

"Couldn't you say that this is another tom's kitten?"

The hurt on her face made me apologize quickly. She looked away from me. "Macavity, since I came her, I have only ever slept with you. Everyone thinks I'm a huge tease, but they all know that I've always gone back to my bed alone."

She stared down at her still flat, toned stomach and moaned. "I want them out!" she burst out suddenly, shoving herself away from me.

She raised her left paw, claws extended, to rake it across her stomach. We both stared at the first beginning of blood pool up from where her claws where attacking. I snapped out of the shock of seeing what she was doing and wrenched her arm away from her and pressing it to the ground. The scratches looked superficial, but I wasn't going to let her hurt herself or the kitten.

"You can't kill yourself over this," I told her. She shook her head.

"I don't want this baby. You don't want this kitten. Isn't that enough?"

"No," I said firmly.

She stared at me dully for a moment, then, without warning, raked her claws across my face. I cried out and jerked back. She lashed out with everything she had, claws, teeth, muscle, and scrambled to her feet..

"I hate you!" she hissed angrily.

She practically flew from the room. I buried my face in my paws, cursing out loud.

One hour.

Somehow several hours passed and she never came back into the room, like I had expected her to. Even if she decided to leave forever, she would have to come back to her apartment to collect the things that she had managed to accumulate. Collars, an expensive brush that Griddlebone, of all queens, had give her as a welcoming present. I had no idea where she could've gone, but I wasn't upset. Instead, I felt unsettlingly empty. That's might have been why when Demeter pranced into the room I made no move to show her that I was there.

I could see that she was happy. For once, the tiny little black and golden kitten looked truly happy. The lines, line from carrying too much weight at such a young age, that had started to form on her fresh, kitten face melted down into her sheer happiness.

She twirled around twice, a golden flurry of light and innocence, before she paused on one back paw. Back arched, she extended her other back paw towards the ceiling, spreading her arms out to the side. When she had achieved a position of a vertical split with her back arched so that her head nearly touched the back of her bottom knee, she straightened and leaped forward, kicking into a split as she did so. She leapfrogged a stack of pillows, knocking them to the ground.

I swallowed as she sprawled onto the fallen pillows, clasping her paws over her chest. Her eyes were half closed and dreamy. Her tail was twitching happily and curling around her leg. She was tapping out a rhythm with the tips of her toes and was the perfect image of beautifully happy youth.

Watching her hop back up and prance giddily around the room was stirring up too many memories. I pressed my fingers to my temple as snap shot images of the other queens in my life began. Cassandra, her eyes so deep and soulful, smirking in the knowledge of her infidelity. Jennyanydots and Jellylorum constantly berating and scolding me for messing everything up, no matter how hard I tried to make right. Griddlebone at the docks, tossing her head in haughty indifference, as Growltiger plunged us into near death. Bombalurina, threatening to murder the creation of our love making, just to spite me.

I cleared my throat loudly, climbing to my feet and slipping out of the afternoon shadows. The little gold and black kitten gasped and stumbled, crashing into the wall by the door. She was panting from exertion and fright, but managed to swallow and push herself away from the wall.

"I had no idea you were in here," she nearly whispered. No matter of words could convince the kitten that she had no reason to fear me. She swallowed again and moved slightly towards the door, her tail dropping down to curl around her knee. "I can wait outside."

She started to leave, but I found myself stepping in front of her to block her exit. Her tiny, bubblegum pink tongue flicked out to lick her lips. She was beginning to breathe harder and I felt a strange kind of surge of power flow through me as I watched her fear grow.

"Please leave me alone," she whispered.

"Not yet, my dear," I replied. I turned around and closed the door softly. At the sound of the latch clicking into place, I heard her whimper. "We have some business to discuss before you can go anywhere."

"I didn't do anything," she whispered weakly.

I shrugged and turned back around, taking a wide step towards her. Demeter's knees bent slightly in fear, as though she was getting ready to flee. She let out a soft whimper. "You see, I did come to see Bombalurina. But you know what? She didn't want to see me."

I reached out and grabbed her chin tightly. Demeter was fairly trembling at my touch and let out a tiny yelp as I squeezed just a little harder than I knew needed to.

"Why are you frightened?" She didn't answer. Instead, her eyes grew wet with tears and I stared at her until she broke down and the tears streaked down her soft, delicate white furred face. Demeter whimpered, moving her head slightly, a weak effort to shake my paw off. "Why, little girl?"

"Please," she breathed. "I want to go."

Faster than I knew what I was doing, I let go of her chin only to haul my paw back and strike the kitten alongside her cheek. The force was enough to knock the tiny queen to her knees.

"Don't hurt me!" she whimpered. I squatted down in front of her, catching her chin again. She closed her eyes tightly, no doubt expecting another painful blow.

"After what your sister did to me?" I asked, using a terrifyingly friendly tone of voice. "My dear Demeter, I wish that I didn't have to do this." I leaned in closer. "You see, if I hurt you, I hurt her, too."

"No," she moaned as I eased her back up to her feet.

"Open your eyes, Demeter," I commanded and her eyes snapped open. The golden brown orbs were full of nothing but sheer terror. It made me sick to realize that I liked having her completely under my control.

I grabbed her upper arms and jerked her towards me. I studied her for a moment before crushing my mouth against hers. Demeter began to sob, allowing me to push my tongue into my mouth and block the noises she was making. Her tiny chest was pressed against me and I could feel her heart flying from the terror I was putting her through.

As though something were controlling my body, channeling through me and using me, I felt the urge to use her in a way that would send the best message to her haughty sister. I dragged Demeter down so that we were both on our knees. She managed to pull back and was gasping for air, straining against my paws.

"Let me up!" she hissed, flattening her tiny ears against her head.

"Shut up," I hissed, tightening my grip again. She cried out in pain. I grabbed hold of her thigh and hooked it around my hip before I knew she could register it. As expected, she was loathe to discover exactly what I intended for her.

I rocked my hips forward, hard, and Demeter screamed in pain and terror. Even though I was the one hurting her, she was forced to cling to my shoulders lest she crack her head down on the floor. Demeter began to sob, each movement of my hips another yelp or scream, depending on how hard I pressed.

The feeling of someone or something else having control over me was growing so strong that I was beginning to fade away from what I was doing. The pained noises Demeter was making as her innocence was being stripped from her, the blood that was now on my thighs, it was all the actions of someone else. I nearly cried out myself.

Before I could, something hard crashed up against the back of my head and the darkness following it was all consuming.

"Come on. Wake up."

I jerked my head away from the strong odor and my eyes flew open. I sat up quickly.

"Whoa, Macavity!" a familiar voice said in a strange way as I brushed frantically at my face, gasping for a clean breath of air. "Calm down!"

I sagged now that the odor was no longer filling my nose. I felt an arm support my back and help me lay back down again.

"Ry?"

Orion nodded a deep frown etched on his face. He gingerly touched the bump on my head, trying to figure out how badly I was hurt. I hissed softly and he narrowed his eyes.

"Hold still," he murmured, studying me for a long while before touching the edge of the wound on my head again. I smacked his paw away angrily.

"That hurts!"

"Sorry," he replied emotionlessly. I looked back up at his face. He still had a peculiar expression on his face..

"What happened?" I asked.

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"

I brought a paw up to cover my mouth, my eyes sliding shut in sudden shame. "How long were you there?"

"God, Macavity! What the hell is wrong with you?" he snapped. "Demeter is a kitten! She's hardly even ready to begin her first dance of experience! I heard her crying and screaming and when I came and say you… well… when I saw what you were doing to her, I just hit you with the first thing I could find to stop you."

"Am I really that much of a monster?" Orion shrugged, but didn't answer verbally.

I rolled over, burying my face in a pillow and curling into the fetal position. I heard myself whimper softly. This wasn't me, was it?

"You can leave now. Just gather their belongings and leave."

"Macavity..."

"Please. Leave." I could barely find the strength to whisper.

Suddenly, I felt Orion drag me upright. He grabbed my chin and forced my head up. The gesture was so familiar, something I had just done over and over again to that poor kitten, that it made fear rattle through me. I half-expected him to strike me as he dragged me into a sitting position across from him.

"Stop that. Every time you do something terrible, you always play the pity card to make yourself feel better. You can't do that anymore. It won't work this time. You have to admit what you've done. You have to admit to yourself."

I shook my head. Even after so many years of close friendship, Orion still didn't realize that I repressed my strongest emotions for fear that they would hurt those around me. They usually did anyways, but I preferred people to think I had a nasty temper instead of worrying that I would lash out at them for things that didn't really seem like a big deal only ten minutes later. "No, Orion. I can't! I can't-"

"Macavity!"

I slumped forward and felt Orion sturdy and strong arms catch me and ease me half way back into my sitting position. I moaned quietly and shook my head. "If that's what you want…"

"It is."

My mouth was dry. I kept licking at my lips and swallowing, even though the only person here was my best friend. "I raped her. I raped a kitten," I moaned.

He hugged me close as I shuddered and began to cry.

"Orion?"

"Yeah?"

"How can you even stand me?"

"It ain't easy," he replied. Then he offered me a small smile. "But, you're my best friend and I couldn't just walk out on you, could I?"

"No," I replied softly.

He nodded then turned to lay on one of the beds. He flopped down and stared back at me, head resting on his forearms. I nestled down besides, clinging to him as if we were children.

"Thanks," I whispered.

"No problem, man." He grinned. "If I didn't look after you, who knows what stupid stuff you'd do."

I smiled at that and closed my eyes.