Adrian staggered, his knees buckling.

"Monk, listen to me," Leland said, lunging to catch Adrian before he collapsed on the floor. "She's alive. Natalie's alive, do you hear me?"

Adrian clutched at him, the words buzzing inside his ears. "Alive," he finally croaked. "She's not — "

"No," Leland said. But his eyes were still fearful. "She's hurt. But she's alive." He hesitated slightly. He was unwilling to give his friend false hope, and what little information he had indicated that the accident had been a bad one. "At least… she was the last I heard."

"Where is she?" Adrian regained his feet and turned suddenly, grabbing for his coat. He had to see her. He had to get to her right away. Before she – he wouldn't think it. Couldn't think it, if he wanted to stay sane.

"San Francisco General. I came to get you." Leland used his own key to lock the door as Adrian charged into his car.

"What happened?" Adrian demanded, fairly writhing with impatience as Leland started the car and flipped on the sirens.

"It was a drunk driver. He was speeding, ran a stop sign, and T-boned her in an intersection." Leland glanced at him. "Where was she going? I thought she was going to stay at your place tonight."

Adrian stared out the windshield, guilt and misery etched in every line of his face. "We had a fight. Right after you left. I said some horrible things and she — she stormed out."

"Ah, geez." Leland felt terrible. "I'm sorry, Monk, I didn't — "

"It's not your fault," Adrian interrupted bleakly. "It's mine. I was an idiot. I told her to leave." He closed his eyes, and his voice cracked. "I said I'd rather be alone. Oh God." He covered his face with his hands. "Oh dear God." He'd gotten exactly what he'd asked for, in spades. It was his curse.

Leland couldn't think of anything to say other than the bald facts. "One of the responding officers to the accident recognized who she was and called me. By the time he did, she was already in the ambulance en route to the hospital so I dropped T.K. off there and came to get you."

"Julie," Adrian said suddenly. "She should — someone needs to — "

"Randy's taking care of it."

"This is all my fault," he said hollowly.

"It's the drunk driver's fault, Monk," Leland said sharply. "You never intended for anything like this to happen."

He shook his head. "If I hadn't been such an idiot, we wouldn't have fought, and she wouldn't have left."

"Or maybe she would have remembered something she needed from her house and gone to get it," he countered. "Monk, it was an accident. You didn't let her leave knowing that some asshole was going to get plastered and run into her."

"I should have gone after her and apologized," he moaned. "I shouldn't have let her go, but I was so mad, and so stupid."

"And the drunken putz should never have gotten behind the wheel of his truck," Leland said. "He's the one at fault here, Monk, not you." He drove onto the hospital parking lot and into a space reserved for police vehicles.

Once inside, they were directed into a waiting room adjacent to the Emergency Room. T.K. was there, and, to Adrian's surprise, so was Dr. Bell.

"Is there any news?" Adrian blurted.

"She's still in the ER," T.K. said, her eyes large and frightened. "I called Dr. Bell. I thought — "

"Anna's in there, Adrian," Dr. Bell said, his voice low and soothing. His wife was Dr. Anna Hector, the hospital's Chief of Emergency Medicine. "Anna's in there helping her right now."

"She's still alive?" he gasped, on the verge of hysteria.

"Natalie's alive," Dr. Bell said firmly, grasping Adrian's upper arms. "She's hurt, but she's alive. Focus on that. She needs you to be strong for her right now, Adrian."

She needs you. She needs you to be strong for her. The phrases echoed in his head as he stared into the psychiatrist's eyes.

From deep inside himself, he found a reserve of strength he didn't know he had, and he straightened. "Okay. Yes," he said, his voice noticeably calmer.

"Let's sit down," Dr. Bell suggested. He gently guided Adrian to a chair.

"Tell me what else you know," Adrian said to Leland. "Please."

"Not much," Leland said, looking twenty years older, as he dropped into the chair next to him. "The guy who hit her was treated at the scene and then taken to jail. He has some cuts and bruises, maybe a mild concussion, but nothing serious. He blew a blood alcohol level of .18."

"You said you talked to the responding officer?" Adrian asked.

"Yeah."

"What else did he tell you?"

Leland shook his head. "Monk – "

"What else, Leland?" he demanded.

"He said she was covered in blood," he said in a low voice. "And that her car looked like it'd been hit by a train."

Adrian closed his eyes, burying his face in his hands. Be strong, be strong, he repeated like a mantra, fighting against the hysteria that threatened to rise in his throat and choke him.

"Mr. Monk?" said a shaky voice from the doorway. He raised his head and opened his eyes to see Julie, her face white and scared. Randy stood behind her.

"Julie," he said, surging to his feet. She ran to him, and he surprised them both by enveloping her in his arms.

"Is my mom dead?" Julie asked tearfully, leaning her head against his shoulder.

The question rocked him to his core. "No!" The word reverberated in the small room, and he realized he'd nearly shouted it. "No," he repeated, more softly this time. "She's alive."

"How bad is it? Will she — "

"We don't know," Adrian said heavily. "They're still working on her in the ER." He glanced around helplessly.

"I called Grandpa on the way here," she said through her tears. "He said he'll get to the hospital as soon as he can."

"Good." He hadn't even thought of notifying her parents, and felt guilty all over again. "Let's – let's just sit down."

In short order, someone – a nurse – came in to tell them that Natalie was being taken into emergency surgery, that Dr. Hector was assisting, and she would be back with more information as soon as she had it.

After that, they waited for hours. At one point, Julie fell asleep, her head pillowed on Adrian's chest. She'd clung to him the entire time, and he hadn't been able to bring himself to tell her that this had been his fault. His words to Natalie kept replaying in his head. Fine. Leave. I'd rather be alone anyway.

What if those were the last words he ever said to her?

He wasn't a praying man, but several times through the long night he closed his eyes and talked to Trudy. Please help her, if you can. I'll do anything. Help her to live so I can make it up to her, so I can apologize for what I said and for what I did. Please. He even sent an appeal to Mitch. I'm so sorry I failed her. Please help me make amends.

It was just after three in the morning when a noticeably haggard Anna Hector, dressed in a pair of aqua scrubs, opened the door to the waiting room. A surgical mask dangled from her neck, and wisps of dark hair escaped a blue surgical cap.

Adrian stiffened immediately, straightening in his chair, and his jerky movement woke Julie. "What?" she said sleepily.

"It's Dr. Hector," Adrian said, getting to his feet. Julie came wide awake instantly and stood, as did the other adults in the room.

"Mr. Monk," Dr. Hector greeted, crossing the room to him. "And Julie Teeger, is that right?"

"Yes," Julie said, her eyes wide and fearful.

"How is she?" Adrian asked anxiously. He felt that the world paused around him, and that his entire existence depended on what the doctor was about to say.

"Natalie is doing very well, considering," Dr. Hector said, her face softening with a smile. "The surgery was successful and she's in recovery right now."

T.K. gasped, "Thank God," and started to cry into her husband's shoulder. Leland broke into a relieved smile, as did Dr. Bell and Randy. Adrian started to breathe again as Julie seized his arm and sagged against him.

Dr. Hector, with a tired smile for her husband, guided Adrian (and Julie, who was still clutching his arm) back to their chairs. She pulled another chair over so she could sit facing them.

"When she was brought in, Natalie had significant internal bleeding, so we needed to operate," Dr. Hector told them, softly but firmly. "Her primary surgeon was Dr. Samuel Harmon, who is the best thoracic surgeon in the state of California. We stopped the bleeding, but we had to remove her spleen, as it was too damaged to save. She has two cracked ribs and two fractured ribs, the latter of which caused her left lung to collapse. She needed twenty stitches in her forehead to repair a deep laceration, likely caused by broken glass, and she has other superficial cuts and abrasions. There's also significant bruising, especially around her chest and torso. We transfused two liters of blood. But there are no other broken bones, no spinal damage that we can see, and we don't believe she suffered any head injuries other than the cut I mentioned earlier, which is frankly remarkable considering the trauma of the crash. From what it looks like, the seat belt in combination with the airbag saved her life and prevented critical injuries."

Adrian's relief was so profound that he felt dizzy. He was grateful he was already sitting down, otherwise he didn't think he would have remained upright. He breathed deeply, feeling some of then tension leave his body. Natalie's life had been spared. She wasn't going to leave him like Trudy had.

"So," Julie said hesitantly, "she's going to be okay?"

Dr. Hector patted her hand. "Absolutely. As I said, she's doing very well. Her vital signs remained stable throughout surgery and are still stable now, which is a very good sign. She's on a ventilator for breathing support, due to the collapsed lung, but we intend to remove that once she regains consciousness."

She looked at Adrian and her expression became a bit more serious. "Her recovery is going to be painful," she warned. "She'll have medication, of course, but broken ribs hurt quite a bit, and she'll be recuperating from surgery and the collapsed lung on top of that. I'm anticipating a week in the hospital, several more weeks of bed rest, and after that she'll still need to take it easy, with limited activity, for quite a while. But barring any unforeseen complications, I expect her to recover fully."

"What about the wedding?" Julie asked blankly. "It's in June, and — "

"That's not important, Julie," Adrian cut her off, more brusquely than he had intended. He tried to soften his tone at her stricken expression. "Natalie's health is the most important issue right now. Everything else is secondary."

"That reminds me," Dr. Hector said, reaching into her pocket. She pulled out a small, clear plastic bag and gave it to Adrian.

It held Natalie's engagement ring. It was clean, which surprised him. He supposed Dr. Hector must have made sure she didn't return it to him covered in blood.

"I took this off of her myself so as to keep it safe," she told him. "I'm sure she'll want it back at the earliest opportunity."

Adrian was far from sure of that, given his behavior towards Natalie earlier in the evening. However, he was grateful to hear that Dr. Hector had taken it off of her – that meant she hadn't taken it off herself after she'd left his apartment. "Thank you," he said quietly, tucking the bag into his pocket. "Can we see her?"

"She'll be in recovery for the next hour or so, but after that she'll be moved to the intensive care unit for a while – until she's off the ventilator, at least," Dr. Hector said. "Once she gets to the ICU you can see her, but only two people at a time, and no more than ten minutes each to start with. Quiet and rest are the best healers for her right now; we'll be keeping her sedated for the next several hours. You can spend more time with her later on, after she's had a chance to rest a bit more. As long as her condition remains stable after we remove the ventilator, she'll be moved to a standard room for the remainder of her stay, and regular visiting hours will apply." She patted his arm. "If you want to stay here at the hospital, there's a more comfortable waiting room up on the ICU floor, and you can wait there until she's allowed visitors."

He nodded, and she smiled. "I'll send someone to escort you."

Dr. Hector moved off to speak quietly with Dr. Bell, and Leland came over to him. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked.

Adrian's first instinct was to say yes, but he noticed how exhausted his friend looked. "No," he said instead. "I'll be fine if you want to go get some sleep."

Leland nodded. "I'm going to go home and zonk out for a few hours, and then I need to check in on some things at the station. I'll be back later this morning, as soon as I can. But you call me if you need anything, all right?" He squeezed Adrian's shoulder and rose to leave.

Shortly after, Adrian and Julie were escorted to the ICU waiting room. It was more comfortable, as Dr. Hector had promised, with plush couches instead of hard chairs, and several vending machines. A TV, off at the moment, was mounted in the corner.

Adrian sank down on one of the couches, so tired he could barely think.

"Do you want something from the vending machine?" Julie offered timidly.

"No." He rubbed his hands over his face. "Julie, I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier."

"That's okay, Mr. Monk," Julie said, sitting down next to him. "You were right — the wedding isn't important right now. I shouldn't have brought it up."

He sighed, feeling miserably guilty. "The thing is — there's something you should know." He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "This was my fault."

Julie frowned. "Randy said she was hit by a drunk driver."

"We had a fight," he burst out. "I said some terrible things, and your mom was so angry that she decided to drive back to her house for the night. If I hadn't — she wouldn't have — " He couldn't finish.

Julie was silent for a long moment. "I think you're being ridiculous," she said finally. "What if I had a fight with her, and then I left in a huff and got hit by a car? Would you say that was her fault?"

"Well — no," he admitted. "But — "

"Then how can you say it's yours?"

He shook his head. "I said horrible things to her."

Julie placed a comforting hand on his arm. "A year or so ago, she and I had a massive argument about something really stupid, and I told her I wished she was dead."

He winced before he could stop himself.

Julie smiled deprecatingly. "Yeah," she said. "Not my finest moment." She shrugged. "But after I calmed down, I apologized, and she forgave me. That's what families do, Mr. Monk. Sometimes we hurt each other, and then we apologize and we forgive."

"Not my family," he muttered.

She snorted. "Your family isn't typical."

To his own surprise, he found he couldn't hold back a small smile. "You know, you sounded exactly like your mom right then." Right down to the vocal inflection. It was oddly comforting.

Julie grinned. "Well, don't tell her I said so, but she actually makes a lot of sense. Most of the time."

"Yeah, she does."

She patted his arm again. "Listen, I'm going to call Grandpa and give him an update, okay?"

"Okay," Adrian replied, grateful she had thought of it. He was having trouble putting coherent thoughts together because he was so tired. He settled against the couch, leaning his head against its smooth, plush back, planning to rest his eyes for a few minutes. He was asleep instantly.