Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

"Are you asleep Pen?" JJ whispered as she settled into the seat next to her friend. Everyone else was asleep, except for Rossi and Hotch who were going over some of the paperwork for the case.

Penelope adjusted more upright in her seat on the sofa section of the plane. "Just resting my eyes. I never thought it was possible to be so wide awake mentally while your eyes feel like a million bricks."

"Tell me about it, mine still hurt a little when I look at a screen too long. My doctors told me no TV for another day." JJ was weaker than she was letting on right now. Every little move was taking all her effort. Reid picked up on it, tried to talk her into staying at the hospital another day. But she wasn't having that. Garcia was flying home and right now she needed to be where Garcia was, she was the only person who could possibly understand…

Garcia found JJ's beautiful blonde head fall into her lap. Instantly she recognized this as probably a good thing, she was trusted and hopefully JJ would open up some if she played it cool. She stroked her hair for a full minute before speaking. "So," Uh, oh. She hadn't figured out how to approach anything yet. Better to change to a different topic. "You and Reid."

JJ had expected her to jump right into talking about Carver but was relieved she wasn't pushing. Garcia was always so good when it came to this stuff. "Yeah. I'm sorry I never told you before."

"Don't be silly. It's a huge deal, something you have to figure out on your own, right?"

JJ nodded. "And, it became so complicated, if you even knew…"

"I do know Henry is his." She confessed. "Oh, JJ. He's exactly who I always wanted you to be with." And that was absolutely the truth.

"I always wanted to be with him too. I was just, afraid, ya know? Of course you do. Hotch."

"That obvious huh? I am a scared little bunny when it comes to him. He's just such a strong man, hot, a great father, so caring, so utterly perfect and I'm just—"

JJ cut her off, sternly turning her gaze up at her friend. "Don't you dare say anything bad about yourself. You are incredible and I do not tolerate anyone talking badly about my friends, my family. Even if that person is you."

"And Hotch says, I'm a momma bear. But thanks Jayjee. I love you."

She turned back to face out the opposing window as she continued to rest her head on Penelope's lap. "I love you too. I don't know how I would have dealt with losing you."

Garcia closed her eyes, partly thankful that JJ brought on the topic herself, partly overwhelmed with the knowledge that they were both almost lost forever in the last few days. "Just how close was I to losing you, Jayjee?"

JJ was tearlessly sobbing now, unable to let the water works fall and risk anyone else seeing them. She could only have this conversation with Garcia. No therapist, no profiler was ever going to understand what it felt like with that particular unsub, that fear and panic, that lack of control in the worse ways all combined in one. No one else had the image of his eyes burned into their memory, or really even any understanding of his personality. He now existed solely in their memories, so only Garcia could understand how disturbing some parts were without having to describe everything in too painful detail.

"Shh. I'm here. I know, I know. You're safe now. We will be safe." Truly, she still didn't feel safe yet herself. Even in the middle of the night she was terrified. She had woken up in a dark room and was very confused. She kicked Hotch incredibly hard, momentarily convinced he was the unsub in her half sleeping stupor. She felt mortified when she realized it was just him. And she felt more alone than ever when he went onto the sleeper chair instead of holding her. He did pull it close so he could still hold her hand. He probably just didn't want to scare her again, she knew he could read what happened in her mind.

"He rapes when you are still unable to move but awake and can feel everything." It was so matter of fact that Penelope wasn't even sure JJ had said it at first.

"What?" she looked down at JJ's face, who was placidly staring out the window. "How do you know?" 'O.M.G. Please tell me he didn't get farther than she said before.'

"He raped the last victim in front of me. She was staring into my eyes the whole time." She couldn't even feel as she said it.

"Oh JJ."

"He just finishes and rolls them off the bed thingy, immediately slices their throat. It was so cold Pen and he forced me to watch." Her tone was entirely matter of fact. She held no emotion, she couldn't go there, she wasn't up for feeling right now.

Garcia looked up and over to Hotch as she continued to stroke JJ's hair in her lap. He was watching her intently, she could see he had gotten through only two pages of his paperwork in the last half hour. He must be so concerned about her and JJ right now. He had asked her earlier in the day to keep a close eye on JJ for him, she would be the easiest for the blonde to talk to. Reid secretly had her on suicide watch, a precaution but necessary just in case.

He mouthed "You ok?" to her and she gave a simple nod in reply. She was lieing, she wasn't at all ok right now, but there was nothing to be done while on the plane. And she still hadn't figured out how she was going to handle Hotch's guilt. She had insisted he was blameless this morning when he helped her eat breakfast, but he wouldn't hear of it. In Hotch's mind he was responsible for everyone on the team and more so with her because of the changes in their relationship. They hadn't talked about the relationship part, but she knew a man like Aaron would certainly take that into consideration even if it was just a fling to him. And now, because he is a gentleman and an all-around good guy, he felt like he had to give her whatever she needed or wanted and she knew that would be hard for him to figure out.

She wasn't even entirely sure what she needed. Maybe to feel like she wasn't alone anymore. Maybe to feel like she was going to have a chance at a normal life after this, maybe one with him. She needed a lot from him right now and wasn't willing to ask for it.

"Garcia?" JJ asked desperately.

"What is it sweetie?" She tried to remain gentle and unshaken from hearing that in her friend's voice. But internally she was about to break down knowing JJ was in such pain.

"You asked the doctor about fertility right?" JJ had told her what the doctor said about her own fertility… it might be difficult now.

"I did. He said I had so little in my system since Carver only needed me knocked out for a little while that it was unlikely I would be affected that way." It was so unfair that she got off so easy when JJ would have to deal with potentially permanent effects of this. But she was thankful for the clean bill of health, nonetheless.

"Good. I want god babies." She was done talking about the past for now. She was utterly depressed; she needed to look towards the future if she was going to save herself from this.

"Well Hotch and I will get right on that for you." It took a few seconds and they both broke out in a big fit of giggles.

Rossi and Hotch snapped from their paperwork again at the happy sound. It put a smile on Hotch's face, then a frown which Rossi read as returning worry. "Aaron, she will be alright. It will just take time."

"I know." He paused, deciding whether or not sharing this was stepping over a line, but he needed advice. "I think she thought I was Carver last night when she woke up. I was spooning her like she had asked but moved to the chair bed when she seemed so afraid. How do I figure out what she needs from me? I feel like for once I have no answers."

Rossi sighed. "You are going to make mistakes here. There's no handbook. Just try to trust that Garcia will be sharing her real feelings, honest in what she shows you she wants. Don't push, but for example, if you kiss her and she kisses back, she wants that."

Hotch nodded, that made sense. "You know I haven't kissed her yet?" He couldn't think of why he hadn't either. He should have just gone for it on Valentines Day when they parted from their first 'date' like he wanted. He was stupid, and afraid.

"You will in time. And last night she was probably just confused, still coming out of her stupor from the drugs. In a few days I think she will be alright, I do. He hadn't even latched on, and unlike JJ she was mentally prepared to lock herself down, and she knew you were coming after her."

They fell silent again. Hotch could only focus on her, how her face glowed when she laughed with JJ, how her eyes filled with worry as she looked down to her friend. She was beautiful in any situation, always a kooky version of what others would be, he the serious of other's normal states. She just glowed a natural energy that attracted him to her since they first met. Always a great friend, always someone he wanted to keep around, and then slowly she became so much more.

"You're in love with her aren't you?" Rossi's face held a knowing smile. It wasn't the first time he saw a man nearly worship a woman through his devoted love-tainted gaze. He had often been the one struck that way.

"Yes." Hotch sighed out, it didn't feel quite right to admit it before he told her.

"So what are you so worried about?"

Hotch dropped his gaze to his coffee cup. "She can't possibly feel the same. Who would? I am damaged goods with more baggage than—"

Morgan cut in, having heard the conversation from across the aisle when he was startled awake by Emily's foot kicking him in her sleep. "Knock that off. You haven't even talked to her yet. Garcia wears her heart on her sleeve, true. But she protects herself when things are big. You need to talk to her about her feelings. I never thought I would say this to you of all people. But man up Hotch."

The three were silent for a moment, Rossi and Morgan equally worried about how Hotch would take that. But he began to break out in a chuckle that built to a full on laugh, catching the attention of Garcia and JJ's glances so Hotch had to whisper back to Morgan. "I never thought you of all people would be encouraging this."

Morgan broke into a large grin. "I love Baby Girl more than life Hotch, she's closer than a sister. So if you break her heart I will break you. But she and I aren't like that, not seriously anyway."

"Thanks Morgan." He meant that, he suddenly felt like he passed the family test now. He was approved.

-Criminal Minds-

"I'm taking you home. You aren't allowed to drive for a few days." Hotch informed Garcia as he took her bag from her hands and began directing her to his SUV.

"But what about Jack?"

"He's coming home the day after tomorrow."

"Isn't that a lot of time out of school?" she winced, that was none of her business.

"Last week was vacation, today is the holiday and he will go for a half day when he gets back. So it's not all that bad." He was pleased she asked, she was showing real concern over Jack.

She nodded. "Good. We want that boy smart as anything."

'We. She said we!' he pulled from his years of calm to pull his face straight before he opened her door for her and helped her load in. She was still a little stiff on her feet but made a remarkable recovery. He said as much as they set off.

"I know, and I am so relieved that you guys were able to get the syringe to the hospital. I just feel so bad for JJ. She's going to have to suffer from this so much more than me. It's so unfair. And I'm not entirely sure how to help her." She could feel the tears begin to poke at her eyes. She hadn't cried yet about any of this, but thinking about JJ and what she had to see broke down the last of her resolve.

"Hey." Hotch wrapped his arm across the console and pulled her into him as he continued their drive. "She will be ok in time. You will be too, right?"

She nodded into his embrace. "I was so scared. And I knew exactly who he was, what his mother had done to him and gone through herself. I knew what to expect."

"Promise me you will keep talking to Rossi about it ok? In addition to your therapist." Rossi hadn't gotten anywhere with JJ but Penelope did have a long session with him this morning.

"I promise. And I am sorry about last night. Did I hurt you?"

"Is that what you are worried about? No. I'm fine. I'm the one that is sorry. I should have known you would be frightened." On top of all his other mistakes he just had to make another one. He was on high alert it seemed, trying to determine how to go about everything when it came to her.

She was glad he wasn't mad. And he just confirmed for her that he must have known she was scared, he didn't want to hurt her. Now she could talk herself into feeling less rejected. But a lot of things still hung in the air between them from well before her abduction. They hadn't at all established what they were, if anything. They hadn't even kissed properly.

They pulled up to her place and Hotch had a small dilemma. He didn't know what she expected for tonight. They spent the last three nights sleeping together. But after her fears from last night… it just might not be wise and it could be pushy to even ask. But then, what if she would feel rejected by him not staying? Worse, what if she didn't feel safe? Derek sometimes stays on the couch when she doesn't feel safe… "I'm taking your sofa tonight if that's alright with you."

She had just been about to ask if he would be spending the night, though she intended for it to be in her bed. Oh well. Perhaps he wasn't ready to share with her again. "Ok." She tried to keep the disappointment from her voice. "I will make us dinner."

-Criminal Minds—

"Agent Hotchner." He answered his cell phone as he watched Garcia make their dinner from his spot on the couch. He offered to take her out or help but she was insistent on cooking. He had read constructive activities are good with dealing with these situations, maybe that was what she was doing.

"Agent Hotchner, this is director Strauss." Oh crap. "I understand Dr. Reid was forced to discharge his weapon?"

He hadn't had the time to prepare everyone for this yet. Whenever an agent or profiler discharges their weapon there is a lot of paperwork and psychological questions. And when that move to pull trigger turns fatal for anyone, there is usually an informal inquiry. "He did. Our unsub was about to stab our technical analyst, Ms. Garcia." He hoped Penelope didn't over hear that. She didn't have to know the unsub was diverging from MO, that he was holding the knife and about to bring it down into her exposed breast, likely deciding that if he couldn't get milk from her, blood would do. He thanked Reid over and over again, silently, for not letting him see her exposed like that.

"I am glad you recovered Ms. Garcia and Agent Jareau." Her voice became somewhat tender. "That truly must have been a horrific experience for both of them. Do you feel they will recover?"

Hotch sighed and took the call into Pen's bedroom. "As far as Jareau, I believe she will need considerable time to recover. Ms. Garcia is more likely to bounce back in less time."

He could almost hear her nod on the other side of the line. "Just so you know Hotchner, I am giving your team a psychological reprieve, Garcia included. None of you can properly function in the field right now. I want you all in here tomorrow to wrap up the casework and we will need to conduct psychological screenings on each member of your team. But your workload is being reduced to paperwork and training exercises. Understand?"

"I do ma'am. I am sure my team will be relieved to hear it." Jumping back into the field after a case like this would simply be unwise. Emotions run high when an agent is taken, but when it is something of this nature, something more violating than anything else… it takes a lot out on the team.

"This is not a treat Aaron." She warned. "We will be watching you all closely. If I see any evidence that Dr. Reid improperly fired his weapon due to his attachment to Agent Jareau there will be hell to pay. And yes, I know all about it."

Shit. He can't let Reid pay for this. No matter how gratifying it probably had been to pull the trigger on a man that hurt your girlfriend, Reid would never succumb to that instinct willingly. He was almost in a panic. What can he say? "If anything, I would have been the person to act inappropriate in that situation if I'd gotten there first."

"What do you mean Agent Hotchner?" She was entirely confused and her anger at that seeped into her voice.

Crap, why did he say that? He is talking himself into a horrible situation. But it is too late, his usually composed self didn't manage to retain the façade. "I am building a romantic attachment to Ms. Garcia." He winced at the silence, knowing this was not good.

Fraternization is one thing. It can mean an agent might make unwise decisions, altering the priority of life to place the other agent above the innocent civilian population. It could mean unwise decisions in the case, in how information is handled; it could make a case weaker for prosecution. But what he is doing, dating (hopefully) a subordinate is a serious infraction. It alters a power relationship, it could mean his career if others come to look down on it. At the very least he would likely never receive a good promotion again.

She sighed, annoyed and disappointed. "I feel like I am always trying to save your career Aaron, and then you do this. Does your team know?"

"Yes, and they all support it, encourage it in fact."

"The fact that she is a technical analyst and not an agent may be the only thing to save you and your team. You are ordered to come in tomorrow and Wednesday while I finish the inquiry, personally. We will see if I feel a need to suspend you. If I do, this will get out, you understand. If I don't and it is later found out I knew, I could pay as well." She paused. "I am very disappointed in you agent Hotchner. I do hope whatever you have with Ms. Garcia is worth the firestorm about to fall on your head."

"I am sorry Director Strauss, but she is." And he meant it.

"What was that about?" Garcia asked worriedly as Hotch returned to the living room. She could see whatever it was had been important and upsetting.

"Nothing, really. We will just have to go through a lot of bureaucratic scrutiny in the next couple days." He couldn't tell her what he said to Strauss. Were they really even that romantic? He couldn't push this and he didn't want to worry her any more than was necessary.

But she already was worried. Her family was going through a really rough time right now. And she and Hotch were struggling to move past where they were. She cursed at Carver for having taken her. Had that not happened she wouldn't be so full of doubt. Yes, she would still have some. But she had planned on talking about at least some of it that very night she was taken, missing her opportunity by just a few minutes. And she wouldn't be trying to figure out what Hotch was thinking as far as things they have already done, like share a bed. She couldn't sleep alone tonight, she couldn't ask him in there either and risk rejection. He stayed with her in Dallas because there was a threat. Without that, would he still be interested? Other than sex?

They sat on the sofa to eat the lasagna and garlic bread she made for dinner, watching the news. When the 'around the nation' segment came on one of the stories was about them in Dallas. He had to hurry to the remote to change the channel and make an excuse. "I think there is an episode of Star Trek on."

"You like Star Trek?" That was news.

"Mostly only TNG." He shrugged. Yes, he had a dorky side sometimes. Sue him. "Of course I like the other series as well. But it goes without saying that Picard is the best captain of the universe. And Data reminds me so much of Reid."

A huge grin rose on her face. "You have no idea how sexy I find this secret nerd side of yours." She could have hit herself on the head. Why must she keep calling him sexy?

He chuckled, entirely flattered at the statement. "Now you know how I feel around you all the time."

She might just die right now. Did he just say he finds her sexy, for being her? Wow.

"What? I shouldn't have said that right?" Her silence was worrying him. He probably had crossed a line.

She almost jumped him right there and then. She needed to feel close to someone and she wanted him in every way but she knew it was still a tad too soon for her. She needed another night's rest and she would feel herself again. "Would you rub my neck? It hurts from the hospital bed." She thought that would be a safe diversion and she really needed the comfort right now… then she remembered his hands would be touching her skin. What a bonus.

He was able to successfully hide his grunt when he saw her pull off her cardigan, revealing only a scant camisole underneath. He turned to her, lifting her hair way from her back and over one of her shoulders and maneuvered his legs, her body now between them. God, she was breathtaking from any angle. He couldn't help leaning in and giving a quick kiss over her exposed pulse point. She couldn't help her breathy moan from the action, it sent shivers down to her toes. Thank God he was behind her, otherwise he would have seen ecstasy rise on her face as his strong hands began their tender kneading of her flesh.

It was exquisite. For both of them. He worked his hands from behind her ears and down the back and sides of her neck, over her shoulders and down her blades. When he began stroking on either side of her spine he allowed himself to kiss gently between his hands. The sensation of his lips on her in any form made her jaw begin to quiver and soft moans to escape. Hearing those only turned him on more.

This situation was going to get away from him. Her gasps, a slight smell of her arousal, the tips of her erect nipples peeking out from under her shirt… his erection was so strong there was no way she couldn't feel it. And she did, right at the bottom of her back. She was seconds away from turning around and tackling him when her exhausted body betrayed her with a yawn.

Thank God she yawned, something had to happen and knock some sense into him. She was tired, this wasn't the right timing. He pulled her to lean back against him, hoping he would go down soon despite her proximity. He wrapped his arm around her, letting the other stroke her hair. "Let's rest and watch ok? We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

She nodded, reluctantly. But she was thankful they hadn't gotten far. 'Tomorrow,' she told herself 'I will have a talk with him tomorrow about how I feel.'

He watched her eyes close heavily, her face relax into sleep. He could stay like this all night, just watching her dream, wondering if they were about him. And that's what he did for hours. He watched her until he too allowed fatigue to claim him, allowed his dreams to be filled with visions of her happy, healthy and in his arms for good.