Part 10: close to you

Sif had many dreams. There was pain in them, sometimes, but she wouldn't let the pain stay, for he was there as well and she wanted to keep only him in her dreams. She dreamed of him, of his hands caressing her hair, of his voice calling her name, asking her not to leave, and she wanted to laugh, for why would she leave now? There were others voices too, she could almost recognise them, but they weren't important. No, she wanted just to hear him, to dream of him, and, sometimes, she could almost feel his lips on hers... Loki.

Thor had come, once again, and it was becoming increasingly frustrating for Loki. He wanted to be alone at Sif's bedside. He didn't want to acknowledge it, but he was afraid of Thor's presence when she was in need of attention. And always he would wonder why she would choose him, Loki the trickster, the weaker of the two sons, when the Mightiest of all the Asgardians was here?

Besides, he was feeling an obligation to let go of her hands while his brother was around. He did not know how Sif would feel if he were to let Thor, or her friends, know that she had showed affection for him... He was convinced she would like to keep it a secret and he could not blame her. He knew all too well how people could twist tales with their slithering tongues. And she deserved better than being the subject of those who would insult him. Being with the second Prince, the traitorous one, the Jotun, even if few knew about it... Loki wasn't sure she would accept this very long and he would do anything to protect her, even if, in the end, it would mean leaving her side... But he would not think about it, not now...

'Why are you here?' He could not take the sting out of his voice.

Thor quirked an eyebrow at his brother, surprised at his tone, 'I could ask the same of you, brother...'

They stared silently at each other for a moment, Loki seated beside Sif's bed while Thor was standing next to him. Neither of them gave an answer, they were looking at Sif while she was still unconscious, and they did not want to break the peace of the healing room with their bickering.

After a moment, Thor said in a low voice, 'She seems to sleep peacefully. I cannot believe she has yet to come back to us...' Loki let a strangled laugh escape, but said nothing. Thor looked down at him, 'You did not answer my question, brother. Why are you here at her bedside, every day?'

Loki shot back, without even thinking, 'And you? You are as often as me around her bed...'

Thor's voice came rumbling, not understanding his brother's behaviour, 'This is tiring, Loki... I am merely wondering about you, about this new found affection for Sif after so many years of cold treatment...' Smarting, Loki stood abruptly, ready to retort in his anger and fear of Thor finding out about Sif and him.

'You... two... are really... insufferable...'

They froze. Sif was looking at them, dark circles shadowing her eyes, but smiling weakly... Loki felt his legs give in and he had to sit again. She is alive!

Thor laughed in his booming way and slapped Loki on his shoulder, relieved to see his friend back from the dead, 'My Lady Sif, it is good to hear you again!' She smiled, but they could see she was tired for she closed her eyes almost instantly...

Loki was trembling, his relief nearly unbearable. He wanted his brother away, it was almost painful. He wanted to talk to her now...

Thor was still looking at Sif, smiling softly then, turning to his brother, he whispered, 'We should probably go and let her rest...'

Once again Loki was taken by anger, because Thor was still trying to order him around, to take him away from Sif... But before he could say anything another voice came from the doorway.

'Really Thor, I have been looking for you since this morning. I was wondering if you were hiding from me.' With a gentle smile, Frigg, Queen of Asgard made her entrance. She could see the tension in Loki's body and the obliviousness of Thor. Of course, he would not realize how dearly his little brother would want him to be far away from the woman he loved... She shook her head slightly and hooked her arms through Thor's. 'My son, I need you now so I would be pleased if you were to follow me... this instant...' Seeing Thor raise his eyebrows, she pinched him slightly and glanced discreetly at Loki.

Thor was struggling to understand what was happening, but, seeing his mother's glance and the face of his brother leaden with concern, he realized that something was going on with his brother and the Shield Maiden... He tried to hide his smile at this good news, but it was a lost cause, his face being so expressive...

Fortunately, Loki's attention was once again focused on Sif so that he didn't see the gentle smile on Thor's face while looking at them. Frigg, seeing this, decided that now would be a good time to take their leave. She caressed lightly Loki's hair and left with Thor still hooked at her arm. She needed to speak to him about this situation and the need for discretion for as long as necessary, until Loki was ready... It would certainly be difficult with Thor, for her elder son had never been good at subtlety.

Loki relaxed now that his mother and brother were away. Even with Frigg around, he could not be himself with Sif. She seemed to have fallen asleep again, and he hated his brother for making him miss this chance to speak with her. Right when she would awaken, when she would need to know he was here for her... No, of course Thor had to spoil this moment by being his obnoxious self.

Fingers caressed his hand. Sif was looking at him now, a very small but sweet smile on her face. With a knot in his throat, he smiled back at her, feeling silly.

'Did you stay by my side all along?' Her voice was raspy, still weak...

He swallowed, it was hard to see her this way, and he answered, his voice still a little shaky, 'Yes. I wanted to be the first one that you would see...' He shrugged, 'But now...' He heard her laugh, with difficulty, for her ribs had been broken and even after healing, pain would be lingering.

'Loki, you have been the only one I dreamt of... And you have been the first voice I heard... And now you are by my side...' She shook her head slightly, with a faint frown for doing so, 'I was glad that Thor was there though...'

If at her first words Loki had felt pleased, his pulse quickening slightly, he felt his face darkening at her last, but said nothing. Seeing this, she shook her head again and Loki felt a pang of guilt for she was visibly still in pain...

'Loki, he is my friend... I will always be happy to see him.' She sighed, she had hoped he would understand, but she realized it was far too soon... She had made a mistake and so, with a contrite tone she said, 'Loki, he is my friend, but you are so much more now to me...' She sighed, 'There is something I wanted to say to you... That I should have said to you earlier.' She looked at him, noting his lips still pinched together, 'Loki, I love you...' There, she had said it. While she was lying in the cold, feeling her blood escaping her body, she had felt regrets for not saying those words to Loki. And she had wished to have spoken before dying so that he knew he was loved...

His world had just stopped. These words… he had waited so long, he had given up the hope of hearing them. He was looking at her, this smile of hers and, without realizing it, he leaned down to kiss her, a passionate kiss. A groan and a hand pushing him back make him stop, confused. For an instant Loki believed he had made a mistake, that she was refusing him, that...

Her voice, sweet, 'Be mindful of my ribs, beloved...'

Loki blushed, his emotions in turmoil, 'I-I am sorry... I...' but he never finished for Sif, still clutching the front of his clothes, brought him back into a kiss, a more careful one this time...

After a few moments, and a few kisses, Loki found his voice again. Sif was looking tired and he was afraid it was too much for her, so soon after her awakening, but she had gripped his hand tightly when he had wanted to let her rest... He was caressing her face, holding her hand and she had closed her eyes, smiling... 'I thought I had lost you...' His voice was muffled by the pain he was still feeling. It was fresh in his memory.

She opened her eyes, 'I am sorry, beloved...' His heart lurched when she had said this word the first time, and now he could just smile, shaking his head in disbelief. 'I would not have died, my love... I have an unfinished matter with you...' Her smile, even tired as it was, was once again full of promise and he felt his pulse accelerating...

Still, he had something to say to her, 'I was afraid... you would die before I could tell you...' His voice died, it was difficult, he tried to mouth the words, but nothing would come... He lowered his head, in shame. She had told him she loved him and he had wanted to see her again to be able to tell her this exact same thing... And he could not...

Fingers, on his lips. He looked up at her, at her eyes, soft, smiling at him.

'It is alright, beloved. I will wait until you are ready...' The pressure of her fingers stopped him from saying anything. 'There are many ways to tell you love me, Loki... And I like this one the most...' And once again they fell into a kiss...

When, finally, he left her, she was asleep again, a sweet smile on her lips. Before exiting the room, he gave her a last longing look and, seeing her contented face, for the first time in so many years he could not remember, Loki truly smiled.