The door swung open silently when Malik pushed it open. Jari, who'd been watching the door gave him a silent look, but otherwise said or did nothing. Malik still had the men from Jerusalem playing guard to Altair when he was alone. It wasn't that he feared Altair would be overcome by someone, if anyone tried to attack Altair he knew they could be butchered. It was more for his peace of mind to know the other man wouldn't do anything foolish. Since Sawsan had had her litter he'd been surprisingly better, even as far as Malik was expecting. But he was not as he was. Betrayal and grief had cut deeply into Altair's soul and Malik knew he just needed time.
Time however was what they did not have. The first of the Dais had arrived in Masyaf like a murder of crows. When a runner had found him at the main desk, pouring over ledgers, and told him he'd felt an icy fist grip his heart, squeezing tighter and tighter till he felt he couldn't breathe. They weren't ready for this. Malik wasn't ready for this. He'd been dreading their arrival more then anything in the past few weeks and even more then the worry over Abbas this kept him from sleep. Even the thought of a schism made Malik ill. The Order would not survive such a catastrophe, not without leaving them weak for several generations.
He was surprised when he peered into Altair's rooms, once Azrael's rooms, now the new Mentor's. The main room was most used, with a desk by the window facing the garden and the valley where the Apple sat glittering gold in a small cup so it didn't roll away. The window facing the training rings had brightly colored rugs beneath it and was stacked high with pillows. He'd found Altair sleeping there more often then his actual bed, which was through one of the doors. But then that did not surprise him in the slightest as the box with Sawsan had been brought and put beneath that window, though out of most of the daily sun. When Malik did not drag him away Altair was there, sometimes dozing, sometimes doing the task Malik had set for him (only in privacy), or sometimes just staring out the window, eyes a thousand miles away.
The fact that Altair was there was not what surprised Malik. It was the fact that he was not alone. At first he was wary, then he saw who it was and relaxed. "I do not mean to interrupt brothers," Malik spoke up and they both turned to him, Altair's intense amber eyes, and Rauf's calming brown ones staring at him before Rauf looked at Altair.
"Not at all," Rauf said, "I was just leaving," and he turned around a moment before getting to his feet. Altair's eyes followed him and there was something unreadable in them, though Rauf seemed to understand, for he grinned at the young Mentor. Malik didn't understand what passed between them but Altair had turned away from them both now. "Safety and peace, Dai," Rauf bowed his head at him as they traded placed, Rauf going through the door and Malik inside. Rauf didn't even give him the option, he just closed the door behind him.
He went to stand beside Altair on the rug and looked down at the man and the box. They'd changed out the material in it so it was no longer full of concubine clothing, but it was still full of clothes, mostly uniforms beyond repairing. Sawsan was laying on her side, as she often was, while her five (not four, he'd missed the smallest one the first time) kittens either suckled at her stomach or lay curled up against her warmth. It had been a week since they'd been born and already they were tottering around, trying to walk, but the box was still too tall for them to climb out of. "Have you decided on names?" he asked, not wanting to even discuss the reason why he was here until he had to. He sat next to Altair who wasn't looking at him.
"Yes," Altair said.
"Well? Are you going to tell me?" he teased slightly. Altair glanced at him out of the corner of his eye briefly, but said nothing. Malik sighed, "This one," he reached forward and picked up the dark gray kitten. From above it looked pure gray, but it did have markings, a white muzzle and belly as well as two white socks on his front paws. The kitten easily fit into the palm of his hand and sniffed at his fingers. "What's it's name?" he asked Altair.
Altair licked his lips before answering, finally turning to him, "That was why Rauf was here," he said, "I… wanted to know if he wanted to name one," he spoke almost shyly, as if expecting to be reprimanded.
"Oh?" Malik's brows rose, "So did Rauf name this one?" Altair nodded, "What is it's name?"
"His name is Seif," Altair said and Malik blinked and looked down at the kitten.
"A good name," he proclaimed. "And what about the other ones?"
He seemed more relaxed as Malik put the kitten, Seif, back with his mother. "This is Nadyne," Altair brushed his fingers against the gray and silver tabby who was lying on Sawsan's tail, sleeping peacefully.
Malik nodded, "And her?" he pointed at the smallest kitten who he thought was also the most beautiful. She was an orange and white tabby, though the striping wasn't very visible and the tip of her tail was white, just like her mother's. She was secretly his favorite, even though she was the runt.
"That is Adha," Altair said, watching him and not the kittens. Malik stiffened for barely a second before swallowing. Adha, the lost treasure of a woman. He did not know much about her, but he'd seen the effect she had on Altair. Her loss had affected him similar to this, though not as strongly.
"A name worthy of her beauty," Malik said, thankfully his voice didn't crack. Altair smiled faintly. "And what about the other grey one?"
"I… have a name for him but," he hesitated, "I wanted your permission."
"My permission?" he asked, though he had a sort of feeling he knew what Altair would ask. Thinking about it made his heart hurt.
"I wanted to name him Kadar," Altair said, "If you'll allow."
Malik stared at Altair for several long seconds. Altair wanted to name one of the kittens after his brother, otherwise there would be no reason for him to ask permission to name the kitten. Altair did what he wanted, obviously. But the fact that he was asking meant he didn't want to upset Malik, that he valued his opinion. He wouldn't do something like this without his consent. Malik thought about how he wouldn't deny Altair anything, because he couldn't, for Altair was the Mentor, but this… he could deny this. But did he want to?
He plucked the other grey kitten up. This one was a few shades lighter then the darker Seif and had no white stomach or muzzle, though both his front paws were socked in white and a few toes on his left back foot as well, he also had a white tipped tail and blue eyes. No wonder Altair wanted to name him Kadar. He looked at Altair, who was waiting quietly. Then he smiled at the other man and tension he hadn't realized was there evaporated when he said, "I think it would suit him," and the kitten bit his thumb, though not very hard, obviously, trying to suckle. But there was nothing there and he mewed, loudly.
Sawsan picked herself up from the box, looking tired, and stepped gracefully over to Malik. She sent him a look as she grabbed Kadar by the scruff of his neck and brought him back with his brothers and sisters. Malik chuckled and wiped his hand on his pants. "What about Sawsan's little replica?" he asked, meaning the other tabby that was the spitting image of her as a kitten, down to the white tipped tail and the huge yellow eyes that he knew would darken into amber when she got older.
"I have no decided," Altair admitted. "Nothing seems to fit her," he sighed and leaned his elbows on his folded knees, face in his hands. With his hood down Malik could have mistaken him for a novice if not for the closely cropped hair that was barely more then stubble. "What do you think?" he asked suddenly, turning to Malik.
"What?" he asked, startled.
"What should her name be?"
"Uh," he said intelligently, Altair chuckled. They were silent after, both thinking. "Kanwai," Malik said and Altair looked at him curiously. "If her mother is a lily she should be too," he explained, silly though it was.
"Kanwai," Altair said, testing it out. He wondered how long he'd spent coming up with names for the others. Knowing him, probably a good deal of time, as he was with them often. "I like it," he agreed, "What about you Sawsan?" he asked the cat, and suddenly Malik knew he ceased to even exist. He'd seen it before, when Sawsan was a kitten herself, everything and one ceased to exist around Altair beyond the feline when he spoke to her. Distantly he remembered watching Altair meow at her when she'd gotten into his washing basin. It had seemed so long ago now, though it was only a few months, not even a year at all.
Sawsan meowed at him and when he scratched under her chin she began to purr loudly. It was sort of like magic, as Malik couldn't make her react like that, even though she did now sometimes purr when he pet her. She was a very serious cat honestly, except when Altair was around. They were similar like that really, cat and owner being almost mirrors of one another. He smiled fondly at them both. "Yes," Altair said softly, forgetting Malik was even there for a moment, "I like it too."
"Altair," Malik said to draw the man back to him, "I have news," Altair turned to him.
"By your face it does not look good," Altair said.
"The Dais have begun to arrive," he said rather gravely.
Altair's face became momentarily tight. "I see," he said once he seemed capable of facial movements again.
"I've already seen them to rooms within the fortress," he continued, "They were tired after their journey," or rather, Malik told them they were tired. The men who wore the Dai robe were wise and knew where the power sat at the time, they had not argued when Malik had had them escorted to rooms. He knew it would not last though. "You need to speak with them at dinner," he said.
"I will," Altair said with a slight bob of his head. "Is there anything else you require of me?" Several thoughts flickered through Malik's head, some good, most awful, he said none of them. As he mentally shook them from his head he realized they were close, barely two hand's widths apart, Altair looking at him with those intense amber eyes he had. Malik stared back, wondering what the other man wanted, since clearly he wanted something, or waiting for something.
"No," Malik said softly unable to stop his eyes from dropping down to Altair's mouth, they were so close he couldn't help himself, almost to the point his eyes were crossing. He quickly told himself he was looking at the scar there, but even in his head it was a lie. The other man licked his lips and Malik had to look away. Dear god what was he even thinking? He had a mad thought, like the one man weeks ago now, of Altair speaking of conspiracy in Jerusalem, and of wanting to grab the other man and pull him into a kiss. But no. He couldn't. He'd already taken from Altair, he would not take more. His eyes met Altair's, if only so they were no longer looking at his mouth and saw a slight change in them, almost like a softening.
He quite literally could not stop himself. His head was saying to go, to leave and go deal with the Order, as he had been before coming in here, his body did something the absolute opposite. He leaned in the few inches between them and pressed his lips against Altair's. There was a near instantaneous reciprocation when Altair kissed him back and Malik felt like he was floating outside of his own body. Then his mind snapped out of what was going on and he roughly pushed Altair away.
"What are— that was— I didn't—" he couldn't even get out a full sentence and stared at Altair in something slightly less then abject horror at what he'd done. Altair had his hand covering his mouth, head tipped down, fingers almost against his lips and Malik felt sick. He lurched to his feet, not even able to make a proper excuse.
He was snagged as he made for the door and he looked behind him and down. The end of his Dai robe was caught by Altair's hand from the way he gripped it Malik knew that the only way he was getting away would be if Altair let go, or if he shed his robe. Then his eyes moved up and Altair wasn't looking at him, "Stay," he said. It was not an order and in fact he didn't sound like he expected to be obeyed at all and Malik blanched. He'd promised himself that he would not deny Altair anything, as he shouldn't. But did that include obeying every request? He swallowed. Altair did not seem… angry at least. He took a step back towards Altair, and then another till he was standing beside him and then once again sitting. Only then did Altair let him go.
Altair was not looking at him, but at the box of squirming kittens. Malik swallowed and stared at the man's profile, not even knowing what to say. Then he realized that Altair was not looking at the cats, but at him, out of the corner of his eye. He only noticed because his hood was down but for some reason it seemed familiar. How often was Altair watching Malik from the corner of his eye, when he thought the Dai couldn't see?
"I'm sorry," he finally couldn't take it anymore, and broke the silence.
Altair turned to him slowly, "I'm not," he said in a carefully measured voice.
A spike went through Malik and he stared at the other man. At first he had trouble understanding, he literally could not comprehend. Malik had taken from Altair everything he had to give, and yet here he was giving more. It was brutally humbling to know as well as terrifying that Altair would do such a thing to him. Malik did nothing but take from the other man, and while he did give back, it would never equal out to be equivalent to what Altair gave. He was caught unaware, too busy with his own turmoil of thoughts, when Altair leaned over and kissed him again, though barely because it turned into something that was barely a brush of the lips before Malik recoiled and actually moved away.
"W-what are you doing?" he demanded and refused to see the hurt in Altair's eyes. If he did he would feel guilty that he seemingly was doing the wrong thing again. Altair opened his mouth but Malik spoke right over him, "Why would you want such a thing? Haven't you…" his throat closed around the cruelty. He couldn't say what he would have said. Hadn't he tormented Malik enough? Hadn't he done enough to break himself and Malik as well?
Altair just looked confused, he didn't understand. "I thought you would be pleased," and Malik wanted to vomit.
"Pleased?" he spat, "Pleased by what? That you prostrate yourself?"
It stuck Altair like a slap, and then his eyes narrowed, "I thought you would be pleased about how I feel," he snapped right back. Altair swallowed then and Malik just sat there, stunned. This was how Altair felt. Not that he felt he had to do something, but because he wanted to, because he had feelings for Malik? He felt ill for an entirely different set of reasons now and knew his face was pale. Was he an idiot? Was he… oh fuck. Malik's thoughts cannibalized each other and he couldn't even properly form the thoughts he wanted to make in the wake of Altair's confession.
"How you feel?" he echoed, his voice unimaginably tight and quiet.
Altair's searched his face, never lingered on one place long, and avoiding Malik's eyes before after a second or two landed on them. "Yes," he said softly. Then he looked down, suddenly shy again, "I have feelings for you, perhaps they are improper. I apologize."
"You… you idiot!" he suddenly yelled and Altair shrunk back a little, but did not actually move away. Malik pressed his hand to his face. "What is the matter with you?" he looked at Altair over his fingers, "Why don't you hate me?"
"Why would I hate you?" he asked with open confusion and bewilderment painted clearly across his face, as if he couldn't even fathom doing such a thing. "You've done so much for me."
"And taken everything from you," and he knew Altair knew what he meant, it was in the way he wouldn't meet Malik's gaze. "You should hate me," he said.
"I do not," Altair said and caught his lower lips with his teeth, right where the scar sliced into his lip, and looked at Malik's chest. "Don't ask me to."
Malik squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, feeling them sting. Altair's confession and this entire revelation was overwhelming. He could barely begin to process that Altair felt… the way Malik felt too. He didn't even have the excuse to deny that to himself. Not any more, not with Altair's boldness standing before him. He did feel for Altair, more then a brother, more then a friend of a Mentor. When he opened them again Altair was looking at him, it was clear what his decision was, and he was just waiting for Malik. Whatever Malik decided would be the end of it, because in the same way Malik wouldn't say no to Altair Altair would not push him into something he didn't want. What an awful trap.
"What am I going to do with you?" Malik asked, voice cracking now and sat back heavily, suddenly feeling like he couldn't even hold himself upright. He pressed his hand to his face to pinch the bridge of his nose and squeeze what little stupid moisture there was. When he looked beyond his fingers he saw Altair had edged closer to him. He was still waiting for Malik's answer. Malik looked at him miserably, wishing the floor would just swallow him whole, "I don't deserve what you're giving me," he said softly.
Altair's face twisted in confusion a moment, "Why do you say that? You of anyone deserves a measure of peace too," he said. Altair licked his lips again, hesitating, "You say you took from me," and it was a knife to the heart, "I took much more from you," and it took Malik a moment to realize what he was talking about, because he thought they were past this, and the knife twisted. Altair meant his arm, and his brother, both gone, but also his position as a Master, able to stand beside his brothers with pride. Malik blinked several times to clear his eyes, he would not cry. He would not.
"But after what I-
"Shhh," Altair shushed him gently and Malik let him touch his face. The contact made his skin tingle. "One failure in a longer list of achievements," Altair said and Malik heard his own words repeated back to him. Altair's hand twisted to cover Malik's eyes which were wet, and Malik knew this was for him, so he wouldn't feel so weak in front of the other man. That just made it worse though and a few drops made it over the edge of his eye lid, but were stopped by the edge of Altair's finger against his cheek. "I do not blame you for anything, I do not hate you. You deserve measures of happiness too Malik," and he felt a weight settle across his hips. Altair straddled him and his free hand took Malik's remaining. "Don't think you don't," and he pressed the back of Malik's fingers up to his lips and just held them there.
Malik swallowed several times, silently mastering himself, grateful now for the veil of Altair's hand separating them. They stayed like that, not moving, for a while, neither of them speaking, neither of them moving. Eventually Malik removed his hand from Altair's and pulled the one covering his eyes away. As he did so he wiped his eyes and knew that Altair pretended not to see. Altair kept his hand on Malik's face, cupping his jaw gently and Malik held back for only a moment before kissing him.
Like before Altair's response was near instantaneous and his other hand joined the first in holding his face, like he'd never let go. There was no reservation or hesitation in the way Altair kissed him, as if he'd been waiting so long to do so and every moment he hadn't been able to hurt him and the intensity of it left him breathless. When they were forced to come up for air it was to the sound of gasps and the desperate feel of Altair's hands on his face, loathing to let him go. Altair kissed him briefly on the lips lightly as his hands stroked his face. Malik reached up as well to touch Altair's face. He'd never been this close to the other man, where they practically breathed the same air, eyes barely able to focus on the other they were so close. Malik took hold of the bottom of Altair's face and ran his thumb over the deep cut on his lips, Altair's breath hitched just slightly before Malik followed his thumb with his mouth, smoothing it over Altair's.
Altair's fingers threaded through his hair, as if it wasn't messy enough, and when Malik ran his hand down his chest over his clothes he arched into his touch. Malik pushed him back once his hand rested in the center of Altair's chest, but not away. A bit clumsily Altair leaned back, and Malik followed, till Altair was lying on the rug and half on one of the pillows there. Malik supported himself on his right elbow, which was just fine since he was less interested in touching Altair with his hand as he was with his mouth.
He left Altair's lips to glide down his jaw and throat. Altair buried his face in Malik's shoulder, one hand in his hair, the other squeezing his shoulders tightly, as Malik kissed his way down his skin. Beneath him Altair was trembling, but he knew it was not in a bad way. More as though he was trying to hold himself together with Malik touching him, as Malik was having trouble being able to fully grasp that he was allowed, that this wasn't something he was taking but that Altair wanted to give him. He shifted his weight to his knees to free his arm a bit as he'd run out of skin and pulled at Altair's loosely held together robe. As he'd been in his room most of the day he hadn't dressed out in his Assassin's whites as Malik had, but merely comfortable clothes to lay around in. Now Malik pulled at the familiar red sash he'd used to close his robe up and nosed open his clothing. Altair groaned softly against his ear, fingers kneading his scalp in approval.
The last time he'd even been this close to Altair it had been under entirely different and more horrifying circumstances. This scenario was greatly preferred however since there was no desperate rush, instead Malik could be methodical with his investigation of Altair's skin and the random patchwork of scars on his body he'd missed and been totally unable to appreciate the last time.
They both groaned in frustration when there was a firm knock on the door. "Master Altair, Dai Malik, Dai Khazin wishes to speak with you," Jari called through the door.
Malik looked down at Altair, with his robe open obscenely, entire body flush, eyes dilated, one hand holding onto Malik's dark robe, the other toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. "Should I send him away?" Malik asked, voice ragged and sounding worn.
"Would we get in trouble if you did?" Altair asked, his own tone no better then his. He shifted a bit beneath him so he was laying more on the pillow.
"I doubt it. What could he do?"
Altair grinned at him lazily, pleased, "Tell him to go away. I'm busy," he reached up and kissed Malik gently.
Malik had to physically pull himself away, "All right," and he untangled himself before walking to the door. He opened the door. "Khazin," Malik said warmly when he saw the older man, his body blocking Khazin from seeing inside. Not that there was much to see, the room was orientated in such a way so that all someone could see from a peek was a near wall with a bookshelf.
"Malik," Khazin bowed his head slightly. "I was surprised no one came to greet me when I arrived."
"Ah," Malik said, even as he was cursing himself mentally. He'd been too distracted. Though he knew that if Khazin had announced himself Jari would have summoned them, as he had now, probably waiting till after he'd settled in. "I apologize," he said graciously. "Altair and I were discussing matters of the Order."
"Which would be?" Khazin asked, folding his arms across his chest, looking ready for an explanation.
"Nothing of much import to you," he said airily, making it sound as though they had been discussing nothing of real importance, to Khazin or anyone else really beyond himself and Altair. "I trust you were seen to your rooms though," he added.
"Yes, I was," Khazin admitted, Malik had made sure that several novices were always ready in case the Dai's came. They were older though, journeymen who would be properly respectful to a Dai.
"Good," Malik nodded. "Is there anything else you needed? I am very sure your guides told you Altair would address all of you at dinner," he glanced at Jari and the other Assassin just rolled his eyes. This man was full of hot air.
"Yes well I wanted to-
"Malik are you done yet," came Altair's sudden bark. Malik looked around the door at Altair who was still lying on the pillows, though now cushioned by several more, robes still open and Malik had to make himself look away from the man. Though of course he sounded irritated and purposeful, even if his body language showed nothing of the sort. Of course Khazin didn't know that. As he was turning back to Khazin Altair also called, "Tell the Dai I will speak with him when we are done here," his voice authoritative, leaving no room for denial. Malik refrained from smiling and secretly thought who knew how long it'd be till they were done.
Khazin now seemed flustered, "Excuse me Dai, the Mentor calls," and he shrugged as if to say 'what can you do'. "If you need anything do not hesitate to tell your guide," who he saw a few feet away now. He'd also instructed them to not leave the Dais alone. Some of them might be old men, but they were still plenty crafty. He was glad to see his instructions were being obeyed.
"Y-yes, of course," Khazin said and he knew that like most he was intimidated by Altair, even if it was just his voice, especially when he wanted to step into his roll as Mentor and push his weight around. The journeyman stepped up to get Khazin's attention and subtly led him away.
He sighed once he was gone, "Next time," Malik told Jari, "Unless it is something important do not bother us. I can't spend every moment playing handmaid to a Dai."
"He was very insistent Malik, I apologize for interrupting your discussion," Jari said sincerely. Yes, discussion. "I will be more firm if it happens again," he added. Malik just nodded and closed the door.
He went back over to Altair, who's entire body looked supple and inviting propped up against the pillows under the window. Malik sank down to his knees between the other man's legs and was immediately pulled into a kiss. Altair's hands tugged at his robes, silently asking for their removal even as Malik grasped at Altair's bare skin on his chest and stomach and with only a bit more difficulty then necessary he was shrugging off his dark Dai's robe. Under was his sleeveless tunic and his left arm for anyone who looked to see, carefully wrapped lightly in cloth, even now, to protect it in case he bumped it (which he did rather often month ago before he grew used to it). Altair's eyes went strait to it, as they never had before, but there was not sympathy in his eyes like others' had shown him, or pity (he probably knew better then to pity Malik). Instead all he saw was pain, as if it physically hurt him to see Malik like this.
Malik leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Altair's. "I'm sorry habibi," Altair said softly and Malik almost hated he couldn't hate this man, or be mad at him.
"It is my fault as it is yours," Malik said and reached across his chest to grab the remaining stump of his arm. "I am sorry too," and Altair wrapped his arms around him and Malik seemed to sink into the other man, accepting his warmth and affections. Their lips met and Malik lost track of time until Jari was knocking on the door again: it was time for dinner.