Standard disclaimers apply.

"...from Las Vegas and San Fran are dust, and the Master of LA brought his whole court into the fight so there's going to be a major scramble there." Spike's voice, bored but crisp, was coming from somewhere near Xander and he could feel a lot of movement on the bed. "Some of the contenders will probably come here to pledge their loyalty in exchange for your support, and by your's I mean mine, yeah? Won't be running off to fight some loser's battles, though, so you'd best let me pick who this court backs."

(Contenders? Masters and courts in other cities?) He considered grumbling or maybe flailing to get the movement and noise to stop so he could settle back to sleep, but luckily didn't have the energy.

"I will make the decisions on who the Hellmouth recognizes in other territories and your duty is to support my rule as a member of my Court." Xander wrestled his eyes open to see Spike sitting on the edge of the bed sans duster, pulling his boots off. Blood, both fresh and dried, and vamp dust covered his arms and stained the black t-shirt he wore. Drusilla was in the doorway seemingly talking to a minion, and a young boy was apparently suffering the delusion that he was the boss of William the Bloody.

"Watch yourself, Collin. 'M not one of your minions to order about. Dru and I have chosen to ally with you, and we eliminated a major threat to your rule tonight, which that useless wanker you sent to shadow me can confirm when you let him out of my trunk." (Collin, huh? That must be the Annoying One. Creepy.) "If you want our support to continue, you need to stop that Dalton bloke looking up unkillable annoyances and get him researching a cure for my princess."

The kid looked on the verge of stomping his foot, but he maintained enough dignity to nod sharply and walk out with only a little unnecessary noise. Xander gave up entirely on sleep and sat up on the bed as Drusilla crawled over to Spike and helped him take his shirt off.

"Ah, my conquering prince... I can taste the entire battle on you."

"Can you now, love? Wouldn't taste there if I were you." The vampire shifted as he moved her gently away and Xander gasped when he saw the still bleeding wound in the left shoulder.

"Damn, that looks nasty."

"Don't know the half of it, pet, wanker had some sort of special crossbow bolts, holy water held in the points or summat. Burns like crazy and it won't stop bleeding. Haven't felt anything like it since I got this." He gestured to his scarred eyebrow with his right hand.

A quiet knock at the door came before he could beg for that story and Xander went to answer without thinking. The minion from earlier held a tray with a steaming basin of water, several white cloths and a pile of blood packets. Remembering the guidelines about eye contact, he took it and addressed the vampire casually while making a show of examining the contents. "Thank you. Master Spike will also need a small cup with some dirt in it."

"Dirt?"

"Just a spoonful or two, the ground outside is fine." He shut the door with his foot and took the tray back to the bed. Seeing Dru thoroughly occupied with licking one of the smaller wounds on Spike's chest (look away from the pecs, Xan man! Also the abs!) he handed over one of the blood packets and started washing around the worst injury.

"Might want to take off the vest, pet. And what do I need dirt for exactly?"

"Um, I'm not certain it will work, but Giles once told me you had to be careful with holy water because if it got the least dirty it wouldn't work anymore, spiritual purity requiring a physical manifestation or some other 'as below so above' sort of thing." Another quiet knock took him back to the door where the confused looking minion held a styrofoam cup with a bit of soil in it. He nodded and took it and returned to the bed continuing, "It's still working mixed with your blood, but I thought maybe..."

"Very good, looks like Dru got us a clever kitten." He looked up from mixing some water in the cup, instinctively waiting for the cut down that should follow an apparent compliment, but saw only a pleased smile that faded slightly into a look of concern. "What, pet?"

"Shoo, scat!" Drusilla waved her hands above and beside his head as if he had a bee bothering him. "Nasty thoughts all buzzing around him, bad boy and dummy and geek and loser, all sullying his armor and trying to stop him from drinking his cream. Chase them away, Spike, so he can hear you properly!"

"Like that, is it? Don't think swatting them will work though, love." (It was nice of her to try.) He drew her back gently to his side and nodded towards the cup. "Let's give it a try then, pet, can't hurt me any - no gangrene for vampires."

"Okay." He poured a little of the water over the wound and noticed Spike immediately relaxing a little. "Working?" At the nod, he began to grin and gently manipulated the skin to get as much inside as possible. (Hey it worked! Score one for the Xanman!)

"Such a good kitten!" Drusilla clapped her hands with delight and grabbed Xander for a long kiss before dropping him, dazed, on the bed. "Mummy forgives you for looking for the presents, and we shall keep you!" (Good? Should kisses like that be given by 'mummies'? Is Spike going to rip my arms off now in a jealous rage?) She began licking at the cleaned/dirty wound and, he couldn't help but notice, wriggling against the other vampire.

He looked up to Spike's face with some trepidation, only to see him grinning. "Hand me some more of those snack packs, pet. Had a rough night and no time to stop and feed."

Relaxing at the distraction he passed over a few more packets and began to clean up the blood and dust on the vampire's arms. Tracing the sculpted muscles with the warm cloth, he lost himself a little in the smooth, white skin. He felt... (Jealous! That is jealousy you feel in the pit of your stomach and any suggestions to the contrary will be hit with a hammer!) "So you were out, what? Beating up other Masters?"

"Not recreationally, though a couple made a good fight of it. The Annoying One has been sending out ultimatums to the masters of other cities around here to acknowledge his place, and while she was part of that sodding ritual, Dru here had a vision of them gathering to unite against him." He gave the vampire in his arms an affectionate smile. "Actually she had all number of visions, I had a minion write down everything she said and I've been picking through it for sense, but this one was pretty clear... well, if you know her. Anyway, I went to the meeting to sort them out."

"What, um, what is his place? I mean, he's in charge here, but if they have their own cities, why is that a big deal?" Xander tried not to look at the increasingly naughty licking that was going on, or the wriggling, and got Spike some more blood packets.

"Well, traditionally, the Master of the Hellmouth controls the entire California territory. And since that designation predates your statehood, it covers quite an area. There were Masters administering major cities, but under him."

He couldn't help but giggle. "Is there a lot of administration involved in being a master vampire? Like request forms for siring filled out in triplicate?"

Spike shuddered slightly. "You wouldn't be laughing at the idea if you'd met the Master of Sacramento. Kowtowed fast enough and even helped keep the other masters' minions out of the fights, but the bint was crazy. Wanted to know about the Annoying One's 'mediation plans for inter-territorial conflict resolution' and such. I think she was a speachwriting intern when she was turned..."

"Oh man, a policy wonk vamp. That's awesome."

"But siring actually is a big part of it. In a city with a proper Master, new vampires are only sired with the permission of the Court. Usually either by the Master themselves or a powerful member of the Court. The Court also administers the local blood houses and controls any troublemakers whose behavior might rile up the locals or attract Slayer attention." He had a bit of a smirk as he finished and Xander snickered at the sparkle in his eye.

"I'm gonna take a random guess here and say you know about that more from the 'troublemaker' end than the 'controlling'?"

Innocence was not a very convincing look on Spike. Particularly when Drusilla was trying to take off his pants. "It is possible that I have a reputation for making life more interesting when I'm around than certain withered old bat-faces can handle... No love, I've no wounds down there and the kitten will get jealous... But at least I don't leave a bunch of brainless fledges behind me when I go. And there's as many masters end up owing me a favor as wanting to run me out of their town."

"So you've never held a territory yourself?" (Why would I be jealous, he and Drusilla are together and I don't want him... I mean her... Either of them!)

"Nah, bloody boring and I'd end up dusting every other wanker that came to me with a problem." He glanced down at his Sire who was now snuggling happily into his mostly healed shoulder. "And the dynamic between me and my Princess would bugger things up if we were actually in a Court's hierarchy. Works best when we're guests."

"Oh... Oh! Because she's the boss in vampire terms so if you were running a territory anyone who didn't like your decisions would think they could go over your head to her..."

"Exactly, pet." (I am not getting a warm fuzzy from the evil undead's approving smile! And his eyes aren't pretty! Shut UP brain!) "Been plenty of times we've hired other kinds of demons when we needed muscle rather than dealing with vampires without a clear dominance chain. Was worse when the whole Scourge of Europe was still together - Darla was eldest, but Angelus fancied himself the leader, Dru's whims weren't to be ignored in case they were portents and I ended up doing most of the talking if we were traveling anywhere they didn't speak English or French. We'd blow into a local Court and no one had any idea which of us to kiss up to."

Xander giggled sleepily. His watch said three am and he wondered what time the Court shut down. "I should get home, to bed..."

"Bed right here, luv, and I'm too knackered to drive you. We'll have a quick kip and get you out of here before sunrise, don't worry." There was a problem with that plan, but he wasn't sure what. Something about jealousy?

"You aren't mad that Dru kissed me, are you? Don't want to wake up dead."

"Naw, not mad, pet, though I do feel a bit left out." An evil smirk crept across the vampire's face and he added, "Can fix that easy enough though."

"Well, yeah, she's right th-" the rest of his sentence and several crucial brain cells were lost in a cool, gentle and very thorough kiss. It seemed to last forever, but breathing hadn't yet become an issue when Spike leaned back on the pillows and pulled Xander onto his unoccupied shoulder. "Uh..."

"See, not left out anymore. Sleep a spell, Kitten, Dru needs her rest and so do I."

(I'm gonna have to clear a lot of freaking out time this week...) Glad that he was too sleepy to gibber and bother the evil monster whose embrace was making him feel very soft and safe, he drifted off before the realization that Dru hadn't been talking about getting Spike a girlfriend could cause more than a mumbled "Ah ha..."

A/N : Yeah, that every week update thing... that was a pipe dream. We'll just pretend I never said that. Erase, erase.