The elevator door opened and they were immediately taken by the smell of vanilla and jasmine coming from their apartment.
"Wow it smells great in here. Did you clean up all by yourself?" Joanna asked as she closed her eyes and inhaled the aroma once more.
"No I can't take credit for this one. I asked Lauren to hire a maid service to clean up yesterday. They must have left these scent pebble thingy's in this tray as their calling card or something." Julian joked as he walked through the living room.
"They're called aroma crystals and I love this combination of scents."
"Yeah me too."
Julian did a quick inspection of everything to make sure they did a good job and he sent Lauren a 'thank you" text for her help. While in the bedroom, he put away the things they brought back from the hospital. Afterwards, he walked back to the living room and found Joanna looking through the glass doors.
"What's on your mind?" Julian asks as he approaches her from behind and places his arms around her waist.
"Nothing, I'm just happy to be out of that hospital and feeling a lot better. Things seem a little clearer now." Joanna said as she leaned back into Julian's chest.
"Like what?" he asks unsure of what she meant by things being "clearer".
Joanna turns to face Julian and places her hands on his chest and looks up into his blue eyes.
"I'm quitting the case."
"Why? It's not solved yet. Is it because you told me truth? Because if it is, you know you can trust me to not say a word to anyone and I won't."
"Julian this is the first time that we've been home together and I don't feel a weight of guilt on me. I've been lying to you for the past eight months about my disappearances, secret calls and getting home late from work. It's been so hard to carry all of that everyday and being afraid that you would find out and then hate me. The fact that I love you has been the only true thing from the start and I want it to stay that way. But now that you know I'm working undercover, I can't start lying my way through the investigation to those I report to. That would amount to me trading one lie for another. If they find out that my cover has been blown with you, the whole case is in jeopardy and there will be no justice for Vivian. So you see I have to quit the case while there is still time for someone else to take over my role in it."
Julian drops his hands from her waist and she takes a step backward to look at him. She wants to tell him all that she has been thinking over the last few days even though she knows some of it he does not want to hear.
Julian inhales deeply before asking the next question because he fears he may already know the answer.
"So with you quitting the case, what happens to us?" He stares at Joanna and braces himself for her answer.
An uneasiness comes over her as she searches her heart for the right way to say what she's been feeling lately. She looks down at the floor as she begins to speak.
"Well I told you that I want to check on my mom and make sure everything is going good at the center with her. She was having episodes the last time she was here and although most days she's okay when I call her, she's used to seeing me more often than not. So I was thinking that I would go home to San Francisco for a little while to see her, clear my head and take care of a few things. And with you leaving in a few weeks for Thailand, it makes no sense for me to stay here alone."
Julian's eyes grew wide with disbelief and he felt his heart racing inside of his chest. Although Edward told him to put distance between Joanna and his father, this is not what he had in mind so he couldn't control the words that were about to spill from his mouth.
"So you're leaving me?! After what we just been through and the years of separation, you're just gonna leave? Are you coming back?!" Julian began to raise his voice but he tried to contain himself and not blow up at Joanna in the worst way.
"Julian, when I quit this case, they're going to expect me to leave almost right away so I won't have a choice. So yes, I will come back eventually it's just going to take a little time.
Julian turns and walks towards the bedroom and Joanna follows him.
"I love you Julian but I need you to understand how this works. I'm not leaving you, I'm leaving the situation so the investigators can have a fresh start. Juggling everything has become complicated and maybe that's why…." Joanna stops short of finishing her sentence.
Julian turns around and faces her.
"Why what? Maybe that's the reason why you lost the baby?"
"Yes, maybe it is. Maybe the stress of it all caused the miscarriage or maybe it was a sign for me to choose between staying true to the investigation or true to you. I didn't have a choice about the baby but losing it has made me realize what's important and the choices that are in front of me right now. So I'm choosing you and I'm also choosing my mom who is just as important to me. If I work this case the way I want to, I will lose you in the process and I don't want that to happen."
Joanna draws closer to Julian and invades the space he has put between them. She looks up at him to try to read how he's feeling and if he understands what she's saying.
He looks down at her and sees the sincerity and love in her eyes. This is not what he wants but he realizes that she needs to do this.
"You losing the baby is my fault and I almost lost you too. I'm a doctor Joanna so I should have picked up on your symptoms. I don't know what I was thinking and I felt like an idiot that night at the hospital. Honestly, I don't know how I would have reacted if I found out about you being a cop in some other way but I do know that no matter what, I don't want to lose you."
"This is why I need to do this Julian. I don't want to jeopardize the case any further and I don't want us to be torn apart because of it."
"How long do you think you'll be gone?"
"I'm not sure. Maybe I'll come back right after your Thailand trip - it's hard to say right now. But if you're thinking that it will be another 17 years you're wrong. I don't want us to be apart for that long ever again. You have to trust me Julian"
Julian looks long a hard at Joanna. He believes her he just wishes there was another way. He shakes his head in agreement and moves closer to her.
"Okay. I know this is it important to you and if you feel this is the best way to do it then I guess I'm okay with it."
Joanna steps towards him and pulls him closer. She knows that agreeing to this is not what he wants to do but she can't see any other way around it and she didn't want to continue with a lie hanging over their relationship.
Julian arranged to stay home with her for the day but they avoided any further talk of her leaving. He wanted to make sure that she got plenty of rest as the doctor ordered. Around 6:30p they were trying to decide on dinner when her phone rang. She looked at Julian and he watched as she stepped away to take the call. It was Will.
"Joanna I'm leaving the office now so where do you want to meet?' Will asked as he walked out of his office heading to the elevator.
"Well hello to you too."
"I really don't have time for formalities right now. Should we meet at the usual place?" At this point, Will was growing more and more impatient with Joanna and he anticipated another excuse from her.
"I'm not at 100% yet so I can't go too far but there is a little café about five blocks from here, can you meet me there in 45 minutes?"
"Okay. Forty-five minutes Joanna." Will said sternly and then hung up.
She fidgeted with her phone in her hand as she walked back to Julian. Even though he knows about her meeting tonight, she still feels nervous telling him about it again.
"That was Will Moreno. He's ready to meet and I'm ready get this over with."
"Where are you meeting him?"
"A few blocks from here, you know that little café on the corner. He'll be there in about forty-five minutes."
"Can I help? Maybe I can drop you off a block away and wait for you."
Joanna knows he means well but she can't include him in everything.
"No, I can't risk him seeing you. He would know what's up right away."
"Are you sure you feel well enough to go by yourself?"
"Yes Julian, I'll be fine and besides, it's not that far." she said in a reassuring tone.
Joanna turns and heads for the bathroom to freshen up and change her clothes. She doesn't want to look as worn out as she feels and definitely doesn't want Will asking her more questions than he needs to.
Twenty minutes later she was ready to go. When she emerged from the bedroom, Julian was sitting on the couch trying his best not to look worried. She smiled at him and conceded a little to ease his mind.
"Can you walk me downstairs?"
Julian perked up and quickly rose to his feet.
"Yeah sure. Let me get my coat."
As they board the elevator, Joanna takes his hand and they lean back on the elevator wall. Once outside, she agreed to let him walk her two blocks down the street but no more than that.
"Okay this far enough. I'll be fine from here and I'll call you when I'm on my way back."
"Are you sure because I can go another block?" Julian says with a smirk on his face.
"No now go. I'm fine." she says as she shoos him away.
He can't help but worry. The vision of him finding her on the floor of the apartment plays over and over again in his head. He watches as she disappears down the street and then he finally turns around and heads back home.
Joanna and Will meet at the door and find a table in the back of the café'. As they walk in he notices that she looks a little worn out and his curiosity is piqued.
They're greeted by the hostess who shows them to the next available table in the corner near the kitchen. The restaurant is small but the atmosphere relaxed with others around them sharing conversations over coffee and freshly baked items.
A waiter comes over to their table and they order coffee but nothing to eat. When he leaves, Will leans into the table with his hands clasped and looks at Joanna as he begins to speak.
"What's going on with you? You look tired and kind of pale."
"I had a case of food poisoning that was really bad when we got back. We went from the airport straight to the hospital and they put me on IV's and stuff. I guess I feel better than I look though."
"What - your boyfriend tried to poison you because you know you can't put anything past those Bowers." Will said sarcastically. He's still feels betrayed by her for sleeping with Julian however Joanna was done putting up with his snide remarks.
"You know I'm really not in the mood for your jokes. We're here to discuss the case right?" Joanna glared at him as they sat across from each other.
"Okay look, we have got to get on the ball here and you taking off with Julian at any given moment isn't helping. We're eight months into this and the only thing I can pin on Robert Bowers is providing misleading information to the FDA and bribery and that will only get him little jail time if any at all. We have to find that suitcase and tie him to Vivian's murder or somehow get a confession out of him. So I've been thinking about taking this in a whole new direction…."
Joanna interrupts him before he can finish his sentence.
"Will, I have something to tell you. You've been asking me, no let me rephrase that, you've been telling me to go home and leave the case to you ever since Julian and I got together and over the last few days, I've been giving it serious consideration. It's hard for you and I to work together the way we should and this started way before things changed between Julian and me. Will, I should have been honest with you about me and him from the start but I honestly thought it didn't matter because seventeen years had passed and we both moved on with our lives. Now I'm in too deep and I feel like I'm becoming more of a liability than an asset to you and the case."
Will sat partially stunned as he listened to Joanna speak and he felt the need jump in before she could finish.
"Wait a minute Joanna we've got eight months into this investigation and now you want to quit? Unbelievable! I was done when everything pointed to Audrey – the case was closed at that point. But it was you that put the other pieces of the puzzle together and now you want to quit?! "
"May I finish now?" Joanna asked.
Will shakes his head in disbelief and gestured for her to go ahead.
"At this point, you'll be better off without me. You can put a new asset in place to keep an eye on Robert and get the information you need when you need it. He's not too fond of Julian and I being together because he suspects I have an ulterior motive. It's only a matter of time before he finds out about me or does something drastic towards me and you can't protect every minute of the day."
"So you now feel threatened by him?"
"No not at all. But I do feel vulnerable and that has no place in an investigation like this. Start fresh with someone new and I can help from the sidelines, Make it someone blonde and attractive that way he'll be too distracted to suspect anything and I'll be there just not on the front line."
"So let me get this straight. You want to quit the case but still be involved in someway and I should be cool with that?"
"Yeah you should because I'm being honest with you. You think I don't know that winning this case will be a personal win for you? I've come to realize that the only reason why you asked me to work this case with you is so that you could get the credit for solving a major case as a rookie agent. You thought bringing me here as an asset with personal ties to the case instead of a partner would get you the easy win. And let's face it, it's always been that way with you and me since we were partners in San Francisco. We would solve the big cases and make the newsworthy arrests and you would bask in the glory of it all and I didn't mind because that's not what I got into police work for so I let you shine. But now this time is different and it's personal for me. I don't want to lose this case because I didn't give it my all so yes I want to step aside but stay involved as much as I can until it's done."
"So now you're feeling like I used you to get this case?"
"No. I'm saying you saw an opportunity and you went for it and there's nothing wrong with that but let me ask you this. If I would have told you that Julian and I were more than just friends, would you still have wanted me to go undercover given the history between you and me?"
Will couldn't answer the question because he didn't know how. He's always been conflicted about his feelings for her but for the most part, it was more of an attraction than anything deeper in the way of feelings but it doesn't mean he never considered it.
"Honestly, I don't know but I guess I see where this is going for you. Maybe you're right. It's gotten too complicated and dragged out and a fresh start is probably the best thing but there's one problem. Will Haverstock go for it?"
"Haverstock's interest is in taking Robert down so I think he'll be on board with putting a new asset in place especially if he can choose that person."
Joanna knows that it's not easy for Will to relent in an argument and so she tried to clear things up a little more.
"Will I hope when all of this is done we can go back to being friends. I never meant to hurt you or lead you on and for that I'm sorry. I didn't know what I would find coming back to New York and that house but I really thought I could do it and not get involved with anything else. I was wrong so let's make it right."
Will reluctantly agreed and they started going over everything from the beginning of the case until now. About an hour and a half later Joanna's phone buzzed with a text message alert. It was from Julian asking if she was okay and would she taking longer. She quickly texted back that she'll be home shortly and that she was fine.
"It's getting late and you need to go get some rest so let me take you home."
Joanna looked at her watch and was surprised to see that it was a little after 9pm.
"Yeah it is later than I thought. I'm ready if you are."
As they walked towards Will's car, he turned and stood in front of her. He looked down into her brown eyes and tried to say what he should have said earlier.
"Joanna I'm sorry if I made you feel used in any way. I tend see things one-sided sometimes when my ambitions get in the way. But I was being real when I told you that I wanted to see if things could work out for us. I'm not good at the whole relationship thing but I did want to try with you."
"I know and like I said it's my fault. I should have been honest with you even before you left San Francisco and we spent that week together. The thing is, I've always been in love with Julian - I just got better at hiding it by the time you and I met in the academy. And no matter how much I tried to ignore it all of these years, it's part of the reason why my marriage didn't last. So if anything you have helped me to come clean with myself and it feels good."
He put his arm around her and they resumed walking to the car. They didn't have far to go but he felt it was too dark for her to walk alone. She asked him to drop her off a half a block away and he pulled up to the curve when they arrived.
"I'll set up the meeting with Haverstock tomorrow and call you when it's done."
"Okay. Thanks for the ride." Joanna said as she flashed him a smile on the way out of the car.
Will sat for a minute and waited until she reached the door of her building. She turned and waived goodbye and then disappeared behind the doors. He drove off but on the way home her words resonated with him. And then like a flash it hit him – she told Julian everything and that's why she wants to quit.
Joanna texted Julian as she walked through the lobby to the elevators.
"I'm on my way up."
"Well it's about time!" he responded.
She texted back the mean face emoticon and chuckled to herself as she entered the elevator.
Julian got up from the couch when he heard the elevator door open and met Joanna in the hallway. He took her coat and she headed straight for the kitchen because she was starving. Julian ordered a lasagna for dinner and she dove right in to make a plate and join him on the couch.
When she sat down next to him, she planted a kiss on his cheek and complimented his choice for dinner.
"Thanks for dinner."
"You're welcome. So how did it go?"
"Better than I expected but I can't discuss it with you."
"I know. I was just ….."
Joanna quickly changes the subject and Julian takes the hint.
"What are you watching?"
"I don't know, I just flipped to this a few minutes ago."
They slowly got engaged in the movie Julian happened upon and watched it until the end and before they knew it, they fast asleep in their own bed.