Chapter X: Children

*Yeah, yeah, another short chapter. I am aware of that. But, hooray for updates!*

Esme began her tale. I had heard it before. It pained me to hear of her loss, and to listen to her recount how she felt she had nothing more to live for. I had once asked her what her thoughts were as she took her leap off the cliff. She said that she only wondered if her little one would be waiting for her on the other side.

I could not bear to listen to her words. The thought of my mother lying on the cold ground, her body nearly destroyed from the force of impact, stuck in my mind. It hurt. Carlisle said that it was almost too late when he found her, that she was so far gone that he was not sure if he could transform her. I couldn't fathom my life without her. I didn't want to ponder a life without her warmth and comfort.

It said a lot about her personality that she was willing to give up her life because of the loss of someone she had barely met. Her love was so potent that she broke when she no longer had a certain person to give that love to. I heard the pain in her voice, and I saw the heartbreak in her eyes. I watched as Carlisle silently comforted her, making the loss a little less difficult.

I knew it was selfish, but I couldn't stop thinking about what I had done. When I decided that I wanted to die, I caused her that sort of pain. I remember her desperate plea. "My baby boy… I can't lose you…" She had already felt the pain of losing a son, and I almost forced her to repeat the process, only this time with a son that she had time to get attached to. I was a horrible person.

Rosalie had her eyes locked on me. She was staring pointedly at me, as if to reinforce my belief. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward glare at her. His eyes almost literally spewed venom. She averted her eyes shamefully, and I felt a bit of fear in her heart.

Edward turned his attention to me. His eyes were pleading, and he radiated sadness. I knew what he was thinking. He had to read my mind, and he was forced to hear my constant self-abuse. Holding a grudge against myself hurt him, too. He discreetly mouthed the words, "Charlotte was right."

I thought briefly, and I understood. He, too, knew that I would never cause her that sort of pain deliberately. I felt a bit of the guilt ease. Gratitude. Love. He smiled softly, directing his gaze back at Esme, who was bringing her story to a close.

Peter and Charlotte sat silently, absorbing her words. It was clear that they were not sure what the appropriate words would be. It was a touchy subject, and one that was difficult to comment on.

It was amazing, though, how instantly they loved her. Adoring her was an automatic thing, even if her drippy sweetness did get a bit tiring after a while. One of the most important things about Esme was that she was such a loving presence that she inspired others to feel love, too. She taught us to respond to love with love. That is a lesson that has impacted my life so deeply.

When I joined the family, I had almost lost the ability to love anyone except Alice. The more time I spent around the Cullens, the more I grew to love them. Feeling that I belonged, that I was another one of her beloved children, made the healing process happen much more quickly. She treated much like my human mother did, and that was more than I would have ever expected.

In concurrence with my thoughts, Peter stated, "You would be a wonderful mother."

Everyone nodded in agreement, and Alice, Carlisle, and Emmett all beamed, "She is."

Esme smiled warmly and said, "Thank you, everyone."

"You look like you need a hug," Charlotte suggested, noticing that Esme's eyes were still touched with sadness. She pranced across the room and wrapped her arms around my mother. "Awww," she cooed, embracing Charlotte tenderly. Esme was very easy to read. We all knew what her thoughts were. You'd make a wonderful addition to the family. A beautiful child… Reluctantly, Esme let Charlotte go, and she returned to her spot next to Peter.

Peter's eyes met his mate's, and then Esme's. The three of them looked wistful. I did not want them to get attached. I knew that Peter and Charlotte were not going to stay, and I didn't want Esme to suffer from their departure. The longer they stayed, the more the risk of that grew. But, for some reason, I decided that I could not stand to shoo them away. Perhaps the pain of separation would be enough for Peter and Charlotte to return. And Esme's pain…

I shuddered, kicking myself mentally for harboring such selfish thoughts. Whether my guests stayed or left, it was going to be sad for someone. I knew that my role would have to be damage control. I had spent so much of my life being in charge of people that I found this hard to swallow, but I knew that I had to accept it.

I knew that I could handle my family's emotions, but what of my own? I didn't know how I would feel. I suppose that didn't matter. As long as everyone else was happy, I had no reason to complain.