At Every Opportunity
Alright, home stretch! There are roughly six more chapter after this, which should work out nicely because seven days from now I'm taking off on a week-long trip to find somewhere to get my next graduate degree. Huge thanks to those of you who've been reviewing regularly! Enjoy...
Chapter 10: Cloak/Dagger
Tony makes it halfway down the hall before he realizes Ziva isn't following, then whirls impatiently, in time to see the doors closing with her still inside. He slams down on the button and the elevator opens quickly. Tony sees Ziva's face go blank, but he also sees the moment right before: the sadness in her eyes. He plays their conversation back in his head.
I'm tired of pretending.
So am I.
"Hey." He steps back into the elevator and pulls the emergency stop as soon as the doors close. "What's wrong?"
Ziva shakes her head, then looks at him for a long moment. "It was not simply a reflex," she finally says. "I saw you fall—I could have killed them all."
Tony sighs. "This is why there are rules," he says softly, seriously.
She studies him thoughtfully. Tony can't quite read her intent. "What's wrong?" Ziva asks.
He swallows. He wants to ask her about the photo in her desk, but he also doesn't. He remembers all too well, from Jeanne, what it felt like: getting to have someone tangible and passionate in your arms instead of an endless fantasy. Those nights she was in Israel he spent a lot of time remembering. But she hasn't said anything, and he won't push her.
"We spend our whole lives following rules," Tony says instead. "Following orders." Ziva's eyes dart to his and he knows she didn't miss his inflection on the last word.
"We have to follow them even when we disagree," she answers emphatically, seeking his understanding.
Tony smiles thinly. "Do we?"
Ziva's eyes widen. She's not sure what he's asking her to do, but it scares her to suddenly realize that at some point, this will be a choice she'll have to make. And if last night's mission is any evidence, she's already made it.
Tony frowns as he struggles to comprehend her reaction. She was perfectly willing to yell at him about following orders before, but now Ziva is silent. He studies her face, notices the lingering bruising where her nose and lip were bloodied the night before and feels the same protective urge he knows was driving her. Tony puts an arm around her shoulders and pulls her into into his arms, rests his cheek against her hair.
Ziva can feel the tension that hasn't left his body, knows that as Tony strokes her hair he is putting aside his own emotions to take care of her. It fills her with an almost overwhelming sense of guilt.
Ziva is the first to pull away. "Tony..." she murmurs, looking up.
He presses a swift kiss to her forehead. "I'm tired of this, too."
She nods, then feels his arms slip from around her waist.
"I'm going to find Gibbs." He reactivates the elevator.
Ziva smiles tightly. "I'll be along in a minute."
Tony nods once and heads out.
xxx
Later that night, in a dark corner of a bar, he finds Ziva nursing a drink.
"The things people will do to protect their sisters, huh?" Tony says with fake lightness.
Her eyes come up to rest on Tony with gratitude. They don't spend as much time together lately as they used to; somehow finally admitting their love for each other has made it harder to pretend it doesn't exist—harder to sit together in a bar and not touch, kiss, tease; harder to talk about anything and everything without also discussing their feelings, their future. But it has been a long two days, and there's no one else Ziva would rather have with her.
"When you love someone, it makes you vulnerable," she answers, and they both know she's not talking about Michelle Lee.
"It also makes everything else in your life better," Tony responds gently, his expression telling her exactly what he means.
Ziva smiles affectionately at him.
Her phone rings and Ziva pulls it out, stares at the name. Her face falls and she glances warily back up at Tony. "I have to take this."
"Go, I'll pay," he says quickly.
Her eyes apologize as Ziva rises and answers the phone. "Shalom." She heads for the door.
Tony is left to watch her go, and to ponder the repercussions of love alone in the dimness.