What's Good

What good are these thoughts that I'm thinking

It must be better not to be thinking at all

You loved a life others throw away nightly

It's not fair, not fair at all

-

Everyone makes mistakes.

But if you don't learn from them, what's the use?

What if you can't tell until it's too late?

I'm sorry.

I just have this really bad feeling…

--

Tatsuha dropped the folded note into the hand of the girl beside him carefully. The teachers had lately been extra wary, extra hardworking and extremely annoying. He didn't want them to catch him passing notes, especially since Yuri, too, had been acting weirdly the past few days. Sometimes she was overly affectionate and clingy, at other times she was cold.

But Tatsuha wasn't dumping her, no way, she was a rare treasure. She wasn't the kind of girl who simply dated guys, she was pretty but not showy, and he rarely got his hands on one of that kind.

There was something about her today, that made him feel tingly, like something was about to happen, and he wasn't sure whether it was good or bad.

She hunched her shoulders over the note and turned her head back to take a long look at him.

He flashed her an infamous grin.

She smiled and bent over the letter, her long hair covering her face.

The note was passed back to him.

He was about to unfold it, when a shadow loomed over his desk. He looked up to see his teacher, Mrs. Kinosuke glowering at him.

"I think I'll keep this, Mr. Uesugi." she said, taking the note from him.

"I used to like you." he said piteously.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Nothing." Tatsuha replied quickly. A few students snickered.

She put the note in her pocket and walked back to her desk, after giving him what was unmistakably a small smile.

"Class dismissed." She called over her shoulder.

Yuri ran up to him and kissed him like they hadn't met in years.

"Get a room!" someone called out.

Someone else laughed and made a comment.

Tatsuha didn't care. For the moment, she was his, and that was all that mattered.

--

Yuki rolled over on the bed, knocking the ringing telephone. It fell silent, finally. It had been ringing almost nonstop for the past half an hour.

It was midday, he was bored, and he wanted to sleep.

Ayaka had disappeared off somewhere without a word, the television was gay, and there was absolutely nothing to do. It was freezing outside.

On a whim, he felt like going out to make a snowman. Or something. Cold would get rid of his sleepiness.

He put on his coat and opened the door. A white envelope with a small crimson heart at a corner lay on the floor.

He bent down and picked it up. It was addressed to Shuichi, in his handwriting.

The cold wind blew into his house. Shivering and all sleep wiped from his eyes, he closed the door and sat on the sofa, tearing the letter open. He didn't want to pass it to the pink-haired-boy before scanning its contents. It might have contained a little "I love you' or a sappy romantic love letter.

And he was partially right.

It was full of brochures, beautiful photos of a beach. Okinawa.

A small note fell into his hand.

Shuichi,

Will you go with me?

Love you always,

Yuki

He stared at the note for a long time, the clock ticking loudly from the bedroom. He felt an unexplainable pain in his heart and he closed his hand over the note.

Suddenly, the door clicked and opened. Ayaka came in, wiping her boots on the mat. She looked fresh and pretty.

Quickly, Yuki slipped everything between two pillows. He didn't know why, why he had to hide it from her, but it was his first instinct.

If Ayaka noticed, she never said a word.

"Hey, you wanna go outside?" she asked, reaching for his arm. "It's snowing again."

"Alright." He stood and followed her out the door, holding hands, when the phone rang again.

"I'll get it." he told her, kicking off his shoes again and running to the bedroom.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Eiri Uesugi?" the voice on the other end asked.

"Speaking. May I help you?"

"This is the Lovestyle Traveling Agency, I would like to reconfirm the booking you have made for the trip to Okinawa. It is exactly a month from now, and we want to make sure you are confirmed. There will be no refunds after today."

"Can I-" he began, then hesitated. "It's all been paid for?"

"Yes. The full sum."

Yuki could hear Ayaka moving about at the front of the apartment.

"Alright then. Tell them…to expect me there." He said finally.

"Thank you. Nice doing business with you, sir. I hope you'll enjoy your stay."

"Me too." Yuki muttered under his breath after putting down the phone. "I really hope so too."

He found Ayaka not at the front door, but kneeling beside a child and a life-sized snowman. She waved cheerily at him but didn't stand up.

Yuki sat on a nearby bench, his hands in his pockets. He wanted to tell her about the trip, and how much fun they would have there. He wanted to see her smile and he wanted her to kiss him, but in another way, he didn't want any of those things at all.

He sat on the bench, looked up at the sky, caught snowflakes with his tongue and wished he knew what to do.

--

Ryuichi staggered into the kitchen, his head throbbing. Shakily, he reached for a bottle of pills on the highest shelf, where Shuichi would never notice them.

Downing two at once, he sank to the floor, clutching the glass in his hands.

"I know I shouldn't go out." he whispered to himself.

He pulled himself to his feet and washed the glass.

He knew, but he was going anyway.

--

Tatsuha stood at the bridge, waiting for Ryuichi to show up. He was unnaturally late, and it was freezing cold out in the snow.

"Hey, what're you doing?" Yuri asked, popping up behind him.

"Oh hey, Yuri. I'm waiting for a friend. I think he's late."

"You want company?" she asked, grabbing his hand.

Tatsuha didn't know how to reply. If Ryuichi came up and saw them together, he didn't know what to say.

"Let's go down there, then." He suggested, pointing down to a comfy place beneath the bridge where many couples stood. From there he could have a clear view of the spot he was supposed to be meeting Ryuichi, but Ryuichi wouldn't be able to see him and Yuri.

She sat on the rail beneath the bridge, hooking her legs around him.

"I love you, Tatsuha." She whispered into his ear. Her breath was warm. "Tell me what I want to hear."

Tatsuha kissed her as passionately as he could, hoping it would cover for the words he could not say.

--

Tatsuha sank into the armchair nearest to the door, throwing his jacket on the table. Ryuichi hadn't shown up, although Tatsuha had waited an hour even after Yuri had left.

On the sofa opposite him, his brother was lying with his eyes open, merely staring blankly at the ceiling. He did not acknowledge Tatsuha's presence the least.

Growing up with Yuki, he knew how to read his brother. He could tell immediately Yuki was troubled, but he was in no mood to talk.

His cell phone beeped.

He picked it up then dropped it as though burnt.

Yuki turned around and reached for the phone.

"Don't touch it!" Tatsuha hissed, trembling.

I saw you,Yuki read. Don't bother calling me.

--

"He'll be fine." the doctor assured them. "He got lucky this time. I advise you to get plenty of rest, Mr. Sakuma."

He left the room, signaling to a nurse walking by the corridor.

Ryuichi sat on the edge of the hospital bed, still feeling pale and shaky. His face was flushed red and he felt weak.

Seeing Tatsuha and the girl together had been too much for him. The entire week's worth of suffering had been endured in an almost cheerful manner just for today. And now-

"Oh-Ryu!" Noriko cried, flinging her arms around him. "Don't ever do that again! You don't know how scared I was, when you…"

He had blindly made his way to Noriko's house, -the nearest, rang the doorbell and collapsed on her doorstep.

"I'm sorry, Noriko-chan. I didn't know what I was thinking." Ryuichi whispered.

"Clearly." Tohma frowned, displeased.

"Take care of yourself, okay, Ryu? I don't want to lose you."

"I will." he promised her.

She kissed him on the forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Ryu, Tohma."

Tohma nodded as she left, then turned to Ryuichi.

"By the way, Ryuichi. You know I was talking to you about Tatsuha-"

"It's ok, Tohma." Ryuichi said quietly. "I won't talk to him anymore. I'm over him."

-

I don't know. It's late, I'm a little out of my mind and I hope you liked it. To everyone reading this, thank you for all the reviews, and thanks for sticking by me, this lazy little writer who decides to write only once in an eclipse. I'm sorry, but it might not get any faster, so I'm not saying anything. Thank you for reading!

Lots of love, Lily.