An Awkward Conversation

She broke loose from his grip and was able to push him off her with her legs. She backs away staring at him, reading him, preparing her next move. The maniacal grin returned, however, he was shocked to see her return a similar grin, almost daring him to try again. He lunged for her, and a brief moment it went white. The scent of blood as well as the taste takes over. She stops and looks down, seeing him lifeless on the floor, with blood on her hands, she screams in anger and terror.

Another point of view brought her back to that moment. As she steps back and stares at him, her facial expressions mirrored his own. She stood in wait, confident in her ability to defend herself. He lunged for her; however, he missed her, providing her the opportunity to swing behind him. Her small framed arms reached around his head. In a split move, she snapped his head around so hard, his head fell to the floor, rolling under her bed.

"KIRA WAKE UP!" Reid was screaming at her, holding on to her to keep her from thrashing even worse. Her eyes shoot open, screaming, "No No No No!" Her breathing hard and panting, the room was still dark, sweat soaking her sheets and clothes. She looked around her surroundings, Reid securely holding on to her wrists. "Spencer?"

"Yeah, I am here." His face filled with worry.

"What…what time is it?"

"11 PM." His grip on her has not let up.

"I'm…I need to go into the bathroom." He lets go of her and helps her to her feet. She grabs a change of clothes and head into the bathroom. He can hear her turn on the shower, then her coughing. Reid walked over to the door and lightly knocks. "Kira, are you alright?" He can hear her grunt. "I uh.."she began. "I'm going to shower." He swallowed hard, "Ok. I am out here if you need to talk." He heads back to the bed and grabs his phone, and texts Hotch.

Hotch, are you awake?

A few seconds later, he hears his phone beep.

For now, what is going on?

He was hesitant to answering the question, but he went on ahead and did so since he initiated.

I just had to wake Stansen out of a horrific nightmare. She is in the bathroom showering off right now. I think she got nauseous too. She and her bed were soaked in sweat.

A few minutes later, Kira came out in a pair of shorts and tank top just as Hotch texted back.

Keep an eye on her, we fly out tomorrow at noon. If she feels like talking, give her the chance to do so. Anything you guys need, don't hesitate to call. See you tomorrow.

"What's up?" she asked as she sat on the foot of her bed.

"We fly back to Quantico at noon tomorrow. I was reading the text Hotch sent."

"You texted him first huh?" She asked, his lips pursed and eyebrows furrowed.

"He knows already….he had to deal with my PTSD before…." She runs her hand through some of her wet locks.

"Right before Hotchner was assigned to my unit, there was an incident. We uh….were a unit predominately male. So female agents in Tent City are exceedingly rare. You get harassed on a daily basis. Even what society would consider ugly looks like a million bucks. Another agent that I was assigned to was a little touchy feely, and I told him to back off. Eventually, he snapped and attacked me. It almost lead to rape, but luckily I was able to injure him where he couldn't perform. It infuriated him, he proceeded to beat the hell out of me. I uh suffered nerve damage in areas where pain doesn't register, but the injuries were pretty bad, and painful regardless. When Hotchner showed up, he recognized me as the very teenager he encouraged to get clean and not only, he nabbed the Son of a Bitch, but he requested I work under him. I trusted him enough that he wouldn't allow anything to happen to me. He helped me through my PTSD, recommended councilors, talked to me and hung out with me. He treated me like an equal but cared for me like a daughter. That kept me going."

Reid had tears well up in his ears. "I uh, don't know what to say. I know usually if you were a total stranger I would spout off statistics and probabilities of the effects of PTSD…..I can't do that to you because I am reasonably sure you are aware." She nods.

"I uh….I was too tired to really talk about earlier, but….." He held his hands up to stop her.

"You don't have to say anything, I understand…."

"No, Spencer Reid, you don't…." she bit her lower lip. "I do like you, a lot, you are kind, sweet, funny, you actually make me feel safe. When I was told to flirt with you, deep down, it wasn't an act. But when I had to flirt with the Unsub, and I saw your body language, I felt sick, and I knew you were upset or getting protective. I guess what I want to know is, what you feel or….." she takes a ragged breath. "What do you think of all of that I have told you?" She looked to hold her breathe as he thought of his answer.

"I…as you can figure out, I am not exactly experienced with women, and the experiences I had were not so positive…" his lips were wavering to say more, but the sound wasn't coming out.

"Oh," she looked down, slightly embarrassed.

"I'm not gay, Kira, it's just I find it just as hard for me to trust women that aren't mother figures or co-workers as you find it hard to trust men that aren't father figures or co-workers. It's a matter of finding the right one. This job consumes your life, I'm 32 and this job is all I know. I've seen what it did to Hotch and his family, as you probably already know. I'm sure JJ and Will nearly split a couple times, and they have my godson, Henry, who I adore and would do anything for. I'm sure military relationships are like that too." He takes a deep breath.

"Yeah, it's just a matter of making it work around deployments, this job may take you out of town often for about a week on average, but some of us are gone for up to a year. It sucks. Hotchner, got a dose of it for four months. I was there for nearly six years off and on. But it's why I came to this job, that in the end, I have a place to call my own, friends to call my family, and maybe meet someone who is much like me. Who understands what we do, and begin a family of my own." She looks at her phone. Midnight. "We need to get back to sleep. My body is fighting me to go back to sleep." He nods and stands up and moves to his messenger bag. He grabs a book out and lays it on the bed. He moves to her and takes her hands and leads her to his bed. She looked at him questioningly.

"I'm going to watch over you at least until you fall asleep, and I am going to guess your bed won't be comfortable as it is soaked in sweat right now." Without a word she gets in and scoots over to the other side to let him into bed. She settles in, looking at him. As he settled in, he put his glasses on his face and opened his book, and began to read, however he voice quickly halts his progress.

"You didn't exactly answer my question….how do you feel about….me?" He looks at her. "What? It's a fair question. I told you…." Then it hit her. "Oh, if you didn't like me, you wouldn't have let me in your bed. I got it. Please continue…." He smiled and began to read aloud to her. "By the way, " she said. "Those glasses suit you." Within 15 minutes of her reading, she was out again, and she stirred with her back to him. Sleep threatened his eyes again. He took the glasses off and placed them on top of his book on the nightstand. He shut off the light. He laid on his back at first, but her words began to fill his head.

"…..you make me feel safe."

He turned his head to her sleeping form. He thought about her words, he felt the same as sh. He felt safe around her. He was surprised she would even speak to him after he attacked her. But he was reassured that she knew it wasn't him. In his head, he couldn't help but see her beauty, her strength, her intelligence.

He slowly turned on his side, slowly placed his hand on her waist, reluctantly pulling himself closer to her, but was surprised she responded by adjusting and slide her back against his chest. His face was centimeters from her head, his breathing on her neck, which brought gooseflesh on her arms. He snuggled his face into the nape of her neck, taking in her scent, and lulling himself in the safety of his own peaceful slumber.

**AN** I had to push the One Down, One To Go chapter back another chapter because I needed this conversation to be had before moving on to the next part of the story. I hope you enjoy. For the record, no sex….at the present time and location.**