A/N: Hey guys :) This chapter has two different POVs like I said it might :P Hope that's okay. Let me know what you think :)

Onward!

Chapter Ten

For the first time in a long time, Kaidan returned to the Normandy's Observation Room. He didn't feel welcome in the apartment anymore, and even if he did stay there, he couldn't bring himself to look at Shepard. It wasn't his place – not anymore. The apartment wasn't his, was only Shepard's and Kaidan had no place there anymore, despite how much it twisted his gut to think about it.

He broke up with me.

And he still didn't know why. He kept running over the days leading up to this and he could find nothing out of the ordinary, nothing that would send Shepard running in the opposite directions. Nothing that would have Shepard breaking up with him. And yet it happened he didn't know what to do…

Didn't know how to make it right, didn't know if it was even possible…

Shepard said it was a game and Kaidan fell for it, but that didn't make any sense. That was really far to go for a game, for a joke, and no one could fake that sincerity Kaidan knew was there before the hooded figure attacked. Shepard could argue all he wanted but Kaidan knew the man wasn't lying all those times they'd been together, wasn't faking the sincerity in his words, in those vulnerable looks he'd given him.

So if it was nothing Kaidan himself did and Shepard was only just now acting like this, it had to have something to do with that hooded figure. The attacker must have done something to Shepard. Half the time he seemed confused, like when Kaidan told him he wasn't supposed to be using his biotics, so perhaps the attacker messed with his mind in some way.

Honestly, it wasn't that far of a stretch. Shepard had been controlled by Leviathan, and while Kaidan hadn't been at the bottom of the ocean with him to see what that was like, he remembered the aftermath. The bloody nose, the pale skin, the chill of his body. It was possible for him to be controlled, maybe even brainwashed.

Had Shepard been brainwashed?

Honestly, at the moment, that was the only option that made a lot of sense. The sudden change in temperament, the moments of confusion… breaking up with Kaidan out of the goddamn blue…

Yeah. In a way, it made sense.

So the attacker knocked Kaidan out and brainwashed Shepard… but why? For what purpose?

And how could Kaidan fix it? Clearly kissing the man wasn't the answer as that only seemed to make Shepard mad. How could he undo what the attacker did?

I have no idea…

But he had to try, for Shepard's sake if not his own, because even though they'd only been together for a few weeks, it felt wrong to be without the man right now.

He broke up with you. Are you sure you want to help him?

It wasn't him, he told himself. He's being… controlled or brainwashed or something. It wasn't him.

What if it was?

He honestly had no response to that.

The sound of the door to the Observation Room opening was so startling Kaidan jumped and fell off the couch, slipping down between it and the wall, his view of the room's intruder obscured.

He wanted to tell them to get out, but as he was starting to get to his feet, he sank back down when he heard his voice.

Shepard? What are you…?

"I think they fell for it," Shepard was saying as Kaidan carefully peeked over the edge of the couch. Shepard and Brooks stood off on the far side of the room, facing each other, leaving only their profiles for Kaidan to study in the dim lighting of the room since he hadn't actually turned the lights on when he came in.

"Good," Brooks said in response, nodding. "And what of the Major?"

"He won't be giving us any problems," Shepard replied, and Kaidan felt something in his gut twist.

Major. They're talking about me.

"Are you sure?"

"Trust me, we don't need to worry about him."

"Are you absolutely sure?" Brooks asked, and her tone sounded far darker than Kaidan remembered. "He was closest to Shepard, he'll know if anything's off."

Closest to Shepard.

Was.

Past tense, and why was she talking about Shepard like he wasn't standing right in front of her?

"I'm Commander Shepard," the commander all but snapped. "Not him."

"Yes," she agreed, tone almost placating as she rested a hand on his shoulder. "And doesn't it feel good to be here instead of him?"

What the hell are they talking about?

Kaidan had honestly no idea but it sounded like Shepard… wasn't Shepard. Not the one Kaidan knew and loved, anyway. How, though?

Is he a robot?

A robot Shepard? That just sounded absurd, and yet it would explain the cold look in those eyes, the harsh way he spoke. He wasn't Shepard, at least not the one Kaidan knew so well.

"You should have killed the Major when you had the chance," Brooks said. "It would have raised less questions. He's going to know something's wrong."

Shepard shook his head. "Killing him would have made things more complicated. I would have had to mourn him, and I couldn't care less if he died. That would only complicate matters."

Right. So. This is definitely not Shepard.

Of that, Kaidan was certain. But if it wasn't him, then…

Where's the real Shepard?

"Well, I hope you're right and he doesn't cause more trouble," Brooks said, shaking her head. "Did you get into the archives okay?"

"Of course," Shepard replied. "It pays to be the first human Spectre."

"And you changed the bio signature to fit you?"

"Yes, it was very simple. Everything is going according to plan."

Kaidan narrowed his eyes and hunkered down behind the couch when he heard them move toward the door.

Not if I have anything to say about it.

He was going to get to the bottom of this, but first thing's first.

I need to find my Shepard.

Pain.

It was his first thought upon waking. Consciousness came slowly, pain a dull brush against the edge of his mind but it gradually became sharper until his eyes snapped open. Darkness surrounded him and he was aware of feeling hot and cold all at once.

Where am I?

Memories flittered across his mind, too quick to decipher. Worry, panic, then pain. Then nothing. He remembered nothing, didn't know why he was here. Hell, it even took a moment to remember who he was.

I'm Commander Shepard. Right. I should probably get up.

It was what was expected of him, after all. He never backed down, never gave in. To do so now wasn't right. He could almost hear the chewing out he'd get from… from…

There was a face hovering on the edge of his mind. Brown eyes, dark hair, familiar voice…

"What would you call me?"

"I dunno. Probably 'K'."

"That sounds like you're agreeing with something."

K.

Kaidan.

He remembered Kaidan. Warmth and light and worry all rolled into one. He saw him in ways no one else did – called him… what'd he call him? Not Shepard. Not Commander. He called him…

Ryan.

He called him Ryan. His first name.

And also a nickname.

Ry.

Kaidan gave him an identity other than that of being a commander. Gave him a life of his own.

And his last memory was that of Kaidan. He remembered it now – remembered as though in slow motion as Kaidan was hit from behind, a harsh blow to the back of the head. Watched as Kaidan hit the ground on his knees, watched those worried brown eyes latch onto him before the fight left the sentinel completely.

And he remembered looking at their attacker, blue blazing bright around those hands which were his and yet not his, remembered looking at himself staring back at him, except it wasn't him at all because he would never hurt Kaidan.

And he remembered falling. Struggling to hold onto the side of the building, glass raining down on him in response of his efforts, and then nothing.

Need to get up.

If he didn't get up now he never would. And he needed to get out of here, get back to Kaidan, see if he was okay.

See if he's still alive.

The thought appeared unbidden and he gritted his teeth against such a notion.

No. He's fine.

Kaidan was always okay. He should have died on Mars but he pulled through just fine. Nothing could stop him, nothing could take him down. He was okay and probably waiting for him – for Ryan – to get back.

"You fight as hard as you want, as much as you want… but you better come back to me in the end."

Right. I'll try, K.

So despite the pain and he dizziness he finally managed to sit up. From there he drew in deep gulps of air, fighting off the wave of nausea that slammed into him. His head throbbed sharply and his body echoed with the pain. He didn't bother checking the injuries just yet though – seeing them would only make this more real, make him feel all the aches and pain that much more and right now he needed to get up.

Get up. Get back to Kaidan.

That was what mattered right now. Nothing else.

The pain, the injuries, what happened…

All that mattered was Kaidan. He'd be very disappointed if he – Ryan – died down here, wherever he was. He at least owed it to him to make it back to him one last time. Then he could worry about the wounds but first he had to make it back to Kaidan.

I'm coming. Be okay.

Not-Shepard and Brooks seemed to think the Observation Room was always empty and tended to stay there a lot. Kaidan managed to sneak out without being noticed and made his way off the Normandy, unsure where the others were or how he would even begin to tell them that this Shepard wasn't their Shepard. Would they believe him? He honestly had no idea.

Like Brooks said, Kaidan was the closest to Shepard and even he had been fooled, if only briefly. Like him, the others might just assume Shepard was behaving differently simply because of stress because who wouldn't be stressed under this situation?

No, he'd have to gather proof on his own before he brought the others in on this. Right now it was just him, and the first step was finding the real Shepard.

His Shepard.

Ryan.

And Kaidan prayed he was okay, that he hadn't screwed up yet again by being fooled by this not-Shepard and that Shepard wasn't dead somewhere. It would have been easy for this not-Shepard to overpower Shepard in their bedroom, he knew. Shepard had already been tired and weakened and unable to use his biotics without causing further harm to himself.

'Getting rid' of him would have been easy.

And he prayed that Shepard still drew breath, wherever he was, because Kaidan was coming and he was going to find him. And then they could figure this out together, like always.

What if he's dead.

Kaidan swallowed at the thought.

He could be dead. He was already tired and weakened, Kaidan. It would have been so easy…

No.

He wasn't going to think about that, dammit. He had to believe Shepard was still alive, that as Kaidan searched for him, the commander was fighting to get back to him.

Because otherwise, what was the point?

Where should I start?

The apartment seemed like the best place to start. From what he could tell, he hadn't been unconscious very long. Shepard would have fought this not-Shepard no matter how much like him it looked, so there had to be signs of a struggle somewhere. And he could go from there, as to where Shepard was now.

He just hoped he wasn't too late. Hoped he hadn't been fooled for too long.

He rode the elevator up to Shepard's apartment and walked down the familiar hallway, looking this way and that for anything out of the ordinary. He found nothing there that resembled anything close to a fight or a struggle so obviously it hadn't happened in the hallway.

He knew not-Shepard and Brooks were on the Normandy so he wasted no time in easing his way into the apartment. One good thing about dating Shepard was the fact that he didn't need to break in, even though this not-Shepard must not have realized that.

Not-Shepard had plenty of time to clean up after Kaidan left the apartment, but he had to have missed something. He himself had only been unconscious for roughly thirty minutes, if memory served, and that wasn't a lot of time to dispose of evidence.

Dispose of evidence.

Because this was a crime, and there could very likely be a body involved, and…

No. He's alive. Keep going.

He swallowed and made his way upstairs, where he'd first gone unconscious. He looked all over the bedroom and came across a blood stain along the far wall, barely visible and only noticeable because Kaidan was looking for it. It had mostly been cleaned up but the not-Shepard had done a hurried, quick job of it.

Alright, there's blood. Okay. He's hurt.

But thankfully there wasn't a ton of blood, even despite the fact not-Shepard had tried to clean it up. It was easily survivable, especially when it concerned Commander Ryan Shepard, who never gave up. Who promised Kaidan he'd try… promised him he'd come back…

Kaidan took in a breath and left the bedroom because there was nothing else to be found there. After rendering Shepard unconscious and/or immobile (and not dead because no), where would not-Shepard have taken him to get him out of sight before Kaidan woke up?

He looked through the apartment but found no hint of blood anywhere except toward the window which covered one wall of the apartment. A knot formed in his stomach as he noticed the smudged fingerprints on the glass, evidence someone had used this window rather recently.

He carefully pried it open and noticed a faint touch of blood on the window sill. That knot in his stomach tightened, dread filling him as he looked down at the incredibly long drop, unable to see the goddamn ground from here, and if Shepard had really been thrown out the window…

He's… no. No.

But it was true because this drop was so much farther than falling through that damn fish tank at the restaurant. Kaidan still wasn't sure how Shepard survived that but he managed to do so, but this… this was…

He's gone.

All the things Kaidan tried to shove away, all those doubt-filled thoughts, plagued his mind then and he found himself awash in a sea of uncertainty as he stared down at the drop from the window.

He's gone.

There was no way he could survive that goddamn fall, especially not when he was already weakened and hurt, and…

Oh, God. I'm sorry.

He should have been stronger. A hit to the back of the head shouldn't have rendered him unconscious. He was an Alliance soldier, the second human Spectre, after all – he should have been better than that! A blow to the head shouldn't have taken him down like that, left Shepard vulnerable and open to attack, and…

I'm so sorry, Ryan, God…

His eyes burned but he blamed that on the light breeze filtering in through the open window. Even so he couldn't bring himself to step away, look away, move from that spot because this was where it happened. This was where not-Shepard disposed of the real Shepard, his Shepard.

This is where he died.

Guilt was his first thought, followed by raw agony because Shepard was gone. Gone, gone, gone. Dead. There was no way he could have survived that fall in his weakened, vulnerable state and Kaidan should have been there, should have been stronger because he swore he wouldn't let the commander out of his sight, wouldn't let anything happen to him, and…

I failed. Oh, God, I failed. I'm sorry, so damn sorry, please…

He clenched his eyes closed, fighting that burning sensation behind his eyelids but it was hard, dammit, because what was the point…

He's gone. He's dead. I failed.

Why bother doing anything else?

"Alright, K. I'll do whatever I can to make it home at the end of the day."

Except that wasn't possible now, was it? Because Kaidan failed.

"I love you, Ry."

He'd never get to say that again, would never get to see that tender smile spread across Shepard's face in response even as he said he couldn't say the words himself just yet.

"You're gonna spoil me."

"Boyfriend, huh?"

"And now you're sticky too so you'll have to join me."

So many memories from the past few days and yet they meant nothing now because it was all gone.

"Where'd you go?"

Nowhere. I didn't go anywhere, Ry. You did.

And he couldn't blame Shepard for it. He knew without a doubt that Shepard would have fought tooth and nail until that final drop, knew that if he'd been awake he must have been filled with terror as gravity tugged him downward again, just like with the fish tank, and Kaidan wasn't there…

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

Yeah? Well I don't know, either, Ry. I don't know what to do.

And he really didn't. He didn't know what to do next, whether he should break down and cry or somehow inform the crew that Shepard was gone.

The bad guys won. They actually won. This not-Shepard managed to do what the Reapers, what Cerberus, couldn't do.

They killed Shepard. Took him from Kaidan, from everyone.

And no one even knew it yet because of that not-Shepard walking around with his goddamn face and his voice and no…

The breath he released could have been a growl or a sob, he honestly didn't know, but he finally managed to tear himself away from the window, hands clenching into fists at his sides.

"You're gonna goddamn pay."

Not-Shepard took him away. Kaidan was guilty of being weak and letting it happen, letting the man get the drop on him, but he'd make up for it.

Even if it was the last thing he did, he was going to make this look alike pay.

A/N: And there's that chapter. Hope it sounds okay! Thanks for reading and please review!

~Muffy the Dough Slayer~