As the winter months passed and spring began to creep nearer the feelings between Vastra and Jenny were drawn out along with the blossom on the trees and the buds of flowers peeping up from the grounds. At first it had seemed a slow process to Vastra, or at least a slower process than she was accustomed to. After the first kiss the two women had shared Jenny had slowed the progress of their relationship a little, allowing her mistress to be close to her when she wished it and often to caress her hands and arms as they sat together in the evenings talking, but for a while she would not allow Vastra to kiss her again. It seemed odd to the Silurian that the girl could be so intimate with her one minute and then to refuse her that same intimacy the next. When she asked the girl about it Jenny just smiled a little and lifted Vastra's hand to her lips, kissing it softly and holding it close to her heart.
Jenny was afraid to explain to Vastra why she withheld her affections. Although she had finally found the courage to accept herself and the feelings that she had developed for her mistress there was still a part of her that was so scared of that very thing. The maid knew that her family, if they were ever to find out who she really was, would hate her for it and although she rarely saw them now that she had moved to work for Vastra the thought of them hating her broke her heart. At times Jenny would even find herself wondering why she felt the need to distance herself from her mistress within the house where no one but the two of them had to know about their relationship but for some reason every time she felt herself about to give in to the Silurian's soft lips, beautiful eyes and surprisingly gentle touch all she could think of was what her family would think. It was like a vicious circle, particularly in the evenings when the pair had nothing to focus on but one another. They would talk, they would laugh, they would lose themselves in each other's eyes, Vastra would caress Jenny's hands and that tingling feeling she got when their skin touched would take over the maid's entire body, and just as they were about to kiss an image of her mother crying or her father giving her a disappointed look would materialise in her mind and she would force herself to stop what she was doing immediately.
One evening Jenny and Vastra were curled up on the sofa having given up on the armchairs when they realised that they restricted how close they could get to one another. Vastra was sat in the corner with her legs curled under her while Jenny lay, resting her head in the Silurian's lap. The fingers of Jenny's right hand were entwined with those of Vastra's left hand and as they talked she watched their hands resting on her stomach and how the emerald scales coiled around her pale flesh and Vastra's thumb traced small patterns on the palm of her hand. Her mistress was talking about her work, her voice low and soft as the words rolled from her tongue.
"You know, I sometimes wonder why apes would turn to crime." She muttered, her head tilted slightly to the side and her gaze sweeping over Jenny's figure until she reached the girl's head resting so snugly in her lap. "Surely they know that it's wrong. Surely they understand that if they do something against the law they are going to get caught and punished."
"I don't know ma'am, I suppose people do stupid things when they're desperate..." Vastra watched as Jenny's eyes misted over for a moment and she knew what she was thinking about. The girl was right, sometimes people did do stupid things when they were desperate, but she supposed that most of the time, like Jenny, they did those things for good reasons.
"Are you okay dear?" Using her free hand Vastra tilted the maid's head up to face her and caught hold of her gaze. Jenny blinked away the mist in her eyes slightly and nodded her head. "I didn't mean to make you think of..."
"It's okay ma'am." She felt Vastra's fingers extracting themselves from her own and the Silurian lifted her with very little effort so that she was sat in her lap. Vastra wrapped her arms around Jenny's waist and the maid let herself lean into her mistress' body, nestling her head into the crook of her neck and sighing. She wished she could forget about the rest of the world even just for a few moments. All she had wanted for days was to feel Vastra's lips on her own again. But as Vastra turned the girl's head to face her once more Jenny knew what was about to happen and she was already beginning to think of her family as the Silurian leaned towards her. Automatically the maid turned her face away and as she did so she could feel her mistress' grip loosening around her waist. Vastra's heart sank down to her stomach and she took a deep breath as she attempted not to get upset.
"Jenny..." she started, looking down at the girl's hand on her shoulder, placed there to hold her back slightly. Jenny shook her head, not wanting the woman to ask her again why she kept pushing her away.
"Please... don't. I'm sorry, really I am."
"I just don't understand dear. Before, you were more than happy for us to be intimate, and we sit like this every night, touching and talking. I almost feel as though we are supposed to be like this with one another, but when I try to kiss you..."
"Ma'am please..." tears had sprung up in Jenny's eyes and she had to bite her lower lip to stop it from trembling. Her words shook and it almost broke Vastra's heart to watch as her darling girl cried.
"Jenny, I care about you a lot - more than I think you realise. Please, if you just tell me what's wrong I will do anything I can to get rid of those tears and see you smile again."
"But you can't. I... I'm scared, okay? I'm scared of 'ow my family would react. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I just know 'ow upset they'd be. 'ow much they'd 'ate me for it. It breaks my 'eart just to think of it... but it breaks my 'eart too knowin' I'm upsettin' you in the process." The tears were rolling down Jenny's cheeks as she spoke and Vastra tried to brush them away, holding the girl closer to her with her free arm as she did. The Silurian rested her forehead against her maid's, her eyes closed and her arms once more wrapped around Jenny's waist.
"I know this is not something that is widely accepted dear, and I know it isn't easy for you. I don't want this to hurt you." Vastra lifted her gaze to meet Jenny's, her heart was breaking with every word that passed her lips. "Jenny, my Jenny... I won't continue this if it will hurt you so much that you sit here in my lap, crying. I can't be the cause of this pain for you, and I won't." She tried to slide the girl from her lap but Jenny wouldn't budge. Despite Vastra's strength Jenny had wrapped her arms around the woman's neck and refused to let go. She kept her eyes locked on her mistress' as her lips trembled and she shook her head.
"My 'eart may shatter entirely if I lose you Vastra" she whispered. The Silurian felt every muscle in her body tense as Jenny's gentle voice uttered her name and for a moment she couldn't speak. Every attempt she had been making to separate herself from the girl ceased and she stared at her maid still curled in her lap. Jenny had never used her name before. Until that moment she had only used 'miss' or 'ma'am' when talking to her employer but as the two syllables of her name rolled from Jenny's tongue Vastra felt her heart melt.
"What can I do?" she asked, her hands shaking a little as they rested on Jenny's waist. "How can I make this okay?"
"Just promise me you won't leave me... yes, I'm scared o' losin' my family, but the thought o' losin' you..." The girl shook her head and leaned a little closer to Vastra, once more pressing their foreheads together so that she could feel the Silurian's cool scales against her skin. It was comforting. It made her feel safe to know that she was close.
"I promise," Vastra whispered and, without thinking, Jenny closed the gap between them, pressing her lips to Vastra's in desperation. She had never felt so scared and yet so comforted in her entire life, but as both women twisted their heads to deepen the kiss and clung to each other as though their lives depended on it Jenny finally settled the internal battle she had been facing since their first kiss. Yes, it still hurt her to think how much her family would hate to see her in the arms of a woman (even more so if they were to find out that she was of a different species) but the maid couldn't deny her heart. Not when Vastra was so close. Not when she was happier than she had ever been when she looked into those beautiful cerulean eyes.
Pulling back from the kiss for a moment Jenny nipped at Vastra's bottom lip softly. The Silurian raised a scaled eyebrow at her and the girl giggled slightly through the tears that were just beginning to dry on her cheeks. Jenny hadn't been sure of how Silurians kissed the first time that she had locked lips with her mistress and she had been somewhat surprised to find that Vastra was more gentle than she had expected. She was still curious, however, about how it would be to kiss Vastra if they were to go any further than just the chaste kisses that they had shared up until that point. Carefully Jenny traced the outline of her mistress' lips with her index finger, following the line with her eyes as she did so.
"Is it normal for your species to kiss?" she whispered, not wanting to break the moment but finding that her curiosity got the better of her.
"Only with those who we truly care for," was the reply and Jenny felt her heart rate increase as the words engulfed her mind "kissing is very intimate to Silurians my dear, most never find a partner who they feel so strongly about that they feel they can share such an experience."
"You really care that much for me...?" It felt as though Jenny's heart might explode it was beating with such ferocity by that point. Her mind was a swarm of feelings and thoughts but the most prominent was the feel of those lips and the need to keep her mistress as close as she could that night. As Vastra nodded her assent everything went numb in Jenny's mind and she allowed the Silurian to recapture her lips, holding the woman so close that she was sure Vastra would be able to feel the rate of her heart. Without much knowledge of what she was doing through her hazed mind Jenny's instincts took over and before she knew what she was doing she had begun to run her tongue along Vastra's lips, wanting to feel the woman's devious tongue against her own. Vastra, however, was not so sure. Slowly she pulled herself back from Jenny and in her eyes Jenny could see a certain amount of apprehension.
"Darling, I don't know if that's such a good idea..." Vastra knew how dangerous her tongue was, it was one of the most deadly things about her. With a single touch she could paralyze a full grown man, letting her venom kill him slowly and surely. The thought that she could lose control and do the same to Jenny made her feel sick to her stomach. And yet, the girl seemed so sure that she was safe.
"I trust you" Jenny whispered, pressing a kiss to the end of the Silurian's nose. "I'm not scared of you hurting me."
"Jenny, if I lose control even for a second..."
"You won't." There was such certainty in her voice that Vastra couldn't suppress a smile. To know that Jenny trusted her so much gave her a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach and as they resumed the kiss she allowed herself to relax into the sofa and, when Jenny's tongue once again begged entrance, she parted her lips and entwined her tongue with the girl's own.
For hours they sat like that, alternating between passionate kisses and small pecks peppered over each of their faces. Jenny remained sat on Vastra's lap and when they took breaks from kissing they would simply hold each other close and listen to the sound of their breathing in unison. Eventually, Vastra's eye caught sight of the clock on the mantel piece and she sat up abruptly, startling Jenny who yelped in shock and tightened her grip on the Silurian for fear of sliding onto the floor.
"What's wrong?" She asked, frowning at the sudden change in Vastra's demeanour.
"I was supposed to be out working by now" Vastra sounded mildly annoyed with herself but deep down she knew she was happier where she was. She looked at her sweet Jenny still perched on her lap and tried to soften her features into a smile. "I suppose one night off wouldn't kill me."
"I should 'ope not. It'd be a terrible shame if I couldn't keep you all to myself some nights" a small giggle lightened Jenny's voice and Vastra couldn't quite decide if she was supposed to be flattered or aroused at such a suggestion. She felt a little of both but that night was not the right time for their relationship to go any further and she knew that. She would settle for just keeping her lovely little human girl close.
"It's late," Jenny commented, checking the time herself "perhaps we should get some sleep."
"Would you stay with me tonight?" Jenny's heart raced at the suggestion and for a moment she didn't know how to answer. She was sure that Vastra only meant for them to sleep but she wasn't entirely sure if she was ready to share her mistress' bed just yet. Sensing her hesitation Vastra planted a light kiss on the girl's lips and whispered, "you don't have to say yes, I'm just not sure I want to let go of you yet." She nuzzled her head against Jenny's neck and somehow the decision was made for her, she didn't want to let go of Vastra just yet either.