Chapter 8

Robinpaw reached up with his paws, stretching as high as he could. His paws were just barely missing the mark – an ugly vine hanging from an uglier tree.

"Stretch!" Silverhawk hissed. Robinpaw caught the gleam of the silver-and-white tabby's eyes in the shadows of the tree branches. He had cut loose the vine and was waiting for Robinpaw to touch it.

"I am!" Robinpaw growled back.

"Not well enough, apparently," Silverhawk growled. "If you want it, you have to take it, Robinpaw – it won't leap into your paws!"

Robinpaw curled his lip. Three nights of training with Silverhawk and already he was beginning to feel more like a warrior even though Silverhawk had yet to teach him a single fighting move. He felt as if he were learning more here in his dreams than he was while awake – he couldn't stand being forced to stuff herbs up his nsoe until her memorized their gross, stinky scents!

He gave a little hop and managed to snag a claw into the vine. He was unable to hold on, though, and he fell to all fours.

"Good enough I suppose," Silverhawk sighed.

His nightly mentor slipped out from the shadows of the leaves and leaped down the tree with ease. His muscles rippled as he landed on the dusky forest floor, and he lashed his tail from side to side.

"I'm too short," Robinpaw complained. "I had to jump to reach it."

"Soon you won't have to," Silverhawk told him.

"So what's my next lesson?" Robinpaw demanded. He stood up and began pacing, his limbs supercharged with energy. He wanted something to hit, for StarClan's sake!

Silverhawk smirked. "In due time, Robinpaw. For now, why don't you tell me what happened today?"

"Why does it matter?"

"I want you focused," Silverhawk told him. "Utterly, completely focused. Something is bothering you. What is it?"

Robinpaw stopped pacing. He frowned – should he tell Silverhawk about his spat with Lionpaw and Spottedpaw? Did he already know? Was it affecting Robinpaw that much?

"Tell me," Silverhawk growled.

Robinpaw flicked his ear. "I yelled at Lionpaw and Spottedpaw," he told Silverhawk. "They came up to me, asking what was going on all happy and smug and I just… I couldn't take it anymore."

"What did you do?"

"I told them exactly what I thought of them," Robinpaw stated. "I told them about how they ought to have fought for my right to be a warrior. How they did nothing while I was forced into being a medicine cat apprentice."

Silverhawk curled his lips. "Weaklings, the lot of them," he agreed. "They're your kin! They should have fought to their last breath to make sure you became a warrior."

"I know!" Robinpaw agreed, exasperated. "But they just stood there while Onestar and Bramblestar decided my fate for me. They don't care about me – not really. They never did! Just like Mother and Father. They never had to pay for Mother's and Father's mistake!"

Silverhawk tipped his head.

"It was Ferncloud who cared for us," Robinpaw insisted. "Crowfeather was too busy being… being a fox-heart! We never saw him. Leafpool had her medicine cat duties, too! I thought my brother and sister were my real family…"

"They betrayed you," Silverhawk murmured. "It will be the greatest mistake they will make."

"I know," Robinpaw agreed. "I'll be the best warrior – they'll see. I'll beat TigerClan all on my own, without them."

Silverhawk was purring. "Good, good," he mewed. "Keep that attitude up and we'll move on to the real meat of your training soon enough."

"I hope so," Robinpaw sighed. He sat on his haunches. "Leafpool's training is boring and I hate it."

"Oh?" Silverhawk wondered. "What does she have you doing? Sniffing leaves?"

"That, and we're going out to the old Twoleg nest in the morning," Robinpaw confessed. "It's nice because I'll be out of the camp – but it's terrible because all I'll be doing is sniffing more leaves."

Silverhawk's eyes flashed.

"Old Twoleg nest?" he wondered. "Why go there? Sounds like a hazard."

"Twolegs don't live there anymore," Robinpaw assured him. Even if they did, they'd be no match for me. "Barkface and Leafpool have been growing herbs there since LionClan was formed. There's a lot of essential plants growing there – the stuff that sees us through leaf-bare and helps during newleaf and all the battles. Catmint, goldenrod… our whole supply of rare plants grow there, pretty much."

"And you're going there tomorrow to…?"

"Collect some for the store," Robinpaw answered, bored. He rolled his eyes. "Bring some fresh herbs back for Owlwhisker's festering wound… if he isn't in StarClan when we wake up, that is."

"Interesting," Silverhawk mewed. He sat up and stated, "I know that you hate your duties as a medicine cat apprentice, Robinpaw, but it is helpful to know some herbs and their uses – just in case. If you're ever hurt and on your own, knowing what is good and bad to put on your wounds is useful."

Robinpaw rolled his eyes. "Don't try and make me like it," he grumbled.

"I'm not," Silverhawk mewed, "just offering a new perspective."

The warrior shook out his fur. "I'll see you tomorrow night, Robinpaw," he decided. "We'll start working on your claw-work then. Come to me focused and ready."

"Robinpaw? Robinpaw, it's dawn – time to get moving."

It was Kestrelpaw's voice that woke Robinpaw from his dream. He opened his eyes to blackness once more and sighed. Couldn't he have stayed with Silverhawk – and his sight – for just a few moments more?

He smelled Kestrelpaw right before him – the heathery peat-smell that accompanied WindClan cats was still underneath the now-combined musk of LionClan. Robinpaw's whiskers sensed Kestrelpaw's paw just a few inches from his shoulder.

Awkwardly, Kestrelpaw moved his paw back down.

"Leafpool is waiting for us outside of camp," Kestrelpaw meowed.

Robinpaw pushed himself up and stretched, trying to hide the ache in his muscles. "And Barkface?" he asked.

"He's staying here with Owlwhisker," Kestrelpaw explained.

Robinpaw gave his chest fur a few tidying licks. He could feel the clumps fluffing out of place, even if he couldn't see them.

The smell of Owlwhisker's wound had seeped into all corners of the medicine cat's den, making Robinpaw feel ill whenever he was inside for too long. He was grateful his and Kestrelpaw's nests were tucked away in a safe, lichen-sheltered corner. The smell was getting a little less… gross – but that didn't change the fact that Robinpaw could almost feel the shadow of death hanging over the young warrior.

"Food?" Robinpaw asked. He hadn't eaten the night before – his argument with Spottedpaw and Lionpaw had put him in a terrible mood. His stomach was roaring for something to eat.

"Leafpool says we'll get some when we get to the Twoleg nest," Kestrelpaw meowed. "She says there's plenty of mice hanging about there, so it's an easy meal."

Kestrelpaw shifted. "Ready?" he asked.

Robinpaw sighed and nodded. When Kestrelpaw got up to leave, Robinpaw followed resignedly. He could be a warrior in his dreams – but his reality was far, far more unsatisfying.

Grass crunched beneath Robinpaw's paws. He was already tired of the sound – they had taken twice as long getting to the old Twoleg nest thanks to Leafpool stopping at every herb bush and berry sprig to point them out to Robinpaw. Robinpaw was sure he could find every juniper bush or horsetail stalk this side of ThunderClan territory when she was done.

"The nest is tall," Kestrelpaw was offering, his fur gentle against Robinpaw's side. The other apprentice was guiding Robinpaw, making sure that he didn't step on anything or bump into something. Kestrelpaw was constantly chattering about the surroundings, and Robinpaw wished he'd shut up.

"It's not as tall as the walls of the hollow, but it's about two Twolegs high," Kestrelpaw went on. "It's messed up in some places, and there's grass and little trees growing up between the cut-wood. There's all kinds of mice running and scurrying in there."

Robinpaw's stomach growled at the thought of a plump mouse.

Kestrelpaw seemed to ignore him. "Just behind the nest are walls made of stones stacked up on top of on another. It's packed together with really hard mud-like stuff. There's a place around on this side where the rocks tumble down, and we can get in. In that area is where the plants are."

Robinpaw opened his jaws. He could smell the tangy, bitter smells of the herbs wafting over the stones that Kestrelpaw described. There was also a sweet, sweet smell that made Robinpaw's mouth water.

Leafpool's voice came from behind the wall. "The catmint is still good!" she called. "It survived the frost."

"That's wonderful!" purred Kestrelpaw.

"I'll be collecting some now," Leafpool decided. Robinpaw heard her voice more clearly – she must be positioned either on the other side of the stones or on top of the tumble that Kestrelpaw talked of. "Robinpaw, follow my voice – you'll be helping me."

Robinpaw frowned. Oh, joy, he thought.

"Kestrelpaw, you go around and look for some mice," Leafpool commanded. "This will be hungry work!"

Robinpaw felt Kestrelpaw leave, and Robinpaw was left alone in the woods with only scents and sounds and feelings to guide him. He heard Kestrelpaw pad towards the old Twoleg nest, and when he entered his pawsteps sounded strange.

"Follow the sound of my voice," Leafpool meowed. "I know you know where I am."

Robinpaw sighed and followed his ears. She was higher up, but he knew there were stones – he didn't want to stub his paws. He moved carefully towards her voice, shuffling his paws gently against the ground. When he hit the stones he breathed a sigh.

"Up you go now," Leafpool called. "Come on."

His mother patted her paws against the stones. Robinpaw was still – his ears were twitching at the sound, his paws trembling with the vibrations. With her patting her paws, Robinpaw was able to tell where the slope was steepest when he began climbing, and where it was safest. He followed that and his mother's scent to the top.

Leafpool said nothing, but she purred in approval.

Robinpaw heard her paws leave the stones, and heard her land on the ground.

"It's not too far," she assured him. "I'll be here to make sure you're all right."

Robinpaw sighed. He didn't need her babysitting him all the time! But he followed the sound of her voice, and when he jumped he landed only a little awkwardly. He got up awkwardly and shook himself out. He was a warrior – warriors didn't fumble! Silverhawk would have had his tail for a plaything if he'd seen that landing.

"Here's the catmint," Leafpool offered.

Robinpaw followed her voice to the edge of the garden. The smells of the herbs were intoxicating, and he did his best not to crush any underpaw as he walked. Leafpool offered him a sprig of catmint to sniff, and Robinpaw felt the fuzziness on his nose.

"This is probably the most vital herb in this garden," Leafpool meowed. "I'm so, so glad Barkface helped me with this idea. Thanks to this garden we've had enough herbs to take care of all our wounded… and enough catmint to keep any strain of greencough at bay."

Robinpaw pulled away from the tempting leaves before he had the urge to snap them up for himself. He smelled around the garden, distinguishing the herb-scents. Most he knew, most he didn't; but they all smelled healthy and fresh.

"I'll be collecting some of this," Leafpool meowed. To Robinpaw she ordered, "Go get some of that marigold over there. I'm sure you can smell it."

How could I not? Robinpaw thought. You practically shoved that one right up my nose!

Robinpaw turned towards the marigold-smell and headed for the plant. He was buried belly-deep soon enough, with leaves and flowers catching in his pelt. He found the marigold and began using his paws to feel for the leaves and petals which were of so much help.

"I know you don't like it," Leafpool meowed from across the garden, "but picking herbs has always been something that I thought was relaxing."

Robinpaw frowned.

"Just me and the leaves," Leafpool went on. "No disruptions, no distractions… If you push it all away, you can really think of a lot while picking herbs."

Did you think about how you were betraying your Clan? Robinpaw wondered bitterly. Did you think about how you were forcing your own kit to be your apprentice?

Leafpool was silent for a moment. Robinpaw was glad – he focused on picking the herbs, doing his best not to let his anger at his mother destroy the fragile plants.

"I'm sorry."

Robinpaw looked up from his herbs.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," Leafpool repeated. "I'm sorry I did this to you – I'm sorry you're a medicine cat apprentice."

Robinpaw frowned. "No, you're not," he growled.

"Robinpaw," Leafpool breathed, "I didn't want this for you – I didn't want you to have to pay for my mistake… but you were the only one who -"

"Who what?" Robinpaw demanded.

"Robinpaw, you're blind," Leafpool meowed. "There's no way you could be a warrior. If times were different, maybe – but right now, with TigerClan breathing down our necks? You'd -"

"I'd what?" Robinpaw spat. "Fail? Die?"

"Well, I…"

"You want to know something?" Robinpaw snarled. He could feel the rage building in his pelt. "I'd rather die than be a useless, stupid, medicine cat! I'd rather die than have to be trained by you!"

He heard Leafpool make a choking sound.

"Robinpaw…" she breathed. "I… I have only ever tried doing what was best…"

"If you'd done what was best, I wouldn't be here at all!" Robinpaw snapped.

Leafpool's paws shifted on the ground.

"There's nothing I can do," Leafpool told him. "Once this war is over I won't be a medicine cat anymore. ThunderClan won't have a medicine cat without you! You don't have to like me – but don't let the Clan suffer!"

Robinpaw curled his lip and turned away from her.

Kestrelpaw's scent wafted over the stone wall, and the smell of mouse accompanied him. Robinpaw heard his pawsteps on the tumble of stones as the apprentice climbed them to look down at the garden.

"Did… did I miss anything?" he wondered.

"No," Robinpaw growled.

Kestrelpaw was silent for a moment. Then, he said awkwardly, "I… I caught the mice…"

"That's nice, Kestrelpaw," Leafpool meowed, her voice broken and tired. "We'll take a break to eat and then continue collecting."

Robinpaw said nothing as Leafpool passed him. Her pawsteps were tense. Robinpaw didn't care – he was angry, he was bitter, and these feelings…

He didn't want them to go away.