Hey guyyysss! Im back at uni which is why this update had been so long but i hope your liking it because i loved being able to write more of the Joker and Harley again. Thanks so much for all my new followers and those of you that write reviews. I try to message everyone who reviews to say a personal thanks so i hope you got my messages! (sorry for any spelling mistakes)
I think my heart actually stopped for a second when I finally saw the Joker in person. I'd been so focused in the past six weeks in getting to this stage, I'd barely thought about what it would actually be like. I mean I'd planned out what I wanted to say, how I could approach him, new tactics to get even the slightest bit of information, standard stuff. I'd overlooked how I would actually feel seeing him again, what a presence he had, the videos of the sessions didn't do him justice.
His cell's front wall was clear glass. It was the same for all our high level risk patients, the glass wall meant that they could be watched at all times, nowhere for them to hide. Like animals in a cage constantly on show. The rest of the cell was grey and plain, with the bed bolted to the floor just in case. It meant if they had to be restrained in the bed, there was no escape or risk they could injure themselves. It was so strange having the asylum in such dull grey colours and the patients in bright orange, but then I suppose the point was that they stand out. There was no hiding in the shadows here. Even if he hadn't been in the ugly bright orange suit though, the Joker still would have stood out amongst his dismal surroundings. I don't think it mattered what surroundings he was in, even without that iconic make up the Joker demanded attention.
He was standing in the middle of the room, simply standing there with his arms crossed. I tried not to notice the red stains on the floor, but the image of a nurse bleeding out couldn't be shaken from my mind. I noticed his hair was faded at the roots, no longer green but a dark brown that was slowly creeping down his hair. It was so bizarre to have a barrier between us for once. In theory I should feel much safer, and yet I felt more vulnerable than ever. I just couldn't understand why I felt so on edge, so nervous.
"Why Harleeeyyyy long time no see" He literally licked his lips when he saw me in front of him, drawing out my name in a way that sent shivers through me.
Shivers Harley, really? My inner voiced mocked, and I had to quickly get a grasp of my emotions. I mean, I knew I was obsessed but it was just with the Joker's mind. Sure, he fascinated me in an unhealthy way but that was all it was.
"I hear you've been keeping yourself busy while I was gone though" I replied sarcastically which earned me a smile from the Joker, who seemed to appreciate my new attitude.
"Harley Harley Harley someone's got a little more….fight in them" Even though the Joker was smiling and had his usual teasing smug tone, there was something more serious in his expression I couldn't place. That pause before he said fight he gave me such a piecing stare I thought I would run away right then.
"I have no idea what you're talking about Joker, I'm the same as always." I tried to sound strong and assertive, but it came out like a childish whine. "You'll be pleased to hear that I'm officially back on your case."
"Kingston finally realise he was ahhhh outmatched then?"
"He seems to have understood it might be better if I was in charge of your case. I've actually been sent to make sure you've calmed down" I took out the syringe some wide eyed orderly had passed me when I walked into the high security area saying I was going to see the Joker.
I don't really know why I showed him it, but it was clearly the wrong move. He didn't reply, simply staring at me. I felt self-conscious with him looking at me, it was so strange to actually see him again. All this time I'd been obsessing over getting him back and now we were face to face again I wasn't sure how to act. Just standing seemed awkward when he was staring at me so intently. It was like I was taking back to our first session, unsure of every gesture. Harley come on, you're the one who was going to open him up remember!
There was a sudden flash of light in those dark eyes of his, and his eternal grin grew more sinister as it stretched slowly across his face. Ever so carefully he moved towards the front of the cell, each step deliberately dramatic to make my heart race in fear as he walked closer.
"You still thinking about fixing me Doc" He was so close to me now, the glass that separated us didn't even seem to register in my mind. I felt as though I could almost reach out and touch him, see if those jagged scars on his face felt as rough as they looked. Then my brain realised that if I could reach out and touch him that meant he could touch me back. Something told me I was more likely to have his hands grasp around my throat than anything else. I should be grateful there was some sort of barrier between the two of us. I had to physically stop myself reaching out to touch the glass just to reassure myself it was still there. God how silly would that look?
"Not in the slightest. I already told you before that I don't think you're crazy, there's no need to "fix" you. You're unstable in many ways, undoubtable violent, but mentally you're more together than any of the doctors here."
"So all the ehhh killing doesn't scare ya then?" There was no hint of his clownish persona now, he was completely serious. No doubt how he treated me would depend on my answer so I decided the only choice was to be completely honest and hope it was enough. It's not like I could lie or pretend around him anyway, that only made it a challenge for him.
"Don't get me wrong, I may not think you're crazy like everyone else here but that does not mean I agree with your methods. I suppose the way I see it is there's nothing wrong with your mind. You're not killing because of some mental disorder, because of a pass trauma or the wrong meds. Nothing I've found points to any insanity, like I said you have more mental capability then any of the staff. There is no mental reason why you're the way you are. However you're still a criminal though and don't think that just because I disagree about your sanity I agree with what you've done"
It was hard to say it out loud, to openly disagree with the Joker because I'd seen what happened to people that disagreed with him. I'd also seen what had happened to people who tried to lie and get on his good side by pretending. I just hoped that by being honest he might respect me more, see that I wasn't trying to fool him, I just wanted to understand him more.
"Poor little Harlequin, we've got a lot of work to do on you." He muttered so quietly I almost didn't hear.
Harlequin? He's given me a nickname...he's made me a clown like him? My reaction should have been panic, I should have been disgusted or scared that he had formed a fixation on me. Instead I was flattered. I mean I'd already started to admit to myself how fascinating I found him, it only made me seem less insane if he had some sort of attachment to me as well. I didn't want to think too much about what that attachment was, because I couldn't be anything more than a passing interest in a dull place to him. If I read any more into it, I'd be in danger of letting my guard down around him and that's when he would strike.
"Why did you reject all those other physiatrist? Why pick me?" I asked genuinely curious, I could already hear Peter shouting at me that he was just acting, that he obviously didn't care and I knew deep down that he was right. I knew really that I was at best a new toy for the Joker, but I'd be damned if I wouldn't take advantage of that while I could.
"You're not like these civilised people. See I told ya Harley with a little work… I could show you how things really are." That smug voice of his, it screamed how sure that I could be like him.
"I don't think I'll ever see the world quiet like you Joker." My voice was quiet, not a match for his arrogant air but at least I'd managed to make a stand.
"Harley you're already at my ahhh level."
I seriously thought about what he said and I couldn't deny he was right. At least a little. Since I first meet him I'd started to see people in a different light, and I'd seen myself properly for the first time. He wasn't wrong about everyone being fake, pretending. I thought about our last session together and how I told him he saw the contradictions and hypocrisy of the world, and lived to expose it to everyone. I couldn't help but laugh now I saw how pathetic Kingston was, his feeble attempts at control and his outright hypocrisy. The general masses were so clueless to how harsh and unfair the world was, happy to be manipulated and follow along with everyone else. It made me want to burst out laughing. I knew the Joker wanted to tear people away from their happy comfort zones of being controlled, to take away the unfair order and replace it with chaos, because chaos was honest and fair. The more I thought about it the more it made sense to me. I didn't exactly want to go out and murder people, it wasn't like I suddenly condoned his violent methods. But I understood why he looked down on people, why he wanted to expose the way things were, the great ironies of life.
"Harrllleeyyyy" Again the Joker drew out my name drawing my attention back to him. I realised with a blush that I'd been silently staring at him for the past five minutes while I'd been thinking about what he said.
"Killing people isn't right." I wanted to sound more confident, I didn't want to betray my thoughts but as always when I was against the Joker I sounded weak. It came across as a whining mutter from a child rather than an assertive adult. Predictably the Joker just laughed at my comment, head thrown back in glee.
"Listen doll, it's a tough world out there. You think for a second anyone of your errrr lovely colleges wouldn't kill you for the right price. Those sane stable people would eat each other alive, you just have to give them the right…motivation."
"That doesn't mean I'm going to resort to their level"
It's clear he wasn't really listening to what I was saying at all, he was more talking at me than to me. He didn't seem to even hear my reply at all, simply muttering to himself so low I could even make sense of anything he said, despite being so close to him. I picked up the odd word but they didn't seem to string together at all.
"Joker you know the reason I'm here isn't to debate ethics. Kingston sent me to calm you down after your violent outburst."
"Ahhh the nurse?" He sucked at his teeth creating a squelching noise that made me cringe which only made his grin wider.
"Who else would it be?" I replied with a roll of my eyes, trying to regain the casual atmosphere rather than getting into another serious debate.
"A man in my ahhh profession tends to lose track of his victims. Past and future. They all sorta bleennddd together"
With that sinister remark he stared at me with a predatory gaze that made my blood run cold. The glass between us felt as though it could be shattered by that stare. His stare could practically intimidate the glass into shattering, it wouldn't want to stand between the Joker and his victim. I wanted to stay calm but all I could think about was his hands around my throat. I heard the Joker rarely used guns, preferring up close and personal ways to kill. I could picture it almost perfectly in my head. The knife piercing into me, my blood leaking out and that grin being the last thing I saw as my life faded away. That cruel mocking grin smiling down at my broken corpse without a care. I had to shake the image out of my head if I was going to get anywhere. It would be easy to give up, be terrified and run away from him like everyone else or do the worst thing and attempt to control and dominate him instead. I wasn't a quitter though. I didn't care if he terrified me, I didn't care if he got violent because I knew I still wanted to learn more about him. Even after all this time away from him to get a more sane perspective he still fascinated me as much as he scared me. I wanted to learn as much as I could, I really wanted to understand him more. Seeing him today only confirmed that, even if I had forgotten how truly terrifying he could be.
"Well Joker, I take it you did want me to be your psychiatrist? If you do want to see me, Kingston is practically jumping with joy at reinstating me but you'll have to restrain your violent ways. If you'll stop biting into the nurses then I'll see you for our first new session in a few days" For once I was confident in what I was saying. There was no voice wavers of fear of how the Joker might interpret what I said, it was a perfectly natural response.
With that I nodded to him and turned on my heels to walk straight out. Not for the first time I exited a room listening to the echoing laughter of the Joker, but this time I left with a smile.