enjoy.
Chapter 10
She is storming down the front stairs as he leans in the doorway with his arms crossed. He has that god damn smirk on his face. It frustrates her knowing he isn't doing anything. Her arms shake as she grips the keys in her hand, well aware she must be leaving imprints in them by now. She reaches the handle of her car door to the passenger side, throwing her coat onto the seat. A slam follows it as she rounds the car onto the other side. Words rip out of her mouth with anger.
"You can't just make me feel different and then get up and leave"
She glances at him before she opens the drivers side. It's when she looks at him that he begins to make his move. To break her again, to make sure she will be in his control. The damn idiot always did that.
"You know what your problem is? You get attached, fast. And once your attached to someone, you do everything you can to please them and make them happy. It's never been about what you want, it's always everybody's needs before your own. You give out to many chances to people, who quite frankly, do not deserve them. They take advantage of you, and you become a pushover. But you're okay with that, because they're in your life and that's all you ever really wanted. And even if they screw you over, you'll still be here for them. Because that's who you are. Once you get attached to someone, they capture your heart and they always have a place there. That's why it's so hard for you to let go."
Wam. It's like he punched her right in the gut.
She'd always known that. Her attachment was close when she started to open up to someone. Her childhood had lacked that. The distance had been so great in her life that she shut others out. It's when Elliot came along, and gave her someone to be there for. Twelves years of attachment and he shut her out by walking out on her.
He forgot about you. Remember that
War wounds were branded onto the skin of every person who walked the earth. She knows better than most that it's all visible, that nothing is worn inside the heart. But hers, it's been branded, burned, beaten, and stitched.
"Just admit it Liv."
He's still smirking. Fucking jackass.
At this point, she's had it. She's already back at the porch and he stands straight now, watching her come towards him. It's when she lines face to face with him that he's a well four inches or so taller than her. He sees something different in her eyes, the life isn't there anymore, and he's the reason for taking that away.
"Does it even bother you that we don't talk anymore?"
He doesn't let a word out, he let's her ask questions.
"I called you too many times to count, texted you, goddammit Elliot how could you just walk out on me like that?"
It's like she's saying he left her as if they were married. They're weren't, they never were, they were partners. That's it. But the jackass needs to know how many nights he left her wondering.
"I cared enough to call if you were okay. I cared enough to see if you didn't go down that rabbit hole, I even dared to think if you ate your own gun!"
Her voice is rising.
"I care. It fucking terrifies me how much I care."
She is self destructing in front of him. She won't let him see her like this.
"And I can't forget the time we stayed up all night after a tough case, talking endlessly for hours, about absolutely nothing. You kept my demons away, you told me stories, you made me laugh, and that night, I wasn't scared of my thoughts. Now, I'm more terrified than ever."
"The hardest thing is not talking to someone you used to talk to everyday."
He hears his mothers voice in his head.
You're just like your father. All buttoned up, no imagination. No spirit. If anything is just a little out of the ordinary it scares you to death. Anything that doesn't fit into your neat little boxes, you just can't take it.
Throughout his life, he's learned to walk away through it all. Through his father telling him men didn't cry, through his mother's episodes, through it all. Now, he's in San Francisco, three thousands miles away from her. He just walked out of her life and moved across the country, not even bothering to tell her.
He's erased his childhood, he's erased her.
She is crying then, openly.
"I'm tired. Don't you get it? I'm fucking tired!" Her voice is rising. She is panicking, yet
unable to help herself calm down.
"I'm so..." she heaves.
"So tired..."
And he holds her, his chin on the crown of her head as she leans against his chest, his arms wrapped around her back. Just allowing her separated breaths to even out with his.