I must say I am disappointed with you, my readers. I know from the stats of this story at least 20-25 are reading this, and only 1 of all of you are sending me your thoughts about it. To tell you the truth I'm kind of losing interest for this entire thing. This is actually the first story of mine that has passed a hundred pages within six months. A friend of mine said this was one of the best things I have ever done, and the ONLY ONE reviewing to me says she/he loves this story. Well... I have to admit I am kind of stuck in the story. Honestly, I am. Luckily I have a few chapters done already.

What I want to say is that I need a little back up so that I can find some motivation to continue writing this.

IMPORTANT! I'm updating now since I will have NO CHANCE to update in January. The next chapter will probably be up in the middle of Febuary (that's probably wring spelled, but who cares?)

Happy New Year

Young whore's diary

Ryou lay on his bed as he had been the last four days, staring holes in the wall. He was conscious still, but he didn't know for how much longer he could keep it like that.

'Why am I so out of my mind scared?' he wondered for the millionth time in four days.

He looked down at the teddy bear in his arms. He wondered slightly if it would answer if he asked it any of his many questions.

"I'm home, Ryou," Bakura called from the door tiredly.

'Thank you,' Ryou thought silently. He was more than grateful that Bakura stayed by his side though all that he had done and not done in those four days.

"Are you any better?" his older brother asked lowly, not expecting an answer.

'No,' Ryou thought. That was all he did nowadays: thought. He heard everything Bakura said and did, he just couldn't voice his thoughts.

The phone rang and Bakura went to answer. Ryou heard the usual small talk. The one who rang was looking for him. He heard Bakura's very short explanation and then a few seconds of silence.

"WHAT?"

Ryou blinked at his brother's raised voice. Had something happened?

"When? What? I mean… you want us over now? ... Fine, we'll be there!"

The phone was hung up and Bakura entered his younger brother's room with much more enthusiasm than before.

"Ryou, Yugi's asking for you!"

The mention of his best friend's name brought the young albino back to life. He sat up and stared at his brother with hope shining in his eyes.

"Yami's mother called and said she was at the hospital. She said Yugi was hurting and mumbling in his sleep. He mumbled your name she told me. We're going there right now!"

Ryou blinked in confusion.

"Yugi's… not awake?"

"Obviously not," Bakura said a little slower. "But that he's calling your name must mean he is on his way out of that state."

A slow smile made Ryou's eyes shine with new hope.

They sat in a corner eating dry bread as their mother was in another room with a man buying her favours. They were both used to this life, being born into it, but they both wanted nothing but to get out of it.

"Kyoko, what do you think about this journey mother is talking about?" the older sister Ryouko asked quietly.

"Nothing," the younger one said, trying to clean her hands on her dirty dress. "I just hope it will take us away from this life. I never wanted to live it in the first place."

"Now you are unfair to life, my little Kyoko," their mother said as she walked into the tiny room.

"You did not need to give birth to me," Kyoko hissed. "Now you have just more problems feeding three mouths instead of just your own."

The elder woman, commonly known as Silver Rose, smiled sadly and patted her two daughters' heads lovingly. "I could never kill such a beautiful thing as a baby. You will know when you are older. Being a mother is the best thing that ever has happened to me."

Kyoko slapped her mother's hand away and went over to the simple bed of rags they had to sleep on.

"You have not even a clue of who our fathers are," she muttered bitterly.

Rose sighed sadly. This was definitely not the life she wished to give her daughters. But there was one way to change it.

"I have enough money to leave this place now," she told them both. "We will travel north. There will be a place so wonderful you can not even imagine."

Kyoko turned around to face her mother. "It is just a dream," she said coldly.

"I am born there," Rose said as Ryouko placed her head in her lap to let herself fall asleep. "There is a huge wood in the north where I know the princess of Scotland played when she was younger. The white castle which stands as a great guardian over the small village and its surroundings is so mighty you can not understand. I have been inside that castle. The young princess was so beautiful even if she was merely five years old. And the prince, he was so handsome. But the king was a little of a sour lemon. The young princess sometimes had to rule in his place since she did not like his decisions."

Ryouko's and Kyoko's eyes fell closed at their mother's mumbling voice. How many times hadn't she told them this story? Ryouko and Kyoko both loved them, but the rational Kyoko couldn't believe it was anything but a fairytale. It simply was too beautiful to be true. And she couldn't give in to dreams.

Ryouko wished with her whole heart that she would one day see those wonderful places her mother always talked about. She was only 9, and Kyoko would turn 8 in three months. She was one and a half year younger than Ryouko. But however much her mother hated it, Ryouko was experienced with the work of a whore. And there was nothing that could change that fact. Kyoko was yet untouched, but the former queen feared for how long her youngest daughter would stay virgin.

"I hope my letter reached you, my son," she whispered as she looked at the moon shining through the window.

June 4, 1625

Mother has taken us away from the whorehouse we grew up in. We have a little food and money with us, and mother say there are plenty of men who will pay her for her favours. I know why she does not wish my help. The first time I took a job she was so mad at me she screamed herself hoarse. I wish she had hit me that day, though I know it still hurt from the night, but her screaming was worse than that pain.

Kyoko is tense, I can sense it. Even if she tried everything to seem unfazed I see how her lips are pressed together in a thin line and how her brow is furrowed in uneasiness. We are resting after having walked for about four hours. I wish I know how long this journey will take. Mother said the white castle is very far in the north, but I will not give up. How can I? We are on the way to the place we all have dreamt of for so long. As it is now, I can say nothing but that I love to be alive.

"Ryouko. We will depart now, so stop writing," Rose said as she put down the bottle of water and the food they hadn't eaten now into her package.

"How long will it take before we reach the white castle?" Kyoko asked with badly hidden eagerness.

"Sadly, it will take us a few years by feet," Rose said looking down so her golden bangs hid her eyes.

Both sisters' faces fell at their mother's words.

"Does that mean we will never make it there?" Kyoko said disappointed.

"Of cause we will reach the castle," Rose said with a bright smile and shining eyes. "The princess is waiting for me. I simply can not lose on this journey."

It was a very jumpy Ryou who entered the hospital that afternoon. He tried to walk as close to his brother as possible, but he didn't really know why he was so nervous.

Bakura noticed his younger brother's uneasiness and led him with a protective arm around his slightly trembling shoulders. Ryou hugged himself tightly as if trying to keep himself from all harm.

"Hey, nurse," Bakura called and waved for a seemingly free nurse. "We're here to visit Yugi Atemu."

"The cutie? The one with wavy, tricolored hair?" the nurse asked and her face was lit up with something that looked like delight.

"Yes," Bakura told her with suppressed disgust. "The one in dream state."

A year passed by swiftly. Ryouko and Kyoto was now used to travelling and to make money every way possible. They could sometimes find a farm where they worked for a few days to gain a little money and food. And it was at one of them they were now.

"Mother, do you think we will ever reach the white castle?" Kyoko said tonelessly as she tried to find her food appetizing.

"Of cause we will, dear," Rose said and her voice told her daughters they shouldn't talk back.

"How long will it take until we are there?" Ryouko asked and her eyes begged her mother to say it wouldn't be long.

"You are heading for Scotland?" asked another voice.

The three girls turned to the source of the voice, their young, newly married hostess.

"We are," Rose said and bowed her head as a sign of respect.

"No needs for formality, woman," the hostess said. "You have helped me out so much these days and my husband is more than surprised our money is not gone."

"We are no thieves," Kyoko said coldly. "Why does everyone think that of us?"

"Because travellers are not as common as before," the woman said. "When my grandmother was young there passed travellers almost every month. Now I hardly see any at all. You are the first travellers I have seen in fifteen years."

"Our destination is the white castle of Scotland," Rose said quietly. "I so badly wish to see it once again."

"They say the prince is engaged," the woman said thinking of all the gossip she had heard from her husband and friends.

"He is? When? How? Who?"

"Easy now. I will tell you everything. It was a long time since I could tell anyone something they did not know already. I heard it was just a few months ago, with the younger princess of France. I have not seen any of them myself but she is supposed to be a very fine girl with blue eyes. The French king returned home as soon as the engagement was official, with the princess's very jealous older sister."

"I wish to meet her once," Rose said with a distant look in her amethyst eyes.

"Me too, but most of all I wish to see princess Yuniko in person."

"Is that her name?" Ryouko asked quietly, as if afraid anyone would hear what they were talking about.

"It is," Rose said. "Princess Yuniko of Scotland." She was about to say something more, but closed her mouth and kept silent.

"They say she has grown into one of the most beautiful girls in Scotland, England and Wales. I am not sure how old she is, but she has to be at least eighteen to spread such a rumour."

"No," Rose almost whispered. "She has just turned fourteen."

"Fourteen!" their hostess burst out in surprise. "No way! She can not be so young… She can not!"

A sound outside and the three girls' host came in with a serious look on his face. In his hands he had a small pouch that scrambled slightly with coins.

"Take these and leave," he said anxiously to Rose and handed her the money. His eyes showed concern and fear.

"What is happening?" his wife asked with her heart in her throat. "Not they, is it?"

"It is. Word has spread and now they want to take you and your daughters away."

"What is happening? Will you two be all right?" Rose asked anxiously as she took the money.

"You have been very reliable even if I suspected you to be thieves. So I can not let you be caught by the governor's men to be slaves in his bed. Now leave, and do not look back."

Rose understood the seriousness in the situation and grabbed Kyoko's arm. Ryouko, in a second of worry for her hosts, collected what was left of their food and ran after her sister and mother.

"Live well," they heard the woman whisper after their backs.

Rose ran as fast as she could with money and Kyoko in her arms. Ryouko was quick and agile enough to run for herself, but Kyoko was yet too small.

Behind them they heard loud yells and the cries of their hosts. Kyoko was the only one looking backwards over her mother's shoulder, and in therefore was the only one who saw the shadows of the guards that was there to take them.

"They are burning their farm down," Kyoko whispered into her mother's ear as she saw the sparkles of red and yellow between the trees that protected them.

"Mother, we have to help them!" Ryouko called as she too looked back.

"We can not," Rose said with hitched breath and tears in her eyes. "They told us to not turn back, and they saved us out of own free will. They both knew what they were doing and risking. We can not let their death be in vain by going back and risk the safety of ours that they wanted to protect."

Ryouko and Kyoko cried silently as they continued to flee from the burning farm.

July 28, 1626

I do not know if the kind couple who saved us survived, but I pray to God with all I have to show them mercy. They deserve a good place in heaven. Mother is using the money we got carefully. She discovered that it was gold and silver coins. With them we can live for at least another year. We have a lot to thank those people for. They risked their lives for us. Mother told us it was out of sympathy, thankfulness for what we had helped them with, and hatred towards the governor of this piece of land. They rather lost their lives than lived with the knowledge they had left us to our painful fate. Therefore I will write their names here, so I can forever remember them and know I live thanks to them.

David, son to Richard

Sophia, daughter to Gonnf

Ryouko closed her dairy and let the feather stick up to remind her where she was. It was not much left of her dairy now. She would need a new one in a few months.

When Ryou and Bakura was shown to Yugi's and Malik's room Ryou was visible calmer. He relaxed much more, though the pain that every now and then shot up his back, but he ignored it. Right now all he could think of was to once again see Yugi's face.

"Ryou? So you are here too?"

The two brothers turned to Seto, who also looked surprisingly relaxed considering he was at the hospital, and he hated the hospital, now more than ever.

"Hi Seto. Visiting Yugi too I suppose," Ryou greeted Seto with soft voice.

"Are you related to the two pretty boys?" the annoying nurse asked curiously.

Bakura had to take a deep breath, but Seto and Ryou just stared at her.

"No," Seto said calmly. "We're their friends."

"How come you two can be so relaxed? Just this morning you looked like ready to kill yourself, Ryou," Bakura said, his eyes even more tired than before.

"I don't know," Ryou said softly. "I just feel everything will turn out for the best."

Ryouko and Kyoko sat in the small room at the little hut they had been given to rest in. It was cosy in there and the light from the window was of gold and orange, caused by the setting sun. It was three years since they had left the whorehouse in London, and right now none of them could believe their luck. Soon they would reach Scotland.

After two years of hard and unmerciful weather, rough and stingy costumers, not enough food and Kyoko falling ill for a long time, where even Ryouko had to take jobs so they could gain enough money too keep her alive, they had found this huge farm, owed by an old but amazingly rich widow. She was short in temper and fussy as no one, but she was strictly fair and kind-hearted. She had for a long time needed someone to help her clean her house and garden. With her growing age she found it harder and harder to move, so Rose had begged the old woman to let the three of them stay for a while and help her out with everything. That was just two days ago.

Ryouko hadn't been able to write in her dairy for a long while. The old one was long since finished and she hadn't dared to ask her mother for a new one. But Rose had known her daughter's dairy was finished and had very carefully asked the old widow if she had another to give her, with the promise to pay for it. The widow had asked to see Ryouko's old dairy. She hadn't said anything, but with a friendly smile handed the white-haired teenager the old and a new dairy with ink and a pen, all for free. Ryouko had protested wildly at first. Ink was kind of expensive and so were dairies. The widow had just smiled and said she had enough money to give those small things to her.

Now Ryouko stared down at her new dairy. It was clad in red, soft leather and had a thin ribbon in to place at which side she was.

"What will you write first?" Kyoko asked her softly from where she lay on the soft mattress on the warm floor.

Ryouko smiled down at the dairy. "Of how grateful I am to be alive, and to be here with you and mother, and that I own so much to the widow Mary."

Kyoko smiled at her. She herself was not so much for writing, but Ryouko found it relaxing to write about everything that happened. And with her sister's dairy they could always tell who they could return to if needed.

"I almost wish we could stay here forever," Kyoko said softly.

"Almost? You too wish to see the white castle more than anything?"

"Yes," Kyoko whispered. "All the gossip we have heard is only about how amazing the land is, and how respected the royal family is. When only mother talked about the castle it sounded as nothing but a dream. But now, when we have heard so many others talk about it, I believe it is true."

"And when we are there none of us will ever take in any nightly costumers. We will live a better life, as we have it here."

Kyoko smiled and turned on her stomach. "Mother told me that if we look good enough we can even live with the servants inside the castle, maybe in the kitchen. That way we could always look at the princess and the prince. They say he is very handsome."

Ryouko giggled. "Are you in love, Kyoko? You sound like you want to sleep in the prince's bed."

"No," Kyoko said with a mild glare at her older sister. "But I wish to see him. How many girls have we not met who's highest wish is to meet the prince of Scotland?"

"I wish to see the princess more. I mean, to be considered as Scotland's, England's and Wales's highest beauty at the mare age of fourteen."

"So what? I bet I will be the most beautiful when I turn fourteen. But I swear no one will ever be as beautiful as mother."

"True," Ryouko said smiling.

When they finally stood in front of the door, Ryou felt the firm pang of regret once again. The nurse opened the door swiftly, eager to see Yugi's and Malik's faces once again.

"They are so pretty, I wish I was still in high school," she said with a sigh as she watched the two boys.

Seto and Bakura glared sharply at her, but Ryou went straight to Yugi's bed. Bakura had already told him about Malik being in the same state and wasn't surprised to find him there.

"He looks troubled," he stated softly. "And hurt?"

Seto went over to inspect what he had said. He couldn't see what Ryou found so troubled, but he could feel it in Yugi's aura.

"He has cried recently," Ryou said, tracing the wet line from Yugi's eyes till it disappeared in the blackness of his hair. A new tear followed the wet path into his hair as Ryou moved his hand away.

Bakura went over to them and could only say that Ryou seemed to be right.

"Brother."

They all jumped at Yugi's unexpected whisper.

"I'll call for Dr Lou," the nurse said hurriedly, remembering her duties.

"I'll go call for Yugi's idiot for a brother. You can stay here if you wish."

Ryou nodded without taking his eyes from his best friend. He waited for him to call his name as well, but nothing came.

They would reach the white castle soon, in just a few months. Ryouko was now a thirteen-year-old, pretty girl with pearly hair which had the habit to turn into a whitish hint of pink in the morning and evenings. Her big, brown eyes often held a timid look, but right now one could see nothing but excitement and eagerness to see the castle she had dreamt of for so long.

November 5, 1629

This is a dream! I have never in my life felt so alive and exited, and yet we are three months travelling by foot away from the white castle. Kyoko is widely smiling as well. She has become so old within those five years it has taken us to come here. Before we left the whorehouse she always acted like she wanted to die. But now, though cold and somewhat proud, she is more human and childish than ever. I see how her eyes are glistening like snow in the sun. She is sitting straighter, her smiles come from her heart and she looks much healthier than before.

Mother just left us to pray once again. I do not know why, but ever since we left Widow Mary she has been distressed and seemingly filled with grief. But she is working hard to not let it show. Another thing I find strange is that mother is more and more carefully trying to cover her hair and face in the shadow of black cloths. A few days ago a boy asked me who has died. I told him no one had died. He then asked why mother was wearing black. He told me black was the colour of grief and was used to signal to everyone around she was crying over someone who had died. I still find it strange, that colours could signal such things. When I asked mother about it she just said she had to hide her face, but refused to tell me why.

I wonder if it has something to do with the white castle and the royal family. She has always said she has lived here once, what if she is not welcome back. But that is impossible.

But the inn owner has warned us for something he does not know of. He gave us all a crucifix to always carry around the neck. He said it would protect us, but from what he could not say.

"Ryouko, we will depart soon!" Kyoko said as she entered the small room they had been able to pay for with the money they still had from Widow Mary. She had given them far more than they had ever been able to dream about. But their mother had still insisted on continuing her work. She had told them it was because they couldn't rely on this money forever, sooner or later they would be gone. Kyoko had also started with the work of a whore the year they left Widow Mary.

Kyoko was now 12 years old and a rare beauty. She had carefully cut nutmeg coloured hair that fell into her bright, ice blue eyes. Her eyes were as big as Ryouko's but with longer and darker eyelashes to bring out the colour of her eyes even more. Even though she was still young her chest was beginning to grow. She was still kind of flat, but she was getting there.

Ryouko had bigger brests, as half apples, since she was older. Her body was becoming the one of a woman.

"Girls, we are leaving immediately," Rose said as she peeped into the room, her eyes holding a hunted expression.

Worriedly watching over them as they packed their things together Rose more or less pushed them out of the inn and started to walk in a fast pace.

"Mother? Why are you in such a hurry?" Ryouko asked after a few moments.

Rose seemed to suddenly remember she was not alone and slowed down.

"I am sorry, my dears. But it is not safe for me to be here. Too many people have once seen my face, and if they recognize me we will never reach the white castle."

"Why is that?" Kyoko asked slightly annoyed.

"I can not tell you here. Once we have reached the white castle everything will clear for you. But for now, please be patient with your questions. I can not answer them."

Ryou could stare himself blind at those closed eyelids. Seto stood just as silent also looking at Yugi's closed eyes. But when Yugi started to open his eyes, none of them were surprised.

Ryou fell into the green depths. He lay down beside Yugi and used his chest as a pillow, joining his friend wherever he was at.

Turning his intense eyes at Seto the same thing happened, but Seto just took his hand and rested his head at the bed, sitting in a chair beside it.

When Bakura returned he just thought Ryou had fallen asleep at Yugi's side and didn't do anything. He was surprised though to see Seto also fast asleep holding Yugi's hand firmly. But when Dr Lou finally entered the room with a very fussy nurse…

"Again?" Lou whispered.

"What do you mean 'again'?" Bakura wanted to know suspiciously.

"This is the same thing that happened when young Mr. Ishtar became a 'Dreamer' as we have decided to call them."

Bakura could first just stare at him and didn't want to get it.

"No," he whispered and went over to Yugi's bed. He started to gently shake Ryou, in vain trying to wake him up. "Ryou… Ryou… RYOU!"

Ryouko woke up before the sun this morning. They were not far away from the white castle now. Wait… white castle? What white castle?

She looked around and saw her mother and Kyoko lying on a soft blanket and another, thinner blanket over them to stay warm in the cold winter nights. They had found this little cosy hut the day before and took the freedom to sleep in there.

Everything that had happened in the last five years and her life before that passed by her mind and suddenly she was wide awake.

'The white castle where the princess lives,' she thought and stood up, just to remember something else that didn't belong.

'I'm a girl? Should I not be a boy?'

Faint memories came back, before she threw them aside, deciding the life she had lived as a male didn't belong in the life she lived now.

Kyoko awoke at the sound of her sister dressing and walking away quietly.

"Where are you going, sister?" she asked without opening her eyes.

"I want to see the white castle," Ryouko answered softly.

Kyoko just hummed and fell into a light slumber again, but when the door closed behind Ryouko everything hit in.

She sat up straight and looked down at her body. She was a twelve years old girl? Memories passed by and just like Ryouko, Kyoko decided the female memories were what she should hang on to.

Silently she got up, dressed in a dirty, half-length skirt and an oversized shirt before she followed Ryouko to the cliff where they could see the white castle in the new light of the morning sun.