Chapter 10 – Have no fear of giving in
"What happened to you?" Rose asked when Abby crashed on her bed trying her best not to show anyone she was crying. Rose sat straight up in her bed, ignoring the book she was reading before.
"Nothing. I'm going to take a shower." Abby half whispered as she got up and hoped that there wasn't enough light in the room for Rose to see her face.
"Fine." Rose said confused.
While Abby turned on the shower she couldn't help but think of Cedric. His touch, his scent, even his lips were enchanting. She had a strange feeling of happiness, a feeling of belonging, but at the same time she was afraid to feel that way. The last time she felt like that, when she started to believe in happiness again, John…no, she couldn't think about it. She looked at herself in the mirror, a strange smile on her face. She didn't recognize herself. She was shaking. For a moment her hand reached to touch the mirror, half way there she stopped, shaking her head.
"Calm down." She whispered to herself and tried to control her breath again.
When she was done in the bathroom she walked back to her dorm, everyone was asleep except for Rose.
"Are you alright?" she asked worried.
"I'm fine."
"You don't seem fine. Maybe you should get some sleep."
"Yes, maybe I should." Abby mumbled.
When Abby woke up the next morning she was afraid to go downstairs, sure she would have to face Cedric.
"I think I'm going to skip breakfast." Abby said to Rose when the girls were putting on their clothes.
"Why? It's Saturday, you love the Saturday breakfast. Scrambled eggs with bacon."
Even though Rose was right, and the eggs sounded really tempting, Abby decided to stay upstairs.
"Can I get you anything?" Rose asked just before she left.
"No, just say hi to my brother and tell him everything is alright, that I was just a little tired."
"Sure." Rose smiled, she didn't mind having an excuse to talk to John.
During breakfast Abby decided to go downstairs to catch up on some reading, she figured everybody would be too busy with breakfast anyway. She took her copy of Sense and Sensibility, which had been her mother's, and sat down in the very corner of a big soft couch by the window. The view had always amazed her, especially when it was raining like this. It was like the world outside was being blown and washed away but Hogwarts would keep a hold through anything. She kept the book so close to her face she could smell the old pages who had been written so many times before, by the eyes of someone who was no longer alive anymore. She hadn't read this book since her mother's death but decided to give it a try again. And so she did. She ended up reading a discussion between Marianne and Mrs. Dashwood, two characters that didn't quite interest her so much.
"To love is to burn - to be on fire.." a familiar voice broke the silence. It wasn't her own. It was a voice that made her feel like her heart was starting a riot in her body. A voice that made her afraid of her own feelings. She looked over her shoulder, right behind her, reading the page she was reading out loud, was Cedric.
"Hi." He smiled. "I noticed you weren't at breakfast, so I took some with me. The eggs were cold unfortunately, Rose told me you like them..but I took some croissants and jam."
Abby got up so quickly she almost tripped and dropped the book in the process. It made Cedric laugh but she didn't feel like laughing at all.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
"Fine. Not hungry. Sorry." She picked up the book with trembling hands and started walking toward the dorms.
"Abby wait," Cedric turned and got a grip on her wrist with his free hand.
"You're trembling." He said surprised. Abby couldn't breathe normally, she couldn't function normally at all.
"I do tend to do that around you." She said before she had thought about the meaning of those words.
"Why?" Cedric laughed the word, as if he was expecting a certain answer. Abby knew exactly what he was thinking, of course he expected her to be totally in love with his dazzling appearance. It was all he was used to, it was what all the Diggory's were used to.
"Have I done something wrong?" he asked, not so sure of himself this time. Abby took a deep breath.
"Yes. You should never have kissed me. If you think you can use me as just another amusement who is willing to walk by your side you're wrong. And if you think I'm the right girl for you you're wrong as well because I'm hardly the right girl for anyone!" she rambled so quickly both of them could hardly understand what she was saying. He started laughing again.
"This is not funny!" Abby breathed, she couldn't stop her body from trembling. Part of her wanted to say she was the right girl for him, and she wanted him to be the right boy. But she knew she would never be able to be that girl, to be the girl who could allow herself to fall in love. Love had played to many tricks with her.
"It is." He smiled, "It would have been so wrong not to kiss you Abigail Hughes. I want to be with you, and you want to be with me too."
"I don't." she started backing away and shook her head insecure, like a little child who was telling her mother she didn't steal candy. She couldn't understand why she didn't run away right away. She could hear her thoughts scream to run, but her body didn't follow. Cedric's face came so close to hers that the distance in between was almost absent.
"I don't." she repeated almost soundlessly. She did the only thing she knew, run away.
"You're being very absentminded lately." Rose said while she and Abby were walking around the lake. It was a beautiful Sunday, cold and clear with enough sun to warm anyone's heart.
"I'm sorry." Abby smiled faintly at Rose, she really did regret her behaviour towards her friend. "It's just.."
"My brother kissed you." Rose said a little disappointed. Abby felt her eyes grow big.
"Yes, he did tell me, but it should've been you Abigail. How could you keep this from me?" Rose almost sounded hurt.
"It wasn't like I wanted it to happen Rose!"
"Yes but it did. I think he really likes you Abby, it's not like with other girls..he's different. Intrigued."
"I don't care what he is, it shouldn't have happened and it never will again."
"Wish a little harder and you might just get what you want." Rose said watching something in a complete different direction. Abby followed Rose's finger which was pointing toward Cedric and another girl. Cho Chang.
"They seem pretty friendly, don't they?" Rose said, trying to make Abby see she was wrong. Trying to make her see they should try and be together.
"So what if they do?"
"You hate Cho." Rose said still disgusted by the sight of her brother and Cho sitting by the lake talking and laughing. "Oh come on!" Rose said annoyed and pulled Abby's arm so she followed her.
"Well hello there beloved brother." Rose said meaningful, giving Cedric a look just as meaningful after which she looked at Abby.
"Rosalie." Cedric said, Rose knew he only called her that when he was extremely irritated with her.
"Cho, how lovely to see you today, how have you been lately? We haven't had the chance to catch up much have we?" Rose was a genius at playing games like this.
"Well I am.." Cho was unprepared for this attack. When she saw Cedric and Abby locking eyes she started to get the game as well. And she was more than willing to play if Cedric was the trophy.
"Abby I.." Cedric whispered just loud enough for Cho to hear.
"I'm very well." Cho came to actions "Thanks for asking Rosalie. It's so nice Cedric asked me on this date, it's just lovely." Cho smiled her gorgeous smile and batted her eyes.
Cedric looked at Cho in surprise. Abby slowly shook her head.
"Date?" Rose asked. "Sorry Cho, Cedric doesn't date miniature prostitutes." The gloves were off.
"I'll decide that for myself Rose, and if you ever dare say those words again.." he got up.
"What big brother?"
"Such a shame you let him slip away" Cho smiled mean at Abby, not Cedric nor Abby hear her. It was there and then Abby got what Cho was trying to do, and it was there and then she was faced with the feelings inside of her. The feelings she was afraid to feel. Her heart was beating so fast it was a wonder she was even standing straight.
"This is really low Ced." Rose continued but Cho's eyes were fixed upon Abby while she got up as well, charmingly flipping her hair behind her shoulder. She stood besides Cedric, smoothly folding her hand over his chest and her other arm around his waist. Cedric looked at her in surprise and almost naturally bend his arm around her shoulders.
"What is Rose? I have done nothing wrong."
"You're little incompatible brain couldn't possible understand, could it?" Rose hissed.
"It's okay Rose, come on."
"It's not okay Abby!"
"I'm going inside." Abby whispered.
"Abby.." Cedric wanted to start but he didn't go on. Abby turned around and started walking toward Hogwarts just a little faster than usual.
"Moron!" she heard Rose say just before she followed Abby.