Disclaimer: Still do not own any characters.
This is the last for today. I want all of you to know that I don't have an outline yet, ideas float around and I write and post them. Please review.
Chapter 10
The next morning was a Thursday; Mikael woke up to the sound of Sally heaving in the bathroom. He got out of bed and sat next to her. He rubbed her back, when she was done he helped her up and they went to bed.
"Thank you," she said, he just kissed her hairline and asked if she wanted something for breakfast. She asked for crackers and ginger ale.
He went to the supermarket and bought those items for her. When he got home, he found her sleeping. He joined her, she moved and settled herself on top of him.
"I missed you, Mikael," she was crying again. Now he was worried, this was so out of character coming from her.
"Hey, don't cry," he rocked her but she continued sobbing. "Sally what's wrong tell me." He had never seen her so vulnerable.
"When I was away I woke every morning feeling like crap, wishing you were there with me." Sally then recounted her time in Gibraltar and how seeing that little girl with her father had affected her.
"The idea of losing you terrifies me, I wanted to get an abortion and then come back to you as if nothing had happened." He was surprised; his Sally would never end an innocent's life. "But then I thought that the baby was a part of you and I couldn't get rid of it. I did not want to trap you, that is why I left."
She sobbed some more and than said something that made perfect sense to her but was almost impossible for him to comprehend.
"My mother always told Camilla and I that Zalachenko had been a good man but as soon as she told him she was pregnant he started abusing her and accusing her of trapping him.
"I was afraid Mikael, what if you became like him? What if you hated me forever and beat me and our baby?" She looked at him; her eyes were filled with tears.
"And then I saw that man and the girl and I wanted to believe that you would never abuse us."
"I am afraid Mikael because I understood that I could become just like her, my mother. I could be defenseless against you, sometimes I think you don't understand the power you have over me."
"I would do anything for you, even kill if that ensured your well being and happiness."
He instantly understood. Again Zalachenko had managed to almost ruin his daughter, it did not matter that he was dead; he would always haunt his Sally. He looked at her and spoke softly, not wanting to scare her.
"I would never raise a hand against you or our children. I cannot even imagine what it feels to have this fear Sally. I do not understand it myself but I can assure you that you will always be safe around me. After learning about Zalachenko I vowed that I would protect you and defend you."
"I know words are not enough but have you ever see me as a violent person?" She shook her head.
"I suck at fighting and throwing punches, you would probably beat me to a pulp if I tried to." She half smiled; it was true.
"You are the strongest person I know. You Lisbeth Salander will never be a victim of domestic abuse because you are not your mother. The life you have led, all the hardships have prepared you to overcome those situations. Most of all I would first shoot myself than lay a hand on you."
This proclamation seemed to calm her a little; she hugged him again and fell asleep on his chest.
Mikael thought about this outburst and he tried to understand his Sally. She was still insecure about their relationship therefore she ran away. That was her coping mechanism, but this time she came back because of him. Everything was not lost then, in the past year he managed to gain her trust. He could see how the pregnancy threw Sally out of her loop. She had reached stability but then out of nowhere she had a crisis. She was going to be a mother, which brought on feelings of anxiety and insecurity. Lisbeth Salander did what she was used to do. She distanced herself from a problem and then came back to deal with it.
He was determined to help her; he would be there for her no matter what. He wanted her to be emotionally healthy; she was one of the most important women in his life. She was even more important than Nilla, his daughter. He now began to understand the great love he felt for Sally. If it was another woman he would have been gone already, but Lisbeth was different. He realized he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and only her. He would stand by her no matter what. With this new insight he went to sleep.
Lisbeth woke up around 3:00 PM, she was alone, and Mikael had left a note for her. He had gone back to Millennium and planned to be back by 4:30. That gave her enough time to take a bath and prepare something for dinner. They usually ate later but she felt energized and she knew she would be tired later. She was tired all the time, and it was the first time she felt hungry since learning abut the pregnancy.
While bathing she had time to think about the situation she was in. She was back with Mikael, that made her happy but she was still unsure about things. Lisbeth was terrified of having this baby, she knew Mikael would support her but the thought of having a life dependent on you was daunting. She was responsible for the life of someone else; she was growing a baby. It hit her then she could not doubt herself so much.
She had to make an effort and care for this baby, if she continued on this path she would be completely useless. Mikael was a father already; maybe if she modeled his behaviors around the baby it would turn out ok. She had met Nilla, she seemed an ok girl, besides the religion interest. She seem what the shrinks would call a well adjusted young adult, not that she put any stock in that psychology nonsense.
She finished her bath and went into the kitchen; it was 4:15 already. She spent more time in the bathroom than usual, she decided on spaghetti. That was the only dish that did not look a mess when she cooked it.
Mikael arrived when she was making the sauce, for a moment it felt like she had never left. He hugged her and kissed her neck, just like he had done countless of times.
"Is that pasta you're making?" He squeezed her a bit, she sighed contently.
"Obviously," she said a little sarcastically, but they both understood that she did not mean anything negative with her comment.
They sat down for dinner; Mikael told her that he was taking the rest of the week off. He wanted to be with her and resolve all of the issues they had. Lisbeth prepared herself for reproaches and ultimatums but none of those came.
He just looked at her and simply told her that he was there, whenever she wanted to talk he was there. She nodded, she explained to him the fear she felt. Her anxiety of becoming a mother, she was aware that when they had the child she would become a role model. She would become one of the most influential if not the most influential person in the baby's life. Lisbeth just talked, it felt good to finally let all of the anxiety and fear out.
Eventually Mikael spoke, "I am also afraid, you know how things went with Nilla. I wasn't there for her." He was honest and told her that he did not expect more children but that surprisingly enough the idea of a child with her made him happy.
"When I saw the baby bump I felt so happy, Sally you are giving me a second chance at doing things right." He paused that sounded like the baby was a replacement.
"Don't get me wrong, this baby is not a substitute for Nilla and the time I lost with her."
"This baby is unexpected but I will surely love him dearly just as I love you."
Lisbeth listened attentively and wanted to believe him but in her mind she was still just Lisbeth Salander, social misfit. She decided to start moving on, and accept at least that Mikael loved the baby.
"I have not asked you this question yet Lisbeth because I fear your response. Do you want to stay with me? Do you really think you would like us together?
Her answer was clear and unhesitant "Yes, I might not say it aloud or a lot but I do love you Mikael. I am in love with you."
He felt such relief, he didn't doubt her feelings but it was such a good things to hear her saying them aloud. He crossed to her side of the table and kneeled.
"That is all I wanted to hear," he then touched her face and kissed her softly.