…
Eren struggled to eat his lunch, his rice falling off his fork and onto the table each time his arm was jostled. He wasn't sure how it happened but at some point during the meal, Levi had moved until he was situated on Eren's lap. He'd claimed that he just wanted to be closer to 'his Eren' but after yesterday why would he?
He'd gone over every moment from the bath in that morning, once his mind was cleared from pleasure and post-orgasmic bliss. What struck him the most was that Levi had begged him to stop.
But he hadn't, he had pushed him, forced him into things he hadn't wanted.
Levi seemed fine this morning, as if the moment had never happened, there was no mention of it at all. Beyond the slight increase in affection nothing had altered between the pair.
Eren should be keeping his distance but Levi needed the comfort, he may not realise it but his whole life had changed thanks to the older boy's rash decisions. While the other children were playing hide and seek Levi was fooling around with a teenager. It wasn't right, he shouldn't have to behave this way simply because Eren lacked self-control.
But that was exactly why Eren couldn't draw back completely, he couldn't let Levi think he had done something wrong. Blame himself for everything Eren had done to him.
At some point during his musings, Levi had grown tired of his own lunch and was now watching Eren. A small smile on his face, not too dissimilar to the one he'd had in the past.
He used to see it across the food hall, Levi pretending to be paying attention to his comrades when in fact his focus was elsewhere. He'd be watching Eren, thinking it was unnoticed by everyone but the boy always knew. Levi's gaze always felt hot against his skin, as if it were a caress on his body. Eren would blush and his friends would tease him but he didn't care, knowing that even separated he was on Levi's mind was enough for him.
"What's up?" Eren asked, raising an eyebrow at Levi.
"Nothing." Levi shrugged.
"You sure?" He laughed. "Because you're food is getting cold."
"I don't want it." He pouted.
"If you don't eat lunch you won't get a dessert." He told him.
"Don't want dessert." He said, stubbornly turning his face away from the table.
With a sigh, Eren placed his fork on his plate, moving Levi in his arms until he was facing him, forcing him to look him in the eyes.
"Alright, what's wrong?" Eren asked.
"I don't want you to leave." Levi admitted, throwing himself forward and wrapping his arms around Eren's neck.
"I'll be back tomorrow." He laughed, gently stroking his back.
"But I want you to be here all the time." He moaned.
"You don't need me if Mummy's here." He said.
"But why can't you both be here at the same time?" He asked. "I love you both and I want you to stay."
"I can't." He sighed, god he would give anything to stay with Levi forever, in their little bubble of love and happiness. But he knew the harsh and cold reality had to hit at some point.
"If you loved me you'd stay." He snapped.
He felt Levi trying to escape his hold but Eren wouldn't let go. It was strange how the same insecurities could still be affecting Levi in this life. Everyone who loved him left him, whether it be through choice or unforeseen circumstances he was always left alone.
Before Levi had accepted it, resigned to the fact that he was never to have love, to spend his life alone. But this Levi was fighting it, refusing to let something go if he loved them. Eren was proud of this Levi, he was glad he was allowing himself to believe his was worthy of love.
Even if it was Eren's tainted love.
"You know I love you Levi." Eren squeezed him. "But I have to go home."
"Why?" Levi moaned into his neck.
"Because our love is secret."
"But if I told Mummy she might let you stay." He offered, pulling back and looking at the older boy hopefully.
Eren felt his blood turn cold, Raquel could never find out the truth, he risked going a jail sentence if this was revealed. In that moment he was reminded how dirty this was, Levi's innocence couldn't truly comprehend why it had to be secret, why the world couldn't know about their love.
To Levi it was pure and it was special, if only Eren could be that blissfully aware rather than have to constantly fight an internal battle.
"You can't." Eren said, his own voice sounding sinister in his ears. "It has to be a secret."
"I know." Levi sighed, sagging back against Eren. "I just wish you could stay with me all the time."
Would he still feel that when he was older? When he was Eren's age would he look back on this would he feel disgusted, violated by someone who was meant to care for him? Or would he still feel the same love that was so strong any stupid decision seemed justified.
…
After finally finishing off their lunch the pair moved to the living room to watch a film, Levi somehow managing to worm his way onto Eren's lap once again.
"You know, it's difficult to see the film with your head blocking my view." Eren complaining, tickling Levi's sides.
"Don't care." Levi giggled, trying to squirm away from his hands.
"Well I care." He scolded.
"Eren, stop." He begged breathlessly.
"Not until you get out of my way." He laughed himself at the panting boy.
"Okay, I will." He wriggled, managing to roll away and land with a thud on the ground.
"Levi!" Eren cried, leaning forward to see the small boy looking up at him with wide and confused eyes. "You okay?"
"I hurt my head." He said, rubbing the red patch on his forehead.
Eren could see his eyes growing watery but he was fighting it, trying hard to keep the tears down. He'd reached that awkward age where he still wanted to be held and comforted when he was hurt but at the same time wanted to be grown up.
"Come here." Eren instructed, lifting Levi up until he was back in place on his lap.
"I'm fine." He protested despite leaning into Eren's touch as he gently rubbed his head.
Eren barely noticed Levi's gaze fixed on him, too busy rubbing his head to find any hidden bumps or lumps, not wanting to have inadvertently injured him.
He hadn't realised the compromising position they were in until Levi reached out and threaded his fingers through his hair. He looked down to see Levi straddling his lap, crotches pressed together as Levi's gaze slowly dragged down to his lips.
He was shocked how quickly the air between them could shift, how it could go from something as innocent as Eren checking Levi over to something sexual and raw.
And yet he could never enjoy the moment, it was initiated by a child, a child who shouldn't know that if he dug his fingers into dark chestnut locks the other man would turn a putty. A child who shouldn't know that quickly darting his tongue out would cause a man's heart to palpitate. A child who shouldn't bite his lip as he debated his next move.
Eren had no chance to decide how he would react to the situation before Levi was on him, hot desperate kisses against his lips. Tongue pushing inside his own mouth in longing, an emotion Eren couldn't help but cave to.
Levi didn't know why he needed to kiss Eren, why he felt a strong tug deep inside him when they were close to each other. It started small, a little niggle to touch, to hug, to hold until it grew and grew and took over his whole body. As if someone else were in control, someone who knew what they needed to scratch that itch within.
And just like that he snapped, another person took control with a growl, shocking Eren as the kisses became harder. Rough, bruising, forceful. Just like old Levi. Soft hands that gently caressed his hair now gripped his shoulders, nails digging in to his skin in a desperate attempt to get closer.
Slowly, Levi began to rock in an animalistic rut. It was a need deeply rooted inside him, this strange yet uncontrollable desire to move, to gently roll his hips against Eren's.
In moments like this Eren could almost justify their relationship, through even the smallest of mannerisms he could see the old Levi. He could feel him seeping into the room, taking control of the entire situation.
Levi pulled back when he felt something pressing against him, something that had grown through their grinding. He looked down at the bulge, fingers itching to reach out and stroke that unfamiliar swell.
"No Levi." Eren shook his head as small hands cupped him.
"Please Eren." He begged, refusing to pull away. "Show me how much you love me."
Show me how much you love me.
That phrase echoed in his mind, over and over at night he'd hear the same phrase. Each time he'd breathlessly tell Levi he loved him he'd reply with the same phrase. Show me how much you love me. Grinning smugly as he watched cum shoot across Eren's toned stomach.
"What?" Eren gasped, looking into to the oh so familiar dark eyes clouded with lust.
"Last night you said it's because you love me that you get like this." He explained, squeezing his erection slightly and eliciting a moan from Eren. "I want to see it again."
The small boy didn't wait for a response before he was eagerly undoing his trousers, like a small child would on Christmas, lips pulled back in an anticipatory smile.
"Levi, stop." Eren protested, grabbing his hands in panic.
As he lay in bed that morning he had decided that anything more than kisses had to stop. The kisses were what he deemed acceptable, children kissed on the playground. Others would gather around and watch in amazement and slight shock as the partners locked lips. But they never touched each other intimately, boys wouldn't gather in the toilets and watch as one boy tossed off another – least he hoped they didn't.
Levi may have experienced more than the average child, his memories of a past life alone were enough to change the way he grew up. But Eren was determined to make sure that nothing else would be different, push him into adulthood too early.
"Why not?" He asked curiously.
"It's not right." He gasped, despite his protests Levi's hands still attempt to touch him through his boxers.
"It was right yesterday." He frowned. "I won't tell anyone, it will be our special secret."
Eren wanted to stop, his mind screamed at him to stop but yet he could never deny Levi. He lost himself in those pleading eyes and knew now, and for the rest of his life, he would give into to everything Levi wanted.
With a nod he let Levi roll down his boxers, allowing Eren's hard cock to spring free from its material confines. His finger reached out and gently rubbed the head, swirling the precum around that had gathered.
Levi wrapped a hand around him and pumped, his movements nothing than last night. They were powerful, they were confident, after just one simple night Levi was back in control.
He moved off Eren's lap to kneel by his side on the sofa, watching in amazement as he moved, taking in every small detail he had overlooked the night before.
The way the head of Eren's glistened, red and wet, the way his vein grew as the pleasure became stronger, the way the muscle pulsed under his fingertips. It showed Levi the love they shared, he knew he was the cause for all these reactions, the cause of Eren moaning and gasping, gripping the nearest sofa cushion he could find.
Suddenly, that itch was back, that need for more, to feel more. He wondered what Eren would taste like, he wondered what Eren would feel against his own smaller cock, he wondered what he would feel like inside him somehow.
He wasn't sure how to experience these new dreams, fragments of their past crackling behind his eyes, his head hurting at the speed pleasured memories assaulted him.
Suddenly, Eren was screaming, his love shooting out his cock and landing harshly on the hard wood floor.
Eren slumped against the sofa, boneless, breathless as he came down from his high. Levi blinked and suddenly everything was forgotten. Everything he wondered, all those glimpses into their past, that itch was gone.
"Are you okay?" Eren panted, reaching out and stroking Levi's hair.
"Yeah." He nodded, staring down at his own hands.
His body hadn't been his for that moment, taken over by that strange other person and yet he'd wanted it all the same. He may have felt locked in his own brain but he couldn't deny he loved each moment of it, he loved to make Eren feel that ecstasy.
Eren leant forward and briefly kissed Levi's lips in reassurance, he wasn't sure at this point who he was reassuring but he knew it was needed.
…
Eren knelt on his knees and scrubbed at the now hardened and dried cum on the floor, he should have cleaned it up straight away but instead he'd held Levi. They had both needed the comfort.
Said boy was now upstairs, playing with his action figures. Eren was amazed how quickly the boys mind flitted to the next activity, carefree and playing as if he hadn't had Eren quivering at his touch mere minutes ago.
He moved his cloth and sighed at the stubborn stain, almost taunting him, teasing him. Reminding him what a disgusting person he was, he'd spoiled Levi just like he'd spoiled this floor. A filthy mark on a once pristine past.
"I'm sorry Levi." Eren whispered as the final remains of what had happened finally washed away.
Just as he rose to his feet he heard the front door open and the sound of clicking heels followed by a wheeled suitcase filled the hall.
"Levi? Eren?" Raquel asked, walking into the living room.
"He's upstairs." Eren replied, guiltily screwing up the kitchen cloth in his hands. "Sorry, I spilt some tea."
"Don't worry about it." She laughed, grabbing the cloth from him. "I've raised a boy, I've had my fair share of spills."
"I can sort that out." He panicked, reaching out for it.
"Don't worry about it, I'll rinse it out later." She dismissed him.
Raquel walked to the kitchen, dropping the cloth by the sink and getting herself a drink. Eren watched helplessly, knowing how close he was to being found out, how close she was to realising that it certainly wasn't tea on that cloth.
"Levi!" Raquel shouted, walking back into the hall.
"Mummy!" A voice cried, Eren diving for the cloth as he heard the excited patter of feet down the stairs.
Eren joined the family in the hall just in time to see Levi fly into his mother's arms, burying his face into her neck just as he had done with Eren earlier at the kitchen table.
"Oh my little prince!" She gushed, pulling back. "I missed you so much."
"I missed you too." He giggled as his mother peppered kisses on his cheeks.
"Did you have fun with Eren?" She asked, smiling up at the older boy whose heart stuttered at the question.
This could be the moment, the moment that everything ended. The moment that Levi told his mother the truth and ruined any chance they had to stay together.
"Lots of fun." He nodded. "Eren took me to the fair."
"Did he?" She smiled. "Now I have something special for you in my bag but I have to check with Eren that you've been a good boy."
And just like that the crisis had been averted, but Eren still felt on edge, he still felt guilty, as if he deserved to be discovered and punished.
"I have!" Levi cried, eyes wide with excitement. "I've been on my best behaviour."
"He's been an angel." Eren croaked in response, his throat was slightly dry still.
"I guess you can find your gift then." Raquel winked.
Levi ran towards her bag, riffling through the contents until he found the blue wrapped gift at the bottom. He tore into the gift with the same excitement he'd undressed Eren, two vastly different situations and yet both filled Eren with happiness to watch.
"Thank you Eren, you really came through for me this weekend." She smiled.
"Don't worry about it." He weakly returned the smile, she certainly wouldn't be saying that if she knew the truth.
…
Once he was home Eren began frantically pacing his room, he needed to quit, he knew he needed to but something held him back.
His love of Levi, his relief to have finally found him again scared him from ever quitting.
He could never leave Levi again, after searching all this time to find him he couldn't walk away, he couldn't let the best thing that ever happened to him slip through his fingers again.
Night after night he dreamt of Levi's death, watching the life slip from him, his final breath escape his lips. He never wanted to have to experience anything like that again.
As wrong as it was he would hold onto Levi for as long as he could, until the boy told him to leave he would remain. Until Levi said he didn't love him anymore he would refuse to let go.
"I'm sorry Levi." He apologised again, he deserved so much better than Eren.
…
Levi nestled into his mother's side, relaxing into her comfort, her arm slipping around his waist and squeezing him tighter.
The embrace felt so different from Eren's, the love was still there, the comfort was still there, but the itch wasn't. That strange burning wasn't there.
He knew Eren always told him their love was a special love but he hadn't quite believed him until this moment. He loved his mum, he loved Erwin, he loved his dad, he loved the next door neighbour's cat. But it wasn't the same love he had for Eren.
It was stronger, it was deeper. The love he felt for everyone was a warm glow but the love for Eren was a fiery burn that only seemed to grow the more they were around each other. The pull towards Eren getting so strong, he felt it overwhelming his whole body, consuming him until all he could think of was the older boy.
It scared him but he readily accepted it, it terrified him yet exited him, it was strange whilst also being familiar. It felt so right but for some reason Eren wanted it to remain a secret.
His mother had always taught him that love was nothing to ashamed of, no matter who you loved they were your special person and you should be proud of them. And he was proud of Eren, he was proud that they loved each other.
So proud he wanted to tell his mother, why should it be a secret?
"Mummy?" Levi asked, dragging her attention away from the TV show.
"What is it baby?" Raquel smiled, brushing his hair out of his tired eyes. It was later than his usual bedtime but after being apart for a whole weekend she was willing to break a few rules. She was expecting him to tiredly admit he wanted to sleep, not a bizarre confession.
"I love Eren." He sighed, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
"Really?" She grinned, as if this were news. She'd seen the way Levi's face would light up when Eren was around, he absolutely adored him.
"Yeah, a lot." He nodded. "But it's a secret."
"Oh, of course." She laughed, placing a soft kiss on his crown.
She was glad he finally had a male figure in his life, someone to look up to and care for him in return.
…