A/N: Whew! I've been so busy lately! Thank you all for the reviews!!
L shoved Light into the drivers seat from the passenger side, claiming that "Light-kun could take a beating better than him", and then he sat in his seat and stared at the teen.
"What?!" Light exclaimed, and L raised his hands in defense.
"Light-kun is extremely intense at times," he sighed, staring ahead of him. "His chances of being Kira just went up by approximately four point seven percent."
"Shut up, Ryuuzaki!" Light said, starting the car and shifting it into reverse. He backed up quickly and slammed on the breaks, put it into drive, and sped off. "I'm still pissed because of those brats who stole my clothes!" He went crashing out of the parking lot and into the street.
"Does Light-kun need me to relay to him the proper methods of looking around him before tearing out into the street haphazardly?"
"I'm not a kid, you know. I can drive just as well as you, and I'll get us there in half the time."
L furrowed his brow and made sure his seatbelt was secure, actually putting his feet on the ground to assure maximum support should Light crash the car. He looked over at the caramel-eyed teen.
"Light-kun!" he said, eyes wide.
"What?!" Light yelled, slamming the breaks briefly before speeding back up. "What is it?!"
"Light-kun doesn't have his seatbelt on!" L reached across the younger man and tried to pull it over, but only succeeded in tangling the chain in the seatbelt by Light's waist.
So, with L's left arm secured firmly across him, Light drove on, yelling the entire time.
"Ryuuzaki, move your damn arm!"
"I am unable to move it!"
"I don't like it!"
"I know that!"
"It's very distracting! You'll make me crash!"
"Light-kun needs to slow the hell down before he kills us both!"
"I don't care if I kill you at this point!"
"Up by ten percent!"
"Well, your chances of being a pervert are up by ninety percent!"
That was when they heard it: a siren.
L strained to look behind them and blanched when he saw a police officer. "We're getting pulled over!" he said.
"Dammit, Ryuuzaki!" Light barked as he pulled over. "Move your arm."
The cop walked up to the window and Light rolled it down, trying to grin. "Ah…Hello, officer," he said lightly.
The cop removed his sunglasses and peered into the car at L, eyebrow raised. "What are you two doing?" he asked slowly. "You were swerving all over the road."
"We're not doing anything," L said. "The chain got stuck, you see…"
"Chain?"
"…We have a chain," Light stuttered stupidly. "We're chained together. It got stuck."
"Why do you have your arm across his lap, son?" the officer said, perplexed. "Were you two engaging in…certain activities-?"
"No!" they both said at once, and Light glared at L.
"We have handcuffs on, because of something we are involved in, and he was putting my seatbelt on for me because I forgot to…"
There were several minutes of silence as the officer simply stared down at the flustered pair, then he put his sunglasses back on and stepped back.
"Look. Frankly, I don't want to get involved with you two. So untangle yourselves and drive more carefully in the future, okay? Have a nice day." He practically ran off.
Light watched him drive away in disbelief before he felt L tugging at the belt again.
"Light-kun's hips are simply too large and have trapped the cuff."
"My hips are large?!" Light yelled, glaring at L. "My hips are perfect! I don't know what you're talking about, acting as if I have female hips or something! Maybe you just have abnormally big hands!"
They had another glaring match for a few seconds and L rolled his eyes.
"Light-kun, I want to return to the room. I want to work on the case. I want to eat something sugary. If I do not have these wants fulfilled within fifteen minutes, I will be highly unpleasant to be around. So I will simply remove the cuff from my hand and we will continue moving. Understood?"
Light nodded reluctantly. He didn't want to cross L when he was being serious like this.
Eventually, they were back on the road and were nearing their destination. Every few minutes, some feathers would fly up from the grill and Light would look over at L accusingly.
"Light-kun is amazingly dim-witted sometimes," L said abruptly, staring out the window.
Light went flying past someone and ignored L.
"He spoke to the officer like a child would have."
Light honked at someone and tailgated them, still not listening.
"At times, I am perplexed that I ever came to the conclusion that he could be Kira, because he gets this blank puppy dog look in his eyes that is reminiscent of a three-year-old."
L hadn't expected Light to throw his arm over and blindly smack his face. He scowled at the pain and reached over to pull Light's hair.
"Don't. Touch. My. Hair."
L recoiled and the rest of the ride was silent, with the occasional honk and screeching of tires.
When they returned to their quarters, L went straight to the kitchen for some painkillers for his headache and some sugar to calm his nerves. He put an extra-strength tranquilizer in Light's tea and awaited a calm, productive, bitch-free night.
A/N: Thus ends their outing to the mall. I don't know how police operate in Japan, but I just improvised. Meh.
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