Chapter 10.

"Well then, goodbye, Waylon." I smiled at my reptile patient, as I was leaving his sewers. It was surprising, but me and Croc actually went along pretty well. He was a difficult person to talk to, especially when he was in a bad mood. He never wanted to give his trust to a human. He was terrifying, but I would usually bring him food to our sessions, and he'll be much more willing to talk then. I even started to bring my own food to eat with him sometimes, it just simply elevated our so called sessions to something more. Truth is, from the very start the sessions with my patients became more like a friendly talkings, and the truth was that I didn't really mind that. On the contrary, I really enjoyed talking to the rogues. Each one of them were unique, fascinating personalities, each one with a different view of this world.

Yesterday, after I overheared the conversation between Harley and Joker, I had a lot of work to do. A secret mission for the Riddler. When he called me, he told me about a secret room in the asylum, hidden in the Medical Facility. There, I found not only a nice little private hideout, but also a pile of green glowing question marks, quite nice mechanical toys. "These are for the Batman, when he comes on the island. Most of them are already hidden aroud the asylum, but I didn't have time to hide these. I am sure you'll be able to find some good hiding spots, Katherine."

"Sure. This could be fun, Edward. You can count on me." I told him. After that I put the question marks in a large bag and took them to my office. I found myself a few maps of the area and I spent the rest of the day creeping aroud the asylum, hiding the trophies. It wasn't easy, but it really was a great fun, even when I was sure these were going to be the most easy findings for the Batman.

As for now, I left the Croc's sewers, only to hurry up to another session. This one was with Crane and I was looking forward to see him again.

"Doctor Crane!" I greeted him happily, when the guards escorted him to my office. "Nice to see you again! How have you been?" he looked at me with an amused smirk on his lips and slightly confused look in his eyes.

"I am sorry, doctor." I said, blushing. "I'm just in a really good mood today. But really, how are you doing? I hope everything's alright with you."

"Well, doctor." he said, sitting himself on the coutch. "These days are extremely boring for me. You had a good idea with the book, I must give you that. You made my life here a little less unbearable. Well, doctor, don't you want to start? You told me the last time that you want me to talk this time."

I smiled, before I told him carefuly. "Yes. You see, there is something that interests me about you. Something that I believe no one ever asked you. I wanted to know if you would tell me about your... experiments." He looked me curiously and I smiled again. "I know you miss your work, doctor, and I know that no one ever really appreciated what you are doing." I said and I came closer to him and sat myself in the armchair. "So what if you just sit here with me for a while, perhaps we can get a cup of tea together and you will tell me why do you love fear so much, ok?"

He was watching me intently for a while, perhaps contemplating if I am speaking serious. I smiled, and I stood up and walked to my electric kettle to make the tea. Two minutes after I returned to him with two cups of tea. I gave him one of them and took a sip from mine.

"You really seem to be interested, perhaps it will not hurt if I talk with you. You know, it was very soon after I started working on the university, when I began the experiments. Since my earliest years at the school, I always loved scaring other people, but these were just harmless pranks. I have dedicated my life to study the human fear, to understand it, and it was at the university when I first got the idea of a gas that will induce fear into others, thanks to my mastery in the chemistry I was able to create such gas. But as any other invention, doctor, this one too needed to be tested. Can you imagine better test subjects that those stupid, ignorant students?" he snorted and I looked at him.

"What are you saying? Didn't they like your classes? I can imagine I would pretty much love them, even when I don't have such a great interest in fear in perticular, but you had to be a great person to listen to. So, you started to do your experiments on your students? How come no one found it out for so long?"

"I have been very careful, very careful, doctor indeed. The university is big and old, with many unused rooms, the building even has it's own basement, which was the best option for me. Here, I could establish my own personal laboratory, as well as the testing rooms. It was there where all the fun was. I spent there most of the time after my teaching. It was a satisfactory reward for all these irritating days on the university."

"Really?" I asked him. "How? Tell me about it."

"Have you ever experienced a real fear, doctor? And I don't mean any kinds of pathetic everyday's fears, I mean the one that leaks from a human like a stench, the one that will fill the room along with his terrified screams and shrieks. That, my dear doctor, is the fear my fear gas can evoke in my victims and it was this kind of fear that I evoked in those poor students. You can't imagine how joyous it was to see them squel on the floor in panic and fear."

I was watching him all the time he was talking. It was amazing to watch the change in the doctor's face every time he started talking about fear. As many times before, I found myself admiring his blue eyes, and the way they sparkled when he was talking about his favourite subject. I found myself admiring his gentle and handsome features, that can be so calm and collected when he was talking about normal things and so excited, so flashing with passion when he talked about what he loved most in this world. Fear. I never liked much to be scared, it was an unpleasant fealing when there was a real threat in sight, but when I thought about it, it could be also quite pleasant and even entertaining. Have you ever watched some good horror movie late in the night, sitting in front of the TV screen, imagining yourself being in the movie? Have you felt the shivering in your back as you watched the characters walking the dark hallway, and the moment of shock when something suddenly attack from the darkness when you least expect it? And have you experienced the first terrifying moments after the end of the movie when you need to cross the dark corridor of your own home to go to the toilet or to get to the kitchen to get a glass of water before you go to sleep and your mind is still quite under the infuence of the movie? I know all those feelings and if you know them too, you probably understand what I mean. These fears are not dangerous for us, so we don't mind them, we even enjoy them.

But this man in front of me, he was different. He managed to take hold of the personal nightmares of the others and use them as a weapon against them. Perhaps he wasn't one of the strongest of the rogues, but no other of the rogues had such a strong mind as Jonathan Crane, not even my dear Edward.

Suddenly, I realised what I was thinking. Perhaps Harley was right then. Maybe I really am officialy in love with the Master of Fear, in that case, I am no better than Harley. It was already clear for me that she loved the Joker. I suddenly started to think about what I have done here. Was I actually really working here? No, not really. Did I really want to cure the rogues of they "madness"? No. No, I didn't, cause in my eyes, that was what made them interesting, unique.

"Doctor Jones?" I heard a soft voice and I raised my head to see the Scarecrow looking at me. I shook my head and smiled. "I am sorry doctor, I got lost in my thoughts." I said. "But please, doctor, continue, how did they find out? Did someone rat you on?" I asked. "I never knew." he answered with a frown. "One day, they just came in the basement and saw everything. After that, they kicked me out. It was probably only because of the respected doctor I was that they didn't bring me before the trial because of that. They probably thought they destroyed me enough, because, after this, there was no way I could find another position somewhere else."

"And that was the time when you became the Scarecrow?"

"Yes. I had enough. I wanted revenge, revenge on every person that ever hurt me. That revenge, I got. You're asking, why Scarecrow, doctor? It's quite simple, actually, it was a nickname that I have when I was young, that's something you won't find in my file. I was called Scarecrow because of my lanky figure, because of my apperance. I never had much money, so I couldn't allow any really decent clothes. But now, I am much more. I am feared among the bravest of this society, even the Batman himself is not immune to my fear gas."

I looked at him. It was really fascinating, not to talk to him, just listening to him, that I forgot about the time completely. I yanked in the armchair slightly, when I suddenly heard the door opening. There was a quard outside, looking at me, showing to the clock. "Doctor Jones," he said. "it's time, the session is over." I glanced on the guard with an annoyed look and then I smiled at the Scarecrow sadly. "Well, doctor, I am afraid we must part for now. We'll see each other soon."

"Very well, then, it was... nice to talk with someone so... interested. I hope our today's talk was... illuminating for you." he said, before he stood up and turned to leave.

"Doctor Crane!" I called to him before he reached the door and he turned to me with questioning look. "Once again, I am asking you to call me by my name. It would make me creepily happy if you can call me Katherine." I said and I grinned at him. He just stared at me for a while before he nodded.

After I was left alone in my office, I started thinking once again. I was thinking about the relationship I established here not only with my patients, but also with the patients of the others. I was thinking about all the past day, the week I spent here trying to gain the friendship of the infamous Rogue Gallery and I realised that what I had here was not at all a normal relationship between the doctor and his patient.

I was naive when I thought I am doing all this to help people or something, because that was not true, otherwise I would be acting differently for the past few days when I finally had the chance to do it. And I wasn't doing this because I was just interested in the human mind, well, I was before, but that wasn't the reason why I agreed to come here, in Arkham Asylum.

Truth was, that from the start, I wanted to know as much about them as I could, but I didn't wanted to know why, but how. I didn't wanted to find out, what terrible destinies led them to what they were now doing, it could be interesting really, but I knew how difficult it must be, even for them, to talk about their past.

I wanted to know, how they look upon this world, about they theories, about their motives, I wanted them to talk to me, to show them how interested in their lives I am, I wanted to undestand them, because I knew that was the only way I could become their friend. Most of them were feared, hated by this stupid society, but for me, they were all incredible personalities.

As I was sitting there, in my armchair, alone in my office, I once again remembered Zsasz's words, the words that he told me the last time: "You can be whatever you want to be, doctor. We can all see that." I remember the words that the Riddler told me before he left: "I see a lot of potential in you." And suddenly, everything became clear to me. Was it possible that they all saw something I failed to see for so long? The real answer to everything that was so confusing to me here?

And then, the final realisation came to me. Of course they all knew it, of course they could see it, they probably saw the same in Harley. I came here not to study them, but to talk to them, I came here to gain their friendship because I wanted to be in their world, becuase it was just so much fun, so much freedom to be in their world, much more fun and freedom that I even had in my life. And that's why the Riddler gave me the communicating device when he left. They were all waiting for me to realise it. I never wanted to cure them, I never wanted to fix their mind, because I admired them too much.

No, the truth is: I wanted to be one of them.