Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters.
Warning: child abuse and bullying (mostly mentions of it), some dark theme, too much fluffiness sometimes. A real rollercoaster (or, at least, it's supposed to be).
Author's note:
Hello, guys!
Well, I didn't really like the pace of this chapter, but it fits what I wanted to go over so I left it at that. Anyway, I'll warn you now so there's no complaint later: I'll be changing the rate of this story some time soon.
Before posting the first chapter, I had thought that I write the story in a way that didn't go over T in the rating. However, I realized I'll need to bump it up to M if I want to make the next years - teen hormones, adulthood and all that jazz - somewhat realistic. Especially with a relationship between two guys, one of which is, like, the smuggest teenager in my story (*cough* Shikaku *cough*).
That was all I wanted to say for now. Enjoy the chapter.
(Seriously, guys, all the support has been amazing. Thanks!)
All Things Are Difficult Before They Are Easy
By Amaryllis D. Namikaze
Chapter X:
The Personalities
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."
- Oscar Wilde
"So, you know," Kihito started, breaking the silence between us, "Why are we eating ramen at ten o'clock in the night?"
Ren slurped said noodles, splashing broth all over his side companions - Chita was too busy trying to stay awake and Tsume simply didn't care - before answering.
"Kumi-chan needs support and we are here to offer it," he replied in kind of duh tone.
Kihito rolled his dark eyes good-naturedly, "Silly me. Of course."
"Seriously, dude, I can't understand why you dislike the Uzumaki so much," Tsume commented, her canine companion barking in what appeared to be agreement. "I mean, she's loud, yeah, but your hair smells better than hers anyway, don't worry."
My cheeks felt incriminatingly hot when I protested, "I don't care about the way my hair smells."
She sent me a look that said "Sure" and went back to eating the pork over her noodles. Chita, who had been sitting beside me this entire conversation, patted the back of my head sympathetically.
"I think it's because you are an only child that you cannot comprehend, Tsume," Mikoto concluded from the other side of me. A long time ago, she had tried to attach -chan to the Inuzuka girl's name. Tried.
Tsume snorted as un-ladylike as possible.
"Shorty here is jealous. Big deal. Even babies understand that."
"Can you guys please stop saying that I'm jealous?" I requested, already regretting my decision of getting Chita to call everyone through his father's owl summoning contract.
Everyone stopped their eating to look at me from the high-up sitting stools - even Mikoto's little brother, Kizoku, who had been dragged here with his sister.
"It's ok, Kumi-chan," Mikoto tried to console me. "It's not uncommon for the younger siblings to be jealous over their older siblings' friends or love interests."
Kizoku blew air through his nose on Mikoto's right, as if disbelieving. At eight years old and the official Uchiha Heir, he was an annoying little shit (a word that my older brother would never caught me saying), but we had to tolerate him sometimes when my best girl friend decided to try making him have friends. It never worked either way. He was Uchiha at its finest.
I entrusted Kihito the mission of sending Kizoku a glare because of his snort, since Mikoto's hurt at his response was obvious and my evil eyes were just puppy glares.
"Anyway," Ren said after a brief moment of silence in which the youngest Uchiha looked away and the male part of the Snarky-and-Crude Duo smirked, "You shouldn't let Kushina-san bother you so much, Kumi-chan. I mean, Tsume is right - she's a loudmouth but otherwise harmless."
Except for the little fact that she can be one of the factors of my brother's death, I thought somewhat cynically, bitterly. I sighed, trying not to think this way. I was already awkward enough around most people without being moody. Becoming bitter over things had always been one my greatest faults.
"Thanks for coming here, guys," I decided not to elaborate on an answer.
A chorus of variation of "No problem" were my reply. And it was probably true - in this world, especially if you were the child of a shinobi, most adults didn't bat an eye at seeing a bunch of ten, eleven and twelve year olds outside at this hour of the night. This didn't mean that they wouldn't want to warned of their children going out, though. I particularly wasn't anxious to see my older brother's expression when I came back from my nightly excursion.
Kihito stretched his arms above his head, yawning widely.
"I'm done here, people," he announced, putting his money on the counter and standing up. "Asuma has been pestering me for days about playing a game and whatnot."
Tsume crackled madly at this, "I bet that's just an excuse for your old-man back. Ha! Better yet, I bet that's just an excuse for moaning like a girl for aching over Koharu-sensei's harsh training methods!"
The Sarutobi sent her an unimpressed stare, "I can kick your ass all over Konoha tomorrow if you want."
"You're so on, Monkey Boy," she started getting up, only to be pushed back by Ren.
"Sit down," he commanded like you would a dog and Tsume complied, much to our amusement.
Mikoto giggled, "If you calm down, I'll buy you dango tomorrow, Tsume."
The Inuzuka heir - no matter what her clan said about it - nodded in agreement and I imagined a tail waving behind her. Chita flicked my ear to catch my attention and jutted his chin out in the direction of the street.
"C'mon, I'll take you home," he said, paying for his meal.
I did the same, briefly looking over to Ren, who smiled at me.
"See you later," he mouthed with his typical grin. I bade goodbye to everybody, receiving smiles and shouts in response (Kizoku's bored stared was dutifully ignored), before following my other best friend.
Chitarō walked calmly beside me, his hands deep in his pockets and no hurry in his steps. I didn't ask why he was bothering on taking me home, as his presence was relaxing and he probably knew this. He knew everything, I swear.
"Ne," he finally said when we were two streets away from my apartment and eight or nine away from his district. "Minato would never substitute you or anything. You know this, right?"
I hesitated, because I knew he would not. A part of me felt guilty for interfering with the storyline like this - what if I changed something so much that a bigger war was bound to happen? What if Naruto was never born because I didn't approve of Kushina? - and another part of me just felt arrogant for thinking so high of myself. What could a one meter and twenty-five centimeters flea like me change? What could a weak-filled shorty like me accomplish in this big ass-kicking world? Self-pity didn't do me any good, though, so I stopped pondering over it.
"I know this," I decided on answering.
"Good," was his quiet reply, followed by his usual hair ruffle. He was as tall as Ren, but his shoulders were getting broader than our blond friend's. I wondered over his future look, if he would still look like Shikamaru with freckles and if his eyes would sharpen like Shikaku's did.
When we reached my apartment, he waved goodbye and walked away without another word. I barely blinked at the attitude, more than used to it, and prepared myself for the Inquisition.
My first thought when I arrived, after briefly expanding my chakra field and searching for Kushina's bright chakra signature, was She went home. The redhead's chakra was easy to sense, even more to an amateur at it like me. Each person had their own 'light bulb' when they entered my limited chakra field, practically splashing themselves over my abstract cloak of energy, and the Uzumaki girl was no different. But while most of them were subdued, hers was like a flashlight. Useful, but annoying if put directly in front of your eye.
Minato's chakra, on the other hand, was fresh like spring.
His face when I went through the threshold was anything but spring-like, though. If anything, he looked uncharacteristically furious. I've been making him mad a lot these past days. I stupidly thought if any of us were entering our teenager phase. I wasn't ready for puberty all over again.
"Where were you?" Was his first question. He didn't give me time to answer. "I went to your room after dinner and you weren't fucking there."
I was taken aback by the swear word. Minato never swore. Never.
"I went to Chitarō's," I told him a pretty white lie. If he was this furious about me going out, imagine if I told him about lying over dinner.
"And you didn't warn me because...?"
His eyes were at least three shades darker than normal.
"Onii-chan, why are you-" I started, only to get interrupted.
"Because I was worried!" He replied, moving forward to take me by my forearms. His hands felt strangely huge and cold against my skin. "Ever since Kushina was kidnapped, I keep thinking about how easy it is to enter Konoha and kidnap children. About how easy it would be to kidnap you and-"
"I'm not important," I told him over his musings. My voice sounded strange on my ears.
He stopped everything to look me in the eyes.
"Excuse me?"
"I'm not important," I repeated, sure that he was getting dumber somehow. "I'm not a clan heir or in possession of a bloodline, so..."
His fingers curled around my forearms tighter. It was starting to hurt, but I didn't blame him for it, for one reason or another. His calm persona was breaking in front of me and it looked a mixture of fascinating and scary.
"You're important to me!"
I blinked, not even breathing.
"I don't care if you think of yourself as unimportant, but you sure as hell better try to stay alive on missions, got it? I care about you, Kumi. Damn," he let go of my arms to rub his palm over his tired face. "Shit, baby brother, I love you. You're always going to be important to me. Just... be careful, ok?"
I nodded, numb. He'd told me I love you at least a hundred times by this time in my life, but it sounded different now. He'd always said it jokingly, as if it was his duty as an older brother to love his little brother. Now it felt real. It felt as if, yes, he'd never choose Kushina over me and this filled me with a sense of smugness, happiness and dread.
What was I doing with the future?
The front of the envelope read in neat kanji For when your brother starts to seem imperfect.
I opened it with cautious fingers.
Remember that he is always trying his best. It won't work all the time though.
Love,
Mommy
When Sakumo-sensei said that his son wasn't even one yet I had thought that Kakashi was a newborn or something of the type. Observing his young face, however, I was sure that he was closer to one than anything else.
It was weird seeing his face, but it didn't seem as spectacular as I thought it would. Maybe because right now he was only a baby with a cute button nose with not even enough silver hair for it to defy gravity. He was small (according to a laughing sensei, exactly sixty centimeters tinier than me, and wasn't that just depressing?), being light enough to carry around.
It felt good to be taller than someone - even a baby, yes - until said baby opened his mouth and, demanding to be hugged, said, "Onee-chan."
I stopped in my tracks. Ren was laughing quietly to himself while Sakumo-sensei and Chitarō were trying their hardest not to imitate the blond.
I looked down at the baby in my arms.
Kakashi is old enough to talk, I thought. Ok. I can deal with this. My cheeks still felt on fire, though, so I gave the silver-haired baby back to his father. He protested in sensei's hold, gesturing to me with his chubby fingers.
"Wanna go Onee-chan," he said with all the stubbornness an almost one-year-old boy could gather.
"Yeah, let him go with his big sister," Ren teased, choking on his laugh.
I crossed my arms. Natsumi-san, sensei's wife, chose this moment to come back from the kitchen. She was a tall, willowy woman with caramel hair curled into waves and kind dark gray eyes that her son obviously inherited. Not so sure on the kind part anymore.
"What happened?" She asked, seeing us not talking and Kakashi struggling to get out of his father's hold.
Chitarō elbowed Ren to get him to stop chuckling and drawled, "Kakashi thinks Kumi is a girl."
Natsumi blinked and turned her eyes to me. I blushed under her stare. She smiled in response, pinching my cheek, which should have felt like when Airi-oba-san did it, but it did not. Her looks were just too motherly.
"Kumi-chan is cute," she said, pushing stray strands of my hair back to where they had fell off my high ponytail.
My team couldn't contain themselves and exploded in laughter. Kakashi only buffed, annoyed at not getting away. I felt like melting into the ground.
"Hm, sensei?" I called, not taking my eyes off the concentrated teenager sitting in front of me.
"Yes?" He answered from the kitchen. A second later he came back with three cups filled with tea and a tray of saltine crackers (the kind without flavor you can't stop eating for one reason or another, by the way).
"Why is Shikaku-san here?"
I winced as they looked at me, because my question sounded kind of rude. Said Nara didn't seem to mind though, smirking in a way that I had more or less gotten used to, as if seeing my sassy side amused him to no end. My sealing teacher simply sighed in exasperation.
"Well, you're crazily talented in Fūinjutsu," Suzaku-sensei started saying and I felt a ball of contentment inside me from the praise, only for it to be burst three seconds later with his next phrase, "But you have no creativity whatsoever."
I let my head fall down. Through my bangs, I noticed that Shikaku had gone back to playing with the shogi board by himself.
"You can be great at sealing by learning from other pre-established seals, but to be considered a Master, you have to be able to write you own. I asked Shikaku to come here as a favor for me," he indicated said Clan Heir with a lazy wave. "Brat has been owing me for awhile now."
"You speak like an old man, cousin," commented Shikaku, taking me by surprise. I was sure he was too immersed in his own solitaire game.
"Tch," was Suzaku-sensei's reply. He busied himself drinking his tea while the older brother of my best friend took a few minutes explaining me the rules. Despite having known Chitarō for years, I'd never bothered to learn the game.
In a way, it was like chess, which I had played with Minato at least twice a week while he had been in the Academy. When he became a Genin, our games stopped almost completely. I wondered briefly if it would help me get more inventive - after all, chess hadn't done much for me.
"You can start," Shikaku indicated the pieces in front of me, giving me a chance not to humiliate myself too much.
In the end, I got humiliated anyway. I lost in less than five minutes, which made Suzaku-sensei snort and shake his head at me. We kept playing for the next hour, taking half of my Fūinjutsu class time. When I had finally lost for the fifteenth time, sensei asked us to stop.
"So, what do you think?" My teacher asked, but he wasn't looking at me. He was observing Shikaku's carefully analytical eyes.
I remember the first time I glanced at the Nara heir all these years ago. It's hard to forget the way his dark eyes sharpened on the corners to deconstruct me like a puzzle just to put it all back together with a conclusion. It had been kind of intimidating, really.
I felt much the same way right now.
The Nara heir hummed thoughtfully before speaking, "Kumi has a very distinct mind for someone his age. Usually, people under fifteen don't have the patience to sit down and think for as long as a good shogi game requires. More often than not, they get bored in the middle of it and start making idiotic mistakes which costs them their victory."
Shikaku paused, his eyes catching mine. I gulped my nervousism
"Kumi, however, seems to have the necessary calm to execute the moves when they are supposed to happen. On the other hand, his patience can become deadly if he hesitates too much, making it just a hinder to his progress - that is, he gets too cautious and rethinks too much, making it seem like he doesn't think outside the box when he's just trying to avoid making mistakes."
I sat there, shocked beyond words. Had Shikaku unraveled my mind through an hour of playing shogi? I could expect this from an Yamanaka - after all, they were Konoha's most capable psychologists - but from the Nara heir it was unbelievable. No. Not unbelievable, simply unexpected.
Shikaku's genius mind and keen eyes seemed capable of absorbing everything.
A sigh took me out of my thoughts. I turned my head to my sealing teacher.
"Well, knowing that he's not as unimaginative as I thought he was sounds good enough to me," he said and my face got red.
A part of me was somewhat angry at his comment, but it was much too true for me to start shouting at him. Not that I would either way.
Shikaku stood up, putting his jacket back over his shoulders. Despite being wide awake a few minutes ago, his eyelids were starting to drop tiredly. Nara and their nap hours.
"Well, I have a team meeting in a couple of hours, so I'll find a place to sleep for awhile," the Nara heir said, heading for the door. Suzaku-sensei waved in goodbye and I lightly bowed in thanks for his cooperation and insight.
Unexpectedly, Shikaku stopped before going out. He felt around his pockets before taking out a hair-tie and throwing it to me. I caught it between my hands, surprised at his thoughtfulness - in one way or another, he had noticed that my too-long hair was bothering me during our game. Huh. And here I had thought he had been looking solely to the board and the pieces. I probably should analyze my surroundings better.
I felt a hand over my head and looked up to find my teacher grinning - well, twisting his lips up, really - at me.
"Now that I know your strong and weak points, I think we are ready to advance even more."
I gulped, because rule number three about the Nara clan was dutifully followed by everybody: a motivated Nara is a scary Nara.
I crouched right behind Ren, so close that I could feel the hair at his nape tickling my nose. The forest was deadly silent and, even though it was midday, everything seemed slow and gray.
I exhaled and inhaled with no hurry, forcing myself to be quiet and listen.
"Can you feel it?" Ren murmured, not turning his head towards me to speak.
I tried to expand my chakra field, trying to remember all of Jiraiya-sensei and Sakumo-sensei's tips for sensing others, but there was no human within my short range. I closed my eyes, blocking one of my senses to focus on the others.
A light bulb appeared in my abstract circle of chakra, entering my field. It felt familiar - it felt as if a tree was swaying with the wind and the smell of the leaves could go on and on until they reached my nose.
Chitarō.
"There," I opened my eyes to point at the right direction over Ren's shoulder.
He nodded, standing up and jumping on a tree branch. I followed him with no fanfare. Sakumo-sensei had been drilling exercises and battle formations into us since day two, which meant that some things simply became ingrained by now. Jumping from branch to branch three steps behind Ren, even accompanying the rhythm of his breathing, felt as natural as clinging to flat surfaces with the soles of my feet.
When a kunai flew in my direction, I dodged in response to the sudden disruption in my chakra field. Thankfully, I had gotten better at sensing weapons through this field - an advantage that Minato's way of sensing didn't have - but I still had a long way to go. It only worked if I was aware of an enemy being close and if their ill-intention was quite clear.
As soon as I dodged the kunai, Ren turned around by leaning his upper half lower and twisting on his hands. In a quarter of a secong, his body flew in the direction of the thrown weapon. I stepped behind him, not taking any course of action except for sending a chakra pulse through the forest.
Chitarō's location came to me in a wave of response.
"Right," I commanded Ren and he turned this way without questioning me. "Left and up."
Chitarō's familiar light bulb trembled, showing his brief panic and discomfort, before we found him hanging upside down on the highest branch of the tree we had been heading to.
Ren started laughing without ceremony, clutching at his sides at the sight our lazy best friend.
"Tch," Chitarō did and I was reminded of his cousin a few days earlier. I absently thanked whatever gods out there for not having a class with Suzaku-sensei today. Last time had been too much.
Sakumo-sensei appeared on the tree beside ours, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Ren, Kumi," he called and we immediately turned to him, paying attention to his instructions. His stance showed how satisfied he was with our obedience out in the field. "Good job on tracking Chitarō. You showed great understanding of my lesson yesterday."
His eyes fell on Ren.
"You didn't question your mission leader despite not being able to see him right behind, which shows your confidence in his instructions. You got faster too. Well done," he praised. My best friend grinned sheepishly, scratching his cheek in uncharacteristic embarrassment.
I snapped back to attention when sensei called me.
"Kumi-chan, you thought things through and developed a way of cornering Chitarō without losing awareness of where he was - this is one of the most important traits in a tracker team. Also, well done."
I blushed at his soft smile, delighted at our success.
"Chitarō," Sakumo-sensei's eyes showed the slight amusement he felt. "You were doing a great job hiding in the beginning, but you got careless in your mission to injure one of your pursuers and let yourself get caught. You're hanging upside down because you didn't think that there could be traps previously done. I expected a greater strategy coming from you, that's why I put you alone."
Chitarō sighed and I wasn't sure if his face was red due to the blood rushing to his head or shame. Probably the former, since he never blushed. Perhaps it was one of the unspoken Nara rules - never blush, just smirk or something stupid like that. I'm sure it was one of the Hyūga and the Uchiha official rules.
"Anyway, your brothers are departing today to Suna, right?" Sakumo-sensei asked us, going from his strict self to his playful self in seconds.
Ren nodded excitedly, "Yeah! Nii-san was so anxious yesterday Dad had to give him a talk."
I laughed, picturing Inoichi freaking out. He was the most expressive and fidgety of this generation's Ino-Shika-Chō. It was easy to imagine his dirty-blond hair flying everywhere in his desperation.
"Aniki was being his smug self like always," Chitarō yawned, before yelping at the sudden movement Ren made with the rope holding him. "Hey, careful there, Ren!"
"Uh, sorry, Chita."
"Idiot."
I smiled at their exchange.
I looked up at the blue sky. It was such a beautiful day it seemed like a pity to stay inside and do nothing. I was glad to be outside practicing with my team in days like this.
Good luck, Onii-chan, I prayed. Minato's determined face showed itself in my mind, his confident grin glaringly engraved in my brain. He had seemed so in control of himself yesterday I was sure he'd come back a Chūnin.
Even so, a month and a half felt like a long time spend alone in my apartment. I wondered if Ren would drag me to his house to have a really long sleepover.
"Hey, guys," I called them. Both my friends looked up from their bickering at me. Sensei had gone off to gather the scrolls he'd brought to us earlier. "Airi-oba-san invited us for an afternoon tea later today, want to go?"
Ren - no surprise there - was the first to nod in agreement at the new plan.
"She makes the best mint tea out there, I swear," he commented cheerfully.
Chitarō put a hand on his face, as if incapable of believing in Ren's childishness. I smiled, because he was just covering the fact that he liked to play with Airi-oba-san's four-year-old son, Genma. Despite the age difference, they were very much alike: both were laid-back and got easily exasperated at Ren's antics.
"Let's have lunch, ducklings," Sakumo-sensei shouted from the ground.
As Ren practically pummeled himself to ground, screaming one thing or another about hunger, and Chitarō grumbled about a nap time, I quietly followed them down. Moments like this reminded me life here was good, in spite of all plans and expectations.
If only it would stay like this forever.