Night had fallen by the time I pulled into the driveway. Upon entering the house, I discovered that Charlie fell asleep in the middle of Night Court. I put a blanket over him and lowered the volume on the TV before tiptoeing upstairs.

Quietly as possible, I entered Charlie's bedroom and the adjoining half-bath. In an attempt to reset my internal clock to normal time, I snuck out two of his Halcions he kept in the medicine cabinet there that he normally saved for really bad nights.

I think the past few days' events qualifies for that. The last thing I felt like doing was staying awake, contemplating my actions and replaying the last two nights in my head. It would be no use going to the Cullen residence either because Edward was fighting in Port Angeles and Carlisle was at the hospital.

Not that I had the guts to look either of them in the face right now.

In spite of feeling a little better getting it all out to Jacob, the unending guilt bored into me. The same feelings of sorrow, self-hate, and longing returned.

Worse yet, I couldn't tell who I felt the most longing for. But this created emptiness that had not been present prior to losing my virginity now took up residence within me.

I did not know what exactly my feelings for Carlisle were now. He had given so much of himself to me…he had ignored the costs as did I.

No. I will not cry myself to sleep again. I left my room and went back to Charlie's medicine cabinet. I took another pill and headed back to my room.

My eyes tried to stay open, but it was a losing battle. As the drugs kicked in, my hand sprawled out to touch the cold and empty side of my bed.

The side that Edward normally occupied.

The sight, sound, and scent of him slowly dissipated from my memory as sweet blackness shrouded me, protectively blanketing my mind and body.

I broke my promise not to cry myself to sleep as I emitted a few choked sobs, my arm still outstretched, unsure who I wanted in the barren space next to me that seemed to span on forever.

Darkness descended.

* * *

"Burnt the flowers in my hand…I was almost there."

It was cold and dark. I reached out to touch something, anything, but felt nothing. Then my fingers brushed against what felt like cold and damp concrete, and my poor night vision revealed bluish walls as if I were in a tunnel.

I kept walking then a strange warmth effused me. It was reminiscent of a heavy fleece blanket. Then I slipped on a patch of ice and fell flat on my back.

Suddenly, I was no longer alone. I heard heavy breathing that was distinctly male. A cold hand touched mine, and a colder body positioned itself on top of me. I could vaguely make out the contour of his hand, let alone see his face.

"Who are you?!" I tried to shout, but found that my vocal cords weren't working. No sound came out. An icy finger was pressed to my lip.

"Your denial, my demand, I was already there."

Freezing lips hungrily met mine as a cold hand fondled my breast, the other one snaking up my thigh. The invisible blanket around me created more heat. I was powerless to stop any of it.

I wanted to protest, but it felt good…and somewhat familiar.

I wriggled underneath him in an attempt to escape, but it only seemed to excite him. A hardness pressed against my thigh, and he put my hand to his mouth to kiss my fingertips. I placed my hands against the ground and tried to pull out of the embrace. No luck. I tried to speak again but found that I had indeed gone mute.

But when I tried to return the attacker's gestures, it let me. This sadistic force simply wouldn't let me escape or speak, but I could reciprocate with this cold and invisible lover.

I ran my fingers through his hair and immediately recognized that it was Carlisle. Upon this realization I held him tight and kissed him with fervor.

The emptiness drifted away.

"Now I'm losing who I am."

Just as soon as the emptiness went away, it came back in full force as my surroundings engulfed in flames and I was all alone again. Carlisle had disappeared or perhaps been burned.

I was not just alone, but also naked.

The flames spread higher and higher and I soon had almost no safe haven. I was completely surrounded by the conflagration. The heat was overbearing, probably more than any human was ever intended to withstand. The largest flame shapeshifted into a fiery wolf, which approached me. Most of the flames were orange, but this one was a blazing red, as was the lupine form it took. I knew it had to be Jacob.

"Save me now, because all I am…black is black."

I tried to cover my nakedness with my hair and my arms, but it didn't stop the wolf from circling me, making the burning sensations even worse as more of the floor went up in flames.

He phased into his human form, and pinned me to the floor, rendering me motionless. His rough kisses were searing burns but I was powerless to stop him as his blazing arms kept me to the ground.

"Black is black!"

The outer flames were edging closer as they climbed higher. I lay perfectly still and willed Jacob not to violate me. Then the flames engulfed him as the floor beneath me also became part of the blaze.

I was finally able to scream as the flames licked at my flesh. A feral growl resounded from within the cavern, but I couldn't tell what direction it had come from.

Another flame had taken on a life of its own, and seemed to be shoving Jacob away. Fascinated, I watched at this flame went from yellow to ochre to a deep blue. The blue flame took on a more humanoid appearance, which I then recognized to be Edward.

I reached out for him, he took my hand, and ice shot into my veins to numb the flames. His skin had a bluish tint, and his eyes were a steely gray. Frost particles were on his hands, suggesting he had been frozen solid. Relief coursed through me as the ice channeled out the sea of flames.

"Never tried and lost it all, I was already dead."

Edward pulled me into an icy embrace, and we ardently kissed. My sheer nudity against his frozen form would normally have resulted in hypothermia but the multitude of flames negated any coldness. I threw my arms around his neck, which I bit in a fit of passion. His hands roamed my body, and I cried out as he put his hand where I needed it the most. Unable to resist temptation, he didn't protest when I took his glacial manhood into my hands.

"Now I'm losing who I am!"

Flames, nothing but flames, took over my entire line of vision. Edward was gone. I was being burned alive and screaming in agony.

Smoking eyes out of darkness, the last thing I recalled seeing before I crashed the truck, were fixated upon me within the inferno.

All went black, just like it did with the accident.

"Almost dead…"

Blackness. Cold hands were on my face. The rest of my body was sore with deep and painful burns. Then came a falling sensation, and I was sinking into a pit of nothing but fire.

I woke up screaming.

* * *

I was struggling for oxygen and profusely sweating, my hair clinging to the sides of my face, when I came to. It was only a dream. Just another nightmare.

I vowed to never take sleeping pills ever again.

It wasn't Halcion that brought it on though, my conscience fumed.

It was about ten in the morning. Between the accident and trying to shut out the deeds that stained my soul, I had slept more than a housecat in the past week.

A trip downstairs revealed the Charlie was getting ready to leave.

"Bella? Don't go anywhere near Port Angeles. I'll be on duty the next two days with most of the force because those serial killers are really tearing the place apart."

If only he knew what was really behind the hell breaking loose there. "I won't, Charlie," I replied like an automaton as I went to pour myself a bowl of cereal.

"Also, this came for you." He pushed a gray envelope that had my named scrawled on it across the table to me.

There was a paw print on the envelope. This gesture would've been cute had I not known the connotation behind it.

Charlie made his exit as I opened it. It was a good thing he did too, because I gasped when I read it.

Heard you talking in your sleep last night when I made my rounds by your house. Your moaning could put Jenna Jameson out of business. Just remember to use my name next time.

PS- I never thought I'd side with that bloodsucker over anything. Two wrongs don't make a right.

J

I angrily crumpled it up, then tore it into pieces lest Charlie accidentally find it.

I needed a good distraction more than ever.

I went back upstairs and turned on my laptop, and answered Renee's last seven emails in one consolidated message, albeit in a very halfassed manner. I killed a few hours at World of Warcraft and a website full of stories about this vampire/werewolf movie that mostly went in a bawdy direction. Some of them were quite racy and only making me have more thoughts I shouldn't be thinking.

Another hot shower was definitely in order.

As the soothing water cascaded down onto me, my thoughts rabidly and rapidly colliding like the NYSE trading floor, that longing returned.

I knew it was wrong. I knew it was immoral. The guilt that consumed me was the fire in my life-like nightmare.

But I was just a moth to that flame. I had to see him again, face-to-face. We had to come to terms with our actions.

It was time for the Dodge to make its maiden voyage to the Cullen stronghold.

I exited the bathroom, dried my hair, and picked through what was left of my clean clothes, settling on a top Renee bought me on an unwarranted shopping spree that was tighter than I would've liked.

I stared at the woman in the mirror again. She was harsher than I remembered. A scar on her cheek, a determined and lustful gloss in her eyes, hands on her hips, she was the new take-no-fucking-prisoners Bella Swan.

SOMEONE has to bite me sooner or later. We can't keep putting this off. I don't want to keep living in fear. I'm sick of excuses.

I flew out the door and into the Bundymobile, in focused silence, down the much-traveled road to the extravagant fortress.