Merlin stood outside Arthur's door, hesitating. This had been a strange day, and a long one.

Percival had been on watch just before dawn and had nudged him awake with the tip of his boot.

"Thanks." Merlin had whispered, to which Percival had replied that he hadn't really been sure whether to wake him or not.

They stared at each other a moment, Merlin realizing he didn't really know how much would change now.

"Hey, listen – I'm sorry, Perce. For lying."

Percival nodded. "I guess you were afraid."

"Yeah."

"Well, I thought you made sense. About how anything can be used for either good or bad. I guess – I guess it's alright. It'll take some getting used to, though." He grinned, and then returned to his post.

Merlin had quietly gone about his usual early morning camp chores, preparing hot food and drink. Dawn broke gradually, and he let his spoon make some noise as he stirred. The knights began to wake, and when he glanced over at Arthur yet again, he saw that Arthur was fully awake and watching him silently.

"Why are you still pretending you're a servant?" Arthur had suddenly asked.

"I am a servant." He had replied, after which Arthur had fallen silent and had not spoken to him again until after their midday meal.

They all rode in what Merlin felt to be an uncomfortable silence that day, Arthur silent and preoccupied with his own thoughts.

After Merlin had packed the last of their utensils, not long after noon and only a couple of hours ride from Camelot, Arthur had motioned to Merlin to follow him, telling the others that they would remain a while in the makeshift camp they had made.

Merlin had followed Arthur through the trees and up a small grassy knoll, where Arthur had sat down on a small boulder and began questioning him in very thorough detail about his magic and how he had been using it. Merlin had sat down across from him on the ground, legs crossed, patiently answering. He wasn't sure how long they had been; the questioning was strained, formal and seemed very long. Arthur lapsed into a thoughtful silence occasionally, followed by another barrage of questions. He never ventured into anything personal between them. Finally, he had risen to his feet and started back towards their camp, without so much as another word to Merlin.

They had continued their journey in much the same manner as that morning, and when Camelot had finally come into view, Arthur had addressed them formally, ordering them to keep Merlin's magic a secret, since he had yet to decide whether magic would be declared legal once more and if so, how it was to be done with the least amount of resistance from his council and from the people. Also, he had continued, there could be an advantage to Merlin's magic remaining a secret. He had waited until the knights had all sworn their secrecy, and had then ridden on towards Camelot.

Merlin hadn't even had time to absorb the meaning of all this when they passed through the gates of Camelot and an uproar ensued. A paunchy red-faced council member was shouting at either Gwaine or Arthur or both, a redheaded young lady whose wrist he was grabbing was weeping profusely, a plump young woman was wringing her hands in agitation and trying to calm the young lady down, two knights – both looking as though they would rather be anywhere else right now – were trying to explain the situation and apologizing to Arthur, and a small crowd had gathered, adding to the general hubbub.

Arthur had raised a hand for silence, reprimanded the council member for the indecorous public display, and had requested that both he and Gwaine attend him in his chambers. Merlin had gathered from the shouting that the relationship between the council member's daughter, the young redheaded Alice, and Gwaine had somehow been discovered, and that her father was understandably outraged.

Arthur sent Leon to fetch Gaius for him, and then proceeded to head to his chambers, with the council member, his weeping daughter, his daughter's maid, and a rather alarmed-looking Gwaine in tow.

The day had dragged on and turned into late evening and Merlin hadn't been sure what to do with himself. He had waited in Gaius's chambers for what seemed to him a reasonable amount of time, but Gaius did not return. He had then ambled over to Gwaine's room, only to collide with a grinning Gwaine in the doorway.

"Merlin!" Gwaine seized him by the shoulders and then embraced him, still grinning. "Guess – no, you'll never guess. I'm going to be married!"

Merlin couldn't help but grin back, but he did raise an inquisitive eyebrow in surprise. "You seem delighted?"

"Yes! Don't tell anyone though."

"Wouldn't dream of it. You hide it so well."

"Alice is with child! I'm going to be a father, Merlin!" Gwaine continued enthusiastically, ignoring his remark completely. "She told her father my father's name, I suppose I can't blame her, and if he's not happy, well, at least he's not too upset. I have to go now. Drink later?"

"Wait!" Merlin protested, putting out a hand to stop Gwaine from leaving, and lowering his voice. "Do – do you love her, Gwaine? Is this what you want?"

Gwaine grabbed his hand and squeezed it in his own. "Yes." He answered simply, and then left with a parting wink.

Merlin, standing there and staring after him, realized he was feeling something akin to jealousy.

This wouldn't do. He had to talk to Arthur.

So now Merlin was standing outside Arthur's door, his resolve wavering, and Arthur's supper growing cold on the tray.

He took a deep breath and put his hand on the doorknob.

…

Arthur looked up as the door to his chambers opened and Merlin came in with his supper, as though it were any other day.

Merlin lay the tray down on his desk, lifted the cover from a dish of lamb meat and green beans, and poured out some wine.

Arthur stared at the food. He wasn't really hungry. Well, maybe just dessert, he thought, noticing the blackberry pastry. He lifted it and took a bite, looking up at Merlin. He was suddenly unsure – should he speak to him as his King, as his friend, as his lover..? He felt an odd mixture of anger and compassion. He wanted to reach out and touch Merlin, but his trust had been betrayed. He was still in some pain, although Gaius's poultice, draught and expert binding had helped immensely, and he felt emotionally, as well as physically, drained.

Merlin, as though sensing something of his thoughts, went and sat down on his bed. Alright, not King and manservant then; just Arthur and Merlin.

"You lied to me."

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"You lied to me." Arthur repeated.

Merlin sighed. "For what it's worth, I wanted to tell you. I would have told Arthur the man, but you're also Arthur the King…"

"How can I trust you again?" Arthur had broken off another piece of his pastry and was toying with it, not meeting Merlin's eyes.

"Listen - at first you were my Prince, just a royal prat, and then you became my friend. My friend, but you couldn't admit even to yourself that you knew your father was wrong about many things. Then you were King – and I almost told you, so many times, but I was afraid. I was afraid you would feel it was a betrayal of our friendship, and I couldn't risk you or Camelot. This was bigger than a friendship – without my magic to protect you and aid Camelot, I didn't know what would happen. Like you, I have a responsibility. It was… " Merlin's voice broke, "it was hard for me to lie to you. It was hard for me to hear you speak of magic and sorcerers the way you did. I felt guilty for not aiding others like me more. I felt guilty for aiding them at all. When you and I… well…" his voice trailed off into silence.

When neither of them had spoken for a few moments, he continued in a tiny voice that crushed Arthur's heart. "Do you still… do you still love me?"

Arthur shut his eyes. As if he could stop loving Merlin. He took a deep breath and looked at Merlin now.

Merlin cleared his throat and was trying to blink away the moisture in his eyes. "Do you still want me here, Arthur? As your manservant? As your manservant and secret bodyguard? As... as court sorcerer? As..." his hand smoothed the sheets on Arthur's bed, "as this, as us?"

It really must have been terribly hard and painful for him, Arthur allowed. He had forced himself to think of this from Merlin's perspective a few times since this afternoon.

He sighed, got up and walked over to the bed, sitting down beside Merlin.

"What an extraordinary circumstance we find ourselves in." He said wryly.

They sat there, silent and not touching.

"Will... will you really allow magic again in Camelot, do you think?" Merlin asked hesitantly.

Arthur nodded slowly. He had been thinking on it all day. "Yes, yes I believe I will."

Merlin smiled then, joy lighting up his eyes. "Thank you." He said simply.

Arthur reached out to take Merlin's hand in his, and then reconsidered, pulling his hand back.

"I need time. Time to trust you again." He said in a low voice, studying Merlin's face with regret.

Merlin nodded unhappily. "I'll leave you then, Sire."

Arthur watched him walk towards the door.

"Would you stoke the fire? I'm a bit cold." He blurted out, just as Merlin laid his hand on the doorknob.

What am I doing? I don't want him to leave. No, I'm just cold, that's all.

Merlin paused. He looked at Arthur as though searching his face for something, and Arthur could see the hope flicker in his eyes.

He glanced towards the fire, and his eyes shone gold for an instant, the flames jumping high in response.

Arthur choked on his next breath. "Merlin, some warning please!"

Merlin just stared at him. "I'm going to kiss you."

"What..?"

"Consider it a warning, Sire."

Merlin crossed the room in a couple of strides, and then his lips were on his in a warm, rough kiss that ended much too quickly for Arthur's liking. He could feel his body responding to Merlin's nearness.

Merlin leaned his forehead against his own, his warm hands on either side of Arthur's face. "I'll go now."

"Stay." Arthur whispered.

"Are you sure?"

"No. Stay anyway."

Arthur was unfastening Merlin's belt now and he could feel Merlin's mouth curve into a smile as they kissed.

"Merlin… the door…"

"Mmhmm…" Merlin turned his head towards the door and made a motion with his hand, "awegalúcan".

"I'm… going to have to get used to that." Arthur murmured, as Merlin pulled his tunic over his head.

"Yes." Merlin agreed, his voice thick with desire now as he grasped Arthur's hips and pushed him gently onto the bed.

Arthur could feel his heart racing impossibly fast as Merlin dropped his trousers to the floor and then climbed onto the bed with him.

"Here, let me help you with that, Sire." Merlin murmured, his lips on the skin just above Arthur's trousers, as he began removing his tunic.

Arthur felt him stop, suddenly.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a low voice, lifting his head, his arms still caught in his tunic.

Merlin placed his hand gently on the dressing covering Arthur's ribs in way of response. "Are you in pain? We don't have to…"

"Absolutely not." Arthur lied firmly, releasing himself from his tunic and untying his trousers.

Merlin hesitated a moment longer, and then ran his tongue along Arthur's erection, raising a mischievous eyebrow at him while pulling his trousers off the rest of the way.

Arthur moaned softly in response, and then pulled Merlin towards him, propping himself up on his good arm and kissing Merlin's shoulder blade, his lower back…

Then it was his turn to abruptly pause.

"Merlin… is this too soon for you? I didn't think… after what happened…"

"Nothing happened," it was Merlin's turn to protest the interruption, "I'm perfectly alright. Please, Arthur."

Merlin's hips moved up and against his in a very convincing way that effectively shut down any and all further thought.

There was some more kissing, some fumbling to find a small bottle of balm that had been given to Arthur by Gaius for a somewhat different purpose, and then he entered Merlin, moving inside him slow and deep, the way Merlin liked it.

"Are you – is this alright?"

"Yes, Arthur, don't you dare stop." Merlin gasped.

He moved his hand from Merlin's hip and began slowly to stroke the perfect, hard length of him. He could tell by the way that Merlin felt and moved beneath him, by the way he moaned with pleasure at Arthur's touch, that it wouldn't be long now.

Merlin let out a short cry of pleasure and Arthur could feel his warm pulsating release all over his hand.

As always, the sound of Merlin's deep voice shuddering in climax, followed by the small sounds of pleasure that escaped him even after he bit his lip in an effort to remain quiet, and the curve of Merlin's neck as he rested his head on his arms, the tension leaving his shoulders, caused the building pressure tingling everywhere in Arthur's body to mount rapidly. With a couple of quick thrusts the sweet pressure burst, and he stifled his own cry by biting down on Merlin's shoulder.

He lowered himself slowly onto Merlin, kissing and nuzzling the bite mark on Merlin's shoulder. He traced Merlin's shoulder-blade with his tongue and then kissed it for good measure.

"Merlin?" he murmured, and then rolled to one side and propped himself up on his elbow as it dawned on him that Merlin wasn't as responsive as usual. Merlin's face was still turned away from his.

"Merlin?" he asked hesitantly, more alert now. "That – that wasn't too soon, was it?"

"I wanted it, Arthur. I really wanted it." Merlin's voice was a bit muffled. That wasn't a no. Arthur's heart sank.

"That doesn't mean it wasn't premature." Arthur answered slowly, his hand caressing and tracing vague shapes on Merlin's back. "Maybe we need to ease back into this –"

"No!" Merlin said hotly. "I don't want to ease back into anything! I want… I want…"

Merlin propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Arthur with a defiant expression. "I want us and I want this and I want that to never have happened." He buried his face in his hands, and Arthur noticed they were shaking slightly. "I honestly didn't think, Arthur, that the memory of… that it would affect me. I'm sorry. It just… all of a sudden…"

Arthur clenched his jaw, but laid his hand gently on Merlin's shoulder. "It's alright, Merlin, just give yourself some time. It wasn't exactly nothing, after all."

"I know." Merlin sighed, and then rested his head against Arthur's shoulder, as Arthur rolled over onto his back.

A few moments passed as they lay there listening to the sound of each other breathing.

"I'm not sorry we did this, though." Merlin said suddenly, and Arthur could feel him smiling. It was as if a weight was lifted from his heart.

"I'm not sorry either, then," he said, "even though maybe it wasn't the brightest of ideas." Arthur ran his hand over his ribs and winced slightly. He felt Merlin's grin broaden.

"What a sorry pair we are." Merlin observed, fluttering his eyelashes on purpose against Arthur's shoulder.

"Mmm." Arthur agreed, and then a moment later, "Well, maybe not that sorry. I am King, after all."

"True, true," Merlin conceded, "and I am a very powerful warlock."

"So you are."

"And a dragon lord."

"What?"

"There might be, um, some more things we need to discuss."

Arthur sighed. "Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." Merlin agreed, sleepily.

"Merlin?" Arthur nudged him with his shoulder. "Then, that man… the dragon lord we sought out…"

"Balinor. He was my father."

"I'm sorry. Merlin, I had no idea." Arthur turned his head and regarded Merlin with concern. "You were grieving for your loss, while I – "

"It's alright. I'd only just found out anyway. I'd only known him for a few hours." Merlin couldn't quite hide the pain in his voice though.

Arthur took Merlin's hand in his and caressed his wrist gently with his thumb.

Merlin closed his eyes again.

"We have a lot to discuss tomorrow." Arthur whispered. "This. Allowing magic in Camelot. Your position…"

Merlin gave a small nod without opening his eyes. "Tomorrow."

Arthur sighed. It isn't going to be easy, he thought, but at least this feels right.

He lay there, his hand caressing Merlin's, watching him until he couldn't hold his eyes open any longer, and despite everything, he fell asleep smiling.