Withering 10
Much to his displeasure Mitsumi wasn't there when Ryuuken arrived home with a bag full of medical supplies in his arms. Taking off his shoes he found the floor to be immensely cold. Was it always that chilly?
He unloaded in the kitchen and with nothing better to do he began arraying the different bottles of medicine in neat straight lines on the kitchen table. He leaned over the table and looked at the result for a couple of minutes with blank eyes, tweaked a couple a bit and decided he really needed to find something to keep him busy. His hands weren't shaking like when he was craving the nicotine, but he couldn't keep them still either.
He suddenly felt uncomfortable in the clothes that he's been wearing for far too long – he needed a bath, a good warm long one, and some fresh clothes. When he turned around he realized he had a cigarette in his hand.
He looked at it with intent – it wasn't lit, so it wasn't too late to put it back. It was egging in his to produce the lighter. A purging sigh later he removed his gaze from it and put it away.
He hadn't realized how used to smoking he really was. He could almost do it without noticing.
Ryuuken tried laying down on the sofa, but he was unable to lay still. He found it quite stressful; his fingers kept fidgeting with his shirt or whatever he could reach. He simply wasn't equipped to do nothing.
Sitting up and carefully contemplated what he could do. He could always write job applications.
Ryuuken found himself walking the halls until he decided that he could tidy up his office, not so much the room, but all his papers. Thoroughly he put all of his papers in chronological order and but all the folders neatly in place and made sure that the front was in line with the rest. It only took a couple of hours as he normally was quite careful with his official papers.
Then again he found himself idle and restless and not knowing how to cope. Carelessly he suddenly found himself in rooms he rarely came in. The rooms with all of his late wife's earthly possessions.
He stopped dead in his tracks… and stared wide eyed at all those memories they brought forward. By the Gods he missed her. His life wasn't supposed to turn out this way. Alone… and bitter.
Once upon a time he was a young successful doctor, happily married. They already had one son and they were discussing a second child. He had suspected that she was pregnant when she died, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. It all suddenly seemed so irrelevant.
He didn't handle grief very well. He simply didn't handle it at all and buried himself in work.
He was on his knees. He couldn't remember when that had happened, but he let gravity claim him even further and curled up on the floor amidst her things and wept.
He wept until he could hardly breathe and then resumed to coughing until he was positively choking.
He lay there wheezing for an undetermined amount of time. Picking himself of the floor he found himself immensely heavy – maybe he was just weak, but the world seemed to have different weight. He was back in that hole again.
He found the liquor cabinet. He knew it was a bad choice, but he couldn't handle this feeling. He didn't want to handle feeling this way. With a brand new bottle of scotch and a glass, he drank himself to oblivion and passed out a couple of hours later.
When his Isshin's calls to Ryuuken wasn't returned on the second day he got worried and took matters into his own hands. He found himself getting more and more anxious as he approached the Ishida estate that evening. There was no lights on in the house – it was completely dark.
He knocked furiously on the door, but it was answered. He began walking around the house, looking through the windows, trying to spot Ryuuken in any of the rooms.
He spotted Ryuuken sprawled upon the large couch in the living room, clearly unconscious, but breathing. He also noticed a rather suspiciously mostly empty bottle of scotch beside the sleeping figure.
He knocked as hard as he dared on the window. Ryuuken began to stir, so he knocked faster. Suddenly Ryuuken jumped to his feet and made direct eye contact with Isshin. Isshin put on his most annoyed facial expression and pointed towards the front door.
It was a very haggard looking Ryuuken that opened the door.
"What?" he asked subdued.
"Why the hell aren't you answering your phone?" Isshin countered in a hard voice.
Ryuuken looked a little confused and turned around to look, but stumbled halfway.
"Are you drunk?" Isshin asked disbelievingly. Ryuuken looked at him as if it didn't matter.
"A little," he confessed and continued into the living room, where the cell phone was nowhere to be seen.
Isshin followed him even though he hadn't been officially been invited. The house was a cold and empty as ever and Isshin found himself shivering.
"How about I call your phone and we'll find it?"
Ryuuken just nodded.
Isshin was a good deal quicker than Ryuuken and found the cell in the office which was maniacally neat and tidy. Ryuuken has placed himself on the couch again and was pouring himself a glass of scotch. Isshin quickly intervened by snatching the glass before Ryuuken could react.
"Thanks for offering," Isshin commented in a sarcastic tone. Ryuuken seemed incapable of reacting to anything and without saying a word he fetched another glass for himself. Isshin studied him.
"What happened to you?" Isshin asked carefully. Ryuuken didn't meet his eyes, but slowly poured himself some scotch and took a large swig of it. He stared into the brown liquid.
"I went up to my wife's rooms today." Ryuuken whispered. Realization dawned upon Isshin with that sentence, but he couldn't help but to make a face at Ryuuken referring to her as wife instead of her name.
"I'll drink to her," Isshin saluted Ryuuken, whom didn't react and downed the contents of the glass completely. Ryuuken copied the action a couple of seconds later.
"Have you even thrown anything of hers' out?"
Ryuuken shook his head.
"Nothing? This is your house Ryuuken, this is not a museum," Isshin tried to gain eye contact, but Ryuuken seemed content to look at the table. Content was the wrong word though– he had rarely seen anyone look so sad in his entire life as Ryuuken did.
"I can't live here anymore," Ryuuken suddenly said, "- it'll kill me faster than anything else will."
"I think you're right," Isshin agreed and leaned back, "-but start with throwing your wife's stuff out. You don't need it. It will only drag you down. Keep a few things that means something to you and give Uryuu the chance to pick some things out as well." He sighed, "-it'll be good for the both of you."
"How's it going with your medication?" Isshin then asked casually suddenly remembering. That earned him a long hard stare from Ryuuken whom looked a little confused again.
"I don't know," he began, "-I've lost track of time."
Isshin sighed in defeat and pinched the bridge of his nose. Ryuuken was a hopeless drunk when he was in this mood
"Where are they?"
"What?"
"The pills!"
"erm, they are on the kitchen counter," Ryuuken responded quietly and started to find his pack of cigarettes. As soon as he had put one to his lips, Isshin ripped it away and crushed it with his fist.
"In the first place you shouldn't drink when you're on antibiotics. You know perfectly well! Secondly, you smoke too much when you're drinking," Isshin scolded loudly on his way out to the kitchen.
"You make it sound like I'm an alcoholic," Ryuuken commented angrily as he lighted a new cigarette. Isshin came back with the meds in his hands.
"Sometimes, I think you are an alcoholic."
Ryuuken took a long drag of the cigarette and coughed wetly upon exhaling.
"I resent that."
"I'm sure you do," Isshin said in a more mellow tone, "-now, I'm glad to see that the seals has been broken on all these bottles." Isshin continued while opening one of them. However, he found that the secondary seal underneath the screw top was still intact. His facial expression changed dramatically, "-you are a Goddamned fool, Ryuuken. I should have you committed to a psych ward right away."
Ryuuken gave him a puzzled look.
"You are obviously trying to kill yourself," Isshin argued. Ryuuken looked shocked for a moment, but then made a dismissive gesture with his hand that held the lit cigarette.
"You're fool if that's what you're thinking," He said and inhaled off the cigarette again. He didn't seem to be able to smoke without coughing, which should have been a clue, but Ryuuken didn't seem to pay his body any heed. He dissolved completely into a fully fledged coughing fit.
By the look of him, doubling over, it appeared to be very painful and Isshin noticed his eyes started watering. He was having a hard time breathing in between the spasms and he was beginning to sound like he was choking. Isshin immediate abandoned the idea of fetching him a glass of water, as that would only help with a dry cough – this cough was anything but.
"Don't panic," Isshin chanted in a soothing voice, but Ryuuken was already beyond that. He was not getting enough oxygen and his body seemed to scream for air. Panic struck him hard and he suddenly stood up..
However, as soon as Ryuuken rose, he went limp. He crashed down between the couch and the coffee table, hitting his head and god knows what on the way down. The coughing stopped and was replaced with an ear deafening rattling wheeze.